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Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Sup, gigglers. Harriet, fix the Wi-Fi. Manifest that shit. We can't be managed. I mean, the day just got away from me. Hello, my gregarious... Hello, my gregarious gigglers. I'm stressed. Because Paige is coming to my apartment after this. And I've had a... I was going to say a day. I've had a month. And I think what's going to have to happen is you can't come in. I have to do some quick...
Because I'm afraid you're going to get like upset. Like it's going to ruin your day when you see the state. I had leftovers last night. When my parents are gone, I know an adult, but I live like. You've lived alone for over 10 years. And Des is not around. I'm like Jimmy Neutron. Like I'm like sleep over time. I'm peeing in the shower. Like I don't give a fuck.
And then I was like, oh my God, Paige is coming. Is that something Jimmy Neutron did? There's like a movie where all the parents like disappeared and the kids went crazy. And that's just how I live my life. Yeah. Like you don't have to put plates back into the sink if you don't want to. Like here's a perfect description of how you and I are different.
Yesterday, my glam showed up to my apartment and I had like a little plate of pastries. And Mitchell literally said, is that real life? Or were you like taking a picture of something? And I was like, honey, that's real life. Grab a pastry. When my glam came in yesterday, let's talk about our glam. I'm like, you might get bitten by something.
You're like, if you have an allergic reaction, we don't know what it's from, but you might have one. It could be anything. It could be anything in here. Also, I woke up and like my back was kind of hurting.
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Chapter 2: How does the conversation shift to personal experiences with hair salons?
Like something on my back was hurting. So I was like touching my spine and a part of my spine was like sore. And I was like... Did I break my spine? And then I realized I just have a massive pimple, which Paige loves, like how happy she is. She loves a pimple just on my spine. I have to see it. I have to show you guys. But I thought I was paralyzed. I was like, I'm going to be paralyzed.
Oh, that's a good one. Oh, that's a good one. Yeah, I could get in there. But, like, it hurts. Like, what's your strategy? How are we ā like, you can't just go in. You have to, like ā Well, I have to assess the area and see if there's even, like, a head that could be popped. I don't think there is. We need to heat compress it first. Yeah. I'm so scared. I love surgery, though.
Are you going to, like, take a needle and, like ā Well, I have, like, all tools for it. So you have to dig in. That is honestly, I think, one of, like, my highlights of ever, like, dating a man is, like, when you get to the point where you're, like ā Let me pop that pimple for you. That's when, like, true love comes in. Like, I love. You have that with me. You don't need a man.
If I had a boyfriend that had, like, shoulder acne, that's my fucking dream. Well, you could go hard on the shoulder. For some reason, it doesn't hurt as bad. Yeah. Oh, God. Anyhow. Anyhow, how are you? I'm good.
you were in brooklyn this morning i was in brooklyn this morning oh this was what i wanted to say because now i'm like not in a coma from doing sag awards anymore because i was talking about how like i didn't need my beta blockers as much as i thought i was going to do going to need let me just set the scene for like in the morning in the morning any day like that that i'm gonna be nervous and i know i'm gonna take a beta blocker i can't drink any coffee because i'll just like
freak out i had hot water with lemon and then the only thing i could consume was half a banana oh your body shut down no my body was like no i can't take nothing in nothing out i'm the exact opposite i'm like put it all in and then it's all coming out like my body's like no no closed right now you think you're gonna have a simple syrup get out of here Simple syrup is a risk on and on.
Get out of here. Oh my God. So that's what I had before. Then I take my beta blocker. Okay. Then I do what I have to do. Oh, you took beta blocker in the morning. I took a beta blocker 30 minutes before I had to be out there. Oh, okay. Yeah. I do the whole thing. I go to the awards. I'm sitting at the award show. I'm probably sitting there for like
a little over an hour, maybe like an hour and a half I'm sitting there. It truly felt like someone came up behind me, took a baseball bat and just like hit me in the head. Like I got an instant headache, but I think it was my adrenaline like starting to come down. I literally turned to my assistant and I'm like, we have to go immediately or I'm gonna like literally pass out at the table.
We get in the car, we go back to the hotel. At this point, it's like 7.30. We walk into my hotel room because she has to take... My jewelry was so fucking expensive. I actually can't believe they didn't send a person. Usually if it's over a certain amount of money, they'll send a human being that watches the jewelry. But they were like, have at it.
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Chapter 3: What insights are shared about the tinned fish movement?
It's a whole thing. So anyway, this is not relatable, but I'm just saying. Every girl relates to a jumpsuit pee situation. It is relatable. that I can't believe we didn't talk about, but honestly, I think I saw it after we had recorded last week. Did you freaking see the Tampa airport banning Crocs and pajama pants? I thought it was a bit. Which isn't a funny bit. I thought it was a bit.
