Henry & Eddie bring you this week's weirdest stories - from the road - as the boys hit Philly and Brooklyn for shows - but first - a major Side Stories announcement... THEN Salmon Hats ONCE AGAIN trending in the Orca community, Chris Chan expecting?!?, Clif High and Predictive Linguistics forecast alien invasion to begin 39 days after Trump's appearance on Joe Rogan Experience, Mysterious Drones spotted across US & UK, Listener UAP-Mails, and MORE! For Live Shows, Merch, and More Visit: www.LastPodcastOnTheLeft.comKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Last Podcast on the Left ad-free and a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.
Chapter 1: What announcement do Henry and Eddie make at the beginning?
There's no place to escape to. This is the Last Podcast on the Left. Side stories?
That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. First of all, what a lovely day to be in New York City. Our childhood homes, comedy childhoods. Comedy childhood. You're from here. I'm from here. I'm from here, not to brag, but I never get to do this. We never get to do this as a show. What's that? Bringing somebody new, a new permanent...
third co-host to side stories big news big news big news i i can't believe it obviously it took a lot to really work it out but i'd like to introduce you one of our favorite comedians who's going to be joining side stories permanently big news big news rock and roll Hunter, come in here. Yes. Hunter Biden, everybody. Come on in, brother. Come on in. Fooled you. Fooled you. You fucking idiots.
Chapter 2: Who is the new permanent co-host introduced in this episode?
Free at last. Free at last. I love you, Hunter. He went to the mountaintop. folks dude i love a guy that got to smoke crack smile along the way and make it out alive who do you think has had more sex in the white house hunter biden or jfk oh man bill clinton come on in terms of gay sex it might be abraham lincoln free chelsea clinton Where is she at? Yeah. Let's investigate Chelsea Clinton.
Can we investigate Chelsea Clinton? Welcome to Side Stories. I'm Henry Zebrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. Yes. And we are going to be actively investigating Chelsea Clinton and whether or not she has nipple rings. That's right. I want to see him. We're here in New York City. Big show on Saturday with Last Podcast on the left at King's Theater. Come check us out.
It's going to be fucking great. We're in Philly on Friday, but it won't even matter for you because those tickets are sold out. Sold out, baby. That's right, man. And I will be making an appearance as everybody's favorite. Not president. Whoa. Who's that going to be? I'm guessing Jeffrey Epstein. My favorite guy. You know, you guys, I love him. Your favorite politician. I love that guy.
He was honestly one of the most powerful, one of the most powerful politicians of all time, if you can call him that. Also, don't forget, we're going to be at the Masonic Lodge on December 21st with Classy Night Out. It's going to be a blast. There's still a couple tickets left for that. That's in Los Angeles at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. Please join us for that. All right.
Now, this is a lot of news is coming out. Obviously, we celebrated Hunter Biden's freedom. Goddamn. I just love, again, I love his smile. I love that it's another person related to a president that I could draw his cock by memory. And I really appreciate that about him. I get it. We love his energy here. That's right. We love what he brings to the table.
We think he's a fun guy and he's going to get out there. And I'm hoping next. What's Hunter Biden's next steps, Eddie? Hunter Biden. I'm thinking either WWE or you porn. Wow. Yep. I could see him fucking Kim Kardashian. Can we make this happen? Can Hunter Biden start dating Kim Kardashian? New sex tape. See, I feel like even Kim Kardashian's old. I think we need somebody new.
I think that he needs to go steal Bianca Sensori. who's that oh my god new nipples out lady dude i mean i feel scared for her she makes me feel kind of uncomfortable man do you think hunter biden's strapped right now like a gun a dildo it's a huge penis there's a neat one He really doesn't need one. Imagine if he had one, like, on his back, though. He could just strap on on his back.
Yeah, and he'd be like, fuck two chicks. Come on now. Come on. Come on. Come on. Hop on the small of my back. Hop on the small of my damn back. I want you to come on the small of my damn back. Ah, yes. Good old free free. Yeah, I love that he's out there, and I love that he's going to fuck your wife. He's going to fuck your wife. He's going to ruin a dinner reservation, and I love that for him.
He gets to be out there. You know what? Also, fight Mike Tyson.
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Chapter 3: What are the latest trends in the Orca community?
is that apparently they do sort of, they don't really know the source of why. They know that they have communities. It's a style. But they said that there actually might be a real reason, too, is that they were, at that time period, 1987, when it happened, was a time when this group, this pod, the K-pod or whatever, was in this harbor, and there was an overabundance of salmon.
