Digital Social Hour
Mastering Emotions: Green Beret's Unseen Advantage | Nick Lavery DSH #875
Sun, 10 Nov 2024
Unlock the secrets of mastering emotions with Green Beret Nick Lavery's unseen advantage! 🎖️ Join Sean Kelly on the Digital Social Hour as he dives into Nick's incredible journey from facing traumatic childhood challenges to becoming a resilient warrior. Learn how emotions, while making us vulnerable, are key to our success, both on the battlefield and in business. 🧠💼 Nick reveals how controlling emotions can be a game-changer, whether dealing with high-pressure Special Forces missions or navigating life's everyday challenges. Packed with valuable insights, this episode is a must-watch! 🚀 Don't miss out on this eye-opening conversation. Watch now and subscribe for more insider secrets. 📺 Hit that subscribe button and stay tuned for more captivating stories and expert advice on the Digital Social Hour with Sean Kelly! Join the conversation and discover how you can unleash your hidden potential today. 💪✨ #stoicism #motivation #motivation #emotionalintelligence #lifecoaching CHAPTERS: 00:00 - Intro 00:25 - Nick's Military Career Insights 02:55 - Nick's Business Ventures and Success 04:42 - Mental Strength: Are You Born With It? 07:58 - Overcoming Challenges: Thoughts on Giving Up 10:55 - Motivation for Joining the Green Berets 13:04 - First Mission: Mental Preparedness 18:05 - Injury Experience: Wife's Support 23:20 - Resilience: Why I Came Back 26:43 - Embracing Discomfort for Growth 29:55 - Unlocking Your Full Potential 30:25 - Connect with Nick: Social Media Links APPLY TO BE ON THE PODCAST: https://www.digitalsocialhour.com/application BUSINESS INQUIRIES/SPONSORS: [email protected] GUEST: Nick Lavery https://www.instagram.com/thenicklavery/ https://linktr.ee/TeamMCHN www.youtube.com/@NickMACHINELaver LISTEN ON: Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/digital-social-hour/id1676846015 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/5Jn7LXarRlI8Hc0GtTn759 Sean Kelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/seanmikekelly/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Chapter 1: What insights does Nick Lavery share about controlling emotions?
You can't fight your emotions. I mean, they're there. You certainly cannot get rid of them. The sooner we can recognize that the same exact thing that makes us the dominant species on this planet, that being that we are creatures of emotion, is also the same thing that opens up a massive vulnerability to us. How can I train my mind to be able to control them?
Chapter 2: What are the challenges Nick faced during his military career?
I'm going to get rid of it, but I'm going to learn how to control it.
All right, guys. Green Beret, Nick Lavery here. First Green Beret on the show. Thanks for coming on, man. Thanks for having me. Yeah, I'm honored. And you're still active. Still active. That's the first active member I think I've had, too. Okay. A thousand episodes. There you go. Two birds, one stone. Yeah. You've been at it for a while now, right? Coming up on 18 years. Wow. Yeah.
What's the average length, you think, that people ask? Like the average career length? Yeah. In the military, it's probably something like... oh, six, seven years would be my guess. A lot of people come in, they do like a quick kind of four or five year contract and then call it a day. And then you got some that go, you know, 30 plus years.
If I were to guess, I'd say, yeah, probably like six, seven. Damn. You want to hit that 30 plus? No, I don't think I'm going to go that long, brother. Yeah, man. I mean, at this point, I'll go to 20, which is the amount of time you need to serve to be able to retire with full benefits. Got it. That's right around the corner for me. So I'll go to that point for sure.
And then really the only question is, how much longer do I stay and be on that, if at all?
Yeah. Do you feel like the age is catching up a little bit?
Not really. Really? No, not really. I mean, my job now in the military is in a leadership position. My time on the teams, doing the running and gun and stuff, that ended for me about a year and a half or so ago. Got it. So age-wise, I feel great. And as much as I love what I do, I mean, it's a privilege to get to do what I do, period.
