How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Tue, 07 Jan 2025
The new year is here, and now’s the time to attract your dream girl. But not knowing where to start can feel overwhelming. You need a clear, tested plan for success. In this episode of “How to Get a Girlfriend,” dating coach Connell Barrett shares 5 proven strategies that practically guarantee you’ll find love in 2025. These aren’t flimsy resolutions you’ll abandon by February. They’re bold, revolutionary daily rituals to authentically connect with wonderful women.Using Connell’s tested moves, you’re about to learn:01:30: Why Resolutions Fail—and How to Build Rituals that Get Dating Results05:45: What Women Really Want—Authenticity!—and How to Give it to Them14:20: How to Truly Connect with Women Who are Your Type24:18: A Morning Ritual that Supercharges Your Motivation and Confidence38:10: The Daily Practice that Virtually Guarantees You Will Find Love in 202551:10: The Online-Dating Secret to Skyrocket Your Number of Quality Matches1:08:30: What You MUST Do Today to if You Want a Great GirlfriendYour dream girl is waiting—don’t wait another day to start your journey. Listen now!FOR A FREE STRATEGY CALL WITH CONNELL TO LEARN HOW TO HAVE GREAT FIRST DATES:http://www.datingtransformation.com/contactTO GET FREE ACCESS TO “THE FLIRTY 30,” CHARMING QUESTIONS TO ASK WOMEN ON DATES, ON THE APPS, AND WHEN YOU APPROACH:http://www.datingtransformation.com/FLIRTY30WANT A FREE COPY OF CONNELL’S NO. 1 AMAZON BESTSELLING BOOK, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T”? EMAIL CONNELL AND WRITE “FREE BOOK” IN THE SUBJECT LINE AND YOU’LL GET IT INSTANTLY:[email protected]
Chapter 1: Why do New Year's resolutions fail?
For a 80s kid like me, Jennifer Beals was my crush. I basically started puberty watching Flashdance. Oh, what a feeling. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach Conal Barrett. I am here to help you learn to flirt with confidence, get a great girlfriend, and do it with authenticity and no toxic, sketchy, pickup artist moves.
It's about dating with integrity, authenticity, and respect for women. And Happy New Year. I'm really excited about today's episode because I'm a huge fan of of goals and achieving great things in love and in life.
At the same time, I'm not a big fan of resolutions because, as you've probably heard this stat before, a vast majority of New Year's resolutions are over by the time somebody hits February. And so this episode is not about resolutions. This episode is about a revolution.
I want to give you five game-changing dating strategies, daily habits you can get into that will make you finding your ideal girlfriend in 2025 a done deal. It will happen. It will happen if you put these five strategies into place. But these are not going to be resolutions so much as they're going to be
They're going to be new behaviors that are pulling you toward an incredible, rewarding outcome, which is love and a girlfriend and all the things that you want in your love life. And so that's what this episode is about. And think of me as your dating coach. I'm your podcast dating coach. Basically, I'm like your hitch, which makes you Kevin James, basically.
But don't worry, I'm not going to make fun of you if you don't know how to dance. The Q-Tip. Throw it away. That's not working. Hit it with this. Don't ever do that again. I don't know how to dance either. Anyway, bottom line is here we are early in 2025 and you want something pretty wonderful, right? You want love. You want a girlfriend.
And at the same time, you've got some problems that you want to be you want to overcome, right? You don't want to be lonely anymore. And I think probably the way you feel right now, if you're like a lot of single men, is you know what you want, but you're not sure how to get there. You don't have a plan. You're not sure what to do. You're not sure what actions to take.
And this episode is going to be about me giving you a plan, five new strategies to start putting into place. Because I remember what it was like being in your shoes, which is to say, knowing I want to date some wonderful women, knowing I want real connections, I want to get better at online dating, I want to get more dates, and I want to find a girlfriend, but not knowing how to do it.
I remember feeling lonely. I remember feeling frustrated. I remember knowing that I had to do something, but I just didn't know what to do. Well, today's episode is going to tell you exactly what to do. Not just what to do, but these five strategies I'm going to share with you in 30 seconds.
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Chapter 2: What is radical authenticity in dating?
