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Chapter 1: What is the story behind John's mind STD?
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Well, there's no escaping the fact that today we're starting with a trailer for a new film. Coming soon in cinemas this summer, Ellis and John, Jupiter Rising.
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Chapter 2: How does Elis feel about headlining the Royal Albert Hall?
What I don't understand is how you managed to solve the mystery and trap the criminals whilst winning five gold medals in the Handsomeness Olympics and hosting international mega geniuses at a cleverness convention.
Well, everyone has their skill set, sir. Yours are diplomacy, delegation, and if I may say, a bloody good sense of intuition. Mine just happened to be handsomeness, cleverness, and crime fighting. And powerlifting and kissing. Thank you, Porkins. The way you kissed that girl at the top of Big Ben with her head of the crime gang dressed up like a kipper. Well, I've never seen the like, sir.
That will be all, Porky.
Robbins, if I may be so bold, why do you take this... Let me start again. He gave me these two seconds before the bloody intro started. I wouldn't have minded reading this. Robbins, if I may be so bold, why do you take this dunderhead with you everywhere?
He does give off an awful pong. Porkins, he has his uses. He is strong of thigh and big of bum. He has surprising stamina in a pinch. And his simple mind is a very useful sounding board when my brain is overrun with calculations and plans. Think of him as a blank canvas on which I paint my masterpiece. Yes, this is the Prime Minister. Yes, it is he.
Switching to a secure line. What is it? Where? When?
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Chapter 3: What unique game does listener JB introduce?
When?
Yes, I have him here. Hold the line. Robbins, it's Alpha Base. Alpha Base, Ganymede, 628 million kilometres from Earth. 14 infinitum mines, six processing plants, population 1,400 operatives. The last strategic base... The last strategic base before the Borken Quadrant and the largest on Jupiter's moons. Robbins, it's fallen. What's going on? What's all this talk of bases in Jupiter?
Robbins, can you help? Jupiter? Moon spaces? Porky, there's something you should know about me. It's not just here on Earth as I fight crime. I'm a space cop.
And not just any space cop. Robbins, it's time Porky knows the truth. Put on your ribbed leather jacket, cool wraparound shades and digital watch. Pork, this man is the best space cop in the Milky Way.
Chapter 4: What embarrassing stories are shared from John's Shame Well?
His name is legend from Proxima Centauri to Bet- Bet- Betelgeuse.
Bet-
His name is Legend from Proxima Centauri to Beetlejuice. And the universe has never needed him more.
Prime Minister, there's only one choice. It's time to reopen Operation Black Ops Megaforce A Plus Elite. But it's too dangerous, Robbins. The man who walked into your office this morning was called Robbins. The man who walks out is Switchblade. Switchblade. Right, two questions. Just the two? Well, I've got one observation and a question. The observation, we ran out of the space music.
It was such a long script. And I met a bloke at the gym the other day. And he said, what do you do for a living? I said, I do a podcast. We're actually on Five Live on a Friday. And I said, I'll be in the car.
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Chapter 5: How does watermelon body wash relate to John's panic?
I'll have to listen. What's he going to make of this? Well, he's going to be like, when can I see this film? Yeah. There's intrigue, there's mystery, there's kissing. I just don't think it's the best introduction to what we do. Well, that's, I can't keep introducing people to what we do. We've been doing it for 12 years. There comes a point when they just have to be on board.
Well, you've just got to write a space cop film. Well, he solved a mystery. It starts with the end of the mystery being solved. It's a great script. And then there's a bigger mystery. All right then. Okay, well, I'll write a film next week. Great. Porkins writes his own film. Yeah. That's never going to watch Porkins' tale.
Chapter 6: What insights are shared about mental health and catastrophizing?
It'll be like, what's a miserable, gritty drama? Yeah. They want Robbins. They want Switchblade.
They want Jupiter.
It's going to be kitchen sink. Porkins' drama is going to be kitchen sink. It's going to be a taste of honey, but sadder and set in radio.
Okay.
Maybe. Don't know. Don't hold me to that. You'd be like Joey, the spinoff to Friends. Is that what Porkins is? What, underrated?
Yeah.
Underrated and a bit of a hospital pass for the writers.
Yeah.
Who's Porkins then? Is he like your sidekick?
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Chapter 7: What upcoming events are Elis and John promoting?
Yeah, yeah. He's like a sort of henchman. Yeah. I was the Prime Minister. I've never played a henchman before. You'd be a good henchman.
Short mode range. Okay. And you walk off as Switchblade. So there's a sequel. I mean, you've left it open.
Well, that's the trailer. Yeah, of course. That's the start. Switchblade and Porky in space. Yeah. Good. A lot of your film references are like to blockbusters. Yeah, yeah. And like sci-fi stuff.
Chapter 8: What is the significance of the Cymru Connection segment?
Do you read a lot of like Philip K. Dick? Not at all. And that's the great thing about sci-fi. It's so easy. You know, it's a ribbed leather jacket, wraparound shades and a digital watch. Yeah. And that's a space cop. Because you often, when you have to improvise, you end up going and taking it sort of Arthur C. Clarke. Never heard of him. Direction. Interesting. Yeah.
So yeah, that is the trailer to Jupiter Rising, the first film in the Ellis and John franchise. It is also a good title for that kind of stuff. Thank you. And what is it? Netflix, BBC? All across everything. All of them. Yeah, like Live Aid. It's the first Apple, Disney, Amazon Prime, Netflix, iPlayer, ITV Hub, whatever the Channel 4 one is called.
Dave, the budget is $100 billion, a portion of which goes to charity. LAUGHTER I don't even know whether 100 billion's big anymore. It is big. 100 billion would be quite a lot for a... You get a good bang for your buck for that. Yeah, but I tell you one thing, the director gets what they want. I also direct. Do you? Yeah. Okay. The Clint Eastwood of sci-fi. Big time. Annoyingly, I think...
This is how I feel about John as a director. He'd actually be a very good director for about two hours of the day. And they are long days. So a normal shoot today for like a film would be, it'd be on camera at eight. Yeah. And you'd just stop shooting at 7pm. And you obviously, you've got to know what you're doing and you've got to prep for the following day.
So they are, they're long days for directors. And that's what I think would hold John back. I reckon between on a Wednesday night prison and, Oh, like three till 4.30. Okay, I reckon 11 until one, he'd be quite good. I'll put lunch in there and I do sometimes get very depressed after eating. Okay, 11 until midday, he'd be quite good. That's the golden hour. That's when you do your big scenes.
Bring me problems between 11 and 12 or when I'm eating a brownie, but not too long afterwards.
Yeah, and what would be your approach as director? Are you kind of arm around the shoulder? You know, you're their mate. Or are you like the silent kind of, you know, they're a bit scared of you.
Yeah, I'm distant. Yes. I've got my own Winnebago with shower, air con, and lots of Diet Cokes. Yeah. And... Charlie's Thrones there. When I walk on... You're quite burpy on set. Yeah. When I walk on set, there are certain rules. Yeah. You know, everyone stands. Yeah. Unless they're sitting in the scene. And people aren't allowed to turn around when they walk away from you, like with the Queen.
Yeah, they've got to walk backwards.
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