How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
Thu, 09 Jan 2025
Burnt out on dating apps? The endless swiping, the lack of quality matches, the fake profiles—it’s exhausting! But Inner Circle is changing the game. Equal parts social club and dating app, Inner Circle is built for ambitious singles who want to swipe less and connect more, forming real, meaningful relationships. In this episode, dating coach Connell Barrett welcomes Inner Circle’s founder David Vermeulen. He shares how his innovative platform helps successful, driven men and women connect authentically—first online and then IRL at fun, exclusive events in cities like New York, London, Paris and Rio.With Connell and David as your guides, you’ll discover:4:46: The Dating Horror Story that Inspired David to Start Inner Circle6:38 How Inner Circle’s Technology Virtually Eliminates Fake Profiles7:55 Why the Platform’s IRL Events is “Where the Magic Happens”10:43 A Game-Changing Strategy for Introverts to Meet Women in the Real World11:25: Connell’s One-Sentence Dating Mantra that Will Transform Your Love Life19:29: How “Tinder is Like McDonald’s,” in David’s View27:41: Why Quality Matches Always Beat Quantity30:54: How to Decide if She’s Worth a Second Date33:36: A Simple Writing Tip to Make Your Bio Magnetic to Women35:32: David’s Surprising Rule for Online-Dating Success: “Opposites Don’t Attract”Ready to finally connect with women on a dating app that actually works? Listen now!LEARN MORE ABOUT INNER CIRCLE:https://about.theinnercircle.co/CHECK OUT INNER CIRCLE ON INSTAGRAM:https://www.instagram.com/innercircleco/DOWNLOAD THE INNER CIRCLE APP:https://apps.apple.com/us/app/inner-circle-dating-community/id838136374FOR A FREE STRATEGY CALL WITH CONNELL TO LEARN HOW TO HAVE GREAT FIRST DATES:http://www.datingtransformation.com/contactTO GET FREE ACCESS TO “THE FLIRTY 30,” CHARMING QUESTIONS TO ASK WOMEN ON DATES, ON THE APPS, AND WHEN YOU APPROACH:http://www.datingtransformation.com/FLIRTY30WANT A FREE COPY OF CONNELL’S NO. 1 AMAZON BESTSELLING BOOK, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T”? EMAIL CONNELL AND WRITE “FREE BOOK” IN THE SUBJECT LINE AND YOU’LL GET IT INSTANTLY:[email protected]
Chapter 1: What inspired David to start Inner Circle?
Yes, well everything starts with a company with the problem you personally have and at that moment in 2012 I was single, I was living in London And it was for me difficult to meet somebody at work, but also in the pub with the English women were not really approachable. So I thought, let's give it a try online. At that moment, it was only websites. There was no Tinder launched yet.
Well, at least it didn't have the big breakthrough. So I was going on different websites. But I mean, if you looked at the pictures, it was most of the times too good to be true. And if it's too good to be true... It's too good to be true. And also the names like Butterfly69. I mean, it was really difficult to actually find a normal, to have a normal chat conversation. And it took me hours.
And then in the end, you went on the actual date and it was not as a success. So I thought I want to create something that actually I will use.
and who do I want to meet and that was for me like the big the big turn around like I want to meet somebody that in my inner circle that is like me like minded somebody that shares the same lifestyle same values and how can I do that and that was the beginning of first the website and later on the app
Do you have a first date horror story? Or just the pattern that you saw where you were, I don't know, matching with or communicating with women and maybe they weren't the right age or the right type. Did you have your moment where you said, okay, I need a different dating app?
Yeah, there's quite some horror stories you have to go through and you learn. For example, in my opinion, you should not chat too long and go offline relatively soon because the magic happens in real life. But if you are chatting with somebody, you're going to draw a picture of how this person looks like. And that's based on the photos.
