Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Hi, this is Joel and Victoria. Thanks for listening to our podcast and thanks for supporting the ministry. If you enjoyed today's message, why don't you be a blessing and share it with a friend? We appreciate you and pray for God's very best in your life. Well, God bless you. Always a joy to come into your homes. We love you and we know God has great things in store.
If you're ever in our area, I hope you'll come out and be a part of one of our services. We'd love to have you. I promise you, we'll make you feel right at home. But thanks so much for tuning in today I like to get started each week with something kind of funny. I heard about this groom at the wedding rehearsal. He said to the minister, I'll make a deal with you.
If you'll change my wedding vows and leave out all that love, honor, and obey stuff, I'll give you $100. He pressed a hundred dollar bill into the minister's hand and walked away quietly with a big smile. The next day during the ceremony, the minister said, do you promise to bow down before your wife, take her breakfast in bed every day, fulfill her every desire?
He gulped in astonishment, said in a weak voice, I do. Then he leaned forward and said, I thought we had a deal. The minister handed him the money back and said, your wife made me a much better offer. Amen. All right. Hold up your Bible. Say it like you mean it. This is my Bible. I am what it says I am. I have what it says I have. I can do what it says I can do.
Today, I will be taught the Word of God. I boldly confess my mind is alert. My heart is receptive. I will never be the same. In Jesus' name, God bless you. I want to talk to you today about living without crutches. A crutch is something or someone we rely on too much. It's supposed to be temporary, just there till we heal up or until we're able to do it on our own.
It's not supposed to be permanent. One of the hardest things for us to accept is everyone was not meant to be in our lives forever. Some people are, of course, our husband, our wife, our children. But then there are other people that God brings across our path for a season. They weren't meant to always be there.
Maybe for a season, there's somebody there to help mentor you, to help you grow, or to help you raise your children, to help you make it through a difficult time. But too often we think this is the way it's always going to be. They're not going to leave. I couldn't make it without them. What happens is we become too dependent on them.
If God didn't move them away, instead of helping us, they would end up actually hindering us. They were good for a time, but now they're limiting our growth. We have to be big enough to recognize when somebody's part in our story is over. Does it mean they're not a good person? Does it mean we still can't be friends, love and respect them? But we have to accept the fact that things are changing.
This is a new season and if we're gonna go forward, we've gotta be willing to let that go. And this is very difficult for most people because we don't like change. We don't like the uncertainty that comes from things being shaken up. But if we could just see change in the right way and realize when God closes a door, it's because he has something better in store.
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Chapter 2: What does living without crutches mean?
He was so good at what he did. I used to think I could never do what he does. He is so creative. He can write, he can direct. I'm just not that talented. Well, one morning he came in about a year after he started working there and he said, Joel, I'm leaving next month. I'm going back home. I said, no way. You cannot leave me with this job. I don't know what to do.
Everything's going to fall apart. He said, sure you do. You've watched me for a year and I've watched you. There's no reason you can't do what I'm doing. No reason you can't handle this by yourself. I said, that is not true. You're just being kind. And I begged him to stay. I said, we'll pay you more money. We'll give you more time off. You can go home, but then come on back again.
He said, no, I know this is the right decision. He left. That first couple of weeks, I was so nervous. I didn't know what I was doing. I called him every other hour asking him questions. But in a month, I started to feel more comfortable. In six months, I thought I'm pretty good at this. A year later, I said, what did I ever even need him for?
Laughter
I realize now him leaving was the best thing for me. If he had not left and forced me to stretch, forced me to use my God-given talents, then I would have never stepped into my divine destiny. If somebody walks away in your life, whether it's a business relationship like that or a personal friendship, don't beg them to stay.
Don't try to talk people into working for you or loving you or coming to see you. Here's a phrase you need to remember. Let them go. Your destiny is not tied to the people that walked away. Just like in my case, them leaving somehow, some way is going to launch you into a new dimension of your life. You're not going to step back. You're going to step up to who you really are.
And understand, if they walked away, it wasn't an accident. If you tried to make it work and it didn't happen, accept it as God's plan. Let it go. God is going to open up new doors. You're going to discover new strengths and talents. Perhaps God's going to give you new friends that are more appropriate for where you are in this time in life. After all, things are always changing.
