How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
Tue, 22 Apr 2025
Not getting good matches on Hinge, Bumble or the apps? The problem isn’t you. (You’re awesome!) It’s your profile. You’re probably missing a few of the 12 Essentials of an Irresistible Profile. In this episode, dating coach and bestselling author Connell Barrett reveals the 12 photo and bio upgrades that will get you great matches—so you can finally start dating women you’re excited about. And you’ll do this with charm and authenticity, no sketchy pickup moves needed!Here are the 12 Essentials of an Irresistible Dating Profile:08:40: #1: A Magnetic First Portrait Showcasing the Authentic You13:00: #2: A “Knockout” Second Photo17:01: #3: A “Man of Action” Picture20:41: #4: Show Off Your Social Proof24:55: #5: Tug At Her Heartstrings28:28: #6: Flirtatious Energy32:43: #7: A Bio Hook She Can’t Resist35:27: #8: Show, Don’t Tell!36:54: #9: On Your Bio, Be Specific (Not Vague)38:28: #10: Display Your Authentic Sense of Humor40:43: #11: Write an “Emotional Maturity” Prompt43:19: #12: No! Red! Flags!DO YOU WANT TO ATTRACT YOUR DREAM GIRLFRIEND? BOOK A FREE CALL WITH CONNELL TO LEARN ABOUT 1-1 COACHING:http://www.DatingTransformation.comEMAIL CONNELL FOR A FREE COPY OF HIS NO. 1 AMAZON BESTSELLING BOOK, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T”:[email protected]
Chapter 1: Who is Connell Barrett and what is this podcast about?
Showcase your authentic sense of humor. If you can make her laugh, you are more attractive than a guy with six-pack abs. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am your host, dating coach Conal Barrett. I'm the best-selling author of Dating Sucks But You Don't. I'm a dating coach.
I am your podcast dating coach, here to help you confidently flirt with women, get more dates, and find your dream girlfriend. And do this all by being authentic. No sketchy pickup artist moves needed. Women like you for you. And my question for you today is, do you struggle to get quality matches and dates on the apps? If you're like most men, you do. And it's really frustrating, right?
I know what that's like, which I'll tell you about in a second. And today I want to help you fix that by helping you fix your profile. So today I'm going to go through a 12 point checklist to show you exactly why you're not getting matches right now. and to help you start getting matches and dates, basically dates on demand, with wonderful women.
Chapter 2: Why am I not getting quality matches on dating apps?
Because when you're not getting quality matches on the apps, oh man, it feels like women just aren't into you. It makes you feel unwanted. It can make you feel unlovable, unattractive. even hopeless. And I totally get this feeling. Long before I became a dating coach, I struggled with all the core dating problems that men deal with. And I struggled on the dating apps too.
And I swiped and I swiped basically until I had carpal tunnel. And I just really struggled. At my lowest point with online dating, I remember... There was a point where I had literally only one match in the entire New York City area. I live in New York City where there's 20 million people in the greater New York area. I had one quality match. And she didn't even live in New York City.
Chapter 3: What personal experience does Connell share about online dating struggles?
She lived 3,000 miles away. So I basically had one match in all of America. And I was feeling so lonely and so desperate at that time that I actually flew across the country to surprise her in SF. She and I had been chatting on the app, and I said, you know what? I'm going to surprise her, just like those guys in the rom-com movies.
I saw myself as Lloyd Dobler in Say Anything, thinking, okay, I'll surprise her. I'll show up with my proverbial boombox and sweep her off her feet. So I fly to SF. I leave roses on her doorstep and a card that says, surprise, Connell's in town. Can't wait to meet you. And I waited and I waited and I waited for her text message to say, oh my God, you're here. Her name is Vanessa, by the way.
And I was waiting for Vanessa to text me and she never did. She ghosted me. So I flew to SF and got ghosted. And I felt completely rejected in that moment because I had literally no options, no dating options, and no online dating options. And that's what a weak online dating profile does. It doesn't just limit your matches, but it can make you feel lonely. It can make you feel rejected.
It can make you needy and desperate like it did me. But here's the good news, though. The good news is if you're struggling with online dating, if you're not getting matches, It's not you. It's your profile. And this is totally fixable. In fact, my book is called Dating Sucks But You Don't because it came from a conversation I had with a client. And he was bummed out about his lack of matches.
Chapter 4: How can fixing your profile improve your online dating success?