And basically what I learned is that if you look at the photos, it's always the best four pictures of the last 12 years. So if you think about that, it was not really...
always the most pleasant experience in the beginning so you're what i'm hearing you say is round about 2012 you're looking at photos of some women from who are celebrating the millennium from 2000 exactly oh boy we've all been there yes yeah and it was uh i mean
The quality of the pictures was really not good. And it was also really fishy. So there were also like scammers on all these websites. It was really, really bad experience. People asking for money over the chat. So for me, it was like, oh, my God, this is not what you want. This is not where you want to spend your subscription money on.
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Chapter 2: How does Inner Circle eliminate fake profiles?
Yeah. Yeah. So we have like a face recognition tool that we integrated in the app. And that compares your real photo with your profile photo that you upload and that you are showing. So there are some tools where we try to hope that the person that's on Inner Circle is also really that person. We also have recommendations so people don't invite their friends.
So we can also see, okay, this is like genuine.
Yeah, I actually logged onto your dating app today. I went through the process of signing up. I'm still waiting for approval, no pressure. No pressure.
I will fix it. I will fix it.
Chapter 3: Why are IRL events important for dating?
I do have a girlfriend, so I'm just there for research purposes. So if that excludes me, I understand. No harm. But no, it was really easy to do the facial recognition technology. And that just made me feel so good putting myself in the shoes of a single man. I remember thinking, great, I love knowing that this is the real me women are going to see.
Because I want to know as a single man that that woman I'm talking to is probably, highly likely going to be the woman I actually meet in real life.
Yeah, exactly. And I mean, that's what it's all about. I mean, real people. And the magic happens in the real world, but it helps if the person online is also that person.
I think that Inner Circle was way ahead of the game. was innovating years ahead of what other apps are doing right now. Because what's really cool about what you started doing years ago was you basically said, hey, let's marry, let's put together these two ideas of an app-based connection, but marry it to real life, to meeting in real life. Some other people are doing that, but I feel like...
Your team is doing it ahead of the game. I just think that's really innovative. Can you talk about why in-person is so important?
Yeah. I mean, if you really want to make it work, it only can happen in real life. So you have to meet that person. And you can fall in love with somebody online, but that's not real love. And With Inner Circle, we really wanted to create an opportunity for our members, not only through our app, so we also are hosting events
and this is something we do from day one and we really see that this is helping so many people meeting somebody and an event for some it's a bit of a hurdle but in the end I mean it's if you're single and you go to drinks or
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Chapter 4: What strategies can introverts use to meet women?
you go to a wine tasting or a gallery with a group of singles you have to be a b you have to work so i mean here don't stand alone at the bar waiting until somebody approaches you you have to work but it's it's worth it that's the hurdle you mentioned right for someone for some people
Chapter 5: What is Connell's dating mantra?
Yeah, if you go to these events, I mean, you go alone and, well, it feels a bit uncomfortable because, well, you go to a singles event. Right. And then if you're there, you don't know anybody. So you have to, not everybody is comfortable with that. So you have to step a little bit out of your comfort zone. Right. But it will pay off.
I'm naturally introverted. I host a podcast and I had to learn how to approach women and work on myself for years and years. But I am a card-carrying introvert. I'm much more comfortable being kind of quiet and alone. Do you have any advice for the introverted male single guy who's like, oh man, meeting women in real life, I don't know, that seems pretty scary.
What would you say to that gentleman?
Yeah, I would say like find something you can bond over that makes you tick. So for example, you create a podcast, you know, talk about what podcast do you like, because this is what you genuinely love. And by talking about these shared passions, it will definitely break the ice. So for an introvert, I would really recommend to do that.
And it feels a bit uncomfortable, especially in the beginning. But if you're talking about something you love, it will make it much more easy.
Well, if you're getting out of your comfort zone, you're doing the right thing as a single guy. If I had to boil my whole teaching philosophy down for my clients and also the listener of this podcast, I say, go out and take authentic, courageous, uncomfortable action because that's where your love is waiting for you on the other end of a certain amount of steps.
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Chapter 6: Why does David compare Tinder to McDonald's?