With the stuff I'm doing on the side and my entrepreneurial stuff, the more I do that, the more I'm falling in love with it. And the more curious I am to see what that looks like when I just drop the hammer and kind of go full in on that. So I think that that's probably what'll... be the catalyst for me to get out is so that I can shift full steam into the other stuff.
Yeah, and we were talking off camera about the purpose of, you know, because a lot of guys retire and then they get lonely, depressed, but having a business to fall back on is really important, right?
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Chapter 3: How did Nick's traumatic childhood shape his resilience?
Sure. Or give up. Right. Was that ever something you thought about giving up completely? Thought about it, yeah. Really?
Yeah, for sure. What point in your life? Man, I could probably think of just off the top of my head, dozens that come to mind. But certainly going through Special Forces selection and assessment, that first phase of, let's see if you have what it takes to prove you have a foundation to then be turned into a Green Beret. I mean, that course is designed to beat you down to a pulp. Wow.
And that even someone like me that went into that with the highest degree of confidence, I mean, ready to annihilate that course. There were multiple points during that 14 days where I was like, hey, man, maybe you don't have what it takes. Damn, it's 14 days? Back then, when I went through, it was 14 days. Now it's 21 days.
Holy crap.
Yeah, so it's an ass kicker. And I don't care how tough you are or how dedicated you are. You are going to reach a crossroads during that experience where you start to second guess yourself. Maybe I bit off more than I can chew. Maybe I didn't train. All of these reasons are going to start to sound really convincing in those moments of weakness when you are absolutely beaten to shit.
And you have to make that choice. Am I going to stay on target? Am I going to keep moving forward regardless? Or am I going to take the soft spot to land?
And are you open with your other people that were with you? Were you talking about how tough this was? Or were you just keeping it inside?
During selection, it's pretty much a one-man show. I mean, there are times when you're working as a team, but it's not the type of experience where you're sitting around a campfire with your buddies talking about, you know, how close were you to quitting today? I mean, everyone kind of just gets into that almost robot mentality, and you're just in that grind constantly.
Basically 24 hours a day damn for the duration of the experience. So you keep most of that shit to yourself.
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Chapter 4: What motivated Nick to join the Green Berets?
Drinking from a fire hose. Really? Yeah, it's... It's overwhelming to a degree, when you kind of have this vision of what it's gonna look like when you finally get into Afghanistan, in my case, my first deployment. And some of that comes to fruition, but there's also just an overwhelming amount of variables that you were not anticipating that are being thrown at you.
So you rely on your teammates, your seniors, your leadership, those that have been there and done that a bunch of times. And they're there to guide you and mentor you through the things that you need to do. So it was amazing. It was challenging. And it was in that moment on that first time over there that I fell in love with this business. Whoa.
My intention, Sean, was to come into this lifestyle, serve the minimum contract possible. Four years, right? It was going to be five for me. Five-year contract, get to the tip of the spear, kick some ass, get some payback for 9-11, and then get out of the army and figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. That was the plan.
And when I got over there for the first time and actually started doing the work, everything shifted for me. I was like, whoa, not only do I not want to do anything else, but I can't even imagine doing anything else. And that's where the whole game changed. It was no longer a job. It was no longer this lily pad to kind of jump off to the next thing.
100%.
That's interesting. Yeah. Cuz I would have thought you'd be nervous, you'd be scared that first mission, but- Plenty of that as well going on.
I mean, it's an emotional roller coaster. And I'm glad you bring up scared, because it's something I really love to talk about. It's very easy to look at special operations personnel, SEALs, Rangers, Green Berets, Delta Force, choose your unit. That we are these emotionless, fearless, heartless, perhaps, instruments of death, like robots.
And that's completely and totally inaccurate, completely and totally inaccurate. Fear is part of being a human being, period. What makes special operators unique is the ability to control those emotions. You don't get rid of them, they're present.
but it's your ability to regulate them, to take them at times, recognize the emotion you're experiencing, compartment it in order to make logical decisions. So was I scared? Absolutely. There were moments of fear? 100%.
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Chapter 5: What was Nick's experience like during his first mission?