So part of them thinks that maybe some of the
behavior is literally salmon storage okay on the edge of their heads and that they think they'll get to it later yes and then they also think now the reason why that's actually coming back is more is he kind of interesting is that now it's the j-pod i think this is what they're called that are now doing it and they're saying that they think that some of those guys used to be members of k-pod oh so it's like they're bringing back oh it's like they're doing the retcon that's fucking they're bringing it back the nostalgia is nostalging again the member berries
That's amazing. That's all it is. I love my orcas. Congrats on the salmon. Salmon probably easy to catch. It's also very expensive right now. By the time they get to the ocean, you know, they're slower because they've been working so hard. Their skin's off, you know, so I think that easy to catch. Wear them as a hat.
He's just making judgment calls about salmon, and I'm not going to do that to you. I love salmon. We both had salmon for lunch. We did. And he got a bigger piece. That's right. I watched him get a bigger piece. I should have gotten the bigger piece. Why? Because I'm bigger than you, and I need more food. But I'm just as dense. Yes, you're just as dense, but I need more salmon than you do.
I could have went for more, to be honest with you. Yeah, of course. I eat a pound and a half at home in one plank. It's not good. But yes, this is one update. The other update, there is another update, which you're not going to be happy with. What's this one? Our favorite lady, the sexiest person in the influencer world, Chris Chan. Might be a mommy. We are looking at it right now.
Chris Chan has made a bit of what they're calling a coquettish statement about maybe being a mommy, saying that they've been seen regularly at the same con I was with last time with a really good friend of mine, Ked Cadet, who runs these cons. This is the same time when Chris Chan just showed up at that place I was at in Raleigh last January. You remember that? No.
Do you remember when I was saying that he met... I just learned about Chris Chan on the show a couple months ago, that their existence... I think we talked a little bit about this, about how Chris Chan was at this Comic-Con, this Animate-Con in Raleigh that I went to, and... Did you put a baby in there? She was there. No, they can't hold the baby yet.
She's got a girlfriend that goes by the name of Flutter. At the time, remember I told... Oh, yeah, it's gross. It's not good.
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Chapter 4: What bizarre news involves Chris Chan?
Cliff High predicted this. Now, it's a computer scientist known for his past predictions using a tool they call predictive linguistics. High, who previously predicted the 2004 Indonesian tsunami... Okay. But that was one. All right. And they also say. Like to the day or that that was just going to happen? To the day. And they also said that they called 9-11.
But you can't say you called 9-11 after 9-11. They said after that they had called it before. A plane hits the building. I called it. I was like, no, you didn't tell anybody. If you didn't tell anyone, then you're a criminal. Then you're implicated. You're correct. But have you seen any of the stuff with LeBron James pretending to have like red or like no things? No. Like LeBron James has.
I mean, I do that all the time. He has an issue where he has been caught red handed, not knowing what he's talking about. And he always says, oh, yeah, I read that. Oh, yeah, I'm working on that. Right. Of course, he doesn't know anything. He was a pro basketball player at 18. How would he know anything? I like that he's into candles and he is trying to read more. Yeah. And I love LeBron James.
I love him. I think in terms of a man to look up to as a business leader and a father and a competitor.
My LeBron James Miami's right now.
And he's good to look up to. Now, according to this guy, he'll... Cliff High talks about, I guess, what they say is some form of predictive analyst. So this High's predictive system works by analyzing internet data and identifying patterns and language that can indicate major upcoming events, including political changes and natural disasters.
His latest claim about an alien invasion has captured significant attention because what he basically said is that when Trump floated, that he might be on Rogan. Of course he was going to be on Rogan. There was a couple days where we didn't know whether or not because they were trying to get Kamala and him. And then Rogan came out and just became a Trumper.
And all that shit went down in like four days. Of course he became a Trumper. He came to his studio and did an interview. He always was. But now we know that Rogan is. But he always was. And then having Trump be there is how we then know for certain that he is. And then it's why he's complicit and why he's going to be. And eventually be sort of to blame for everything that's to come.
But this guy, Donald Trump, they said that, according to Cliff High, putting to the machines, that if Trump does agree to go on Rogan, and I don't know why, I think it's because this is considered to be a high benchmark vote. For audience, like 20 million people about listening to Rogan, I would say.
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Chapter 5: What predictions does Cliff High make about an alien invasion?
