How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
Thu, 15 May 2025
Are you struggling to get great matches on the apps? Get ready for the game-changing finale of a 4-part series on the 12 Essentials of an Irresistible Profile. Your host, dating coach and bestselling author Connell Barrett, reveals how to troubleshoot and fix 7 hidden profile problems. Want to land two dates a week? Listen now!Highlights of this Episode Include:01:52: The 12 Essentials You Need for Great Results06:15: Ben’s Success Story: From 3 Matches to 87 Matches (!) in Just 2 Days09:44: How Connell Diagnosed His Own Profile to Go from Crickets to Dozens of Matches14:41: Problem 1: Crickets After Launching: How to Diagnose the Issue16:42: Problem 2: Only Getting Mediocre Matches: What to Adjust20:27: Problem 3: Matches, But No Replies: Why She’s Not Messaging Back25:14: Problem 4: Matches, But No Dates: How to Fix the Issue27:15: Problem 5: Not Seeing Women You Want to Date: A Simple Solution30:07: Problem 6: Your Profile LOOKS Good But Still Flops: The Key Photo You Need34:26: Problem 7: Getting Ghosted Often: Why Women Disappear Suddenly39:44: PLUS: Why You Must, Must, MUST Use Hinge!Listen now to make your phone a date-generating machine!FOR A FREE STRATEGY CALL WITH CONNELL TO FIND OUT IF DATING COACHING IS RIGHT FOR YOU:http://www.datingtransformation.comWANT A FREE COPY OF CONNELL’S NO. 1 AMAZON BESTSELLING BOOK, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T”? EMAIL CONNELL AND WRITE “FREE BOOK” IN THE SUBJECT LINE AND YOU’LL GET IT INSTANTLY:[email protected]
Chapter 1: Who is Connell Barrett and what is the focus of this podcast series?
And I just want you to know that you can, and if you want to, you will find success and dates and love on dating apps. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you flirt with confidence, get a lot of matches and dates on the apps, and find a great girlfriend. Yes, finding her from online dating.
And I know it's possible because that's how I met my incredible girlfriend, Jess. I met her on a dating app, and I've met many, many women on dating apps, as have my clients. So yes, online dating success is possible, even if you've never had a date from the apps. Even if you struggle on the apps, it is fixable.
Welcome to part four of four, the special four-part series I've been doing called The 12 Essentials of an Irresistible Online Dating Profile. to get you matches and dates. If you haven't listened to parts one through three, I suggest you go back and check them out because today's episode won't make a lot of sense to you otherwise.
Basically, there are 12 essentials that you need to have handled to get a lot of good matches on the apps. And today's episode is about once you have those 12 essentials all in place on your profile and you've relaunched your profile, Today's episode is about troubleshooting some issues that might come up along the way in case you have some roadblocks.
So go back and listen to parts one through three if you haven't already. First, let's do a really quick review of what the 12 essentials are. And then I'm going to go through seven problems and seven fixes that you might come across once you relaunch your profile with these 12 essentials in place. So today's episode is about troubleshooting. problems and fixes.
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Chapter 2: What are the 12 Essentials of an Irresistible Online Dating Profile?
But first, let's review, do a really fast review of what the 12 essentials are. Number one, a swipe magnet first photo, basically a really great portrait in that first slot. That's essential number one. Essential number two is a second really good portrait. I call it the one-two punch. You want your first two photos on your profile to be really good, magnetic, authentic portraits of you.
Well-dressed, looking good, but also different outfits and different vibes. So essential number two is a second portrait in the second slot to help you get more matches because women like to see those first two great portraits. Essential number three is an action-oriented or, quote, masculine photo. You doing something action-based. Essential number four is social proof.
A photo of you doing something out in the world, living a cool, fun social life. Social proof. Essential number five is a heartstrings element. What I call the awe photo. Or it could be an awe prompt. Something to tug at her heartstrings. Because hey, dating is not just about good photos. Online dating isn't just about good photos. It's about tugging at people's heartstrings.
Making them feel the feels. Essential number six is flirty energy and good date vibes. We want to have some kind of flirtatiousness on your profile. Essential number seven is a good profile hook, something that hooks her interest from the very first words that she reads on your profile. Humor, something unusual, something that creates curiosity.
We got to hook her interest or else she's going to swipe left. Essential number eight is a concept called show, don't tell. Show what a great guy you are. Don't tell her, but show her. Go back and listen to the recent episodes for me to detail that. Essential number nine is specificity equals standing out. So be specific in how you talk about yourself.
Specificity, not vague, not vagueness, not cliches. Essential number 10 is showcase your personality and your humor, specifically your authentic sense of humor. You want to make a woman laugh at least once. If you can get her laughing out loud at your profile, you're going to get matches and she's going to want to have dates with you.
