Downtime with John and Emily

Episode 104: How to Get a Stain Out of Your Favorite Shirt

17 Mar 2020

Contributed by Lukas

These be hard times. Coronavirus is taking over all forms of media and we need a BREAK from it. We think you might too. Let’s just have a nice chat ...

Episode 103: How to Be in a Relationship (Double Date!)

10 Mar 2020

Contributed by Lukas

We done done it again, folks! But this time we brought some friends over for a little double date to talk relationship do and don’ts. We’re joined...

Episode 102: How to Be On Time

04 Mar 2020

Contributed by Lukas

I’m Late! For what? For Downtime. Well, better late than never, I suppose! Big thanks to Mason McDowell for ANOTHER great song! If you loved Just ‘...

Episode 101: How to Do Nothing

25 Feb 2020

Contributed by Lukas

We did 100 episodes. You know how much work that is? It was a lot for us. We’re ready for a nap. Or a beer. Maybe both. Thank you so much to Modern...

Episode 100: How to Fill the Down-Time Capsule

18 Feb 2020

Contributed by Lukas

“East High is a place where teachers encouraged us to break the status quo and define ourselves as we choose. Where a jock can cook up a mean crème...

Episode 99: How to Win at Trivia

11 Feb 2020

Contributed by Lukas

What’s my favorite part of trivia? Thank you for asking. It’s the free pens. Our 100th Episode is NEXT WEEK! We’re doing How to Fill a Time Cap...

Episode 98: How to Cancel a Subscription

04 Feb 2020

Contributed by Lukas

How much money have you thrown away because you were too late to cancel a subscription after a free trial? I’m pretty sure I’m still paying for HB...

Episode 97: How to Perform a Séance

28 Jan 2020

Contributed by Lukas

We started out thinking we would end up doing a lot of bashing of spiritualism in this one, but jokes on us, we’re just into it now. Thanks to Fabr...

Episode 96: How to Sleepover

21 Jan 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Gossiping about your classmates, learning new Yiddish terms and phrases, listening to Bluegrass, and Shrek. These are just a few of our favorite sleep...

Episode 95: How to Stay Motivated

15 Jan 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Quick TW for people who get squeamish at the mention of blood, We talk about blood like WAY more than anyone thought we would or should in an episode ...

Episode 94: How to Crush Your 2020 Resolutions

08 Jan 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Thank you to everyone who submitted their new year’s resolutions! If you saw that we were asking for new year’s resolutions and didn’t respond w...

Episode 93: How to Have a Good Decade

31 Dec 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Sit and relax while the Downeys try to teach you how to make your next decade great while only having been conscious adults for (maybe) one of them. R...

Episode 92: How to Cure a Christmas Hangover

24 Dec 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Merry Podcast! The perfect podcast to listen with the whole family ‘round the fireplace this holiday season. Definitely no cusses or any naughty stu...

Episode 91: How to Make a Fruitcake

17 Dec 2019

Contributed by Lukas

It’s right there in the title of the episode! We just go through the best ways to make fruitcake. Nothing weird or disgusting in here at all! Thank...

Episode 90: How to Include Your Non-Christmas Friends

10 Dec 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Do you have friends who don’t celebrate Christmas? You probably do! John and Emily do also, and as much as they truly, sincerely want to include the...

Episode 89: How to Ask Sarah to the Winter Formal

03 Dec 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Some people have criticized this show for not being personal enough. "The topics are too broad!" they say. Well, how do you like me now? Can’t get m...

Episode 88: How to Be Friends

26 Nov 2019

Contributed by Lukas

You may be thinking, “Hey, that’s not those two lovely siblings that my sensitive ears are so attuned to.” and you’d be correct! Those are the...

Episode 87: How to Score 1,000 Goals

20 Nov 2019

Contributed by Lukas

The year; 1969. The place; Rio de Janeiro. Pele readies a penalty kick while 125,000 people cheer him on. Not just his fans, but all fans of the sport...

Episode 86: How to Combat the Big S.A.D.

12 Nov 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Don’t worry, be happy. That’s a song that Bobby McFerrin hates. But we’re fans ‘round these parts. If the cold weather has been getting you do...

