How Not To Sail Podcast

Ep. 68: Finding Jacie Sails

10 Oct 2025

Contributed by Lukas

After our first Atlanta How Not To Sail meetup (a month after losing the vessel), I get a voicemail that changes everything. And Big News... I've just...

Annapolis Meetup Friday 5pm at Davis' Pub!

04 Oct 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Join me in Annapolis at Davis' Pub on Friday, Oct. 10 at 5pm! More info at HowNotToSail.com

Ep. 67: A Compliant Individual (Losing Jacie Sails Finale)

27 Jun 2025

Contributed by Lukas

In which I finally decide to abandon ship prior to Hurricane Milton's arrival. Show Notes: HowNotToSail.com/67   Thank You, USCG! I want to thank th...

Ep. 66: Losing Jacie Sails, Pt. 2

25 Mar 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Wherein I engage in a pre-Milton Diesel Scavenger Hunt™, suffer an unpleasant evening, and finally run out of a critical item. Show Notes I don't re...

So How's Your New Year's Eve Going?

31 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Happy New Year's Eve! (And don't drop the phone like I did.)

Update...and St. Pete Meetup Saturday!

27 Nov 2024

Contributed by Lukas

(No, that wasn't a fart at the beginning. That was the boat.) AND...be sure, if you're in the St. Pete area on Saturday, to join the "Jacie Sails Retu...

We FOUND Her!

14 Nov 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Just sharing the good news... Thanks as always to our How Not To Sail Patreon Crew...! Your support (as you can imagine) is more important than ever r...

Ep. 65: Losing Jacie Sails, Pt. 1

08 Nov 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Wherein I decide I need to do something to save the boat, and...maybe it's not gonna work out. Show Notes The Latest on Jacie Sails Sadly, no news is…...

Coming Soon: Losing Jacie Sails

18 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Trailer for upcoming podcast episode(s) about losing sailing vessel Jacie Sails while trying to protect her from Hurricane Milton.

Ep. 64: I'm safe, but... (Milton, Pt. 2)

09 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

I will NOT be at the Annapolis meetup…for reasons I think you'll excuse. More to follow…but host a pint for me and for the vessel…!

Ep. 63: Milton

06 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

I'm on the way to move my vessel…and hope to see you on the other side, in Annapolis. (Where we'll be having a meetup with ALL listeners.)

Ep. 62: I Forgot The Grand Prize!

29 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Season 3 Party recap and Grand Prize drawing. "Live"…ish. Show Notes (and Python code for the raffle, in case you're a nerd) at HowNotToSail.com/62 ...

Ep. 61: Tour of the Boat (and Party Info!)

05 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Because what could be better than an *audio* tour of the boat? Party RSVP Link: https://hownottosail.com//party Patreon Yes, you can join the Patreon...

Ep. 60: A New Way To Sail (Season Finale)

05 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Wherein we discover our prop has fallen off, search for said propeller, and discover a fun new method of travel upon the water. Show Notes at https://...

Not The Droid You're Looking For (Announcement)

17 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

An announcement.

Ep. 59: Sarasota to Bradenton

03 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Wherein I have another senior moment about how long it takes to get somewhere in a sailboat; learn a How Not To Sail 101 lesson about using my eyes; a...

Ep. 58: Southbound, Headed North

20 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode, we finally get the boat out of the marina, have a bizarre interaction at a drawbridge, worry about a loose alternator belt, wonder if...

Ep. 57: Who needs an engine?

06 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode I prepare to go on a cruise down the coast...but a new wrinkle threatens not only the cruise, but also the future of the boat. Show n...

Ep. 56: A Sh*tty Situation

22 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Wherein I finally get back to the boat...and discover some "wrinkles." Get The Book Want to enjoy your boat, visit awesome destinations, and skip the ...

Ep. 55: The Bulkhead (Is she alive, Doctor?)

01 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

I found someone to make the insurance-mandated repairs in the slip. But did it work out? Get The Book Want to enjoy your boat, visit awesome destinati...