And me, who is such a Croc hater, I was like, let the girls wear their choice of shoes. You're like, just because it's not for me doesn't mean I need to ban other people's rights. And Americans literally take no. You don't approve of something doesn't mean it's not right for other people. Just because I don't want to do it doesn't mean I'm going to take it away from you.
Take away rights from people. Okay, first of all, I have so many thoughts on this. This makes me now want to walk into the Tampa airport with no flight, just wearing pajamas, marry my Daphne. I might do a Daphne photo shoot in the Tampa airport. That was my first thought. I was like, what great marketing. With my Crocs, and then I'm going to throw gibbets all over the airport.
Here's the thing that I found offensive. The overarching message was please stop showing up I think like looking disheveled or like... Which is my brand, but continue. But my thing is from a legal standpoint, but also Florida does whatever the fuck they want, I feel like. From a legal standpoint, because we are lawyers. Yeah. How are you differentiating what's a pajama pant and what's not?
And also... It just felt very pointed at women. Yes. Did it not? It came off like, hey, girls, stop. It came off like, girls, wear a fucking power suit to the airport. Now. I'm going to show up with a gown. Not that I've ever been in this situation where I've had to sit next to a man on a plane and I felt like he was wearing something weird.
But there's definitely times where I've seen men at the airport and I'm like, well, those sweatpants are not appropriate. Like, they're too tight. Like, did you put underwear on, you fucking freak?
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Chapter 4: What are the implications of tracking farts with new technology?
Like, so if we're not addressing the men's penises in their pants, don't tell me what kind of pant or shoe I can or cannot wear. Well, this is my issue. If you invite me to your house and you say, Hannah, I'd prefer you to not show up in your pajamas and Crocs. I can respect that and say it's your house and it's your party. If someone ever said that, that would also be insane.
No, but also like it's your house. There's a dress code. It's a private event of you and I want my friend to have a good event. However... As someone who flies for a living, first of all, I don't know where I'm landing. I don't know where I am. You think people are like, oh, I'm flying to Tampa and I have to now prepare a dress code for when I land in Tampa.
I don't know where I land and I'm always wearing something comfortable. That sounds like a you problem. As in, when I'm on tour, am I about to be like, oh shoot, the Tampa airport, I have to change my outfit for the Tampa airport. As someone who owns a pajama brand, I felt very singled out. But also, if you wear jeans to the airport, you don't travel a lot. You're like... You're a masochist.
Also, let's just say men's jeans are very different than women's jeans. Really? Men's jeans I feel like are soft, a little bit softer because it's not like we don't care about their shape. They're not hugging anything. So I think that when men are in jeans at the airport or even like a chino pant, it's very different. But I've definitely seen men in like full sweats.
Also, you see these mothers with like four children who are about to get on a flight at 6 a.m. she doesn't have to dress all her children. I want those kids in their comfortable pajamas so she can just get them out of bed and put them on the plane. You're making mothers like dress children in fucking, what, like office wear? Yeah. That would be adorable. That would be adorable.
Imagine you brought your baby on a plane and she just had a headset on. You definitely, She's working customer service. She's just like, sorry, I have to take this. No, Tampa's gonna get sued. That's crazy. It was just, I just thought it was so crazy. Also, who in the meeting was like, I have a really good idea? Also, you're dealing with Florida. Like, that's gonna backfire.
All the Cookie Monster pajama girls from high school are gonna band together, okay? They're gonna, like, they're somewhere getting their nails done together, and they're coming for you. You know what makes me uncomfortable when you go to an airport and men are wearing cowboy boots?
why are you in full drag at the airport with a mini heel that's a heel a fucking heel and then a high heel hat so then i'm there with you i can't see you can't see anything you're wearing your hat why are you in full can't even see the gate numbers because your hat is so big literally here's my question what were they doing with the crocs that they had to be banned like were they taking them off and throwing them like what they can go sport mode i can't see that there
was ever a problem with people wearing Crocs. The one thing with Crocs is because they're rubber, sometimes against the like flooring, it would like, I would like squeak. But not really. I would like, I would like trip a little sometimes. You're like our legit infield reporter. Yeah, as someone who's been on the ground and tried it out.
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Chapter 5: How do the hosts relate their experiences to societal norms?
Who I haven't reached out to yet. and every now and then I'm afraid she's gonna come out of nowhere and be like, why haven't you texted me? One time I was dating a guy, and in my defense, I didn't know he was a drug addict, because he was like a good one. We've all been there. We've all been there. No, sometimes you do it subtly. Yeah, I did, I had no idea. Yeah, yeah, mm-hmm, same.
