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Chapter 1: What is the real dream present for a girl?
Last week we were bigging up DK Maxx and this week we're pulling you back down. Can you let me use the toilet then? I get in trouble for shitting the house. Go on. That was profound. It was. Get that in a t-shirt and give me 40 of them right now. Give me a million dollars. Hi! Welcome back to Girls Over Hair, do you guys happy Monday? How did Scotland get on at the football? We don't know.
How did we do? Did we do well? Did you guys hit it? Did you stay up for it? Did you know that all the games are at like either 11pm or 2am?
I know because how is that any benefit for us we get in the games and then it's at unsociable hours exactly it's not fair but actually I said to Andy I was like oh we should do some kind of like thing for the kids where we get all the kids in their Scotland tops can I tell you what we're doing what I think you should copy we are going to get up and we're going to watch the game at two in the morning and we're going to have rolls and sausage and iron brew
oh wait copying it and bonbons oh some haggis bonbons oh no I feel like that's fucking not no I'm not for that 2am in the morning we can have haggis for breakfast it's still night time hang on we're not calling it breakfast at 2am we're not calling it breakfast at 2am 2am is chips cheese and doner meat on the way home it's basically we're actually having New Year's Eve That's what we're doing.
Okay, I get it. Oh, yeah, okay. That is what we're doing. What I'd wanted to do, I was like, we have a wee garden party, right? So we have the standard, like, we maybe get some fireworks. I don't know if that would work during the summer. No, it's not dark enough for you. Yeah, but we have, like, a wee fire. And I was like, we get a big projector. We put the game on.
Andy was like, you know what it's going to be like 2 in the morning. Maybe we do it the night before or something. Either that or you need to just be offline. And watch it in the morning.
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Chapter 2: How do you celebrate a late-night football game with kids?
And watch it the next day. So maybe what you do is you just be like, don't tell the kids because I don't think yours will really know. Because it's not like they're seeing anything online or anything like that. Maybe they just stay offline and then you just have it the next day. Yeah, I like that idea. Tell them the game starts at 10.
but if you get up at the two then they might sleep until like two the next day I know but then you feel as if it's like your day's gone away from you no because then you just take them out somewhere that they have to run laps I'll give them an option because that's a pure memorable thing isn't it get up at two in the morning I like to do the things that I go That still excites me. Yeah.
I don't think the kids will make it through. You're going to really need to up the ante here with the snacks. The only thing keeping them awake is going to be the eating. Oh no, Willis will be glued to that because it's the football. Yeah, it's the sugar. We need to get the sugar going. Yeah, that's why they're in Bruce there. Yeah, I love that. Sausage rolls and other rolls and sausage.
I don't like, I don't, sorry, I don't like a square sausage. I didn't know this about you. I feel like I don't know you at all, actually. What's your roll order, then, if you're getting a breakfast roll? Come on, what's your Morton's roll? Potato scone. On its own? With a little bit of sauce? I'll get an egg, maybe. A wee bit of sauce? Yeah, of course, there's always sauce. I don't like it dry.
I know, but can I tell you what? I like a roll in square sausage, but I don't like the sauce on it. I just use the butter as the sauce. Oh, tons of it. Enough butter that it melts. but no tomato sauce I could take the tomato sauce but I prefer it without are you a square and scone?
I could I can I can add a square a potato scone onto it oh yeah I can add a potato scone to anything actually yeah salad even it's only ever going to make things better anything potato scone anything yeah I mean you could really stack them right up I love a square sausage potato scone and a fried egg on top and a bit of black pudding do you know there used to be a shop called Comet Pieces we went there before do you remember this?
yeah I think it might have just been me and Andy and Fra I feel like it might have been a three I was third wheeling it maybe but they used to do these Morton's rolls right like the morning rolls and they would have like a weird assortment of like it wasn't even doublers or triplers they were like scooby snacks right and you would literally get like a potato scone a fried egg
chives sriracha black pudding or a bit of haggis or something like that bacon like they had all these other like fried onions crispy onions they had like all these random concoctions of stuff and it was absolutely incredible and it was literally that's all they sold was just these rolls with like weird combinations of like breakfast items I like a good bit of crispy bacon crispy streaky bacon
oh yeah from Marks and Spencer's stunning stunning behaviour delicious but square sausage isn't really the one for me and I also don't like cooking it because I don't know what I'm doing oh really? yeah I don't like cooking it it's just low and slow low and slow you just have to cook it for a long that's all Yeah, I just don't like it when they get hard. I like them crispy.