Ep. 54: Boat Survey Fail

16 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Big fun (can you hear the sarcasm?) with a required 10-year survey. Who knew there were so many things wrong with my boat? Wanna help spread the gospe...

Ep. 53: Listener Questions and Giveaway

03 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Did I mention there's a giveaway? Show Notes: HowNotToSail.com/53

Ep. 52: First Annual DINGHY Awards™

20 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Join me as we reveal YOUR winners! Wanna see the video version? CLICK HERE. (I expect this may not stay on YouTube forever…for reasons I mention in...

Ep. 51: First Annual Dinghy Awards™ Nominations

10 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Listen, then vote for your favorites at HowNotToSail.com/51 …!

Ep. 50: How Not To Hurricane (Idalia)

10 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

First of all... Come by the meetup this week! (Details in the podcast.) In this episode, we find out what happened with the boat (and our house) durin...

Ep. 49: Bitchin on How Not To Sail

26 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

The legendary Captain Bob Bitchin shares a few hitherto unshared tips on how not to cruise. Also, check out the new and improved How Not To Sail Store...

Ep. 48: Eleuthera Means Freedom!

11 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

The Admiral and I visit the Bahamas island of freedom, drive on the wrong side of the road...and *maybe* escape a man with a machete. This episode has...

Ep. 47: How Not To Buy A Boat

06 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

I share some thoughts on...wait for it... How Not To Buy A Boat. (With some help from my friend Bill. Who really exists.) Get The Book Want to enjoy y...

Ep. 46: Pull, Don't Be Pushed

21 Jan 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Perhaps the most important episode you'll hear this year. (Cruising isn't just for boat owners. And...what are you *really* looking for?) Get The Book...

Ep. 45: Humbug! (Announcement)

24 Dec 2022

Contributed by Lukas

So..this week has been SO fubar that I forgot I hadn't posted this one. However, the sentiments expressed herein are even more relevant this week. (Al...

Ep. 44: Annapolis Boat Show...and Party!!!

20 Oct 2022

Contributed by Lukas

To RSVP for Saturday's Zoom party (do it NOW if you wanna attend), go to HowNotToSail.com/party and put in your name and email. Super easy! The link w...

Ep. 43: Hurricane Irma and Jacie Sails

30 Sep 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Strange how much this podcast parallels this week's events...and how little I learned from my experience. RSVP to the Zoom Party Reserve your spot for...

Ep. 42: Season 2 Party and Annapolis Boat Show

25 Sep 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We're getting ready for some big fun! RSVP to the Zoom Party Reserve your spot for the Season 2 Party at HowNotToSail.com/party Join the Patreon Crew ...

Ep. 41: Updates, Parties and Ventures... Oh My!

02 Sep 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Some news about the Zoom party, a certain boat show...and what I've been screwing around with. What could possibly go wrong? RSVP for the Season Two Z...

Ep. 40: Season 2 Finale

07 Aug 2022

Contributed by Lukas

I try to actually fix a coupla things so I can get back "home"...and make a disturbing discovery at the last minute. (Big Thanks to new patrons Carey ...

Ep. 39: On The Hard

22 Jul 2022

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode, a big crane (a.k.a. a "travel lift") plucks my sailboat from the water, hopefully in one piece. And we meet an old friend. Wanna Part...

Well, s***...! (Announcement)

18 Jun 2022

Contributed by Lukas

What the @#*$&^ is going on this week, you ask? This is the answer.

Ep. 38: Beware Sunscreen!

05 Jun 2022

Contributed by Lukas

I cruise up the Gulf Coast, learn sunscreen does not mix with autohelm, and...maybe(???) get hauled out? Get The Book Want to enjoy your boat, visit a...

Ep. 37: Schizophrenia

14 May 2022

Contributed by Lukas

I fail to repair my thru-hull valves but learn How Not To Snuba and just a wee bit about diesel engines. And maybe I'm optimistic?

