The comic is hosting the Golden Globes this Sunday. She spoke with Terry Gross back in July about roasts, hurt feelings, and just wanting to be liked. Her latest HBO comedy special is Someday You'll Die.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy
Chapter 1: Who is Nikki Glaser and what is her latest project?
No, I don't think so. Not that I can recall. I'm sure it's happened behind my back. And yeah, I think as an adult, I've heard, I remember things I did. And I can only assume that the male comics I was hooking up with when these things happened, talked about it.
Wait a minute. Let's stop just right there for a second. There's a lot of male comics who, like you, talk about sex a lot. That strikes me, if you're self-conscious and worried that people are going to make fun of you, having relationships with comics seems to me like a very hazardous situation. Well, that's why I never got a relationship out of any of it.
I was always just like, they were just, that's where alcohol came in. Like, so when I discovered drinking, then all my fears went out the window. And then, you know, which is the worst thing that could happen because when I was drunk, I would do way more embarrassing things and act a fool, more so than if I had been sober, but I was just too scared to do anything sober.
So, you know, the only way I ever had sex was, or was intimate with a man was, to drink to the point of blackout. And then by the time I was 27, I quit drinking. So I had about six years of fun that I don't really remember. But I just was observant of what men said about women around me. And I think that's where I got the idea that they talk about us.
Not so much it happened to me, but I had male friends and I had, I wasn't doing comedy before I was sexually active. So I was paying attention to how men talk to other men in a funny way about women. And I was like, I just don't want that to be me.
Well, when you started in comedy, when you were doing open mics, was it mostly male comics talking about sex? Because there was a period of so much of that.
Yeah, it was. It was early 2000s. And I came up in the Kansas City and St. Louis comedy scenes, which... I feel are notoriously pretty dirty. Both the clubs are dirty, but also the comedy that comes out of it. It was just like, how can you get groans? How can we offend the crowd? That was the goal, was just to say the grossest, most offensive thing. So that was kind of my training ground.
And obviously, yeah, it was more the way men talked offstage, I would say, than onstage that made me... I just don't want to be a part of this locker room talk where someone's mocking me. And, you know, you can't really control it, but I've tried as much as I can.
How did you want to talk about sex on stage in a way that was different from the male comics that you heard coming up?
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Chapter 2: What are the themes in Nikki Glaser's comedy?
So, Nikki, when you did that whole bit about saying what you can't say unless you have that condition yourself or are close to somebody who does, were you afraid of risking insulting people with autism or women who were raped or any of the other things you talk about, including suicidal thinking?
Um, the first two, yes, not for suicidal thinking, because that is something that I do struggle with. And so I felt like, OK, I really I've I have a right to talk about this thing. The other two. Yeah, because I don't. have, I don't, I don't, I'm not autistic and I have not been the victim of sexual violence. And so I felt, I do feel bad.
You know, there's certainly people who are even triggered by the word that are probably hearing it now and are reliving some awful thing that happened to them. And I, for that, I'm sorry that they feel that way. So I, I don't, I don't enjoy—I feel like I have a right to talk about rape because I definitely am fearful of it, and it is something that could happen to me, you know?
But I do feel that it is so just if someone is like, I was offended by what you said. I'm just like, oh, yeah, I get that. I'm sorry. And I'll—you know, I've offered to refund people's money. If you have, like, a panic attack at my show because I talk about a subject that—
is really close and personal to you and traumatized you, I'll give you your money back, or at least the part of the ticket that I made out of the money, because I don't want anyone to have a bad experience, but I definitely don't think that that's reason enough not to talk about these things, because
Although that train joke was kind of like a dumb autism-like stereotypical joke, I do think that my jokes aren't meant to be cruel or make fun of anyone who's a victim or has a condition. I don't think autism is a condition. I don't think we call it that. But I should educate myself on what to say for that. But, yeah, I don't want to –
I don't want to offend anyone, but I do want to talk about these things because I have dated guys with autism, I think. And I have some things to say about it. And it just bums me out that I can't because I don't get this leniency that other comedians might get because they have a family member. And I do think that they have a right to talk about it, too, because they have a family member.
They have a different perspective. But I think I have a right to talk about it even if I know nothing about it. I just don't understand this rule of you only get to talk about things that you've lived. Because also, I am just a comedian. I might not have the right take. I'm not right about everything, and I'm not... enacting change politically with my standup. It's just an entertainment thing.
So it's for me to be taken so seriously that you said this thing and it's offensive. It's like, well, I'm a clown. There's nothing that is, there's no requirements or courses I had to take. I have no certification for what I'm doing. So you shouldn't expect me to get everything right. And I am completely open to people saying, hey, you have the wrong take on this and here's why.
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Chapter 3: How does Nikki Glaser navigate the line between humor and offensiveness?
Wow, that is a really heavy reaction to it. That was just like a joke.
I just go, okay, I finally have confirmation. I've been saying I'm ugly my whole life. Everyone is like, no, you're beautiful. And then Sybil just said I was ugly. And the whole room laughed equals it's true. And I'm going to do something about it finally. So I really did. I went and spent that entire paycheck at a med spa and did – you know, I did a laser –
on my face that they had to strap down my hands because my body would probably try to run to the nearest like water source to be because I my body thinks I'm on fire. I had to be like held down. And I was like, what am I doing to myself? And I continue to do those treatments here and there. But I really went all in and pretty crazy right after.
And and yeah, I mean, it just I've been I've been on the receiving end. So I know what it's like. And I do feel bad about the things I've said because I've suffered in the wake of it as well.
Can I give you a different interpretation of the Sybil Shepard joke about you? Yes, please. That models look like models. And you turn around and you look like a real person. And looking like a real person, in my opinion, is a really good thing. Especially when you have fans and fans see you as being important and they look to you as kind of a role model. It's good to look like a real person.
I'm not saying models aren't real people, but they're like the visually perfected version of real people. And very few people can achieve that. And that's OK.
Yeah, I really appreciate that interpretation. And that honestly did sink in. And a lot of what people say in response to this kind of opinion I have about myself does not land. And that did, except the part where you said, and that's OK, because I come from the place of like, yeah, some people are perfect. And I go, and why am I not?
And, you know, in many ways my life is perfect, but it's just been this struggle. I mean, I've always felt kind of, like, ugly. And I think that's been the thing I've struggled with most of my life. And I realize that that's ridiculous. I know that I'm a pretty enough girl, but it's, like, not as much as I want to be. And, man, I wouldn't have to work as hard if I was prettier.
And saying to my mom as a young child.
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