Stop Tonguing Your Dog

episode

Previously titled “Ep 241 - Stop Tonguing Your Dog” — renamed by the publisher on Aug 3, 2026

I'm Grand Mam 48 min 2 speakers 7 chapters transcribed 4 months ago
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Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.

What exciting news do the hosts share at the beginning of the episode?

PJ Kirby 0:00
Exciting news, Gillies.
Kevin Twomey 0:02
We are bringing our show, Happy Campers, to the Southern Hemisphere.
PJ Kirby 0:06
Get ready, babes, because we're going to Auckland, Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, and parts.
Kevin Twomey 0:12
I'm so excited for a bit of sun in November and December.
PJ Kirby 0:15
Don't worry, babe. I packed the Factor 50.
Kevin Twomey 0:16
Fabulous. Also, if there's any cute tour guides who want to show me around, I'll be looking for someone to do so.
PJ Kirby 0:23
If you were there last year, you know it's not just a show. It's an extravaganza. It's an experience, isn't it? Make sure to grab your tickets via the link in the episode description.

What shocking discovery does PJ make about confirmations?

Kevin Twomey 0:34
What's that called for the people who can taste colour or something like that?
PJ Kirby 0:37
Synesthesia is for people who can taste sound, isn't it? Or is it to do with any crossover? How in the world do you spell synesthesia? I was going to say, I saw the sweat bead pouring down your face. S-Y-N. Oh, I was off to a terrible start there.
Kevin Twomey 1:08
It's your favourite queers, back in your ears. It's I'm Grandmam. Hey girlies, I'm Kevin. And I'm PJ. And welcome back to I'm Grandmam.
Woo!
Kevin Twomey 1:20
How are things?
PJ Kirby 1:21
How are we? Okay, so during this record, I'm not allowed to pause and go to the toilet.
Kevin Twomey 1:27
Oh, PJ's a serial pisser.
PJ Kirby 1:30
Yeah, I'm a serial pisser, girls. Pissy wissy, girls. I don't stop pissing, but I'm retraining my bladder because I read an article that said the only reason I have to piss so frequently is because I've given my bladder too many opportunities to piss. I've been gentle parenting my bladder, basically. Or are you just hydrated, girl? But you're as hydrated as me, I would say. And you don't piss as much. And I annoy everyone.
Kevin Twomey 1:56
We know too much about each other. What do you mean? We know too much about each other. You're like, oh, you don't piss as often as I do.
PJ Kirby 2:02
I know your piss schedule too. I know your piss and shit schedule. You are pissy pissy. I'm pissy pissy. That's what the P in PJ stands for, piss.
Kevin Twomey 2:09
PJ likes piss play, pass it on.
PJ Kirby 2:11
I don't like piss play because the clean up. I wouldn't do it. Now, I always say this. Suppose if it was laundry day, would you give it a bash? Well, I always say to Jose, if one day you woke up and you had a piss kink and was like, can I piss on you? I wouldn't say no because I'd obviously want to nurture your kink. But I wouldn't be enjoying it. I'm not crossing my fingers hoping he wakes up for the piss kink.
Kevin Twomey 2:31
You'd have to get one of the walk-in wet rooms. You know, like your nana has.
PJ Kirby 2:36
You'd need a wet room. Wouldn't you? It'd just be easier.
Kevin Twomey 2:38
Because even the whole clambering into the bath or into the single showers, you'd be a bit hard pushed.
PJ Kirby 2:44
So I think what I'm going to do, I'm going to allow myself one piss per hour. Do you get up in the middle of the night to piss? Not usually, that's the thing. Ever? Well, like every now and again. Especially if I've been drinking. Remember that time I went for a piss but I was drunk and I ended up in your room?
Kevin Twomey 2:59
I came into my room and sniffed my undies. Oh, and sniffed your undies.
PJ Kirby 3:03
Girl, you only have about two pairs and you wear them the whole week. And you don't shower either. Okay. Let's not go there. First of all. At the beginning of this podcast. First of all. Let's not talk about hygiene.
Kevin Twomey 3:11
For your birthday this year, you said to me.

Why are sequels and remakes dominating the film industry today?

Kevin Twomey 3:14
I want new underwear. Will you buy me new underwear?
PJ Kirby 3:16
Yeah.
Kevin Twomey 3:17
Because your underwear game is so strong. Is what you said. No. And you said I have so many nice undies.
PJ Kirby 3:21
I asked my mam to buy me underwear too.
Kevin Twomey 3:23
You had your confirmation undies.
PJ Kirby 3:25
No. The whole time I've known you in London. I just need loads. I like a choice. You know what I mean? Yeah.
Kevin Twomey 3:30
Actually, you know, I bought you two boxes of Calvin Klein jocks.
PJ Kirby 3:33
But then you got me my cinema pass and then you kept them.
Kevin Twomey 3:36
Well, they were just at home in Cork because they didn't have enough space to take them back.
PJ Kirby 3:39
Yeah.
Kevin Twomey 3:40
To London.
PJ Kirby 3:41
I don't want them as well. That's too much. Oh, no, you don't. They're gone. Yeah, they're on you. You're wearing them. I'm actually literally wearing. Are you? Let me see. What colour?
Kevin Twomey 3:48
I don't mind showing you.
PJ Kirby 3:49
This one's navy. Right, so, girlies, guess the colour of Kevin's underwear. Guess the colour of my undies.

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