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Chapter 1: What are the current headlines about climate change?
Hello, everyone.
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Chapter 2: How does the heatwave impact daily life and work?
So you need the 70 fates?
Yeah. Oh, raise the ticket price. Yes, and again, just invite oil barons.
It's very... I mean, obviously, from what you're hearing, if you're listening in the future, we're currently in Heatageddon Heatwave, and... Yeah, it's horrible. Your house is pretty cool, isn't it? Is it cool enough? Well, firstly, it's cool because I live there.
Yeah, of course.
Secondly, it's cool because it's full of awards and Queen memorabilia. Cool. And thirdly, it's cool because I do have a portable air conditioner, for which my gratitude to all heads of different religions is unrelenting.
Yes. Because they made the air conditioning unit. I don't know.
I think it's in the Quran, isn't it? I'm not going to specify who invented air conditioning. No. But I'm just going to say for all religions, I'm not saying it was you. I'm not saying it was you. I'm just saying for all of you, whoever is responsible for this, I'm very grateful.
I like to chat in my local coffee shop. They're really nice, by the counter, lovely staff. But it is hot in there. Yeah. And they've got a big fan that's just blowing around really hot air. And I went in and I said, God, is it hot working in here all day? And the lady went, yes. Yeah. I said, that was a stupid question.
I did that this morning.
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Chapter 3: What are some humorous anecdotes related to the heat?
I mean, it's expensive. Is it?
What's expensive?
The air con unit on your electricity bills.
Ah, it's actually not. I looked into this. Was it not? Yeah. It works out about, for 24 hours of use, it works about 450. Oh, okay. Which, you know, is still an amount of money. But if you're using it in like sort of six-hour bursts, five days for five quid, I mean, crikey, Moses, what would you pay to have a cool room in your house, Dave?
£100 a day.
There you go. So it's a lot. But you've got to buy them in winter. They're all sold out. It's like buying sun lotion. Buy it in December, guys. Really? Is it cheaper?
I imagine so.
I'm not sure it is. It's gotta be. No, because I think supermarkets put on offers when you are after something because they're drawing you to that area of the shop.
Oh, I went to, I was walking, the last day the kids were in school, I was walking to the, I was walking them to school and realised I forgot to put sun cream on them. So I thought, okay, well, I've got to do that now, obviously. So I walked into my local shop. There's quite a big sort of newsagent that sells lots of stuff. I said, have you got any sun cream? And he went, oh, I don't know.
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Chapter 4: What health advice is shared regarding sexual health?
Some people are very good at coping with it. Like I was on the train on the way in and there was a lady opposite me just reading a book and her hair was like straightened and perfect and she wasn't sweating and she looked completely at ease and everyone else in the carriage looked like they were dying. And I thought, what are you doing that's different? Well, I guess it depends.
She didn't have a fan. She wasn't drinking. She wasn't fanning herself or anything. She just seemed to have stepped onto the train from a different dimension.
Well, I think it depends what your sort of personal infrastructure is, because the infrastructure of the country as a whole is not designed, as your school proves, to deal with this kind of heat. And there's a real political problem around climate change. I mean, A, climate change. But also, do you invest hundreds of billions to get this country able to deal with long periods of high heat?
So that person may just have not gone through any... infrastructure that coats with heat badly.
My train was quite badly delayed. We were on the platform for probably half an hour.
It was amazing. But if you're sat in the shade in a park in this weather, you're actually, most people are okay. It's if you're sort of your office or your house or your flat, if you're in a top floor flat room.
Oh, my Lord. Our attic is like a punishment suite.
LAUGHTER
But what you can do, if you've got a skylight, so you open that and you open the loft hatch and then the hot air just goes out of your house. It's all about through drafts. Yeah, I understand. Late in the evening.
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Chapter 5: How do personal experiences shape views on relationships?
It does annoy me that John has multiple talents and that if comedy went wrong, he does have a plan B. I think a lot of over-making. Multiple plan Bs.
Am I going to be a Hollywood director? You wear a cap well. Thank you. I'm sort of hiding my skin a bit today, so I'm wearing my glasses and a cap. Not at all. But... Oh, can I ask if there's any dermatologists listening, Dave? There will be a couple of them as well. Go on. Well...
Given potential rosacea triggered by fermented foods, heat and sweat, and cheese, I'm starting to think it's a histamine response because I took an antihistamine and it really helped.
Yeah, I'm on them at the minute. So what do I do?
What are you on the antihistamines for, Dave?
itchy skin hay fever and I think for some reason like heat rash this time round which I've never had either of before and that Tuesday night I was it was horrible I was scratching away I went to watch I took my daughter to watch a school production because a friend of mine was in it or her daughter was in it and then we walked to the school which took 20 minutes by the time I got there I was so sweaty my eyes were itching yeah like it was it's never happened to me before it was horrible yeah
The FIFA World Cup 2026. Hear live coverage from the Five Live Sport team across the tournament.
This is from...