We ended up dating and seeing each other for a while. And so basically, one strategy you can apply is if you are like me. If you have a nerdy side, let that side come out on dates. Don't hide it. Don't feel like women won't like it.
I'm not saying every woman's going to like your nerdy side, but women who are attracted to your type are going to love that nerdy side if you have a nerdy side like I do. So I remember another date I had with a beautiful, beautiful woman named Lane. I remember I was really getting into presidential history. I'm a big history nerd. And I was really getting into learning about Abraham Lincoln.
And I must have talked for 20 minutes about Abraham Lincoln on that date.
Now, there are no dating experts anywhere in the world who are going to say, talk about Abraham Lincoln for 20 minutes to create attraction.
But guess what? That's authentic to me. And Lane liked how passionate I was about my love of Abraham Lincoln and history. So that's another quick first date example. So let your nerdy side shine on dates. Another way to be radically authentic, to embrace this, is when you approach, be vulnerable. Say something true and real and scary. don't think of the perfect thing to say.
Instead, think of the perfectly vulnerable thing to say. If you're shy, if you're nervous, if you're not sure what to say, walk up to her shy, nervously, and say, hey, I just saw you and I'm not sure what to say, but I want to meet you. That is so powerful to women because think how vulnerable that is. Think how real that is. I have a client And he goes by the name Ari.
What I mean is my clients choose what I call a higher self name, which is their most confident, best, most badass version of themselves. My client chose the name of Ari because he loves Ari from Entourage. Anyway, so Ari was my client a couple years ago. And Ari and I were out doing in-person coaching where I do wingman. approach weekends with my clients in here in New York city.
And he was just really in his head about what to say to women. He was just so afraid to approach. He's like, I don't know what to say. What do I say? And I said, why don't you just say the most honest thing, which is you don't know what to say. And he was kind of scared by that, but he was also intrigued by it. So we're at this bar called Gem on the east side of Manhattan.
And we see these two really cute brunette women standing there. And I say, walk over to her. And here's your opening line. I want you to start with, hey, I just saw you and I don't know what to say. So he walks over and he walks up and says that. And she said she really didn't even hear him. All she saw was that this
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Chapter 3: How can you craft an amazing outcome for your love life?
dating and 1% more confident and 1% more comfortable approaching remember in a year you'll be 37 times more confident and better so the simplest thing you can do is break the ice with one attractive woman every day I think that the longest streak I had of consecutive days approaching a hundred and ten and
I gave myself a goal of doing 100 straight days of approaching at least one woman a day for 100 straight days. And I got to 110. I remember one day I went out I had a really bad cold, really bad case of the flu, but I had a streak. I was like 49 to 50 days in. I approached some woman at Whole Foods. I'm all sneezing and flu ridden and all gross, but I'm like, oh, I got to keep my streak going.
But I do remember this aha moment I had during this 110 days. I remember I was about 40 days in. 40 straight days of approaching at least one attractive woman. I remember I walked up to this woman in New York City. She was wearing a really cute fedora. like an old-school Frank Sinatra type of hat. She's a cute, artsy girl, and she had this fedora on. Really cool style.
And I remember that was roughly day 39, day 40. And I approached her, and it went really well, and it was fun, flirty, good exchange. And when it was over, I realized something. I realized that I wasn't afraid anymore. I didn't have approach anxiety anymore. I mean, I had butterflies, don't get me wrong, but I didn't have that paralyzing fear of approaching.
So it took about 40 straight days for me at this point in my life. But I remember, wow, 40 days in, I was able to approach any woman and do it comfortably. And relatively confidently. Because I was just getting a little bit better, a little bit better, a little bit more comfortable every day. And I got phone numbers and dates before I ever met her from approaching.
But I just remember that was a big moment when I realized, hey, the fear is gone. Anyway, so strategy number four, do one scary thing every day. And this usually means take some romantic risk. So one option is break the ice with one attractive woman every day. Another option is on your next first date, tell your first date what's sexy about her and use the word sexy.
If you're like I used to be, you're afraid to tell a woman she's sexy. You're afraid or you think it might be creepy, it might be weird, and it's not. You know what's creepy and weird? It's to be on a date with a woman and treat her like she's your sister. Treat her like she's just a friend. That's weird. That's creepy. So on your next first date, if you find this woman sexy, tell her she's sexy.