And he just felt like, oh, women don't like me. I guess I just suck. And I said, dude, you don't suck. You're awesome. You're a great guy. You have a cool sense of humor. You have a good job. He was a software engineer. Pretty shy guy. Not a naturally charismatic guy, but a great guy and a great catch. And I remember saying to him, his name is Vikram. I said, Vikram, you're an amazing guy.
You're a great guy. You don't suck. Your profile sucks. Your photos suck. You're not showing your personality on your profile, but you're amazing. That's actually where my book title came from, Dating Sucks But You Don't.
It came from this concept of you might think that you're unattractive to women because you're struggling on the apps, or you might think that the apps just don't work, that it's a big scam. But it's not. The apps work, and you have worth and value. You can absolutely get matches and get dates and find an awesome girlfriend online.
But to do that, you have to make sure these core 12 fundamental things are handled on your profile. And that's what today's episode is about. I'm going to share with you this 12-point checklist. I call these the 12 profile essentials for an irresistible profile that gets you matches. These are 12 essentials. And these are things that must be on your profile.
Pretty much all of these things must be there to get quality, attractive, wonderful women to be matching with you. And this is how my clients and I have gotten literally thousands of matches. And I've gone on hundreds and hundreds of dates from dating apps because I fixed my dating issues using these 12 essentials.
And it's how I met and matched with and met my wonderful girlfriend, Jessamyn, the love of my life. Hi, Jessamyn, if you're listening. And I met her on a dating app. And I can pretty much guarantee you that if you're struggling on Tinder or on Hinge or on Match or Bumble or any profile, the problem isn't you. The problem is you just don't have all 12 of these profile essentials handled.
And missing even... Two or three of them can cost you dearly, cost you matches and dates. And if you're missing a lot of them, four, five, six of these 12, then you might not get any matches at all. So that's what we're going to talk about today in 60 seconds. So I'm excited to get to it. Just a little quick note here. I don't know if you know me, but I'm a dating coach for men.
I help introverts and nice guys attract women, flirt with confidence, and get a great girlfriend all by being authentic. I'm basically the real life hitch. if Will Smith was a nerdy ginger with glasses. And what I also do is I make myself available to successful professional men who are looking to consider a dating coach.
So if you are a guy who is struggling on the dating apps and you're interested in how dating coaching works, And if you might want to talk to me about how to overhaul your profile to get a lot of matches or just how to confidently talk to women, how to flirt, how to approach and get dates, you are more than welcome to go to my website, dating transformation.com.
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Chapter 5: What are the 12 essentials of an irresistible dating profile?
In the next episode about how to get matches and dates on the dating apps, how to finally get matches and dates, I'm going to go through all these 12 essentials in detail and show you exactly how to apply each of them and make some real game-changing changes on your profile. But for today, what I'm going to do is give you more of a quick overview of the 12 essentials.
So think of this sort of like a checklist. Here's the value of this checklist I'm about to share with you. Think of this as troubleshooting. It's a tick list, a checklist to find out which of these 12 things you lack. And if you lack more than one or two, that's good news. That's good news because you're gonna be able to make some changes and make some improvements.
Okay, so think of today as a checklist and we're gonna apply and make these changes in the subsequent episodes. So here we go. Online dating profile essential number one to get matches. Essential number one is you want a first photo That's what I call a swipe right magnet. We need a magnetic first photo that pulls a woman in.
And that first photo should be a portrait, a portrait of you well-dressed, looking at the camera and smiling a real authentic smile. So we want good style, eye contact and a good quality portrait of you roughly from the waist up and looking at the camera and basically showing off your most confident, authentic, real you and real smile. The most important piece of real estate
on your entire dating profile is that very first photo. That image will determine whether a woman gives you a chance or whether she'll swipe left. And so that first photo needs to be what I call a swipe right magnet, which again, it's a clear, well-lit portrait of you smiling authentically. I can't state that enough. authenticity is what women are looking for.
They're looking for real, they're looking for genuine. So you don't want that first photo to be a selfie. You don't want it to be a Zoolander, you know, blue steel mug. You don't want it to be a smirk. You want a real genuine smile and you don't want a fake smile. You don't want it to be like a say cheese LinkedIn sixth grade, sixth grade photo day photo where you're like, Hello.
You want to have a big, warm, authentic smile. And I would estimate that at least 51% or more of your best matches are going to come from this opening photo. So it has to connect with women. Now, obviously, this is an audio medium podcast, so you can't probably see this image unless you're watching on Spotify or there's video or YouTube. But basically, my first photo is a portrait of me.
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Chapter 6: What makes a magnetic first photo on dating apps?
