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Chapter 1: What makes Jackmate's Happy Hour podcast unique?
Jackmate's happy hour. Hello guys, welcome back to Jackmate's Happy Hour podcast. It's the three of the best people on God's green earth coming in your ears right now. It's Robbie Knopf, Stevie White and me, Jackmate. We are, aren't we? I just like that he laughed at coming in your ears. Yeah, that was funny.
Oh, is that what you laughed at?
That's a good start. I didn't know if it was that you were laughing at or the fact that I called us three of the best people on God's green earth. It's a huge claim.
It's a huge claim.
I think it's a combination of the image of a bat and the way it is. They say God's green earth. It's not green, is it? Because 80% of the world's water. Yeah, most of it's... Maybe God doesn't want anything to do with that. Yeah, he hates the ocean. Yeah.
That's why he didn't give fish legs.
That's a good point. It's a good point. Now, boys, it's been a while since we've seen each other. Has it been a few weeks, probably?
Yeah, a little while, yeah.
Looking well? Thank you. Yep. You still not had haircut? No. Well, so I thought today we'd just do a little all caught up, but just relax into it today. It's Monday. It's the start of the working week for many. So they can just hear us just ponder over what we've been up to. Have you done a lot? It has been a while. I've done a lot of sort of nothingness. Same. Yeah. You've been places though.
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Chapter 2: What recent travels have the hosts experienced?
Yeah, but you can get there. We've said this before. You're ambiguous with, like, people will assume you're... You're racially ambiguous. Yeah.
I'm an international comedian.
Yeah. Yeah, so I think... I can imagine you look like you're from Barcelona.
I could be Spanish.
I reckon you walk in places, order, and they go, he's got it English. Yeah.
When I was in Moldova the other week, I was there for three days, and every day I'd go to the thing, and I would ask, I'd just ask by saying the name of the thing. Yeah. And after three days, the woman said to me, Moldovan?
Yeah.
I was like, no. She went, oh, I didn't know if you're from Moldova. I was like, well, you must know I'm not Moldova after three days. What, you went to the same place every day?
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Chapter 3: What are the highlights of the hosts' experiences in Barcelona?
Yeah, actually it was two days it was I'm knowing about. Yeah.
Yeah, well, this is what I mean. Ethnically ambiguous. You could fit in anywhere.
Yeah, so he gets away with it. But as I said, I've never been to Barcelona.
I've been with friends who, like Bev looks very not, she's very sort of blonde. Northern, white.
Yeah, you look less Eastern European. You could never be from Ukraine.
I could be from Ukraine. No, you've not got Scandinavian about you either, have you?
That's what I meant.
You've not got the blonde element.
No, I don't look particularly Scandinavian. You're Western Europe. I could be Eastern Europe as well. If you said I was from Turkey, you could believe that.
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Chapter 4: What humorous stories arise from the hosts' travels?
India. No. China. No. No. A lot of them, though. South Africa. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But go back to Barcelona. Genuinely, I almost got mugged. Almost got mugged for my watch. That happens.
That does happen.
Yeah. I'd been warned about it a few nights before by a very horrible, rapey Canadian guy.
He was going, I'm going to mug you.
No, he was a twat, by the way. So I went with my cousin Sonny and we just ate and drank for four days. And we were on the seafront at one point having a sangria. And this Canadian guy came past and was like, hey, can I sit with you guys? I was like, yeah, fine. Bring a bit of life to this party. And he sat there. No offense. Wow. Wow. I don't know who you are.
You look horrible. I'm not happy with the situation, but you're going to be better than what I've got.
That's what you just said then. So he came and sat down.
So is it just you and Sonny there?
Yeah. To be honest, like, I was open to a third at the start. I was like, come sit down. He sat down, right? And he was, how can I describe him? So he was like, fairly good looking guy, probably about 45, 50. And he was, it transpired that- And he was Canadian. He was wearing like chinos, nice fitted shirt. And he told us that he was like half Italian.
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Chapter 5: How do the hosts feel about their recent pub experiences?
So I don't know what MCAT makes you feel. What is MCAT? I don't know. It was a synthetic drug that was legal. It was like meth, I think. So he goes, I never did MCAT. So I just go to him. have you done cocaine right and he lent into me and he went i just fucking told you right this is like the fifth thing he said to me he goes i just fucking told you i ain't done no drugs
And I went, well, you didn't know, did you? He said, you've never done MCAT. And I've asked about cocaine. And I was like, straight away, I'm like, it was quite loud in this place where we were. So every time he was talking, because he was so rude and a bit racist, I just kept calling him a twat under my breath. It was a bit immature, but he'd be talking and he'd be talking at you.
And I'd just be going, you're a twat. You are a twat, like that. And he just couldn't hear me. And then... What were you getting out of that? Just satisfaction.
I can see that, yeah.
Could Sonny see you doing it? Yeah, I was doing it for Sonny. I was playing to the crowd of one. And then, so Sonny was going, he is, he is. Sonny is a bit more tolerant of him, though, right? And then... Because he likes MCAT. Yeah, and he's racist. But then he'd sort of lean back on his chair.