And tell her why she's sexy. And as a bonus tip, make it something that's not about her looks, or at least not solely about her physical body. Make it a trait. Make it something about her. I had a first date once with a beautiful, beautiful woman from Peru named Claudia. Claudia, if you're out there, how you doing? I remember my first date with Claudia, I just said, hey, you know what?
You have a really sexy laugh. You have the most feminine, beautiful, lilting laugh. I love it. And she just kind of melted. She was like, oh my God, that's the nicest thing. That's the best thing anybody's ever said to me. And again, I was just being authentic. I was just literally speaking my thoughts. So anyway, on your next first date, tell a woman she's sexy.
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Chapter 4: What is a daily confidence kickoff?
What did I learn? How did I grow? Give yourself a daily pat on the back. I call this standing guard at the door of your mindset. It's sort of like imagine your mindset is a club. You have to be the bouncer standing at that door. And you got to look at the people in line who are trying to get into your club. Some of these people are sexy and well-dressed and beautiful and cool.
And those are the good, empowering, positive thoughts. Let those people into your club. Those are the people, those are the thoughts like, oh, I have so much to offer women. I'm a good man. I'm funny. I have a steady job. I have a great heart. I'm going to be a great husband, a great boyfriend. I'm funny. I'm successful. I've traveled, whatever it is. Let all those people in your club.
At the same time, there's going to be some riffraff trying to get in your club. There's going to be some real sleazebags. They're not on the list. You can't let them in. Those thoughts are going to be thoughts like, oh man, that girl you approached didn't give you her number. You must suck. No, don't let that person in your club. Or, oh man, why does dating have to be so hard?
Why do some guys have all the luck but I don't? No, you can't let that thought into your club. You've got to stand guard at the door of your mind and give yourself a lot of good mojo. The two ways to do this, or two of the most powerful ways that I know how to do this, is number one, you know how you're going to be taking one romantic risk, doing that one scary thing every day?
Every day after you do that thing, whatever it is, ask yourself, what was good about that? Or what can I feel good about? For example, I had a client, Dan, lives in Pittsburgh. I remember the day he came to me or he called me and said, Connell, Connell, I did the most amazing thing today. I approached this total stunner in the grocery store. She was wearing yoga pants. She was a total 10.
She was dynamite, felt amazing. I said, oh my God, that's awesome. What happened? He said, yeah, she wasn't into it. But I didn't care. I was just so happy that I'm finally stepping up to some real beautiful women. And bottom line is he actually started getting some really good results from approaching.
But he basically didn't judge his approach based on whether or not a random woman at the grocery store gave him her number. He said, you know what was good about it? I'm taking action. I'm stepping up to my nines and tens. And that made him feel so good. So after every romantic risk, ask yourself, what was good about what I just did? Or what did I learn about it? Or what
what good mojo can i attach to it that'll keep that mindset in a good place and the other thing you can do to stand guard the door of your mind of the club of your mind is to focus on progress it's another great point that james clear makes in atomic habits he talks about how our brains love to see progress Tony Robbins talks about this too. Our brains love progress.
So beware of the trap that men fall into of looking at the gap between where you are and where you want to go. Oh my God, my girlfriend, my success, my outcome seems so far away. Part of what I want you to do is don't look at the gap between where you are and where you want to go. Look at the gap between where you are and where you were yesterday or last week or last month.
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Chapter 6: What are the five game-changing dating strategies?
Chapter 7: What is the online dating secret for quality matches?
And also, you want to be in touch with the internal outcome as well, how it's going to feel when you wake up with this beautiful girl every morning, how it's going to feel to have somebody next year with you in your life at the holidays, how connected you're going to feel to her.
the trips you'll be able to go on, the cuddly, fun, sweet movie nights or dinner nights, making dinner with your girlfriend. Bottom line is to take the kind of massive action that you're going to need to take and the often uncomfortable action that you're going to have to take to get your dream girlfriend in 2025, you need a clear, compelling vision that gets you excited, gets you juiced.
Because when you lack this compelling vision, then you lack direction. You lack motivation. And that's why 80% of New Year's resolutions fail by mid-February. It's because all those other people don't have real consistent motivation. But when you know exactly what your outcome is, even if you get off track, you know your destination and you can correct course.