Until we got on a flight one time, and while we're, whilst on the flight, I was like falling asleep. Like, I'm coherent, but my eyes are closed. Like, if anyone's around, I'm asleep. Mm-hmm. And I heard him talking to the people next to us and he was just lying. Just like lying about everything.
And it was on that trip that I realized that he had not gone to bed from the night before and he was in fact a drug addict. And he got so hammered on the flight. I actually feel like security got involved at some point, but I like stayed asleep. I think I meant to be blocked out. Wait, that is so you to like, someone's getting arrested and you're just close your eyes. I'm like, I have narcolepsy.
Straight up narcolepsy. You wake up, you're like, where is he? What happened? Someone's like, does anyone know this man? And you're like, let him fight for himself. I do think traveling with your significant other is important. You learn a lot.
yeah you learn a lot i think it's really important i've never had like well one time someone tried to leave me in paris honestly i digress that sounds like iconic though someone left you in paris they could have left you in atlantic city yeah that's true i have a quick psa for the gigglers i found the ultimate hack gatorade lower sugar
no artificial flavors sweeteners or colors and it has 75 less sugar and all the electrolytes of regular gatorade it's the biggest life hack ever yeah i'm a gatorade girly i've been drinking it my whole life and some would argue i don't always need more sugar in my life so this is perfect and it's great for when you're sweaty page have you ever sweat before
Okay, I'm so glad we're bringing this to the forefront. And I hope my mother is listening to this because all growing up, my brother got to drink Gatorade all the time. And I'd be like, Mom, can I have Gatorade? And she'd be like, you don't play sports.
And now in my adult life, I actually do play extreme sports because I've flown to Fiji, worn suede, sweat so badly that I literally dropped to the ground. Also, I've been to one of your fittings. You try on 40 to 50 outfits in record time. That's an extreme sport. That's an extreme sport. There's always Gatorade in my refrigerator because you never know. I go on a brisk walk.
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Chapter 6: What final thoughts do the hosts have about self-acceptance and fashion?
I'm like, I need to I need electrolytes. I need to hydrate. I need something more than water. And I used to, you know, be running around the tennis court, but now I'm running my mouth doing stand up. And that's why I always have Gatorade lower sugar in my green room to prepare because I This is a sports podcast. We are athletes.
I won't sweat through my clothes, but like it's happening where you'll just like you'll full on sweat through. It's almost like a badge of honor. Oh, yeah. And did you know that Gatorade lower sugar actually hydrates better than water? And we know that because we're women in STEM. And my favorite flavor, this is the lemonade.
If you know anything about me, one of my favorite phrases is let's get a lemonade. Like in the summer, I'm like, what if we got like an icy lemonade? And so I always grab a lemonade flavor. I think that a classic flavor, when you think about Gatorade, what do you think of? Gatorade fruit punch. Nothing hits the tongue quite like it.
And you immediately think of like at recess with your friends having the best time. Some people say the colors and some people say the flavors. And that's just like a Gatorade thing, you know? In the comments, which girl are you? Do you call Gatorade by the color or the real name or its government name? I bet the gigglers are very split because I'm a color girly and I feel like you're a flavor.
I'm a government name because I don't mess around when it comes to my Gatorade. Like you put their first and last name in your contacts. I also love rainberry. And I got the big lemonade. It's really good. So I'm about to have a hydrating day with lower sugar. Whether you're sweating through a workout set or your Daphne pajamas, you're an athlete.
Act accordingly and rehydrate with Gatorade lower sugar. It's giving 75% less sugar and all the electrolytes of regular Gatorade. You'll be looking and feeling like your best, most hydrated self. Guys are wearing ballet flats now. Well, Harry Styles and some other guys who are more fashion forward, but like they're wearing ballet flats. Did you see Rosalia got asked a question?
What's her favorite thing about men? And she said that they're gay.
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Chapter 7: What humorous anecdotes do they share about dating and friendships?
Rosalie is a giggler. That's my president. That's my religion. That was so real. I love Rosalie. You know, she's my style icon. What brand? I want to know who's responsible for this. And when you say ballet flat, like does it have a bow? Harry Styles is wearing like a bell bottom with a ballet flat. With like a tabby? Not a tabby. Which, by the way, I need to get in on those tabbies.
Yeah, I can't believe you haven't. It just hasn't. I don't know. I feel like because I'm scared. It's so you. Because I also don't understand. A tabby for you guys don't know. It's when you look like a hoof. Yeah. Do you have to get a special sock for that? The admin is actually stressing me out. Honey, I don't know. I've never looked into a tabby. Honey. My assistant wears them all the time.
Yeah. But that's her style. That's like her vibe. Like they do look cute. But I just like in the back of my head, I have my mom being like, just because it's expensive doesn't mean it looks good. Oh, that's why I haven't done it because I think they're expensive. They're expensive. And I'm like, I'm not paying more for less of a shoe. You cut the shoe in half. Yeah. Like on the top.
