53: Modesty, Borders, Intimacy vs Sex, & Getting ‘things’ out of the way | Rabbi Manis Friedman

On today's show: Rabbi Manis' background and what initiated to passion and power into becoming a rabbi, writing this book and sharing beautiful ways to foster intimate relationships. Marriage and Doesn't Anybody Blush Anymore? Everything in nature has its Borders, so does marriage. Open vs shallow. A relationship can't afford to be shallow. Broadcasting sexual energy Adam and Eve ashamed that they didn’t protect and preserve their sexual energy, not because it was a bad thing What modesty means? The purpose is to enhance sexual energy "Modesty is a focused surrender" Natural instinct to want privacy, not a religious obligation Violation of modesty is unnatural "The more sensitive, insightful, mature a person is, the more modesty he requires." The more we preserve ourselves, and not dissipate it into the air, Difference between Sex and Intimacy Sex is a performance. Intimacy means just us with no barriers. In order to have no barriers, you need to have borders. "If there are no borders and you're allowing yourself to be spontaneous, you’re actually being reckless" When the borders are in place… now you can just relax and be spontaneous We want to put our free choice to good use God gives us the parameters, the rules of the game, and we will use our free choice to play the game well. Joy of Intimacy and feeling alone The purpose is to become one In order to have more intimacy, you have to get all things out of the way, even love. Love is a thing. Marriage means I want you not what I can get from you "If you introduce things into a relationship that's pornography" "Never be intimate with the lights on" "Intimacy is never visible. " Achieving Intimacy Keep things away from your intimacy The room should be dark No sound. Hear Nothing. No talking. All attention on the person. Sex leaves you feeling alone, not bonded. And it leaves you feeling a little reduced. Intimacy leaves you feeling more innocent Having separate beds. Intimacy is not a subject, it’s life

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