Essential number 11 is signaling emotional maturity, a prompt or something in your bio that shows you've been working on yourself, shows you've learned a thing or two in your life. Women want to date an emotionally mature man. And the 12th essential of an online dating profile that gets matches is no red flags. Remove the red flags. Remove the things that will make a woman go, I don't think so.
He's drunk in that photo. Or he's negative. Or he seems toxic. Or he's crass. We want to remove those red flags. Okay, so those are the 12 essentials. Today I'm going to help you troubleshoot. Because here's what could happen. You get your 12 essentials all handled. You launch your profile. And then all of a sudden, you're still not getting a lot of great matches. And...
That's not actually that uncommon. So if this happens, don't panic. Don't sweat it. I want to give you a mindset tip. Here it is. Once you relaunch your profile, I want your mantra to be bring the data, not the drama. You want data, not drama. You just want to look at your profile and look at the numbers. How many matches am I getting? How many good matches?
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Chapter 3: How did Ben improve his matches from 3 to 87 in two days?
And it looked good on paper, but it just didn't say the real authentic Ben. It seemed a little editorial. And then I said, Ben, we took some photos of you on the beach, right? Because he's a big surfing guy. He said, yeah. I said, let's swap in two photos of you from that beach setting. Ben's a former lifeguard and he likes to surf. So we swapped in two photos from the beach.
One showed him holding his surfboard, looking at the camera, smiling, laughing his ass off, sun setting behind him. Very chick crack. Beach photos, very chick crack. Very attractive to women. And then the second photo, it wasn't a portrait. It was just him laughing and joking with some friends playing Frisbee on the beach. So very active. So we added two photos.
Beach Ben with his surfboard and flinging his Frisbee. In two days, he went from getting two or three matches to 83 matches. literally 83 matches. And about, I would say about half of those were really good, high quality matches. So 40, 45 quality matches, 83 total. And that's the power of a really good profile. And that's also the power of diagnosing what might be holding your profile back.
And by the way, if you want proof of this, go to my website. You can actually see a screenshot of Ben's hinge. And you'll see...
all the the giant queue of cute women who have matched with him i have ben's i have ben's uh hinge profile at least one screenshot on my home page so go to datingtransformation.com and about scroll halfway down you'll see a picture of ben and you'll see 83 matches so that's the ben i'm talking about and And the same is possible for you. Okay, maybe not 83 matches in two days.
Ben lives in New York City where there's lots and lots and lots of women. But you don't need to live in New York City to get a lot of matches. What you do need to do is you need to have these 12 essentials and then be able to go through and diagnose possible issues if you don't instantly get tons of matches. So I'm going to go into these seven problems and seven fixes in a second.
One quick story, and I want to share a story about my own problem with online dating, or I should say my own troubleshooting. So I'm a professional dating coach. I've been working on online dating for 20 years and teaching it for 13 years. But even me, even I'm going to launch a profile now and then, and my first version might not work very well.
So when I first launched a profile on a dating app called Field, F-E-E-L-D, my profile tanked. I got virtually no good matches or leads. And I looked at it. I diagnosed it using the same diagnostic system I'm going to share with you today. And I looked at it and I said, OK, so Field is it's kind of the it's the kink app. although people just do regular dating there as well.
Field is for people who are more sexually expressive, sexually adventurous. Field is for everything from hookups to regular dating to some really crazy out there kink stuff. No shame here. Anyway, so I launched my field profile and the first couple of variations didn't really do much for me. And I'm a professional dating coach. And so I tried to take my own advice.
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Chapter 4: How can you troubleshoot your own dating profile if it’s not getting matches?
Chapter 5: What mindset should you adopt when relaunching your profile?
I've got good photos, but I don't really have the kind of flirtatious, quote unquote, kink-friendly energy that I needed. Made some adjustments, changed the hook. I changed a couple of things I wrote, and then I relaunched it, and then boom. I had 8, 10, 12 really good matches in just a couple of days. And yeah, that's all you got to do. And so trust me on this.
If you relaunch your profile with these 12 essentials, you very well might get a lot of great matches instantly. And if you do, party, celebrate, enjoy it. But if you don't, or if you don't get the level of matches that you want, don't sweat it. It's very normal to not have instant fast matches. Remember, online dating is not really dating. It's marketing.
or at least your profile as a piece of digital marketing. So don't think of it like, don't take it personally. Bring the data, not the drama, and remind yourself, hey, I'm just a couple of adjustments away from success. So these diagnostic adjustments I'm talking about today in part four is gonna help you get the ultimate result we want for you, which is this.