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Chapter 3: What unique snacks keep kids awake during late-night events?
Never a truer word was uttered. If you're looking for a present for somebody who is maybe, maybe it's their 40th and you're like, do you know what? Let's go, let's go big. It's the 40th and she needs something good. Buy her a skip for two weeks and, and let her just rage tip all of her life into the skip I promise you that is Is she raging because she's 40?
a higher level No it's just the cathartic feeling of just getting rid of all the shite It's the skip get her a skip get her a babysitter and then get her a cleaner at the end she's going to come in and do a deep clean Absolutely and then do you know what fire her into a spa afterwards because what a great job she's done she's going to come back squeaky clean the house is tidy the kids are happy and life is good Oh my god yes You're actually not unhappy you just need a skip in your front garden That's so true
I'm excited for mine I'm not gonna lie like it's great and it also I don't know how you've got any stuff left in that house I know you've had fucking countless skips I do think that the neighbours probably talk about us but you don't know how easy it is to fill them so easy once you start decluttering you go oh my god I could actually I could fill half the skip with one room it's genuinely that easy but it's not even it's the loft for me is going to be stuff from there's stuff from 20 when did I move in there 2015 yeah
mm-hmm so that's 11 years worth of stuff up there that's 11 years worth of put it up the loft and we'll sort it out another day it's 11 years worth of spiders don't i can't even about it i'm fucking terrified what you need to do right now then see this is your prep for it you need to go and get peppermint oil and you need to put it on little bits of cotton pad and just scatter through go up and just scatter it are you actually going to go up i'll have to
Why can't you just get Andy to pass it down? Because I'm scared of him passing it down and spiders falling on top of me. I know, but would you not rather at least having the landing space to run and jump? I've been planning the outfit in my head because what it needs to be is a full onesie. I imagined a onesie with the socks going over the onesie. You can get the hood as well. I would do it.
And get the mask. But even then, I still feel like if there was a spider on top of that, I would still cry. Why do I feel like I have one of these?
I feel like I have one of these already in your loft no no no in like my dress nut box of stuff like all the costumes and that I feel like I have one of these it's a morph suit that I need Alan if you get one Alan will have one Alan's got a great dress nut box
genuinely as long as I can like put basically I feel like I'm going into I'm a celeb the coffin challenge where you're in and you don't want them climbing in any orifice okay I'm going to plug the nose can I just also just give another really bad bit of advice See if it's been up in the law for 11 years, you don't need it. Of course. Without a doubt. I mean, it's all coming down.
Straight out and back out. The only thing that I know that's up there that I want is I've got loads of frames that I'll be able to reuse when I'm doing the kids' rooms. Like, just empty frames for stuff. That's it. You've not used them in the last 11 years. That is such a good mantra to live by, by the way.
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Chapter 4: Why is TK Maxx criticized for seasonal products?
Sorry for that. and he had to get it amputated and when he was happy he used to get a wee it used to wag the stump used to wag he had a wee stump it was so cute bless him but um so we had to kill him that was one of the lives obviously of course one of the nine lives I can't remember how he died. We'll never know about the other eight, but yeah, it was one of them. Yeah.
So we had many, many cats, right? They're not actually suspicious circumstances. They would get hit by cars or they would go missing or whatever, right? That's just what happens to cats because they just live a free life. I couldn't be a cat parent. The worry would kill me. I know. Especially if you live near a road. It's actually quite dangerous. If I had a cat, I'd show a GoPro on it.
ah of course I'd like to see it scrapped with all the neighbourhood cats it'd need to be a house cat in one of those ones it might be a cat porno because if you've got a boy one and it's rear end in the other one and it's got the GoPro on at that point it's a POV I know you'd be like cut off cut off cut the connection so my mum has Jess the cat and then after she had Jess for like maybe four years she got Ruby the dog
my mum is absolutely obsessed with Ruby in the same way that I'm obsessed with Winnie right Ruby is a companion she's the best she's the cutest most nervous little dog ever right and she gets her wee paw up when she gets nervous and everyone knows Ruby's worried oh no Ruby's worried she just puts her wee paw up and see if my mum goes in and puts her jacket on Ruby goes uh oh she's leaving
It's so cute. It's the way to your mom's push chain face. She's like, oh, I'm gonna be sweaty. It's so cute. But my mum's obviously had Jess this whole time but cats are just different because they kind of live their own life and they're almost like not arsed by you. Does Jess ever bother with your mum?
