Culture Apothecary with Alex Clark
Why Your Kids Won't Obey & How To Turn It Around | Parenting Expert Ginger Hubbard
13 Jan 2026
Chapter 1: How can overwhelmed parents regain control of discipline?
How can a mom who feels completely overwhelmed, her house is in chaos, it's been a very long time, maybe even years since her kids really respected and listened to her, how does she know where to start?
Some people may have been listening to this and thinking, oh, man, I've just completely blown it. It's too late. There's no starting over now. But you absolutely can. Just sit your kids down, no matter how old they are, in an age-appropriate way. Just say something like, you know, honey, I have been reading the Bible and praying And I have not been disciplining you the way that I should.
God's word says that I'm supposed to train you to obey and to live in wisdom. And I've been allowing you to disobey and live foolishly. Will you forgive me for that? So just apologize, ask forgiveness and start fresh. You know, the Bible says that God's mercies are new every morning and great is his faithfulness.
If your house feels more like a hostage negotiation than a home, and you're tired of counting to three, repeating yourself, and wondering when your kids stop taking you seriously, this episode is going to change your life. What if the problem isn't your child, but the discipline strategies that we've all been told to use?
Today's conversation is with bestselling author Ginger Hubbard of Don't Make Me Count to Three and Wise Words for Moms, also host of the Parenting with Ginger Hubbard podcast. She goes straight for the heart of why so many parents feel powerless, why kids are running the show, and how well-intentioned methods like bribing, threatening, and endless reasoning are actually making things worse.
You can watch this episode on the Real Alex Clark YouTube channel or Culture Apothecary on Spotify. If you are enjoying these episodes on discipline in the new year, leave a five-star review. Please welcome bestselling author Ginger Hubbard to Culture Apothecary. Why do you believe that children today are losing respect for their parents?
And what do you think is really contributing to this massive disobedience epidemic we're seeing?
Well, Alex, you know as well as I do that we live in a nation that defies God at every point, including child training. And it's not that parents don't want to raise obedient, respectful kids. I think every parent wants that. But a lot of parents, I think, fail to achieve those results. And I believe that reason is twofold.
One is that in an attempt to get their kids to obey, many parents have adopted faulty child training methods that fail to reach the heart. They've kind of developed this philosophy that if they can get their children to act right, to behave, that they're raising them the right way. But there is far more to parenting than getting our children to act right.
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Chapter 2: What common discipline strategies might be ineffective?
It begins with our words. And it starts a whole lot sooner than we might think. King David proclaimed, And so when parents really just begin to grasp just the origin of sin and the total depravity of the human nature in general, we no longer have to question why our children sin. So, I began to learn, instead of saying, why does my child sin?
I would ask, when my child sins, how might I point him to the fact that he is a sinner in need of a Savior, just like I am? How can I really help him understand and live in the transformational power of Christ? So that is why we want to get past that outward behavior and help our children recognize what is going on in their hearts.
Because when they recognize and take ownership for the sin that's in their own heart, That's the first step to helping them recognize their need for Christ.
I think one important thing about you, which I think is important for the audience to know, is that you have multiple grown children, late 20s, early 30s. You know, when it comes to giving parenting advice, I think that that's important because one of the competing parenting philosophies that you're seeing even in the Christian parenting space is this gentle parenting.
Now, they argue there's a difference between permissive parenting and gentle parenting. It's different. I don't think it is. But a lot of those parents who promote those ideologies, I think, have... kids that are not even in double digits yet. Right. That's something I've noticed. So I love hearing from people that have wisdom, that have successfully reared, you know, now adult children.
So I just think that's important to know about you. What is your opinion on this gentle parenting stuff that's been popping up all over the Christian parenting space?
I think it's sad because the kids that I see that I have personally been around that are being parented with parents who are using this gentle parenting philosophy, they're not happy kids. They're miserable. They're living their lives with no self-control. They're never satisfied. They're used to getting their way. And when they don't get their way, they're having complete meltdowns.
And that's sad because they're not enjoying life themselves. They're some of the most unhappy kids I've ever been around. Kids that are trained in self-control and obedience and to honor the Lord, they're happy kids. And so I just think when you compare children who are being raised in the wisdom and discipline and instruction of the Lord, they're happy, joyful kids that are enjoying life.
And people around them are getting the blessing of enjoying them, too. And so I just think it's an injustice when we don't obey the Lord's commands to train our children and bring them up in the wisdom and instruction of the Lord and instead just letting them live however they want to live. That's just not it's not a blessing to kids and it's not a blessing to others. And it doesn't glorify God.