I'm wearing a jacket and a tie. It's well lit. I'm in a natural environment, a natural setting. I'm indoors, but natural lighting. It's not a studio.
my photographer who i hired to take this photo she snapped a photo of me mid smile mid laugh it's genuine in other words it's real it's not me trying to contort my face into an attractive smile and it's not a selfie trust me don't you don't want a selfie
your opening photo you don't want 17 chins showing your profile that's not going to work for you you want a great quality portrait and it was this first photo this swipe right magnet this portrait that attracted my now girlfriend jess she even told me she said there was something about that first photo she told me on our first date there was something about that first photo you gave off
sexy school teacher vibes. That's my authentic vibe. I guess I have a a handsome, sexy school teacher vibe going that she liked. So that first photo is really important. Okay. So make sure that first photo is a quality portrait taken by a professional or at least a good photographer. And you're well-dressed with a natural environment.
And the smile is actually the smile is the most important thing has to be real, has to be authentic because success with women is all about authenticity, baby. Okay, so if you don't have that first essential handled, that could ruin your entire profile. That could basically torpedo 90% of your matches. Because remember, that opening photo, that first billboard is what women see.
If that doesn't instantly make her want to keep reading or keep swiping and see more of your photos, she's going to swipe left in less than three seconds. Under three seconds is how quickly a woman's going to swipe left. So get that first photo, make sure it's a swipe right magnet. And in the next episode, I'm going to walk you through exactly how to do that.
But next let's move to essential number two that you need to get matches on the dating apps. Essential number two for an irresistible profile is a knockout second portrait, a knockout second portrait. What does that mean? Why do I use the word knockout? Well, I think of the first two photos. on your profile, I think of them as like a one-two punch.
First photo is what I just talked about, the second photo is gonna be a second portrait, and it's going to compliment the first one, but it's gonna be different than the first one. We want a different outfit, we want a different background, and just a slightly different vibe. So think of it as a one-two punch.
That first photo might be a portrait of you wearing a jacket and tie and a warm, authentic smile. That second photo, maybe it's a t-shirt and jeans, but a nice t-shirt. Or maybe it's a leather jacket and you sitting on your motorcycle, if you're a biker type dude. Or if you're like me, if you're a nerd,
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Chapter 7: How do I create a knockout second photo for my profile?
for your profile which most men haven't then the bad news is you're losing matches a lot of matches the good news is you've got so much room to grow and so much room to improve most men haven't taken quality portraits and if you have taken some you probably haven't taken them in the right way, which I'll talk about in more detail in the next episode.
But let's continue moving on with this checklist of the 12 essentials. Here's essential number three of 12. Essential number three is you want a man of action photo somewhere on your profile. Somewhere we want a photo that shows you
with action-oriented energy or masculinity, a photo of you doing something, doing something physical, dynamic, adventurous, basically something that shows you out in the world. In this photo, we do not want it to feel or be staged, or at least we don't want it to feel staged. It should be candid. You should not be looking at the photo.
First two pictures, probably you're looking at the camera, making that eye contact connection with women. With this man of action photo, we want something candid where you're engaged in the world. It's almost like you don't even realize your photo is being taken. So it could be axe throwing, or you're rock climbing, or rock wall climbing at the gym, or you're crushing a forehand in tennis.
I'm a tennis fan, and I have a shot of me on my profile hitting a forehand during a tennis match. It's a nice tight closeup, but it's an action shot. And I'm obviously not looking at the camera. I'm looking at the tennis ball. I've gotten a lot of matches from women who like to play tennis and they're like, Hey, I see you play tennis. Let's play tennis sometime.
So I've had tennis dates in the past, or maybe this man of action shot is you could be a travel photo. That's a good way of showing that you're a man of adventure, you're out in the world, you're standing on the top of Machu Picchu potentially, or you're in a really cool exotic location and engaging in that foreign country. That shows that you're a man of action, you're out in the world.
Um, the point is with this man of action photo, we want to convey a certain, a certain sense of action, adventure, masculinity. Basically you're a dynamic, dateable man who knows how to live life. And that's really attractive to women. By the way, notice how with these first three essentials, I have not said anything about being good looking.
I have not said anything about you having to be really handsome or really physically attractive. Good looks are a nice bonus if you have them, but they are not required for online dating success. But we do want you, you don't have to be good looking, but you have to be looking good. You have to be well-dressed. You have to be smiling, good style, and living a life that's attractive to women.
Bottom line is she's not swiping right on your looks. She's swiping right on wanting to be a part of your life. And that's why this man of action photo is important. It shows her, hey, I'm living a true, real, fun, interesting life. And we don't want to fake it. We want that to be real. As real as possible, okay? So you want to make sure you have one great photo that shows you're in action mode.