I always have dreams where I, that is a common occurrence for me for dreams that I fall into a big like ocean and I can breathe the water. That's fun. Maybe it's because I'm a fish. You may be part fish. Who knows? Definitely a little bit of a walrus. Whatever, dude. Oh, God. Man, I don't know. I mean, they're doing nothing. What are they doing? Just observing? They don't know what to do.
Hanging out? Dude, they literally don't know what the fuck to do. Look at this. This is what they're talking about. This is over Jersey. See, this weird-ass configuration, it looks like a natural formation. Like, it doesn't look... And it is moving. It is moving, and it's swirling, and the fucking, like... You see, that's solid as fuck.
Yeah. Yeah.
Like, what is this shit? Like, legitimately, it's just... I just... I don't know, man, because it is ramped up noticeably in the last month. So what are... Do you have any theories? You keep saying, I don't know, but like... Well, it's... If it could possibly be... I mean, all of our audience is going to be like, you know how much of our audience they all hate? Half of them hate that shit.
So it's so hard to like... I mean, I hate it too, but I'm doing my best to learn and be a part of it. Look at the news and tell me it's not going crazy. You know what I mean? That's the difference. It's like the legit... When the legit news... stands there. Not even the funny, silly news. You have two anchors. You're watching in New Jersey. These two anchors are openly arguing about what it is.
They're talking to the police and they're talking to the FBI. The police are asking people in New Jersey to tell them what it is. They don't know what the... That's what's hard. Obviously, a lot of it does end up getting debunked. which is good, but they try to do it kind of quickly, and it seems to be coming faster than they can debunk it.
Yeah.
And it's... I... What if we made a big mistake on November 5th? Oh, it doesn't have anything to do with that shit.
I don't think so. It's a coincidence.
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Chapter 6: What mysterious drones have been spotted in the US and UK?
If they're going to come out and say that it is their father now, I'll tell you that much. I think that's why they're trying to do this. They're trying to get money because I think that money's gone. Yeah. I don't think they got any of that D.B. Cooper money because it was like 75 grand 100 years ago. Yeah, that's not too much. No, I don't know. I don't remember what it was, but it's not enough.
And also D.B. Cooper. People love the story of D.B. Cooper. I think that people like it because he got away with free ass money. And people like when somebody gets away with free ass money. Well, and also just jumping out of a commercial airline. There's something that people love and are fascinated by D.B. Cooper. Yeah. I mean, I like a good bank robbery.
I wish that there was still a chance for criminals to commit crimes. There's too many cameras. The playing field isn't level anymore. Because as far as I'm concerned, rob as many banks as you want. Oh, yeah. Robbed stores. As long as you don't hurt nobody. Yeah, of course. Just don't hurt people. Banks are insured. Stores are insured. Major banks. No credit unions. Even them. No, no, no.
I respect the credit union. Actually, you respect your credit union. I don't. Yeah? Oh, you want to get in the fucking bank business and you want to be innocent about it? That don't work, buddy. All right? Your fucking hands are covered in blood, too, credit unions. All right? You're just as incomplicit. The only thing that's not complicit? Pure, raw, uncut diamonds. Yeah. TD Bank's fucked again.
They got caught embezzling over a billion dollars. They're motherfuckers. Man, you remember when you'd go to TD Bank? That was my favorite because we used to go because you used to bring your change in. And then you used to go put your change in the change machine. I like playing the change and you try to guess and there was that little girl who was like, nah, you don't know what you got.
Is that real? Still? What? The change machine? I don't know. I stopped going to TD Bank after they stole from my mother. Yeah. Motherfuckers. You remember they used to give us piggy banks, though? Yeah, they did. But that was back when they were new. There was a different one. They were blue, and then they turned into TD Bank. Yeah, what were they? Who gives a shit? They're fucking assholes.
Hey, you're here to hear us struggle through trying to remember something. Fucking how dare you criticize us. Yeah, well, you know, do you think that D.B. Cooper could have been scooped up by aliens? No. You fucking piece of shit. No. D.B. Cooper's fucking, I think he's grease. Yeah, he is grease. I think he's a wet spot. A shit spot in the mountains. Yeah.
Fly from your grave.
All right, let's see what else we got here. What else we got here? Do we have any... We got some UFO mail. I mean, we do have some UFO... I'm going to go into a little bit. I was trying to think of... There was the one story, because this story is like a nothing burger with the thing. He said that he couldn't...
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Chapter 7: What theories do Henry and Eddie discuss regarding UAPs?