It was. Yeah. Also a blessing in a lot of ways. Wow. Yeah, also a blessing in a lot of ways. You know, the short version, Sean is... On the tail end of our deployment, we were set to be there for six months. We had been there about five and a half. Again, Green Berets work with and through.
So on this particular day, me, my 11 teammates, and a handful of other service members are getting ready to go on target with about 180 partner force personnel. And prior to that operation, a member of the Afghan National Police Force, a guy that we've been working with for months,
climbed up on the back of a Ford Ranger pickup truck that had a mounted PKM belt fed machine gun attached to it and opened fire. And to me and my friends, we're about 30 feet away. Jeez. It's considered the largest, most catastrophic insider attack that we know of during the global war on terrorism. Whoa. There were 12 US casualties, three of which were killed.
me another eight varying degrees of wounded, and you can probably assume where most of the damage to me was. My right leg was basically vaporized.
Holy crap. Yeah. That's insane. And you don't know why he flipped, or was he always undercover?
No, I do know why he flipped. And in fact, when that became made aware to me, it was another massive moment for me. Really? I didn't find out until... about a month or so after I'd been wounded, where the rest of my teammates eventually made it back stateside. And then they came to visit me at Walter Reed, where I was going through my recovery. And they told me what happened.
And they said, here's the situation. About a couple weeks prior, nine Taliban fighters bombed into this guy's house in the middle of the night. Nine guys with guns. This dude was a husband and a father of like seven kids. Wow. And these Taliban fighters walk into his house and they say, hey man, here's the deal. You got two options. Option A is you do this attack for us.
Option B is we brutalize your entire family right now in front of you. When I say brutalize, I'm talking next level medieval shit. Brutalize your entire family right now in front of you, and then we slaughter them, and then we slaughter you. Either way in this equation, you're dead. But if you choose option A, we will ensure your family is taken care of. And-
What made this tactic successful was that they would actually follow through on that and they would take care of those families. So they had done this repeatedly and they built up a degree of credibility over the years having done this. Wow. So this dude is put into a really difficult position. We wanna talk about stuck between a rock and a hot place.
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Chapter 6: How does Nick leverage his military experience in business?
The idea of starting my own business really didn't happen until 2020. It was a while. Yeah, it was a while. I was living the team guy life and that's all I wanted to do. And I was back to doing it. And that was my complete and total 100% professional focus was on that. The idea of kind of starting my own thing on the side didn't happen for years.
Got it, got it. You tweeted out that discomfort is the gatekeeper to destiny. I probably did. That sounds like something I would say. That's a deep call, man. I'd love to dive into that.
Yeah, I mean, in my opinion, struggle is a requirement for growth. It is something that we are going to experience physically, professionally, socially at times. I have another expression I like to throw around which is the size of the struggle is commensurate with the size of the goal.
As much as we would like to have this massive goal with this huge win and the journey to get there being without discomfort and without suffering. is almost certainly never going to happen. There are those unicorn experiences that are the exception to the rule. You win the mega lotteries and overnight you're a multi-billionaire. That's the exception to the rule. The rule is you must suffer.
And to what degree you are willing to struggle and the amount of discomfort you're willing to put yourself through is going to be directly correlated with the size of the victory at the end of that game.
Wow. I love that way of thinking because people, like you said, they want this massive success, right? Whether it's financially, health or whatever, but they don't realize what it takes.
No. I mean, not only do very few realize what it takes, very few realize, in my opinion, the amount of capability and capacity is within them right now. Like many think that they're operating at like 90%. Like I'm right. I'm pushing it almost to the absolute extreme. When in reality, I'd say it's probably closer to like 50. Really? You barely know how much you have inside you right now.
There may have been moments where you've gotten a glimpse of it. Most people barely know a fraction of what they're truly capable of. And I can tell you, I use me as an example, man. As a two legged guy, Sean, I have a lot of accomplishments that I'm proud of. Plenty, I played football in college. I got selected to be a Green Beret. I was the honor graduate of my qualification course.
A lot of these accolades as a two legged guy. To do those things took a lot of hard work and discipline and resilience and consistency and all these things.
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