Yeah she'll come up and sit on her knee and all that and like they cuddle in and stuff but they also like you could die and they would probably eat you. I don't know if that's a fact or not. I thought it was dogs that ate you as well. Do dogs not start with the willies? I don't know if that's true. I think it's just because it's sausage. Or your face. No they do. It's
I think of course it's the sausage thing it's like oh fuck I thought that was a sausage don't you point that dirty sausage finger at me this is such a weird chat today but so my mum got Ruby and then we all made a huge fuss of Ruby absolutely obsessed with her right she was the first dog in the family so we're all like oh my god and we had a first birthday party for her all the kids came round we had a cake and all that we sang happy birthday and just after singing happy birthday
I was like mum how old is Jess by the way and my mum was like I don't even know when Jess's birthday is and then you turn around and look and poor Jess is outside of the patio door just staring in watching Ruby get her first birthday party everyone's got their blowers Jess is plotting Jess is plotting me outside me out Oh, God. Poor Jess. I wasn't even talking about that story.
I was talking about the cushion. The cushion. But it almost follows on from that. It gets worse. Oh, poor Jess. It's a shame. My mum ordered... Like, my mum, she has just, like...
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Chapter 5: What unconventional gift idea is suggested for a 40th birthday?
It looks like an orchid. Is that why it's called that? You're calling it orchid. I'm calling it the wrong name. That's so cute. How funny that it's called orchid and it looks like an orchid. They should really have called it orchid. It's spelled the same way anyway.
I'm so glad that we saved you from having to go into whatever you're buying this from and ask for the orchid or orchid orchid mantra how beautiful though that is unbelievable wow but what animal is it it's part of the praying mantis which is what though where does it live insect Where do you buy these from? Do you get it online and it gets delivered?
I think it's going to have to be an online effort. Fuck, it better be a real hard box because... Pets at home's not doing these. Wow. But this is what he really... You know, Jack's always been into his aunts. Yeah, he knows a lot about them, by the way. He's so into it. And can you hold it? It doesn't bite. No, it doesn't bite. Where's its face? Is that its eyes? It has its eyes at the top.
Guys, this looks exactly, if you're an audio only, this looks exactly like a flower. Put it to your camera. But it's an insect. That is wonderful. This is what he really wants for his birthday. How much do they set you back, if you don't mind me asking? Honestly, I'm sure they're like 30 quid. Are they really? I fancy a couple myself. Can we just let them live in the house?
Or how does this work? They're so pretty. What do you put them in? What do you feed them? Whoa. What do you feed one? I don't know. Oh, they're very small. Jack deals with that kind of stuff. Is it as small as the one in that scale, that picture? So what, it's literally the size of the fingertip?
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Chapter 6: How does decluttering relate to mental wellness?
Yeah, but they grow. They do grow. Okay, so it's a tiny wee thing and then it grows to maybe like a full bloom. I'll need to check my orchid plants when I go. A full bloom. It'll bloom. I'll need to check my orchids when I go home because I'm certain I've got about five of them on a plant pot now. I've never heard of this. Orchid mantis, did you say? Mantis? Mantis.
How do we look after these things and how does it shit? That is a question. Listen, I'll just... I feel like when it shits... Yeah. It's just some pollen. Exactly. It's going to be so small. So it's native to the rainforest of South Asia. She's absolutely beautiful. No. This is the thing sometimes with the pretty stuff. An orchid mantis. Orchid. I know it's in the brain.
I'm just trying to help you. We're trying to reprogram. An orchid mantis is completely harmless to humans. While they are formidable ambush predators, they do not possess venom, stingers or any capacity to cause serious injury. They've got no venom. They don't do a serious bite and they're gentle to nature. And they're so beautiful. That is a fairy. That is an actual unicorn. That's a fairy.