I'd like to meet Hunter Biden. All right. Imagine that, though, if you're doing blow with someone and they put it out there and fucking snort it up with their dick. You're just like, God damn. Wow. America. Can I vote for you for anything? All right. So up in the sky. So the Orion was a bit brighter. It caught my eye and I stood watching for a few minutes.
I began to notice a movement in the stars. It seemed like the figure itself was waving or wiggling a little bit like it was twerking. like a person holding an uncomfortable pose for too long. My mind went to a UFO, but if so, this was like a projected illusion to distract or enchant me.
I felt like this was something beyond that, more than a visitor, something very old, here long before and long after us. Suddenly, the stars representing his hands dropped to the belt level. The head star shifted a bit, and I could tell this was a humanoid figure standing at rest.
Finally, I also knew somehow the head star was a face looking directly at Earth, looking directly at me, and it knew I was looking right back at it. Orion's left hand began to shift up and slightly to the west. It quickly returned to its original position near the base of the belt. It then again, and it returned again.
The star hands seemed to wave in and out of the belt area repeatedly for around two minutes.
The head start began to shudder, and from Orion's belt erupted an aurora borealis-like plume of prismatic blob, which flowed outward and coalesced into twisted ropes that grew larger in my vision until I felt my balance failing, and I was suddenly laying in the wet grass, kicking my legs up to protect my face from the stellar rainbow jizz. I writhed in the ground,
Wailing Orion as it washed over me. Warm at first, but becoming cold surprisingly fast. I laid there afraid to move and afraid to open my eyes until I started getting chilly and I stole a peek. Sky looked normal. I wasn't covered in space goo, and I had lost my cigarette and put my elbow in dog shit from writhing around.
I am still unsure if this was a nuts and bolts UFO trying to psychically invade me or an interdimensional trickster figure taking the form of Orion. Please share this story and help me unlock the meaning of this experience. Sounds like he had a stroke or a UTI and was just hallucinating. Who knows? You know? But then is this hallucination not real if you're seeing it? It's not. You're right.
It's a hallucination. You're correct. Yeah. But if it's sucking your dick, as real as it gets, buddy, and you just got Biden. All right? That's right, man. You never know. You never know. I got to go down there. I love every day knowing that I get my crack rock from my local crack guy. Yeah. He gets it from these farms upstate. And then I love the guy. Then I laugh. Taking my freshly made...
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Chapter 8: How do they relate current events to historical phenomena?
uh well joe biden oh we're gonna miss you yeah that's right and i hope that when you go to heaven jimmy carter's there waiting for you man you know jimmy carter's gonna outlive biden it's very possible it's definitely jimmy carter is like the king of hospice he put a little crown on him he won't quit he's like he's the keenan thompson of hospice He will not leave.
Anything else, Eddie, before we get out of here? No, nothing else. We did our plugs up top. We did our plugs up top. Go to patreon.com slash last podcast and left to watch this horribly filmed version of Side Stories. We're in a hotel room.
Yes, that's right.
And it looks like this. Also, go to lastpodcastandleft.com. Buy those tickets. We gave you all the live shows. We show you when we're doing it. Just fucking show up. Atlanta in January. I can't wait. January 11th at the Coca-Cola Roxy. That's the next one after this. And still, I don't know if I'm allowed to say this yet. But there might be another thing in Atlanta. The day after.
Yeah, keep your ears paled. Yes, because Eddie and I might do a full-on improv show. Yeah. And not that we've ever done that before. Yeah, no. So keep your ear to the ground. We might do it, we might not, but we're looking to maybe hopefully jump in there. And for you idiots putting your ear to the ground, check your laptop. Yeah. Yeah, for sure.
That's not where you're going to get your information from the ground, all right? You're not Pocahontas. And clean your ears. Because they're covered in dirt. Safely. Mm-hmm.
outside no q-tips apparently even though i do it because i'm a rule i love i can't stop i'm not stopping i put it right in my ear pussy i don't care that i'm wrong yeah i know it's wrong yeah yeah it's like yeah fucking without a condom it's my ear yeah it's my ear what do you want from me yeah one day i'll go get it like dripped out but for now i'm stabbing if you have so much wax that you have to go to the hospital yeah like that's bad yeah also there's a drum in there beat it
the fuck neil peered it hail satan hail gilbert godfrey baby i found this t-shirt oh wow yeah i just saw that great yeah yeah yeah yeah fuck yeah rock and roll see you guys next week bye
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