Charlie, hello to you three brave boys broadcasting for a better Britain. Right now in the midst of mega summer, I draw on one of Robin's many words of wisdom. This is all very embarrassing on these emails today. And so I sit here emailing you in 30 degrees wearing a wet T-shirt in front of a fan as my daughter would say, I'm as cool as a porcupine in the snow.
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Chapter 6: What is the significance of the 'lathe' story shared?
Okay. Diplococca are spherical or oval bacteria that typically occur in pears. Do we want to be Diplococca? Pears as in the fruit? They are formed when round bacterial cells, cocci, is it cocci? Cocci, probably. Cocci. No, because you have strep le cocci. Okay, good. Divide and remain attached to each other instead of separating.
This is you two. We're a lovely virus. Bacteria, sorry, not virus. We're audiobacteria. I'm writing in a state of surprise and delight after Tuesday's episode. Never in my many years of listening did I expect to be right in the middle of the Venn diagram of my two favourite subjects, the lovely boys and lovely bugs.
First of all, John, congratulations on your relentless commitment to public health. You are recovering well from your mind STD. And thank you for being an accidental advocate for reducing the stigma around testing. You're welcome. Not only am I a retro one-er, I'm also a sexual health specialist nurse. And part of the way through a PhD on STI prevention...
Yes, I am the sort of person who will bore you at parties talking about my favourite STI, syphilis. Why?
Is that still knocking around, syphilis?
Syphilis is what got Al Capone at the end, isn't it? I wondered if I could use the opportunity for a quick PSA, and yes, this is important, I should have said this, that even if you aren't in the top tax bracket, testing is free, quick and largely painless.
There's an option to order tests online, delivery to your door, and we now even have medications to prevent many STIs, both mined and otherwise. Yes. Because in my panic, I made decisions that incurred large costs because I wanted speed, discretion and efficiency.
Turns out, after a lot of people have got in touch, there's actually as quick and cheaper ways and free ways of getting yourself tested. So I didn't want people to think that if you're worried about the fact you might have an STI, you need to spend loads of money.
But you're like Imelda Marcus, you spend thrift.
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Chapter 7: How does the podcast address the topic of creativity?
They could argue you might just put it on the front of your house. Yeah, what for?
Can you imagine what that would do for my children's attitudes to ego if I had a T4 of myself in the house?
Yeah. You'd have to fold it up. It probably takes up a room, doesn't it? Oh, yeah.
You'd have to turn it into like a boat sail or something. Something that's massive.
The SS Ellis. Yeah. The good ship content. H.S. James.
Yeah.
so yeah the Royal Albert Hall tickets are in the main sold out which is incredible we are at the time so maybe it might be four hours before you hear this this is the 26th of June tickets have been released yeah 26th of June the day that they came out it is absolutely incredible when you take a step back from the madness of this that within a day it looks like we've pretty much sold out the Royal Albert Hall which is fantastic and Alice you should be very proud it's not but it's a team effort I'm slightly regretting arguing down the ticket price yeah it's been in my head a lot this week that John yeah
But no, because I believe in it. And a lot of people have commented on that. Have they? The ticket pricing, yeah. A lot of people have said, well done. Yes, but I've got to be reasonable. Fair play. You've done very well there in terms of the pricing. So yeah, I think a few more standings have been, a few standing tickets have been released. Some artists do not give an S. No.
About their ticket prices.
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Chapter 8: What are the final thoughts on health and well-being?
I decided I no longer wanted to be someone who wore last resort pants. I decided to undertake the big pants reset. I did this six months ago. Superb. It's quite expensive though, isn't it? The old big pant reset. It's for pant peace of mind. I bought a couple of test pairs to assess their build quality and comfort. That's exactly what I did with my socks. Cool.
And when I was sufficiently satisfied with their performance, I pulled the trigger and bought a dozen more. That's right. All my pants are mega pants. Makes them sound like they're all absolutely massive. It's a process I'd recommend to literally everybody.
Having a drawer full of identical pants has given me peace of mind and is a small rock of stability in an increasingly chaotic and confusing world. Thanks for all the laughs and good vibes. I wish you luck on your own mega pants journey. Lots of love, Chris. I mean, you can put a price on it.
It is good, I think, to keep... two pairs of horrendous pants back because if you've got 12 pairs of mega pants that's you know that that that's your day-to-day pants wearing and what will happen if life becomes overwhelming or you soil yourself The big 12 are out of action. And then at the back of the draw, you'll have a just-in-case pair of pants. Well, then why not just buy 14 mega pants?
Because what happens is, if you've... They're all in play then. You need some pants that are not in play. It might only happen once a year.
So you're not intending to use them.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they're not even emergency pants. They're emergency, emergency pants. I had to use my emergency, emergency pants a couple of weeks ago. And I was actually glad I hadn't chucked those ones out.
What Chris is saying is that... If you have two bad pairs, they will inevitably become part of the rotation.
No, that's the thing. They don't because they're bad. So what happens is you're... I know what you mean.
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