How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Tue, 17 Dec 2024
Maybe you’ve been in Jack’s shoes. He goes on a few dates, and everything seems fine. Then—bam! She says, “I’m just not feeling a connection.” Frustrating? Absolutely. “It happens a lot, and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong,” Jack, a 33-year-old sales rep., admits to dating coach Connell Barrett at the start of their first session. By the end of their call, Jack has a proven 3-date plan to make the right woman see him as boyfriend material. Listen as Connell uncovers Jack’s hidden flirting weaknesses (Jack’s aha moment hits at 52 minutes) and turns them into strengths.Jack’s coaching session with Connell will show you:6:41 – Why Women May Not See You as Boyfriend Material9:33 – 3 Simple Ways to Build Romantic Tension on Dates13:25 – The 3-Date Roadmap to Help the Right Woman See You as the Partner She Wants17:53 – Creative Date Ideas that Make Her Want to Keep Seeing You24:19 – How to Stop Getting Ghosted and Start Getting More Dates27:30 – The Easy Way to Text Women without Seeming Needy41:03 – How to Tease Women with Charm, NOT Tricks or Manipulation52:49 – Jack’s Aha Moment: Why He’s Been Hitting the 3-Date Wall57:12 – The Secret Flirting Move that Makes Nice Guys Irresistible1:01:18 – How to Give a “Power Compliment” that Get Women Swooning1:04:18 – The Power of Sharing AUTHENTIC Personal Stories on DatesListen now and start your 3-date journey to winning her heart!FOR A FREE STRATEGY CALL WITH CONNELL TO LEARN HOW TO HAVE GREAT FIRST DATES:http://www.datingtransformation.com/contactTO GET FREE ACCESS TO “THE FLIRTY 30,” CHARMING QUESTIONS TO ASK WOMEN ON DATES, ON THE APPS, AND WHEN YOU APPROACH:http://www.datingtransformation.com/FLIRTY30WANT A FREE COPY OF CONNELL’S NO. 1 AMAZON BESTSELLING BOOK, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T”? EMAIL CONNELL AND WRITE “FREE BOOK” IN THE SUBJECT LINE AND YOU’LL GET IT INSTANTLY:[email protected]"Recognizing where you’re stuck is the first step toward finding your way forward." - Jack"Shared laughter and playful exchanges frequently initiate the best connections." - Jack
Chapter 1: What problem is Jack facing in his dating life?
Chapter 2: How can Jack build romantic tension on dates?
With Donna, I said to myself, I want her to be my girlfriend. And for our third date, I brought her to my pub trivia team, Trivia Newton John. I wanted her to see what it was like to be with me, not just on a date, but hanging out with my friends, doing pub trivia, nerding out with other improv people.
And by the end of that third date, she basically said to me, hey, just so you know, I don't want to see anybody else. I really like you. She essentially said, I want to be your girlfriend. And within a date or two, it was official. So that is the quick overview of the boyfriend experience, the three-date arc to help you turn that woman you're really into into your girlfriend by three dates or so.
So enjoy my conversation with Jack. I hope you love it. And here we go. Hey, Jack. All right, man. Let's get to it. Tell me about your dating life. What are you struggling with? How can I help you, man?
Hey, Connell. I feel I have a hard time with starting a relationship. So basically, when I'm dating a girl early on, it can be pretty easy. I can get a few dates here and there. But when I really start liking a girl, sometimes I feel like I'm pushing her away. I have that issue launching into that actual relationship versus a few dates.
Chapter 3: What is the 3-Date Roadmap to attract the right woman?
And I feel like it's easier for me to go further with women that maybe I don't feel that really good strong connection with yet, because it feels easy, less pressure. But when I'm like, oh, God, I do like this girl, I feel like I'm kind of pushing her away. So I guess my first question is, how do I move from that courting stage to a full blown relationship?
Great question. Help me out a little bit. Tell me a story. If you have a good example from your past with a woman, feel free to change her first name for privacy. But if you want to give a quick anecdote about, oh yeah, Connell, Jenny and I dated for XYZ dates and then things went cold. Can you give an example of you struggling with this from the past?