And some of those steps are going to be scary, especially if you're an introverted man.
Yeah. And For the long term, I do believe that in the beginning it's a little bit of a role playing because it's not who you are genuine. And it's also if you meet somebody, I always say if you really want to find out if it's the one, don't judge it on the first date because the first date people are uncomfortable. People are playing a role and they are doing more than their best.
And that's not how they normally are. But if you want to really meet somebody, you have to meet this person maybe a second or a third time.
Talk a little bit, if you would, about some of the successes you have seen people on your dating app have. Do you have any stories? Do you have any poster boys or girls for some of the kinds of wins you've seen? Because this is all about finding love and finding somebody.
Chapter 7: How does Inner Circle ensure quality matches?
yeah well i mean there's a lot of success stories we have at the headquarters at inner circle we have a whole wall with baby cards and wedding cards so it is really really working and i mean they all met on inner circle and sometimes you hear really cool stories so we had an event in paris And there was a girl actually on a date. She was living in London. He was living in Paris.
And he said, we have this event. And she said, well, I live in London. And I mean, he thought this could be the one. And he said, well, the train from London to Paris is about two and a half hours. I will buy the train ticket. We go to the inner circle event. and let's have drinks there. So that was the first date was at an inner circle event.
And I mean, she went, she stayed for two more days and then, so I mean, and now they are married, they have two kids. So it is, yeah, I mean, it's a bit persistent, but I mean those stories and that's also nice that the love most of the times it's always within your city, within your range.
But also for people that travel, because we have a lot of people that travel, they also use it a lot for this.
How does it feel as somebody who has cultivated people coming together and finding love? To know that you've helped bring children to the world and brought couples together, that must feel fantastic. I'm sure it does, right?
I mean, I can't imagine that there's a better job than that. I mean, it's like you really, really make impact in a positive way. Yeah. You change the course of someone's life.
Yeah. I remember in the mid-teens, I had been coaching for about a year. And one of my very first clients sent me a picture of his new baby. And I thought, I did that. Not in a kinky way.
I wasn't in the room, but I helped. Then you suddenly, I mean, you don't stand still too many times, but that's a moment to stand still and to actually see the impact, the positive impact that you created. Did you celebrate it?
Probably not as much as I should have. But I still remember it to this day. It's been about 10 years now, come to think of it. 10 years exactly, I brought my first baby into the world, in a way. I'm probably never going to have my own, other than becoming a dog dad. But it felt incredible to help people meet the right way. And it was just a priceless experience. bonus of being a coach.
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Chapter 8: What are some success stories from Inner Circle?
Yeah, no, definitely, definitely.
Let's go back to your dating journey. So you had these problems, not meeting the kind of women you wanted. Butterfly 47 was born in 1947. That's not what you were looking for. Nope. Tell us a little bit about your breakthrough moment, whether it's a great date you had, or maybe you just started to figure out, hey, here I am having the kind of success I
whether you were dating on Inner Circle or whether you were just seeing people succeed on Inner Circle, what did you start seeing happening in your dating life in a good way?
So when we launched, we did it only that people on it could invite their friends. So I launched with a really, really small group because I had about maybe 20, 30 people that I knew that were single, and they all invited their friends.
And this was, um, first of all, I didn't have the marketing money to make a big boom and I wanted to keep it also like inner circle, the name I wanted to keep it really small. But, um, the moment, um, uh, it became big was actually in the first few months. Um, everybody that signed on inner circle and that's what, something we still do is, uh, we check the profiles to see if they're real genuine.
And the moment we got bigger and then you know you're onto something, we started to get like crazy profiles that I just described on the other websites. And then you know, okay, if these crazy people also want to be on it, then suddenly you realize this could, you know, this could become big. But at the same time, we decided to stay really, really small and not let anybody in.
And what you then see is that it really pays off because the people on it were talking to me like this. I've never seen something like this before. I mean, the people on it, they actually respond. They are real intentions. And if people talk about that to you, then you know, okay, this actually works.
You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
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