Ep. 36: Another Bitchin Episode

29 Apr 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Ex-biker, bodyguard to Evel Knievel and 100,00-mile world sailor. You know Captain Bob Bitchin has some great How Not To Sail stories! And is that...M...

Ep. 35: Reefer Madness

15 Apr 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Calm down, it's about one of the most important things on a boat...the refrigerator. I discover a super-cool "feature" that's been buried for a decade...

Ep. 34: Not Always Utopia? (Sondra and Jimmy's Gulf Adventures)

25 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Sondra and Jimmy Lee buy s/v Utopia, a Caliber 40 LRC, shoot a toilet gasket across the cabin, dodge catastrophe in a lock...and learn the importance ...

Ep. 33: Answerin' Yarrrr Questions...

11 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode, I answer listener questions...with some help from a couple of VIPs...! Listener Survey Help make How Not To Sail better in just a few...

Ep. 32: Captain Boomies and The Bear

25 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode, we hang out with former megayacht Captain Boomies and her megayacht "Mate-ineer" Christian...a.k.a. "Bear." Listener Survey Help make...

Ep. 31: Stuck On Trickle (St. Pete Boat Show)

11 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Ep. 30: Have A Sip Of The Donkey

28 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

In Sarasota, with "The Admiral," I share a slice of the cruising life, reveal a couple of your survey results...and have a sip of The Donkey. (Reef Do...

Ep. 29: All At Sea

14 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode, I check if we're still afloat, try to get some music from Peter Suarez, and resolve a little wager we made.   0:00 Previous Epis...

Ep. 28: The Punch List

31 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

In the last podcast of 2021, numerous problems crop up… Who knew? Produced by: Bradford Rogers for Worldsongs Media Music   What Shall We Do With A...

Ep. 27: Ahoy, HowNotToSailer!

18 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

A steaming potpourri of How Not To Sail news and tidbits to (almost) close out the year. Produced by: Bradford Rogers for Worldsongs Media Music   Wh...

Ep. 26: How Not To Paddleboard

24 Nov 2021

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode, I try to stay upright on a paddleboard and get some peace…but I run into a familiar obstacle. Take the survey here: HowNotToSail.co...

Ep. 25: How Not To Paint Your Cabin Top

18 Sep 2021

Contributed by Lukas

A week in the blazing sun. A thousand dollars worth of materials, some of which may or may not be the right stuff for the job. What could possibly go ...

Ep. 24: Listener Questions

05 Sep 2021

Contributed by Lukas

I answer your questions!

Ep. 23: Reaching Reality with Barry Walton

26 Aug 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Check out my convo with HowNotToSailer Barry Walton, director and one of the stars of the sailing documentary Reaching Reality. Not subscribed to the ...

Ep. 22: O Brother, Here Art Thou

22 May 2021

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode, I get to take my recently-discovered brother sailing, and uncover some more How Not To Sail tips…

Ep. 21: Pluses and Minuses

14 Mar 2021

Contributed by Lukas

This first episode of Season Two is about a rather dirty topic. Listener Survey Help make How Not To Sail better in just a few minutes! Take the surve...

Unheard Gems from Season One

18 Feb 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Here are some of the stories and How Not To Sail moments from Bob Bitchin, Fuel Dock Debbie, and Eric Stone you *didn't* hear in Season One...!

Seaon One Party-The Crunchiest Bits

29 Jan 2021

Contributed by Lukas

The best bits from the party! More suitable than the YouTube version for using during activities like driving or bathing a cat.

Episode 20: Eric Stone

10 Jan 2021

Contributed by Lukas

In the FINAL episode of Season One, I visit with Eric Stone.

Episode 19: Loose Ends

25 Dec 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Kinda self-explanatory, no? Don't forget to RSVP to the end-of-season party at: HowNotToSail.com/party

News: Season One Wrap Party!

