How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Thu, 06 Feb 2025
Do you ever feel like you’re just not what women want? Like you’re not charismatic or interesting or attractive enough? It’s frustrating. The good news? You can fix it—fast! In this special live coaching episode of “How to Get a Girlfriend,” dating coach Connell Barrett guides his client Nick to a powerful breakthrough. In just one hour, Nick transforms from feeling insecure to truly magnetic, simply by destroying his biggest limiting belief. (This coaching session first aired in 2023. Now, in 2025, Nick is dating a wonderful woman!)You’re about to learn:2:00: The Real Cause of Dating Insecurity (and How to Fix It)5:28: The Secret to Confidence: Awakening Your Higher Self23:05: How to Identify the Limiting Belief that’s Hurting Your Dating Life38:30: A Simple Way to Erase Self-Doubt for Good52:17: Nick’s Aha Moment: Ditching his Insecurities and Realizing his True Worth to Women1:07:14: The Confidence Breakthrough: Awakening Your Most Amazing, Authentic YouListen now to stop feeling insecure and start feeling confident and magnetic to women.FOR A FREE STRATEGY CALL WITH CONNELL TO LEARN HOW TO HAVE GREAT FIRST DATES:http://www.datingtransformation.com/contactTO GET FREE ACCESS TO “THE FLIRTY 30,” CHARMING QUESTIONS TO ASK WOMEN ON DATES, ON THE APPS, AND WHEN YOU APPROACH:http://www.datingtransformation.com/FLIRTY30WANT A FREE COPY OF CONNELL’S NO. 1 AMAZON BESTSELLING BOOK, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T”? EMAIL CONNELL AND WRITE “FREE BOOK” IN THE SUBJECT LINE AND YOU’LL GET IT INSTANTLY:[email protected]
Chapter 1: What is the real cause of dating insecurity?
I'll bet there's some kind of doubt that's holding you back. And that's incredibly common. It's so common. I dealt with it too. And today I'm going to help you transform any confidence issues you have and go from lacking confidence to feeling really certain and confident about your attractiveness to women. I'm going to let you in on a coaching session I did a while back with my client, Nick.
Nick is a great guy. You're about to listen to the very first coaching session. call we ever had. And Nick came to me because he just feels like he sees himself as a five. He's a five or six out of 10. He's not a really attractive guy in his mind.
And what you're going to listen to is how we take Nick from feeling like I'm not good enough, I'm too nice, women don't want nice guys like me, and you'll actually hear his transformation in this episode. And I'm going to take him through a process that I call the higher self awakening or the authentic self awakening.
Chapter 2: How can you awaken your higher self for confidence?
Essentially, what we're going to do is identify his biggest limiting belief that is hurting his confidence with women. I'm gonna ask him some questions and take him through a process. And at the end of this episode, you're gonna hear the change in his voice. You're gonna hear how much more confident he sounds, how much more belief he has in himself.
So he's going to essentially transform, not into a different person, but he's gonna awaken what I call the higher self, which is you, me, Nick. It's any man at his most confident. what I call a higher self. Because here's what I learned in all of my years of first working on my dating life and then becoming a dating coach is that
you me everybody we all have dual selves in a sense we have what i call the higher self and what i call the lower self now your higher self is the hero of your life it's any area of your life that brings you joy fulfillment confidence you feel amazing that's your higher self he's confident he's focused he's authentic he's in the zone He's basically you operating at your full potential.
So the job you love, the biceps you've sculpted, maybe the great kid that you're raising if you're a single dad, any area of your life where you feel like amazing, or at least amazing at times, it's the superhero inside of you who's running the show. At the same time, every superhero has an arch villain. Every superhero has to face that mustache twirling bad guy. And I call that the lower self.
The lower self is that fearful, doubtful side of you who says, oh, maybe I'm not enough. Maybe I'm not tall enough. I don't have six pack abs. Women don't want to date me, at least not amazing women. And it's that little voice that says, don't approach her. She's out of your league. It's that little voice that
That creates the frustration, the insecurity, and leads to things like loneliness, leads to things like settling, leads to things like anger, depression. In extreme cases, with some guys I've worked with, really dark thoughts, wanting to hurt themselves. And I felt this way too for a long time. I walked through the world feeling like I was just not enough.