I'm really upset about the men wearing ballet flats though. Can we have anything? We can't have a single thing. We can't even go on hot girl walks anymore. They like want to go on walks. Men are going on walks? Yeah, they're going on walks together. Who knows? They've already taken us down. They already have golf. That's what golf is.
Just men walking and like hitting bad shots and then telling each other it was a good enough shot. Now they're like walking around and talking. The last thing we need is them talking to each other. Truly. Chris, are you guys talking? Have any of your friends asked you to go on a walk? No, I go on a walk sometimes, though. By yourself? Yeah, that's scary.
No, but I think that's better than them getting together and walking. True, but I also don't like when a guy's alone. I'm like, where are you going? What are you planning? Yeah, what are you up to? Yeah. I don't like when they get together like that. When there's two, I don't mind, because I feel like they're obsessed with each other like they're gay. Yeah, they offset each other.
But when there's three... Three or more, you got a problem. You got a problem because one of them is doing something. Three or more, something illegal is happening. Also, I talk about this in my stand-up, but do you know, like, in your college and in your 20s, when you'd go over to a guy's apartment, why are there always 17 dudes playing FIFA? Mm-hmm. Like, and that's the worst.
I think it's them being nervous. It's them needing emotional support without ever saying, like, hey, I'm nervous, like, this girl's coming over. It's more like, I'm going to have this girl come over. And it's also performing for them. Like, look how much this girl likes me. I'm about to dick down this girl. But then I'm like, this isn't a fucking performance.
Like, I came here to, I don't even know if, I don't even know what to do. Like, I don't even know why I'm here. And suddenly I'm having to, like, walk into your bedroom and do a fucking walk of shame before I even did anything. Also, I'm giving you a bad hand job. Like this isn't going to be a thing. Can I just say, because like, I'm no better than a man. I thrived in those situations.
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Chapter 8: How do the hosts feel about the Tampa airport's dress code policy?
And I... That is the epitome of Giggly Squad. You're telling a story, but like you add in a sentence. Say the most traumatic thing you've ever heard. We'll actually get back to that. But there was a lot of times where you'd have to just walk in front of like the entire football team or the entire hockey team. When you got hit by a car, did you fall to the ground?
I was chucked up in the air, landed on my back with a backpack. Apparently saved my life. And I was just like lying there and then stayed there because it was quite nice to just lie there for a second. Oh, you think it's funny? He was funny. You almost lost me. Giggly Squad wouldn't have been a thing. In In my head, I'm picturing it like grazing you and you being like, oh. It was like, bang.
That's terrifying. Yeah. So anyway, back to me. No, I did. There's a thing called box jumps where you had to jump onto a box. No, I know what it is. And the whole men's hockey team was like on bikes. Okay. And I was like, for whatever reason, alone, scared, doing box jumps. Box jumping. And I jumped and just like...
rammed into nothing to see here just jumping on my boxes just let me jump on my box I jumped and like I was trying to show off and of course like I hit my shin and started bleeding I fell it was like a whole thing but this is how hard were these boxes oh my god they're like hard boxes yeah oh and then there was this one time where like I started dating this football guy
And I was walking through the gym and like four of his friends were there. And I guess I was like, they knew I started seeing him. They were like, Hannah, but they didn't know I was crying because I just found out about a family member who was sick. So I had to be like, there's so many parts of this story.
But then this was my moment where I think it shaped who I am as a person and why I love comedy now. Wow. And making fun of men. Really getting to the crux of it and your entire personality. You never have to be embarrassed in front of men. You are in control. I'd been hit by a car. I was maimed. I was down for the count. And I think me and this football guy were like now not talking that much.
They put you in this little pool as a... rehab where you run on a treadmill that's in a pool. So then... Honestly, I should get that for Kitty. So your weight is lifted, so you have to put so much weight on it. So I'm at this little pool in my... I guess I'm wearing shorts and a sports bra. And this is intimate. And I'm also probably crying.
And all the football guys are lined up on bikes watching me do this. So it's so annoying. And one of them is my fucking... ex-situationship and I'm like, cool, amazing. So I get out and I'm just like soaking wet. Yeah, you're like, hi, this is me. Barely wearing any clothes. Yeah. Like, eyes probably swollen from crying. And I'm walking by and he decides to say something.
Like something like looking good or something like that. And I just look at him and I say, don't be a creep. And everyone starts dying laughing, like ooh. And I remember feeling so powerful and being like, as long as I'm funnier than them, they can never get to me. You tried to make me feel awkward in front of all you guys, you be fucking awkward. Well, he might have been giving you a compliment.
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