Think of a jet taking off from JFK for a coast-to-coast flight. there are going to be plenty of moments when that JFK flight to LAX has to stray from its intended flight path. There's going to be turbulence. The pilot's going to have to adjust for the wind, for turbulence, for weather. But guess what? That pilot knows where they're going to land the plane.
It's going to be at LAX, right on that white stripe. Similarly, if you know what your outcome is, for 2025, your dating romantic outcome, what I call the amazing dating outcome, then you're going to stay motivated and you're also going to maybe get knocked down a few times.
You're going to have to stray from your path, but you know where you're going to land this plane and that'll keep you focused and keep you motivated. So an amazing outcome should have three elements. First element is it should be amazing to you. It should be exciting and juicy. It blows your hair back.
The idea of you with this beautiful girl or the connection you're going to have with her or the loneliness that you'll be done with, whatever it might be, it's amazing to you. The second element of an amazing outcome is that it should be measurable. It should be a measurable outcome. Your outcome might be two dates per week.
and then eventually a great girlfriend by, I'm just making this up, by March 1st, right? Or it could be having two or three different women in my quote-unquote rotation roster, going on dates with two or three women at a time. Nothing wrong with that. You're allowed to play the field.
Or it could just be being in touch with the kind of gorgeous, cute girl next door who you cannot wait to introduce to your family and friends. Anyway, bottom line is we want the outcome to be, first, amazing. Second, measurable, something you can measure. You'll know if you have that girlfriend by March 1st. You'll know if you're getting two dates a week or not.
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Chapter 8: What must you do today to attract a great girlfriend?
All right, and we are back. Let's go to strategy number three. Here is your third strategy for some game-changing dating results in 2025 to get you that girlfriend you want. Strategy number three is I want you to do a daily confidence kickoff. What does that mean? What's a confidence kickoff? It's a morning ritual. It takes, I'd say, between 15 minutes and 45 minutes. 15 minutes minimum.
Let's say 15 to 30 minutes. Take 15 to 30 minutes every morning. Do a confidence kickoff. What this is, is this is a way for you to get yourself in a really positive, powerful, confident, emotional state. Every single day. So that you're in the state and the mindset for you to steer your dating car to the outcome that you want.
You want to steer it toward a result, not steer it into oncoming traffic, okay? So think of it this way. Think of your morning... I call it the confidence kickoff. I certainly did not invent this concept. Not at all. I've heard it called the hour of power. I've heard it called the miracle morning. I call it the confidence kickoff. Bottom line is...
We need to get what I call the higher self in charge of your dating life. Higher self is essentially the superhero version of you. He's you at your most confident, most excited, most authentic, basically you in the zone at a 9, 10 out of 10. And the way to do that is it usually doesn't happen automatically. It has to be a daily ritual that you put into practice.
And so every morning, I want you to do a short ritual. Here's how I want you to do it. Actually, you can personalize this to what works for you, but here's how I have my clients do it. I have my clients do one of two things. First, they can either go to a quiet place, like in their home, their apartment, put on some music, just relax in some privacy.
Other clients like to actually go out into the world and walk around, do something physical. I do my morning confidence kickoff usually while walking. So it's your choice. You can do it while walking, you can do it at the gym, or you can basically do it meditation style, sitting in a quiet place. It's really up to you.
But what you're going to want to do is give yourself 15 to 30 minutes and focus on three things every single morning, okay? The first thing I want you to think about is gratitude. What are you grateful for? What gifts, what wonderful rewards have already come into your life, dating or otherwise? In fact, it's probably you don't have very many dating results that you want to be grateful for.
So don't think about it through dating. Just think of it through the lens of gratitude. Recall specific moments that were filled with love, with joy, with wonder, anything positive. One of my go-to moments of gratitude, memories, when I do my confidence kickoff every day is my dad's 85th surprise birthday party, which I planned for him with my three sisters. It was extra special because my mom...
was very sick at the time, and she didn't have much time left to live. But she was able to hold on long enough to be there for my dad's surprise 85th birthday party that I threw for him with my three sisters. And that just makes me feel grateful to be alive. And sometimes I'm grateful for my health. Here I am, 53 years old, and knock on wood, I've never had any serious medical issues.
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