Yeah, for sure. Fairly recently, there's a girl I went on maybe three dates with. I actually saw her a couple times after that. She invited me to her birthday party and all that. I felt like early on, she was really into me. Maybe I was at the beginning figuring out...
how do I feel because I mean you sometimes have a good first date maybe I get my own head sometimes too uh but then you get to your second date and you're like oh yeah okay that was real that first date was good the second date's good third date's going well uh so with this girl we went on three dates and then after the third date I the way I was reading uh her reaction I thought everything was going well um in my mind I'm like okay I'm really starting to like this girl um
Chapter 4: What creative date ideas can help Jack keep her interested?
how do I take this further? But then it kind of got a little stale where, you know, she maybe didn't start texting as much. She was busy all the time. And I get she, you know, she does have a busy schedule. But when you're busy all the time, then it just, you start realizing maybe you're kind of blowing me off here and there. Right.
And, you know, she's washing her hair a lot this week. Yeah. She must have really clean hair. Yeah, exactly. OK. And has this been a pattern you've seen? Has this happened multiple times with multiple women, two or three dates in? They just kind of lose that. You lose that steam with them.
Yeah, yeah. This isn't the first time. That's why this is the most recent time. But, yeah, it's after a few dates, and I'm like, oh, man, I start liking her. But then on the other side of the coin, if there's a girl that I'm like, oh, you know, I'm meh. Uh, it just seems easier.
And I, I feel like then there's something that I'm doing that's pushing her away that maybe she's like reading that, Oh God, this guy is starting to like me. Maybe it's scaring her off. I don't know. I'm, I'm, I'm making guesses. I just noticed a pattern with, with my dating. Right.
Let me ask you a couple of diagnostic questions.
Yeah.
Think back to any of these women who let's call it the, for lack of a better term phrase I've used with other clients is the three date friend zone. It's not that she doesn't want to see you after that first date. It's just that two or three dates in, a woman basically goes quiet, which is her way of saying, I don't see you as boyfriend material. That's my interpretation.
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Chapter 5: How can Jack avoid getting ghosted and secure more dates?
And I assume you're looking for a girlfriend, I assume?
Yeah.
Yeah, good. You're on the right podcast. It's called How to Get a Girlfriend, so you're in the right place. Okay, so let me ask you a couple of diagnostic questions. On what date do you typically go for and get the first kiss?
Chapter 6: What texting strategies can help Jack without seeming needy?
Um, so I guess it depends on the date. So, uh, and how I'm reading the girl, but a lot of times it's either the first or second. Okay. In my case. Yeah. Got it.
And give me some examples of what you and this most recent woman did to call her Jane, Jane Doe, what you and Jane did for these three dates, if you recall.
Yeah, so the first day we got sushi, kind of a spot that was kind of close to us and drove separate. And then we made plans... Oh, we actually got, like... The date was going well, so we went and got a coffee after sushi and got some desserts and just talked, all that. Okay. And then drove back to our car. And then we made plans to do a second date in the car.
And then... But we were texting and saying, like, oh, maybe we can... uh meet a day before because she was starting to get busy with her with her work so we just kind of did a preemptive because she doesn't she didn't live that far away so we kind of did an improv hang out uh uh go go to a coffee shop got margaritas we're in the downtown area
Um, just kind of hung out and then we didn't get to do the third date because she got busy. Um, and then we did another actual third date where I took her to like a cider mill, um, had some drinks. Um, yeah, all that.
Okay. So you're doing some things well already. So first we just want to eliminate potential problems that can cause that third date friend zone.
Yeah. Yeah.
One is that you're not even making any moves. You're not trying to go for a kiss. You're not giving her fun, different dates, which you are, which is good. So we can cross off the list. Yeah, that's good. Sometimes it's good to eliminate things that aren't the issue. And it sounds like another thing, here's a good truism. Women want to feel like things are progressing emotionally, sexually,
at whatever speed she wants, but some kind of progress. Women want the feeling of, of progress in terms of, of two people connecting and seeing who they are. And that's also emotional, sexual, romantic, all the different ways you can quote unquote escalate and lead that dating dance.