Can you see that? That is a unicorn. How beautiful. It's a mythical creature. Oh, I want one as well. Can you get one? Can we get one? They are strictly solitary and need specific control conditions like precise temperatures, humidity and live flying prey to thrive on.
so you're going to have to buy the tickets which I'm not doing oh can I tell you something actually so I can't remember what did they have before I think they were looking after their friends one basically my cousins right I think she must have been about
five four or five maybe younger than that maybe three call her three I think she was maybe three at the time right they live in America and they were looking after I'm certain they were looking after somebody else's what do you call them like bearded dragons or whatever it was like some kind of lizards and they have to feed on live prey so you're buying like the crickets whatever but they come in like a big the opposite of a vacuum seal it's like a it's like filled with air bag do you know what I'm talking about so you buy them in a bag
anyway so she had them but they're still alive they're jumping about and all that yeah you need to a lot of animals need that you get them you get them in pets a whole bunch and they house like the chinese tuppies that you get your race on you get them in them wow that's what it looks like literally looks exactly like that so you have to buy them and they're alive and they're jumping about and they're really big because crickets are pretty big
but then they've got wee roaches and all that as well so anyway she was asking can she hold them in the back of the car because obviously like it's pure fun to watch and then man it drove her to like whoever's house it was that they were looking after their animals for them and they went in and she went to the back of the car to take her out obviously having held the box but the box you couldn't open it easily
And she's like, I now realise this is the pure mum brain of like, you're not really tuning in to what your kids are saying because you're just thinking about everything else. She's like, on reflection, I do remember her saying, squish, squish, squish, squish. See, by the time she got there, she'd fucking squished them all dead. She'd actually, the mum went...
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Chapter 7: What pet does the guest plan to get for their child?
It makes you go, that's a big part of your personality, surely, though, if you're basically saying, like, I don't like one of your family members, that's the only red flag, as if it's not a pure massive thing. Actually, probably the main family member, if she's a single girl. But I could, like, I could like a guy so much, right? Like, for example, see, if this is me and Fraser, right?
I could go, oh, my God, he is the best. I love him to bits. Like, I want to spend all my time with him. His dogs are penning their arse, but it's no reflection on him. So, actually, I feel like your guy is, he's the walking red flag. Yeah. Absolutely. Also, the dogs aren't going to last forever. Exactly. What if it was a snake?
Right, so my friend did have a, well, now married, has a husband who did have a snake and the snake got out of the tank. Fuck off, man. I told you this story before. So she was staying in the house, he was working away and she was living down south and the snake got out of the tank, right? Why do you want snakes? Right, he loved reptiles, right? Just loved them.
So people might ask why you want an orchard, you know? It's just one of these things. But he had a snake and the snake was pretty friendly, whatever, right? They scare me so much.
so much feeding the mice and all that shit right so anyway the snake listen if Home Alone taught us anything we know that the snakes can go he can be good for a couple of weeks he's good once he's fed right but for whatever reason this snake was in a downstairs spare room and the door was closed and I don't know how it's happened but the door was then open and at this point they got a puppy and the puppy is like a wee like it looks like a Pomeranian that's what it looks like right and they were just looking she was looking she was working and she's like why is the puppy just like stood like staring like that
and the snake had got out the tank and it was literally coiled or whatever the fuck like this and it's looking at the dog and she literally had to grab the dog and slam the living room door closed and the snake was just somewhere else in the house and she had to phone a guy to come from I'm sure it was like Dundee or something like that he drove from there to her house which was in Reading and
and put the snake back in the tank she was paying for it oh my god because she's like I can't fucking touch that thing I can't go near it how could you and then they got rid of it the snake was sizing up to eat the dog personally I feel that people that have snakes and stuff like that I like see back in the back in the olden days you used to have to have a licence for your dog right yeah I do think that people that have these kind of animals should
have to be like checked and all that for them without a doubt yeah because there is too many fannies that have animals that think they're like fucking amazing and usually they oversubscribe themselves to too many animals do you know what I mean so they've then got like not only that they've got like hundreds of reptiles and like dogs and cats especially if you're living in flats and then you're like oh I'm just gonna end up getting a bloody snake coming up the toilet or something like that I mean I'm sure that's happened before it has I told you that it happened to my
cousin like no do you know when we used to talk about like on here we always say like when you're younger and you want to pure exercise your free will and be like I'm just going to go and do this when I'm older one of the things I had was I'm literally just going to buy loads of animals but one in particular I wanted a pygmy marmoset monkey I wanted the wee small monkey
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