The people that were your friends when your children were in school together, they may not be your same best friends when your children are not in school. But you know what? That's okay. Accept it and allow God to bring you new friends. Too many people today are trying to ride a dead horse. They're holding on to something that God's been done with for five years.
They wonder why they don't have any joy, why they can't get along. Listen, if the horse is dead, it's time to dismount and allow God to do something new. When that man left my life, I had a choice. I could either sit around in self-pity and think it's not fair. Look what I've lost. Or I could say, God, I know you would not have allowed him to leave unless you had a plan for me to go forward.
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Chapter 3: How can we recognize when someone’s role in our life is over?
I know some of you are thinking, God, give me that gift right now. I can tell you their name. I know my father as a pastor, when people would come and tell him they were leaving the church. They would give him their sad story and tell them everything that had gone wrong there. They expected my father to be down and discouraged. They were always shocked. My father was just as happy as could be.
He never tried to talk them into staying. He didn't try to convince them they were making a big mistake. Oh, please don't leave. I'm sure we'll change. No, he was always very gracious. He always thanked them, prayed over them, and then he walked them to the door. He didn't say it, but I know what he was thinking. The sooner you go, the better off for both of us.
You want people in your life that are supposed to be there. When God has them there, they don't find fault in everything you do. When God puts them there, you don't have to manipulate them to stay. That's what I love about all of you. I don't even know most of you by name. I can't call you personally.
I can't come to your children's ball games, but you don't come because you need me to stroke you and you need all this time and attention. You come because God puts you here and you're mature enough to know you don't need Joel to touch you. You just need God to touch you. When God joins people to you, you don't have to play up to them and do everything perfect or they're going to leave.
I know people that walk on eggshells trying not to offend their friends, making sure they don't get on the bad side at the person at the office. Well, if I don't go to lunch with them each day, Joel, they'll get upset and probably start talking about me. Listen, you don't need friends like that. That's not a true friend. That's somebody trying to manipulate you.
They're trying to control you to do everything they want you to do. Let them walk away. You don't need them to fulfill your destiny. Those kinds of people, if they're not talking about you now, don't let it fool you. It's just a matter of time before they will. You cannot keep people like that happy. The sooner they go, the better off you're going to be.
I think about in my own life how I've tried to win people over, tried to keep them as my friend. I thought the church wouldn't continue without them. So I played up to them, let them control me. One day I realized what I'm telling you. I can't live my life like that. I don't have enough energy and my time is too valuable to try to keep somebody happy that's never going to be happy.
I knew no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried, they were going to find some reason to complain, some reason to find fault. They're going to give me a new problem to fix. I love this scripture in 1 John 2, 19. It says, they went out from us because they were not a part of us. That tells me when somebody leaves your life, they are no longer a part of your destiny.
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Chapter 4: What should we do when people leave our lives?
Their time is over. If you'll stay open, God will give you people that are not just with you, but people that are for you. It's a big difference. When you're with me, you're there as long as I perform perfectly, as long as I give you everything you need, as long as I don't make any mistakes. But when you're not just with me, but you're for me, you believe the best in me.
You don't try to control me. You give me room to make mistakes. You don't need my attention all the time. You give more to the relationship than you take away. That's the kind of people God wants to bring into your life. You don't have to try to make this happen. Just be your best each day and God will bring you divine connections. And then when that season is over, you don't have to get upset.
You can let them leave with your blessing, continuing to love and respect them. I have people, we were friends way back, used to spend all this time together, but now my path has gone a different direction. They've had changes in their life. We may see each other only once every two or three years, but when we do, it's just like old times. You know why? We understand this principle.
God had us in each other's lives for a season. We recognized when things were changing. We didn't try to make something work out when we knew down deep it was over and done. We accepted it and today we're both better off and we're still friends. That's the way it's supposed to be. Don't fight change. My father used to say, nothing is forever.
When you hold on to someone, when you know down in here God is done with it, it's going to be nothing but a headache. And I've learned this. God will always bring the right people into your life. But the key is you've got to let the wrong ones walk away. If you don't let the wrong ones go, the right ones will never show up.