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Chapter 7: How can Jack use teasing to charm women?
Um, so, but I'm not hearing that here, but I feel like you just went about something. What'd you say? What were you going to say?
No, I agree. Um, so, so when you go on three dates with a girl and you haven't, you know, you feel like you haven't progressed, you haven't even kissed her yet. Then I, in my, in my shoes, I would think maybe she's not interested and I'd maybe feel like it was in the friend zone. But each time, like we, I mean, I did kiss her the first date this time, second date and third date, but you know, um,
You don't need to play kiss and tell, although you can. It's an adult podcast. Did it get hotter and heavier as you went along? Or was it kind of like the same kind of kissing level of intensity all three times?
Gotcha. No, that's a good question. I don't mind sharing. This time with this particular girl, it was kind of the opposite of where the first time I was a little more conservative and she kissed a lot. She got really into it. We were in the car. We were kissing for a while. But then the two times after that, we did kiss and it wasn't as... In my mind, I'm kind of like, why didn't we do that?
But I don't know. So I don't know if maybe she lost interest somewhere down the line. I don't know. I can't read people's minds. Maybe I'm just trying to figure out what I can do. Because again, this is the most recent time, but it's a pattern that I noticed.
Gotcha. And one final diagnostic question here. That's the sexual piece of it. What about emotionally?
Yeah.
In terms of two people talking and becoming increasingly vulnerable, increasingly emotional. I don't mean like crying and weeping about the day your cat died when you were nine, although sorry for your loss. I mean, here's the perfect arc of three dates, right? Okay. Not perfect, but here's a great ideal arc.
Date number one, it's really fun, playful, and a lot of flirty, great stimulation, and nice brush strokes of vulnerability. And of course, authenticity, showing her that real you, that real Jack. But at the same time, it's a lot of... If we're talking about a cake, it's a lot of frosting, okay? It tastes really good.
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Chapter 8: What is Jack's Aha Moment about dating?
Sometimes when a girl goes quiet after three dates, she doesn't get enough frosting, meaning not enough fun, flirtiness, those emotions she wants to feel, or she doesn't get enough cake. It was fun and flirty and a good time, but she doesn't see the real you and she can't see a vision of you with her.
So through my just made up in my head cake metaphor, what do you feel like these women are tasting on these dates?
Oh, good question, Beck. And I like your cake metaphor, by the way. It's easy for me to understand that. Trademark, patent pending. Gotcha, yeah.
This podcast is sponsored by Duncan Hines. No, it's not. It should be, though.
I'm sorry, go ahead. No, no, you're good. So I guess that's something I haven't thought about that way, which I'm glad we're having this conversation because I'm putting a whole other perspective on this now. If I look back in this recent case... I guess maybe I didn't give enough cake, I guess. Maybe I didn't open up. Because maybe sometimes I get a little bit scared if I do start liking a girl.
Like, oh, no, maybe I'm going to scare her off if I get to a certain level. But I guess I have to come to the realization that if it's really going to scare her off by revealing a little bit more about myself, then it probably won't work out in the long run.
Okay. So feel like it was too much frosting, not enough cake. I guess so, yeah. If I'm thinking back, yeah, maybe. Let me give you some real-world examples from my dating past of what this might look like. Date one, just have a shit ton of fun. Giggle and laugh and flirt and tease and all the things that I teach and all the things that we can do.
And I'm not saying it's all frosting, but we just want it to be a blast for both of you. so that we hook each other's kind of emotional, we strum each other's emotional chords. And then for the second date, you want to open up a bit more. And you want to be a bit more vulnerable if you weren't on the first date. So it's on that second date where you might start to share a bit more about your past.
You might tell a story, a vulnerable, authentic story about something meaningful from your past and really open up I remember on my second date with my then future girlfriend, Jessica, I talked about being a fat little boy and getting picked on, having a big ginger red afro and getting teased. And I told some stories where I really opened up.
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