So again, think of your higher self as you at your best and your lower self, it's that voice of self-doubt. And what you're going to hear today with Nick is you're going to hear him go from that lower self to his higher self. And you're going to hear him give his higher self a name. Because what I'd have all my clients do when we first start working together is they give their lower selves a name.
I had a client named Frederick who gave his lower self the name Frightened Freddy because he could not talk to a girl, a woman out in the world. His hands would sweat. His forehead would sweat. His hands would shake. He gave his lower self a name. But then he became, once we awakened his higher self, he became Frederick the Great. And he could approach women anywhere.
I had another client named a different client, not the Nick you're about to listen to, but I had a different client named Nicholas who named his lower self One Nut Nick. And he changed into Nicholas the Great. So you can instantly become confident. or at least a lot more confident in a short amount of time.
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Chapter 3: What limiting beliefs are holding you back in dating?
Sounds great.
Okay. Did you drink the half bottle of scotch like I suggested for the prep? Yeah. Fine, fine. I only had a couple glasses. Very cool. Because I want to stay coherent. All right, cool. And yeah, just so you know, what do I mean by beliefs? Beliefs are basically anything that we believe is certain and true about ourselves. And some beliefs are limiting. Some beliefs are not limiting.
Some beliefs are true. Some beliefs are false. Some beliefs have somewhere kind of both truth and falseness to them. So for example, I have a belief that I will never play quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys. I think there's a lot of truth in that belief. I don't think that's a limiting belief. I think it's true because I'm 52 and I've never played football in my life.
So we're looking for specific beliefs that might either be false or maybe partial bullshit so we can replace them with something that feels a lot better. So are you ready to roll? Yep. Okay, cool. So my first question for you, and what we're doing here, by the way, it's a process that I call the confidence code.
Essentially, I'm going to give you, for lack of a better term, codes, cheat codes, to find confidence from within and from inside, as opposed to drawing confidence about women and dating from external sources, because we want to be internally powered, almost like a nuclear power plant, as opposed to externally powered like solar power, drawing it from external sources.
So this is all about giving you that confidence code to find confidence and good mojo from within.
So first question is pretty simple, which is what belief, one or two or three possibilities we can look at before we dial in, what are a couple of beliefs you have about yourself in relation to women and dating that you feel might be holding you back or that just make you feel sort of bad or low in confidence?
I would say one belief slash fear is that I worry that the woman will sense that I'm maybe not masculine or confident enough. Maybe she'll sense that I'm a little more on the shy side, like shy slash sensitive. And when I start worrying about it, that makes me feel even more shy or not confident. So it's like a negative spiral that I go into.
Okay. Got it. So I wrote down one possibility here. I'm not masculine enough to attract the kinds of women you're attracted to. Is that pretty close to it? Okay. Are there any other beliefs that pop up that get in your head a lot about literally anything other than what you just said?
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Chapter 4: How can you erase self-doubt for good?
Okay. And if a woman saw your pictures on a dating app and decided she didn't like you, what would that mean in your mind? Or at least when you're thinking these thoughts, what does that mean?
That I'm not attractive enough to date the kinds of women that I find attractive.
Not physically attractive enough or masculine enough or combination?
Well, if we're talking about pictures, it's more physical attractiveness.
Okay. Okay, got it. So the belief there, is it safe to say, is something close to this. I am not physically attractive enough to attract women I'm into on dating apps.
Right, and in the real world.
Okay, got it. All right. So we got three beliefs here. I'm not masculine enough to attract women. If I show interest, I might lose their interest, come across as needy and try hard, basically, right? Yeah. Yeah. And then the third one is about, oh, I'm not good looking enough, not attractive enough on the apps. So the first and the third belief are sort of our two finalists.
The middle one about, oh, I'm afraid if I show romantic interest, you'll lose interest. That is a belief that is associated with what you think good mechanics are. And now I do believe that this is a limiting belief. However, a mechanics based belief typically is not as debilitating and shitty feeling as something that's about you, what I call an identity belief. Basically, I'm not good enough.
Right. So, for example, I used to get my biggest limiting belief back in the day, Nick, was I am just too introverted. too soft-spoken and dorky to approach and attract women. That felt crushing to me. As opposed to, oh, I'm not quite sure how to flirt, what to say, I might do it wrong. That limited me too, but that felt like something that was learnable. as opposed to something about me.
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Chapter 5: What was Nick's breakthrough moment in dating confidence?