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Chapter 8: What is a 'man of action' photo and why is it important?
You don't have to be some... You don't have to be at the fanciest, most luxurious resort. You don't have to be on a yacht. I suppose if you have access to a cool boat, sure, that'd be a good bonus. Not required.
We just want a photo that shows you out being likable and socially connecting with others because that's part of what people are attracted to and women are attracted to, but people in general. And by the way, if you don't know the term social proof, it's a term coined by a guy named Robert Cialdini. He wrote a book called Influence about 30 years.
a 30-year-old book, an amazing book called Influence by Robert Cialdini. And he talks about this concept of social proof and how when other people see that you are socially approved of by your friends, acquaintances, others, then people who observe you are going to find you a more high status person. just attractive person.
So these are the psychological concepts underpinning social proof for what that's worth. If you want to nerd out about it, you can Google or read Robert Cialdini's works about it. So social proof is just something that's attractive to others in general. We typically are intrigued or see see a person who has social proof from others, that person has higher status in our perception of them.
That's just how our minds work. So that's the psychological underpinning of this quote unquote strategy. So yeah, you just want to be a man with a life. And if you don't have any good social proof photos and you're not currently living a super socially connected life, got to get on that. You got to get on that. And I had to do it too.
I'm a naturally introverted, shy person, and I had to make efforts to go out into the world. I have some really good photos of me hanging with friends, singing karaoke. I have a really good karaoke photo of me doing a duet with a good friend that actually serves both as a man of action photo and as a social proof photo.
make sure you have a social proof photo and I'll help you come up with a strategy to create that on our next episode. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too.
As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped. Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't.
And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend. So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. I'll On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity.
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Chapter 9: Why should I include a social proof photo on my dating profile?
It really connects with women because, hey, the thing that every woman is looking for, every woman, and this is right at the top of almost every woman's dating list, is kindness. Women want a guy who's kind. They want confidence, yes. They want to flirt, yes. They want a guy whose life is together, yes. But more than anything, I think a woman just wants a kind, good-hearted guy.
And you want to signal that on your profile. Okay, essential number six, flirtatious energy. Flirt somewhere. You want some sort of flirtatious energy. piece of your profile, a prompt usually. This is a dating app, right? A lot of guys are afraid to flirt. And you know what? You've heard of the friend zone, right? The friend zone is when you meet a woman and she just sees you as a friend.
She doesn't feel that romantic connection. Well, the same problem can happen on a dating profile. You can get dating profile friend zoned. In fact, if you're struggling to get matches on the apps, which I'm sure you are if you're still listening to this episode halfway through, then there's a really good chance that you are getting Hinge friend zoned, Bumble friend zoned, Tinder friend zoned.
And the way to fix this is to make sure you have at least one prompt or one line in your bio that has some flirtatious energy. One prompt should paint a fun, flirty picture, for example, of what it would be like to have a date with you. That's the simplest way to do it. One of my most successful hinge prompts, it's gotten me way over 100 matches, is a prompt, and I simply write, together,
Together, we could sneak off to my favorite secret rooftop bar for strong cocktails and fun, flirty conversation. I'm basically saying to her, hey, let's go have drinks together. painting the picture of a romantic, sexy date. And I'm also letting her know that it's going to be flirtatious. Because hey, why wouldn't we flirt? It's a dating app.
And so many women have said, hey, when are we going to that rooftop bar? Why is it a secret? And basically, I'm painting a picture of what a first date with me would be like. And that's the simplest way to get something flirtatious on your profile, is have a prompt that paints a picture of what a first date with you would be like. And we want it specific.
And there's other ways to flirt as well, which I'll go into in the next episode. But you could say something like, I'm a big fan of humor, of jokes, and combining flirtatiousness with fun and funny wit. And I had a lot of success with a profile prompt that said, this is from memory I'm giving it to you, but it's basically it said, just so you know, I'm a really good kisser.
I practice a lot on my pillow when I'm alone. Very silly, very innocent, but flirtatious. I'm talking about kissing. And I had a lot of women say, ah, well, maybe I need to find out if you're If you're a good kisser in real life, oh, that's an amazing message to get from a woman. And that's what I want for you as well.
So make sure we've got some kind of flirtatious signal on your profile, a flirty prompt, or at the very least painting a picture of what a fun flirtatious first date with you would be like. That alone can get it done. Okay, we're halfway through. Actually, we're more than halfway through. Let's go to essential number seven for matches on the dating apps. Number seven is a good profile hook.
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