05 Dec 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Join me for the end-of-Season One party!!!! Reserve your FREE ticket at HowNotToSail.com/party

Episode 18: Back To The Barn

24 Nov 2020

Contributed by Lukas

After a month and 700-mile round trip, it's about time to put Jacie Sails back into her slip.

Episode 17: It's Alive!

08 Nov 2020

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode we come full circle. (You'll hear what I mean if you've heard the previous episodes...)

Episode 16: ...or Stubbornness?

07 Oct 2020

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode, I do a couple of stupid things. Try not to act surprised.

Episode 15: Persistence...?

28 Aug 2020

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode, I finally head back toward my home port, meet some "old friends" (I didn't say they were human!), and am stubbornly persistent as usu...

Episode 14: Happy Where I Am?

15 Jul 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Ah...back in Marathon with a frosty beverage in hand. But is there trouble in paradise?

Episode 13: Back Toward Marathon

08 Jun 2020

Contributed by Lukas

After coming to grips with the new reality of things, I start the 350-mile journey back toward Marathon, and "home." (And I probably should learn how ...

Episode 12: The Way Forward

29 Apr 2020

Contributed by Lukas

In the aftermath of a major setback, I learn that you have to go with the current. (Produced aboard Jacie Sails during the COVID-19 pandemic.)

Episode 11: My Favorite Dance Is The Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

14 Apr 2020

Contributed by Lukas

The Admiral and I finally make it to the boat show in Miami...and a shocking development.

Listener Mail: Free Book Offer, Favorite Cruising Grounds, and more...

22 Feb 2020

Contributed by Lukas

In this bonus episode, I answer your questions! 

Episode 10: Miami

12 Feb 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Wherein I point the boat toward downtown Miami at last! (Plus info on the How Not To Sail book giveaway!)

Episode 9: Eastbound!

30 Nov 2019

Contributed by Lukas

FINALLY, I sail east from Marathon toward Key Biscayne, Miami and the Miami Boat Show, stopping at Rodriguez Key near Key Largo, getting rained on, sc...

Update: We Found Fuel Dock Debbie

27 Sep 2019

Contributed by Lukas

I tracked down Fuel Dock Debbie, and here's the phone call... (Also, an update on the How Not To Sail book giveaway.)

Episode 8: I Don't Wanna Be Buffett

17 Sep 2019

Contributed by Lukas

In my quest to learn more about this "Trop Rock" music that all the boaters seem to love, I talk to Eric Stone, Mike Nash, and Brian Watson from SV An...

Episode 7: Fuel Dock Debbie

03 Aug 2019

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode, we find out what happened under the bridge, and meet a new interesting character.

Listener Mail: Ask me anything!

12 Jul 2019

Contributed by Lukas

In this bonus episode, I answer your questions!

Episode 6: The Great Leap Forward

21 Jun 2019

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode, I make the leap 90 miles south from Marco to Marathon, and find...something in the way. (Or many somethings, really.)

Episode 5: Jacie Sails

25 May 2019

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode, we finally meet the main character—Jacie Sails—and learn how she got her unusual name.

Episode 4: Sounds

15 Apr 2019

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode, I visit the home of the Cheeseburger in Paradise to record my show on Pyrate Radio and try to score an interview with the island's el...

Episode 3: Fog

29 Mar 2019

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode, I finally set out from Gulfport, and run into fog...both literal and metaphorical.

Episode 2: Control

17 Mar 2019

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode, I make final preparations for my voyage, gain a theme song, and learn an interesting lesson from musician and sailor Peter Suarez.

Episode 1: Bitchin

28 Feb 2019

Contributed by Lukas

In this premiere episode, I have a crazy idea to sail alone around Florida to the Miami International Boat Show to launch the podcast...and talk to cr...

How Not To Sail: Trailer

16 Jan 2019

Contributed by Lukas

A sneak peek at How Not To Sail. What could possibly go wrong? Check out the website at: HowNotToSail.com ⚓️