And your opening statement is, I am just, me, Nick, I am just not masculine or man enough to attract wonderful women. Make your case. In other words, what is your evidence that this is true? Or what stories do you tell yourself to justify this belief? Basically, back this case up with evidence. The courtroom floor is yours. Go ahead.
Well, firstly, I was never super physically strong compared to other guys. Even though I do go to the gym once or twice a week, but just going back to childhood and up to this day, I never felt like I was quite physically as strong as a lot of other men. And I was always, especially as a teenager, I was super skinny.
So that also kind of contributed to this belief that I'm just not physically strong enough. Also, I was never much of a risk taker. I was always more on the cautious side. And I have a tendency to kind of overthink and analyze things. I was never like a daredevil slash, you know, reckless risk taker.
Not a risk taker, okay.
Right. I was always more on the sensitive side, like... Emotionally, I would be more sensitive than the average guy, I feel. And I also have a tendency to be introverted slash on the shy side, like you mentioned, similar to your previous belief.
OK. All right. Interesting. So I'm your co-counsel, by the way, in the courtroom. And I'm going to take a moment and say, hey, Nick, so just to remind you, we're here to make a case. And the case is that you are not masculine or man enough to attract quality women. So make sure you back up that proposition. Because so far you haven't mentioned women once.
Your evidence has not mentioned anything about women. So hit me. What's your evidence that women do not find you masculine or man enough? Okay, floor is yours again.
I guess I just assume that all these things I listed make me less masculine compared to my competition, and therefore a woman will likely to choose more masculine guys rather than myself.
Interesting. You just said, I just assume.
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Chapter 6: How do you awaken your most authentic self?
Chapter 7: What practical steps can you take to increase your dating success?
Chapter 8: How can you actively engage in your transformation process?
The middle one about, oh, I'm afraid if I show romantic interest, you'll lose interest. That is a belief that is associated with what you think good mechanics are. And now I do believe that this is a limiting belief. However, a mechanics based belief typically is not as debilitating and shitty feeling as something that's about you, what I call an identity belief. Basically, I'm not good enough.
Right. So, for example, I used to get my biggest limiting belief back in the day, Nick, was I am just too introverted. too soft-spoken and dorky to approach and attract women. That felt crushing to me. As opposed to, oh, I'm not quite sure how to flirt, what to say, I might do it wrong. That limited me too, but that felt like something that was learnable. as opposed to something about me.
So typically what will make this confidence code really be the most powerful experience for you is we look at something that's about you, Nick, and that internal identity, worth, and value you offer women. So we got down to final two, and then we'll actually do the process here. So let me just say these to you and imagine these were going through your head when you're out in the world dating.
And tell me which of these feels more debilitating and heavier and fuck, it sucks. Number one, I'm just not masculine enough. I'm not man enough for the kinds of women to be attracted to me. Number two, I'm just not good-looking enough to attract women, especially on the dating apps. I don't have the looks. Which of those two feels like deeper, heavier, shittier? Probably the first one. Okay.
Got it. Then let's go with this one because when looking at quick inside baseball thing, and then we'll do the process. There's basically two kinds of beliefs. One is identity belief, and the other is what's called a worldview belief, meaning how the world works. And so this belief that you have, which may or may not be limiting, it's just a belief. Let's find out in a second.
But this is what I call an identity belief because it's about you. as a man and relating to your worth and value to women. And this kind of belief is usually the most powerful to fix, because wherever you go, there you are, right? So we want to make sure we have that handled. So cool. Let's go a little bit deeper on this. OK, so here's what we're going to do.
I'll probably repeat this belief a few times. So me, you, Nick, I'm just not masculine enough. I'm not man enough to attract the kinds of women I'm into. Okay. Here's a thought experiment. Imagine you're in a courtroom and you are an attorney standing in front of a jury and you're making your opening statement.
And your opening statement is, I am just, me, Nick, I am just not masculine or man enough to attract wonderful women. Make your case. In other words, what is your evidence that this is true? Or what stories do you tell yourself to justify this belief? Basically, back this case up with evidence. The courtroom floor is yours. Go ahead.
Well, firstly, I was never super physically strong compared to other guys. Even though I do go to the gym once or twice a week, but just going back to childhood and up to this day, I never felt like I was quite physically as strong as a lot of other men. And I was always, especially as a teenager, I was super skinny.
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