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Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
The Clare Byrne Show on Newstalk with Aviva Insurance.
Chapter 2: What inspired Dawn O'Porter to write her memoir 'Hungry Eyes'?
I am delighted to be joined by our next guest, author, TV personality, Dawn O'Porter, who's here today to talk about her lovely new memoir, Hungry Eyes. Dawn, you are very welcome to the show. Thank you so much. Thank you.
I had the pleasure of reading the memoir over the weekend and I have to say, I think women of a certain vintage, when they hear hungry eyes, think of a certain movie and a certain character and a certain song, which has been in my head since Friday.
Chapter 3: How did the title 'Hungry Eyes' come about?
Was that intentional?
No.
It was intentional, but up until about four minutes before the cover went to print, the book was called What I Bring to the Table. And then we were just discussing on email. I said, I'm going to post the cover on Instagram and I'm going to use the song Hungry Eyes, which would also have been a great name for this book.
And the whole email chain just kind of goes quiet for about 10 minutes as we're like, oh God, that is such a good name for this book. And then the art department did a very quick turnaround and we still made the announcement on time, but with an entirely different title. And I'm so happy we did it. Wow.
Chapter 4: What role did food play in Dawn's relationship with her mother?
So it was literally a very last minute thing. And it was a play on that wonderful scene in Dirty Dancing, which I think most women of our vintage have watched a thousand times. At least, at least. Let me talk about the memoir because it is a really beautiful read, I have to say. And you talk a lot about food and your relationship with food.
And you talk a lot about different episodes without your life where food in some ways played a really central role in your understanding of what was going on. I was particularly moved, I have to say, Dawn, by the passages that discussed your mother's death. You lost your mom at a really young age, just before your seventh birthday.
And you talk about people who've experienced trauma at a very young age like that, attaching themselves to something. And for you, it was food.
Yeah, I think a lot of people attach themselves to something, whether it's a person or a substance or can very often be something negative, can very often be something positive.
Chapter 5: How did trauma from losing her mother impact Dawn's childhood?
But for me, it was food. I just immediately turned to food as being the thing that brought me joy. And I think that was largely wrapped around the fact that mealtimes were really distracting from all the really sad things that were happening.
Yeah.
And everyone, you know, you put food on the table and there is this kind of communal thing that happens where you've got something else to think about, something else to talk about. And I really, I felt that very deeply as a child that would just kind of long for lunch or long for dinner because it would all feel a lot less awkward. You know, my mum was very ill upstairs and then she was gone.
And so it was... It was sad at times, but food brought this release. And I still, you know, still to this day, if I've experienced... I'm not one of those people that loses my appetite when I'm upset. I just have the exact... Never experienced that. Never experienced that. When people are like, oh, I haven't eaten because I'm stressed and upset.
Chapter 6: What misconceptions did Dawn face regarding her health as a child?
I'm like, I don't know what you're talking about. I wonder what happens. And... I will still find myself, you know, right, OK, something's gone wrong, something's making me sad, get into the kitchen, cook something, put it on the table, bring everyone together, and that will make everything feel better for at least, you know, 20 minutes.
It was sort of a relief of the tension that everybody was feeling in the house. I mean, you write about... Obviously, the experience of losing your mum and the aftermath of that when you were living with your granny and grandad, your nan and pops.
And how at one point, Dawn, you were so, I suppose, traumatised by what had happened to you and your young sister that you were actually diagnosed incorrectly with epilepsy.
I was. It's so 80s, I think, that story. It made me laugh and then it sort of made me really sad. It is. It's mad. It's the most 80s thing I think that I could possibly write about the 80s. But I kept having these, in crowds, I would just go into this kind of dream, dizzy state where I would kind of glaze over and almost detach myself completely from what was going on. And my auntie would have
Chapter 7: How has Dawn's perspective on success changed over the years?
them as my funny turns and I couldn't control them. I would just be fine. And the next minute I was just, I mean, I was just like, I was suddenly really drunk. And I remember kind of saying to her that it's getting more and more frequent and it's quite weird. And then I went to brownies one night and my brown owl woman said, whoever Brown Owl was, said to me, I think you're epileptic.
You're epileptic. This is epilepsy. So you can't cycle home. I'm going to drive you home. We're going to tell your family that you're epileptic. So we got driven home. She announced to my family that I was epileptic. Went to the doctor the next morning. Yep, Dawn's epileptic. Put on epilepsy pills. And that was that. And then a few months later, I was like, they weren't suiting me, the pills.
So I went back to another doctor who had a bit more of a heart and said, Dawn's not. epileptic she's traumatized and this is a really standard reaction to a kid who has you know been through something really difficult so I went off the epilepsy pills never never you heard that word again and then just um you know, just cracked on. There was no medicine for what was actually happening.
But were you relieved, I suppose, to even have that recognised, that you were traumatised?
Yeah, the acknowledgement of it was great. You know, this is the 80s. It wasn't that it was a forbidden subject in my house, but it's not like we all sat around talking about the fact that she died.
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Chapter 8: What changes has Dawn made regarding her lifestyle and self-care?
And there was no therapy. I went back to school two days later and no one ever mentioned it at school again. You know, you just kind of, it was very much that happened and now you have to get on with your life. And I feel like, you know, I've seen this happen in today's world.
Kids are very, you know, supported and there's therapy and charities and all sorts of things that are there to get them through it. But back then it was, that's not really what happened. And so I think the acknowledgement of someone saying to me, you've been through something horrific and that might affect you was a real relief.
Because you write that you were never told that your mum was dying. That wouldn't have been, I suppose, the approach in the 80s. But you had an awareness because she was so sick, because she was failing in front of your eyes, because the grown-ups all around you were carrying such tension. Do you wish you had known that?
It's really hard to know what the best thing to do for a six and an eight-year-old is when their mum is dying. Like, really sadly, I've just lost a friend of mine, and she had kids exactly the same age as I was when my mum died. And they were in America. Now, that was dealt with with, like, endless therapy, family meetings. It was all so on the table.
And I was watching it happen, go, God, this is a lot, too. This is almost... too much in the other direction. But I didn't even know she was dying. I just got told one day she was dead. And I think there's a space in the middle that is probably right. I don't know what I would go back and change. I knew something was happening and I didn't know what it was.
I never got to say goodbye to her and I didn't get to go to her funeral. I think if I could go back in time, I would have gone to the funeral because I think when anyone dies, closure is the most important part of the whole process, being able to... you know, just, I don't know, yeah, have a moment where you can see that it's over.
But I don't think at that age, I really ever believed that she'd fully gone. So you kind of wait for her to come back because you've never really, no one's ever really said she's not coming back. And I think that's no one's fault. And I think it was a sign of the times. And I also thought it was everyone doing their best to protect us.
And I think in many ways at the time, maybe it felt like the right decision. It's just me as a, you know, 47 year old woman now, wishing that I'd been at my mum's funeral because I would like the memory of it. I think my issues in life came from being completely disconnected from the most traumatic thing that had ever happened to me.
And I think the right way to deal with something like that is to let kids be a part of the experience. But I never want this to sound like I'm angry at anyone in my family because I'm really not. Everything was made with the decision of what was right.
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