We want you having a profile that I call set it and forget it. Meaning once you've diagnosed these issues, if you have any issues, once you get these problems all ironed out and your profile starts working, then you're good. You can set it, you can forget it. It'll just bring you matches and bring you good leads and good options pretty much indefinitely.
I've been using the same basic online dating profile for five or six years now. I do make changes and adjustments just for fun and for testing because I'm a dating coach. It's good for content. It's good for my coaching and learning different things. But basically, I haven't really changed my profile in any inherent way because I know it's going to work. So yes, online dating is a lot of work.
Yes, it's frustrating at times. Yes, 12 essentials is a lot of essentials to have to go through. I'm just giving you what works. And it's worth it in the long run because, again, once you get that profile that's converting, it's good to go. And it'll pretty much convert on almost any dating platform too. So you can also move it around from app to app. Okay, let's get into it.
Let's talk about the seven profile problems and seven fixes. Let's do it. Let's troubleshoot. Troubleshooting problem number one, you relaunch and it's crickets. It's crickets. Very few new good matches, at least compared to what you want. Here's the likely root cause. First thing you want to look at is your first two photos. Those first two portraits and see if they're strong enough.
There's a very likely chance that your first two photos aren't strong enough, period. Here's how to tell. Use PhotoFeeler. to test these first two portraits. And ideally you would like the first two portraits to both score a seven or higher in attractiveness on PhotoFeeler. If your first two photos don't score that high, that could be getting in the way.
And we want that number to try to get to a seven in attractiveness if possible. That doesn't mean you have to be a super handsome Hollywood handsome guy. It just means we need portraits that make a woman feel a seven or higher when she grades you. So if you're struggling, Look at those first two photos and do a test on PhotoFeeler and see if you get a seven or higher in attractiveness.
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Chapter 6: What are the seven common dating profile problems and how do you fix them?
Essentially, every profile gets ranked on a 1 to 10 scale internally by the algorithm. The higher your score, the more attractive, dateable, attractive, high-quality women you'll be shown to. So if you're not even seeing options...
assuming you don't live in the middle of Nova Scotia, assuming you have some people who live around you, then the problem is the algorithm is basically saying your score is not high enough for us to show you to our top tier prospects. So a couple of possible solutions. One is do some paid boosting. Boost your profile during prime time. at least a couple times.
Do it two or three times, two or three nights in a row for an hour each night during prime time between 7 and 10 p.m. Or if you're on Hinge, you could do a 24-hour boost. Do a 24-hour boost on Hinge. Our goal here is to boost your profile. And then not only will you see more women because you're boosting, you're paying for more women to see. By reaching more women, knock on wood,
You'll be getting more matches, some likes and matches that will tell the algorithm, oh, Ryan here is starting to get matches and leads. Women are liking him. And then your score goes up. And then the platform starts growing. showing you to other women, other people. So that'll fix the problem. Or another thing you could do is consider deleting and reinstalling the app.
That's a last ditch effort. I don't like to do that unless you have tried first boosting because I'm always a little bit nervous that different dating apps are catching on to the hack of deleting and reinstalling a dating app. The last times I tried it on Tinder, I had no problems. Basically, you delete the app. You say, I'm done with you.
Wait a couple of days and then reinstall it and start again. And that should reset your dating app score. So you have a higher, better score with the algorithm. But you're basically starting over again. Last time I did it on Tinder and on Hinge, I didn't have any weird issues. I didn't get kicked off of the app or anything. But caveat here.
Your mileage may vary and I don't want to make you any promises. So I don't like to delete and reinstall an app unless I've first tried to fix this with boosting. Okay. Okay. Troubleshooting tip number six. Facing this problem, let's say your profile looks great. You've got good PhotoFeeler scores. You just know it looks good and good photos, but it still flops. You're just not getting matches.
Well, the likely root cause here is that it's too polished. It's too editorial. Your photos might look more like a branding campaign of you and your showing off your good photo shoot, not showing the real you. And I don't want to lose sight of something super important I haven't mentioned much today, but online dating success, so much of it is like real dating success, which is authenticity wins.
You need to make sure you are projecting an attractive, yes, but an authentic, candid, real version of you. We don't want it to be overly polished. So the root cause here very possibly is your profile feels like editorial. It feels like a piece of content you've created, which of course it is.
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Chapter 7: Why might you get matches but no replies and how to fix it?
I can help you one-on-one. Anyway, datingtransformation.com. Book a free call with me if you'd like. Otherwise, until the next episode. And don't forget, your dream girlfriend is out there. She's on the dating app right now, actually. but she's gonna have to meet the real you with that kick-ass great profile and the real authentic you. So go out there and find her and we'll talk next time.