He was talking about the women that he'd shagged, and it didn't always sound consensual, if I'm being honest. So he's a... I'm going to call this guy... He was probably- Stevie. Do you remember his name? No, I'm going to call it... I think it was a rapist. The Maple Raper. That's what I'm calling him.
The Canadian... The Maple Raper? The Maple Raper, yeah.
So this Maple Raper... Sounds like an urban legend. He was leaning back on his chair, right? And he kept doing this weird thing where he would spit in the fucking street. He's the worst cunt. This guy sounds awful. Mate, he's a prick, right?
I mean, the fact that he hasn't got any mates to hang out with and just comes to join your group...
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Chapter 6: What insights do the hosts share about their personal lives?
No. Fair play to whoever mugged this cunt. Whoever mugged this cunt.
Yeah. Keep it up. So then after a while, this other guy comes over. This guy's going to sit there. He was from Birmingham, right? So he heard the English accents. He was a brown guy, right? Yeah. So he sat down, and then Maple Raper over here, Canadian cunt, he leans back on his chair, and I'm sort of just watching him. I'm not drunk by this point, by the way.
And I'm just sort of watching him, and he leans back, and he goes, and he's being really cold to this guy. I'm like, this fucking guy's a prick. And he goes, I don't know how I feel about you, man. That's what he said. So I've gone, why? Because you were fine with me and Sonny, so why? And he goes, it was you guys that took my watch. And I went, what? Was it actually him that took your watch?
And then he was like, no, no, it was those guys. And I was like, what do you mean? And I was like, where are you from, mate? And he went, Birmingham. So it was a bunch of Birmingham lads that took your watch. And he was going, no, brown guys. And I was like, oh, fuck this guy.
Yeah, fuck.
so the brown guy gets up and walks off and I'm like I actually cannot he didn't know who I was but I cannot bear the thought that he thinks I'm with this cunt so I just got up straight away I called the guy a prick I said you're a fucking twat mate I said you've been fine with me and Sonny but you're kicking off at him I went you're a fucking melt I've walked off I've gone to the mate I was then going to go brown guy I was like give him his watch back and we're fine
So I've called him back. Mate, come here, come here. I go, I just want to let you know that I'm not with that racist cunt over there. And he was like, he's odd, isn't he? I was like, yeah, he is fucking odd. That's such a polite way of putting it. When you called him a cunt, and that guy... I was like, he's been spitting everywhere.
One thing I didn't tell you as well, at one point, Sonny went to the toilet, this was before the other fourth guy came, so just me and Canadian cunt, and he spits, right? And he gets it on my fucking arm. I'm not making any of this up, right? And I'm looking at... And I'm already hating him at this point. And he goes, sorry, dude, just spat on you there. I know.
I can see it. That's why I look like this.
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Chapter 7: What challenges do the hosts face with home maintenance?
Because I've realised it's not a dislike for the seafood, but it's more of a phobia. So I want to overcome the phobia. And if I can get to a point where I can eat seafood, even if I don't like it, I'm fine with that. I just don't like that I'm scared of eating something. So yeah, that's where I'm at.
um but yeah no uh it's a great place isn't it it's so good i've been back for a year or so like that i'm desperate to get back again soon it's funny because every time i've been i've been four times i literally stay about an hour from the casino and i would just walk from the hotel to the casino every day and maybe a little bit on the seafront but this time we walked to like the rambler and we'd like walk through and i was like there's a whole new world out here
Do you know what's lovely just off the Ramblers? Plaza Real. There's a square. If you're coming up from the beach on the right-hand side, a little square there with loads of bars and that. Did you go there? Yeah. Lovely. I saw it.
Love that place. I did text you because I wanted to find out where the pincho stuff was, the little cocktail places. Didn't get there. Got too drunk. Sad scene. Next time. When we go, we'll do it. You'd love Barcelona.
I'm sure I would. Let's do it.
Let's do it.
Let's do a Barcelona trip and we'll do it. We'll invite Alfie, but he probably won't come. Alfie won't come. He's away for a month. Let's do it soon.
Okay. Let's do it soon. We literally only need to do one or two nights, don't we? Yeah, two nights. Yeah, two nights. Let's do it. Let's do it. What have you been doing, Stevie? I think I've got a wart coming on my hand. Oh, mate, me too.
Oh, that is a henchman.
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Chapter 8: What reflections do the hosts have on their drinking habits?
Bazooka, that verruca. I need to get that.
Yeah. Not brandy. Mental that that's your all caught up.
You said, I'm sorry, but when I said it, you got well excited.
Are we still recording here? Is this part of the episode? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's just, sorry, I'm just playing with a console. It's really annoying me. People like us... Don't play with your... Leave the wart. Where's yours?
Isn't that how you transfer warts? By touching?
Yeah, and he keeps tapping me on the shoulder.
You're going to get different hands.
Yeah, but I don't care.
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