Episode 85: How to Be a Wizard

05 Nov 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Happy Birthday, Emily! In honor of Emily’s birthday, we’re talking about a topic that is near and dear to our favorite sister co-host’s heart; H...

Episode 84: How to Be A Spooky Ghostie

30 Oct 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Happy Spooktober, good podcast friends! Time to spook this place UP. We made this episode to teach you how to be a SPOOKY Ghostie. Not a NICE Ghostie....

Episode 83: How to Make Chili

23 Oct 2019

Contributed by Lukas

It’s gettin’ cold outside, and in this family that means it’s time to break out the old Chili pot and make some of that good meat stew we love s...

Episode 82: How to Be a Good Roommate

15 Oct 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Hey, is that your peanut butter? Put that down, if you want crunchy peanut butter maybe buy it yourself. Oh and while we’re doing this; If you’re ...

Episode 81: How to Name a Baby

08 Oct 2019

Contributed by Lukas

It’s Cuffing Season, y’all, and you know what that means… Babies. Having a baby is a lot of responsibility, and most of that responsibility come...

Episode 80: How to Get a Good Night's Sleep

02 Oct 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Zzzzzzzzzz…. Thanks so much to They Called Him Zone for their song I Wanna Be Your Dog! Click the following link to hear more! theycalledhimzone.co...

Episode 79: How to Become The Mayor

24 Sep 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Emily talks about office etiquette for a while which is fun, but I swear this is a real good way to learn how to get elected mayor. There’s also som...

Episode 78: How to Fly a Plane

17 Sep 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Have you ever dreamed of soaring? Communing with the birds and butterflies? Mastering the Bernoulli principle? Well strap in, enjoy your one complemen...

Episode 77: How to Give the Sex Talk

11 Sep 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Do you or a loved one have a child? if so, you may be entitled to a free episode of Downtime explaining the best way to tell them about sex. No one wa...

Episode 76: How to Do One Pull-up

04 Sep 2019

Contributed by Lukas

We just want to do one pull-up. How hard is it, really? Let me try right now. Okay I’m back. That sucked, it’s very hard. I guess I have to listen...

Episode 75: How to Create a Superhero

28 Aug 2019

Contributed by Lukas

WHAM! POW! That’s the sound of your podcast app notification telling you to listen to this weeks episode of Downtime with John and Emily. What’s y...

Episode 74: How to Start a Society

21 Aug 2019

Contributed by Lukas

This episode is all about starting from scratch. You wake up in an open field. There are twenty other people who also don't know what's happening. Wha...

Episode 73: How to Come Back

13 Aug 2019

Contributed by Lukas

We're back. Significant talking points include: Making the greatest comeback anyone has ever seen, How to lose all your followers, never EVER going o...

Episode 72: How to Give the Best Presents

23 Dec 2018

Contributed by Lukas

This episode is dedicated to our favorite older brother Kit Downey! It's his birthday on December 24th, so we just wanted to say we love you, Kit. And...

Episode 71: How to Be in a Relationship (ft. Samantha Jones)

01 Dec 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Emily is still gone, so John is begging everyone else around him to record an episode with him. His amazing girlfriend of 6 years, Samantha Jones, was...

Episode 70: How to Escape a Haunted Mansion

01 Nov 2018

Contributed by Lukas

The ghost of Emily past has returned to the podcast to help guide you through the spookiest haunted mansion you've ever heard of. Hold onto your butts...

Episode 69: How to Make the Perfect Porno (feat. Are We Friends)

20 Oct 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Warning: As you can see by the title of this episode, there are some strong sexual themes in this one. You should've expected it though, it's #69. If ...

Episode 68: How to Replace Your Sister

05 Oct 2018

Contributed by Lukas

We're back! In this one, John is auditioning some talent to replace Emily for betraying him and the podcast by moving to Africa. the candidates are tw...

Episode 67: How to Be a Good Neighbor

05 Jul 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Are you a bad neighbor? Look, we've all been there. That's a rough space to be in and here at Downtime Enterprises or whatever, we get that and we wan...

Episode 66: How to Get Free Food

16 Jun 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Are you hungry? Of course you are, it's tough times out here. Sate your appetite for more Downtime with this fresh, hot, mouth-watering episode. We're...