And sometimes people play up to our weaknesses to try to convince us that we have to have them in our lives. They'll try to make you think that you're not smart enough on your own, you're not talented enough, and you need them to make up for what you're lacking. Don't believe those lies. Years ago, there was a young lady that worked for us here at the ministry.
She grew up in a small town, moved here in her mid-twenties. She was very smart, very bright, talented young girl. But I noticed that she never drove to work. She always had a young man drop her off every morning. And one day we were just talking in passing. I said, hey, you thinking about getting a car? She said, oh, Joel, I have a car. And I drove everywhere in my small town.
But when I got here, my friend told me because the city is so big and so complicated and because I'm not used to driving on the freeways, he would have to bring me to work every day. I thought, all right, that's fine. That's nice for a while. But I said, when are you planning on driving? She said, oh, I don't think I'll ever be able to drive in this city. He said, it's so bad. It's so congested.
I looked at her and said, can I tell you something? You are extremely talented. Do not allow some yo-yo to convince you that you cannot drive on our freeways. I told her, I know people that are 18 years old. They are no smarter, no brighter, no more talented than you, and they drive up and down these freeways every single day. She went back and told that young man what I said.
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Chapter 5: How can we grow without relying on others?
I think about Moses. When God told him to go tell Pharaoh, let my people go, Moses said, God, I can't do that. I stutter. I'm not a good speaker. God, let me take my brother Aaron. He's a good communicator. He's got a lot more confidence in me. If I have him, I know I'll be able to pull it off. What was Moses saying? God, I need a crutch. I need somebody to make up for my weakness.
And so he took Aaron with him, but I love what happened. When they got before Pharaoh, just as Aaron was going to step up to speak, something rose up on the inside of Moses that said, Moses, this is your time. You do not need somebody to speak for you. I've given you everything you need. Moses put his shoulders back. held his head up high. He said, hold on, Aaron, I've changed my mind.
I've got something to say. Pharaoh, let God's people go. It's interesting. The scripture never says that Aaron actually spoke for Moses. I believe God is saying that to each one of us. You don't need your friend to speak for you. You don't need your neighbor to drive for you. You don't need your cousin to tell you what to do. You are equipped.
God wouldn't have presented you with that opportunity if he had not already given you everything that you need. And some of you today, you're relying on other people to carry you. For instance, let me do the report at the office. You don't write well enough. Don't believe that lie. Let me drive you everywhere you're not able to. It's just too bad. Let me speak for you at the meeting.
You're not very good in front of people. No, how do they know what God's put on the inside of you? Next time that happens, you need to rise up like Moses and say, hey, wait a minute. This is my time. This is my moment. I don't need you to speak for me, to write for me, to believe for me, to drive for me, to encourage me. I don't even need you to pray for me. I can pray for myself.
I am getting rid of these crutches. Friends, God has equipped you. You are anointed. You are empowered. You are well able. Don't let people play out to what you think are your weaknesses. And I understand some older people need someone to drive for them, but I'm talking about when we shrink back and don't do it because of fear. And it's easy to become too dependent on somebody else.
And if we don't break out of that rut and get rid of those crutches, we can go year after year, allowing other people to keep us from our destiny. Well, you say, Joel, I kind of feel like Moses. I don't feel like I have what it takes. I'm quiet, I'm reserved, I'm shy. That's just how I felt when my father went to be with the Lord back in 1999. I didn't think I could get up here and minister.
I was afraid to get up in public. Had all these thoughts telling me that I couldn't do it. But down in here, I had a strong desire. I knew that I was supposed to step up and pastor the church. And again, God will never give you the desire without giving you the ability. God would have never told Moses to go speak in front of Pharaoh unless he knew Moses could do it.
And so the first couple of Sundays after my father went home to be with the Lord, I got up and I ministered. I did the best that I could do, but I still trying to figure out if I was able to and if I really had what it takes. One Sunday, I was sitting there listening to a guest minister. As he was speaking, something rose up in me so strongly that said, Joel, this is your time.
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