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Chapter 3: Why are kids losing respect for their parents today?
Let's get past this outward behavior that you're demonstrating. Let's talk about what is at the root of that outward behavior. What is going on in your heart? And then we can look to Scripture because God is not just concerned with our outward behavior. He is always concerned with the heart.
So we want to learn how to do that, how to get past that outward behavior, help our children recognize what is going on in their hearts, And then we're able to address it from a Christ-centered perspective because the Bible really is the ultimate instruction manual to parents that gives us everything we need to know for raising our kids in the ways of the Lord.
But we have to know how to get past that outward behavior, like whining, for example. A lot of times parents will say, well, I don't see whining in the Bible. So how do I get past that outward behavior? And where do I go in Scripture to look up how to address this from a biblical perspective with my kids? Well, I had a kid that whined, and so I can definitely relate to that.
That's one that can really get under our skin. One of those, you know, just go to your room. I don't want to hear this anymore. But being intentional means how can we talk about this from a heart-oriented perspective? So my daughter, Alex, she gives me permission to share stuff about her. And my son does, too, just for the benefit of giving personal examples. So they're so sweet to let me.
They say it makes them famous. Even when they're telling them all the bad things, they're like, oh, we still like for you to talk about us. It makes us famous. But so Alex really struggled with whining. And so let's just let's just do like a common example. Let's say that Alex comes into the kitchen and instead of asking for a cup of juice and a normal tone of voice, she whines for it.
And so I want to address that from a biblical perspective. So I might address it from the issue of self-control. I might say, honey, are you asking for juice with self-control? No, sweetie, you're not. God says that we are to have self-control even with our voices. And so what I'm going to do, because I love you so much, I want to help you get that self-control.
So what I did for that is I had this cute little kitchen timer. You can get them on Amazon, like ladybugs and little mice and stuff like that. They're so cute. So we let her help pick one out to make it fun. And I said, so what I'm going to do is I'm going to set this timer. for two minutes, or if she was three years old, three minutes. I would kind of go with however many minutes their age is.
So I'm going to set the timer for three minutes. And when that timer goes off, then you can come back and ask for juice the right way with your self-controlled voice. And so, see, I didn't preach a sermon to her. I didn't use words that she couldn't understand. God's word says we're to have self-control. So I just reproved her. in a way that she could comprehend.
And then most important, Alex, and this is an area where we a lot of times fall short, I have her come back. I give her the opportunity to ask for juice the right way with her self-controlled voice. And it's the same with older kids. Whining, my goodness, it seems like whining today has become an absolute epidemic. in America. Kids don't just whine when they want something now.
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Chapter 4: How can parents effectively reach their children's hearts?
So you actually just mentioned one right there, which would be bribing. I actually saw this mom in Walmart and her kid was maybe six. I don't know. He looked like he was maybe two and a half or three years old. And he was kind of, you know, grabbing stuff off the shelves. And she told him he had gotten away from her and she told him to come to her.
And instead of obeying, he took off running in the other direction. And so in desperation, this mom yells down the aisle of Walmart, come to mommy. and I'll give you a sucker, and that's bribing. So immediately, this child goes from hearing impaired to exceptional hearing, and he comes very quickly to mom's side. But you see, Alex, that's not really training for obedience.
That's rewarding the child for foolishness, for stubbornness, for disobedience. Giving them a reward in order to get them to obey, that encourages them in selfishness because their motive for obeying is, yeah, sure, I'll obey for what I can get. But that's a selfish motive. Children should be taught to obey because it's right and because it pleases God.
So what should she have done when the kid is running away and not listening when she's saying to come to her? Right. So or in the grocery store, same thing. You know, you tell them they're sitting in the cart. You've already gone through this. You're not allowed to grab something off the shelf. And if they do it anyway, if they have directly disobeyed, then there needs to be a consequence.
And when they're little, I tell parents this like, well, it's such an inconvenience. I mean, there I am in the grocery store and I have this full cart of groceries. Well, it only took a time or two of me going up to the cashier and saying, hey, would you mind putting my milk and eggs back? And I'm going to come back just as soon as I can. But I've got to deal with something right now.
And then we got in the car. We drove to the back of the parking lot to where we could deal with their disobedience in private in a way that doesn't embarrass or humiliate them out in public. And then I come back. And then my kids learned very quickly that my word is my word, whether we're in the grocery store or Walmart or even at grandma's house.
So it's possible that a lot of modern parents are putting convenience over this opportunity given to parents as God to instill righteousness in our children.