Episode 65: How to Get Swol (Ethiopian Edition)

31 May 2018

Contributed by Lukas

FLEXING! REPS! SPRINTS! BENCHING! PROTEIN! GET SWOL! Learn how to get totally ripped all while learning about monkey research and Ethiopian culture. M...

Episode 64: How to Potpourri

18 May 2018

Contributed by Lukas

We're back with another suggestions episode! We taught a lot, we learned a lot, and we're excited to pass that knowledge on. You want one for free? Ch...

Episode 63: How to Love Thy Mother

03 May 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Episode 62: How to Propose

19 Apr 2018

Contributed by Lukas

The beginning of this episode is...oddly medical?  In this episode, John and Emily focus on that most central of themes: Love. They love love. Who d...

Episode 61: How to Make Money

12 Apr 2018

Contributed by Lukas

WARNING: ALL OF THE IDEAS DISCUSSED IN THIS PODCAST ARE THE PROPERTY OF JOHN AND EMILY.  Wowsers! Emily and John went a little crazy on this one. Th...

Episode 60: How to Touch a Bug

07 Apr 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Trigger Warning! John and Emily talk about bugs in this. Allll kinds of creepy crawlies. Turns out, Emily knows a bit about bugs and she and John want...

Episode 59: How to Make Sushi

30 Mar 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Wow, John and Em get to a lot in this one. They talk Terrace House and Bake Off, Pawleys Island night life, and Emily surprises John by actually knowi...

Episode 58: How to Drive a Car

26 Mar 2018

Contributed by Lukas

We're late! But we're burning rubber to get you this fresh hot episode on wheels! And it's a certified hotrod!  Ok. John and Emily don't know much a...

Episode 57: How to Go Green

17 Mar 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Happy St. Patrick's Day! John and Emily are celebrating this extra-ass holiday by going green! In this episode they talk dismantling capitalism, Emil...

Episode 56: How to Cry

10 Mar 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Feeling sad? Weepy? A little numb? Cry about it! No, seriously. We want you to cry. Maybe tears of laughter, maybe real Oscar-worthy sobs. John and E...

Episode 55: How to Pick a Place to Eat

02 Mar 2018

Contributed by Lukas

We've all been there. You're chillin with your S.O., your coworkers, or your buddies and you get into that dreaded back and forth. "Where do you wa...

Episode 54: How to Take a Nap

22 Feb 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Wake up! It's time to learn how to siesta like a pro with John and Emily!This week John and Em are taking the fast lane to snoozeville with pit stops ...

Episode 53: How to Make a Sacrifice

16 Feb 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Wow this week was a real doozy. Did you take your sweetheart out to a nice dinner? Did you get smashed for Carnival? Are you ready to give up somethi...

Episode 52: How to Shave Your Legs

09 Feb 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Want to know the secret to silky-smooth legs? Need to hear a semi-graphic account of John's first time ever shaving? Want to learn how to say no to ha...

Episode 51: How to Live Forever

25 Jan 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Are you ready to experience eternity? Hi there, and welcome to Downtime with John and Emily, where we make the impossible sound even dumber. In this ...

Episode 50: How To Do a Flip

11 Jan 2018

Contributed by Lukas

This week, John and Emily are taking it to the max with user-submitted How to Do a Flip!  John gets strangely passionate about safety, Emily makes a...

Episode 49: How to be the World's Greatest Dad

05 Jan 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Did you know that Genghis Khan was a great golfer? Well, here at Downtime with John and Emily, we strive to provide our listeners with only the most ...

Episode 48: How to Come Down from the Holidays

31 Dec 2017

Contributed by Lukas

John and Emily are back just in time for a final episode of 2017! Folks, it's been a year. But we've got 2018 in our sights and we're not looking bac...

Episode 47: How to Deck the Halls

15 Dec 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Are you ready for Round Two of our Month-Long Holiday Extravaganza?! WELL, TOO BAD, HERE IT COMES! Today Emily and John are talking about Holiday deco...

Episode 46: How to Start a Holiday Tradition

08 Dec 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Ho ho ho! It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year once more, and John and Emily are going international with their Winter Solstice Celebrations in ...

Episode 45: How to Gobble Gobble (A Thanksgiving Special)

23 Nov 2017

Contributed by Lukas

This week, Emily and John are teaching you how to do Thanksgiving RIGHT. We're answering a whole bunch of Thanksgiving How-To's, and havin fun along t...

Episode 44: How to Lose Weight

18 Nov 2017

Contributed by Lukas

John and Emily are going on a health and fitness frenzy, but not before we talk about some truly tragic news. Blake Shelton, whoever that is, has been...

Episode 43: How to Make a Smoothie

09 Nov 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Ok, so John and Emily cover a LOT of ground in this one.  They're talking the availability of ice in ancient civilizations, Emily's failure as a US ...

Episode 42: How to Be British

03 Nov 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Ever wonder what the hell is wrong with our English cousins? Always apologizing, eating copious amounts of meat and pastry products, their bizarre sla...

Episode 41: How to Trick or Treat

26 Oct 2017

Contributed by Lukas

John and Emily are returning to their Halloween theme this week with How to Trick or Treat! They're talkin' candy routes, sustainable pranking, and...

Episode 40: How to Submissions 2 (Powered by Fans, Too)

20 Oct 2017

Contributed by Lukas

John and Emily are mixing it up again!  Have fun listening to our How to Submissions sequel, where we're tackling those how-to's we've been saving f...

Episode 39: How to Choose a Halloween Costume

13 Oct 2017

Contributed by Lukas

The Downeys are back and better than ever!  This week, Emily and John are gettin' you prepared to get spooky for Halloween. Emily tells us about her...

Episode 38: How to Boys (Emily Asks)

28 Sep 2017

Contributed by Lukas

It's boys night! this week, Emily's out and we've got two very special guest hosts, our very own Ethan Gustavson and Joe Leib! We spend an hour answer...

Episode 37: How to Submissions (Powered By Fans)

21 Sep 2017

Contributed by Lukas

We're going rapid fire this week! We took a bunch of your suggestions that we absolutely loved but weren't sure we could squeeze a full episode out of...

Episode 36: How to Deal with Catcallers (A DOWNTIME TAKEOVER)

14 Sep 2017

Contributed by Lukas

IT'S A DOWNTIME TAKEOVER! This week, it's Girltime with Emily and special guest host Jaimie Malphrus! John's not here and we're talking female janx! W...

Episode 35: How to Order a Pizza

08 Sep 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Let's Order a Pizza! Everyone needs to know how to order a pizza CORRECTLY. Everyone also needs to know the intricacies of Online Pizza creators, when...

Episode 34: How to Feel Better

02 Sep 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Podcasting is all about accepting and working around Murphy's Law. We're sorry it's late, but getting this episode out was a WHOLE THING. We hope you...

Episode 33: How to Ride a Bike

26 Aug 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Have you been waiting for years to learn how to ride a bike just so someone would take the time to teach you through a purely auditory medium? Boy, do...

Episode 32: How to Enjoy the Eclipse

18 Aug 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Sorry for getting this one out a little late! This episode goes great with a Nightcap! In this one, John and Emily talk about Opportune Crime, Giant ...

Episode 31: How to Be Cool for School

10 Aug 2017

Contributed by Lukas

IT'S BACK TO SCHOOL TIME! We've got all our sweet new accessories: backpacks gel pens, binder covers, a crippling sense of inadequacy born purely of t...

Episode 30: How to Plan a Wedding

04 Aug 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Ready to get hitched?? Put on your Sunday best, take your loved one's hands, and let John and Emily lovingly officiate the wedding of your dreams! It'...

Episode 29: How to Beat the Heat

27 Jul 2017

Contributed by Lukas

It's so hot, you guys. And we've got the perfect way to cool off! With a nice tall glass of Downtime with John and Emily! Take a load off and prepare ...

Episode 28: How to Build Your Dream Home

13 Jul 2017

Contributed by Lukas

This week Emily and John are exhibiting their love for all things home related by telling you how to build a dream home! Ok, so it's John and Emily's ...

Episode 27: How to Go to Prison

07 Jul 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Disclaimer: This is a jokey-joke podcast. The Downeys are idiots that say stupid stuff to make eachother laugh. They're also very white and very privi...

Episode 26: How to Be a Better Person

30 Jun 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Listen as the Downeys fruitlessly try to teach themselves to be better people and podcasters. Listen for our URL to start your free trial to Audible t...