Yep. And so a lot of times, especially when we're out in public, it may seem more convenient to ignore or look over that behavior. But when we do that, again, we're doing the child thing. an injustice. It may be inconvenient for us, but taking the time to train them in what is right, that's going to be more beneficial to them.
If we neglect training them just because it's inconvenient for us, that's going to cause a lot of problems later on because then they learn that our word is not our word when we're out in public. And so we have to inconvenience ourselves.
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Chapter 5: How can misbehavior be viewed as a training opportunity?
So, you know, just like the kid that we talked about earlier that was in Walmart, you said, well, what should that mom have done? when the kid takes off in Walmart and doesn't come when she calls him? Well, very simple questions, even for a two and a half, three year old, very simple heart probing questions. Honey, are you obeying or are you disobeying? Simple question.
Again, it helps them to take ownership. Well, I'm disobeying. If they don't answer, honey, you disobeyed. Next question, how did you disobey? If they don't answer, well, sweetie, I told you to come to me and you didn't, and that's disobeying. Oh, one thing I taught my kids that I also have on the chart when they were really little is I could ask my kids, how does God want you to obey?
And I could hold up three fingers and they knew to say, all the way, right away, and with a happy heart. And that pretty much covers complete obedience. And so I started teaching that at a very young age. I mean, as soon as they popped out, it's like mama, dada, all the way right away with a happy heart. They can learn that if you just keep on saying it.
That's how they learn these things is by teaching it to them. So at a very young age, I taught them that biblical obedience, the way that God wants them to obey is all the way right away and with a happy heart. And then for what to put off for disobeying, obviously we put off disobedience.
And I would say something like what I have written here, honey, when you disobey me, you're disobeying God and it will not go well with you. And see that scripture, it says that it does not go well for children when they live in disobedience.
And one thing, there was always a consequence for direct disobedience with my kids in our home, especially when they were really learning, what does it mean to obey? And so before I administered a consequence for direct disobedience, I would always say, I love you too much to allow you to disobey. So that way they knew that it was love that motivated me to discipline them because I do.
I love my kids too much to allow them to live their lives in foolish ways. So put off disobedience. What are they to put on? Obedience. And so I would say Colossians 3.20 says, It says that children are to obey their parents in everything because this is right. And so, see, this doesn't take that long. We talked about how it can be an inconvenience. you know, to take time to train our kids.
But when we have it right in front of us, this just helped me so much to be more consistent in moments where I may not have been consistent. I mean, that took, for disobeying, that took, what, less than a minute for us to go through heart-probing questions, what to put off and what to put on.
This is kind of designed more for younger kids, but all you've got to do is just reword it to match the maturity level of older kids. But hopefully it's the younger kids that are biting it.
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Chapter 6: What is the difference between reactive and proactive parenting?
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I have, you know, made them sit at dinner until they finish their food. I've done, you know, strong talking to, yelling, soft talking to, asking them, you know, what are you feeling right now? And nothing is working. Initially. Mm-hmm.
Right away, what comes to mind for you when you hear that? What comes to mind is that there is nothing that we can do to change the hearts of our children. We can obey God by teaching them to obey. We can obey God by administering consequences when they don't obey, but only God can change their hearts.
And so that is why we bathe all of our efforts in prayer, for God to use our obedience and lovingly and gently being consistent and diligent to train our children in the wisdom of the Lord, to administer consequences when they don't, to point them to their need for Christ. And then we pray for God to do the work in their hearts as only he can do.
Would this chart replace reasoning with children, young children? I think as kids get older, it is certainly appropriate and even encouraged for them to ask questions if they don't understand. You know, what is your reason behind this decision? Can we talk about that in a respectful way? But I don't think it's wise to reason with small children. You know, let's think about that.
You know, maybe mom, ask her six-year-old. Honey, don't you want to come and eat lunch now? No, that's okay, Mom. I think I'd rather play with my cars. Well, sweetie, your hot dog's going to get cold if you don't come and eat it now. that's okay, mom. I think I'd rather play with my cars.
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Chapter 7: What are the consequences of inconsistent discipline?
If scripture calls parents to train the heart, why are so many modern discipline methods built around managing emotions instead of obedience? Continue the discussion in the Keatservitus Facebook group or leave a five-star review with your thoughts on this episode. We're trying to heal a sick culture physically, emotionally, and spiritually twice a week on Mondays and Thursdays with expert guests.
Follow the show on Instagram at Culture Apothecary or you can find me at Real Alex Clark. I'm Alex Clark and thanks for listening to Culture Apothecary.