Episode 25: How to Pick a (2017) Summer Blockbuster

23 Jun 2017

Contributed by Lukas

John's back from Europe! And he's being a real jag about it. But, that means we've gotta get all caught up with the films of the season! Listen in as ...

Episode 24: How to Camp Out

15 Jun 2017

Contributed by Lukas

It's Father's Day....almost. And what do Dad's love? If your John and Emily's Dad, it's grilling, golf, and the Great Outdoors, which is why we've lov...

Episode 23: How to Save the Bees

08 Jun 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Everyone here at Downtime with John and Emily is deeply committed to the environment, and while there are many pressing issues, we feel that one of th...

Episode 22: How To Have the Best Lemonade Stand (On the Block)

01 Jun 2017

Contributed by Lukas

It's summer, dudes! That means it's time to break out the markers, tape, and 2x4's for a good old-fashioned (or not so old-fashioned) lemonade stand! ...

Episode 21: How to Prepare for a Marathon

26 May 2017

Contributed by Lukas

On your mark...Get set...Listen to our latest episode of this podcast! In this one, The Downey Siblings reach a new low in terms of how little they kn...

Episode 20: How to Solve a Murder

18 May 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Look out! It's a super spooky new episode of Downtime with John and Emily! This week John and Emily are talking murders most foul, British crime dram...

Episode 19: How to Make Pretzels

11 May 2017

Contributed by Lukas

You know John and Emily are the poster children of sibling bonding, but did you know they have a brother?? This week Kit Downey shows off his culin...

Episode 18: How to Rock a Job Interview

29 Apr 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Episode 17: How to Survive in the Wild

20 Apr 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Mushrooms? ...

Episode 16: How to Put On a Production of High School Musical (LIVE at 8 Bit Oasis)

14 Apr 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Hey everybody! Sorry it's been so long since you've gotten an episode, we're very bad at this! But here is a recording of our very special, very first...

Episode 15: How to Be the Perfect Airbnb Host

24 Mar 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Ima get right to it. Listen to this if you wanna make tons of money off of Airbnb. They talk about Great British Bake off, Pet Bats and Emily reveals ...

Episode 14: How to Fake Sick/Shirk Responibilities

16 Mar 2017

Contributed by Lukas

It's been a long week, you deserve to take Friday off. One problem, though. You're an adult with responsibilities and can't just not go to work. The D...

Episode 13: How to Make Friends as an Adult

03 Mar 2017

Contributed by Lukas

It's the first week of March and YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. Emily is gonna fight Al Roker. What does that mean for our sign-off? I don't know, they did...

Episode 12: How to Break Up

23 Feb 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Breaking up with your significant other can be really difficult. The Downeys understand this. They're here to help. In this episode, John and Emily ma...

Episode 11: How to Form a Cult: A Valentine's Day Special

15 Feb 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Warning: The Downey's do not, under any circumstance, condone the actions listed in this podcast. If you try to do these things, you're on your own, l...

Episode 10: How to Jury Duty

07 Feb 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Have you ever been worried about what you would do if you were called in for Jury Duty? John and Emily are here to put your mind at ease with fun and ...

Episode 9: How to Cultivate an Air of Mystery

31 Jan 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Baby's first sponsor! This is our first episode with our new sponsor, Audible.com! Look out for the URL to your free 30 day trial in this episode! Als...

Episode 8: How to Brew the Perfect Cup of Coffee

24 Jan 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Have you been drinking garbage coffee and want to elevate your morning routine to the next level? This episode of Downtime is for you. John and Emily ...

Episode 7: How to Throw a Partayy

17 Jan 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Have you ever wanted to be able to throw an absolute banger of a party? This episode is just for you. That's right. YOU. In this episode, w discuss ou...

Episode 6: How to Choose a Career

11 Jan 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Ever wondered about the perfect career for you? Us too! That's not gonna stop John and Emily from telling you how to find that perfect path. Sit back ...

Episode 5: How to Stick to a New Years Resolution

04 Jan 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Well, it's 2017 everybody which means a new beginning! In this episode, Emily and John discuss resolutions, life in 2017, and cyborgs? Yup. Cyborgs. ...