Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
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What are the safest US states during an alien invasion?
You sent me this list of the top 10 states that would be safe during an alien invasion. Yes, which do you believe it? No. You don't believe it. That's fun. I like that. You guys should do something with that. He sent this to me. He sent this to me and says the number one state is Virginia. Virginia. It's all based upon terrain, population density, how many first responders and engineers there are. But I don't understand. That's where Quantico is. Quantico? Would they be available to fight them? They're the baby cops. They're baby feds. Oh, yeah. So I don't know if they're ready to take on the alien invasion yet. Well, they're expendable. We're also not talking about... Send them out there. What I don't understand, we're not talking about all the liquid gas sitting under Virginia.
That's West Virginia. It's all the same. You keep going west. West Virginia's not on the list. No. I'll tell you that much. Because that place is just, they're considering that a write-off. It's just Virginia, Alabama, and then it says Massachusetts, which I find even more improbable. Why? You think Massachusetts is very susceptible to getting attacked by aliens? I don't think that they understand that if the attack comes by aliens, the way to go is the less population dense. I think that's the flip. I feel like everything here is the flip. I feel like it should be Montana. Yeah. Don't you think more people are going to help you defend yourself? No, because the aliens are going to win. If they're biological, I've been saying this and yelling this from the rooftops, if they're biological and if they've arrived here in a ship, we are all, the entire amount of us is entirely screwed. Well, if it comes down to bar fights, Boston would be a great place to take them.
But that's if you get them drunk first and first you have to ingratiate them with a bunch of semi-annoying Boston women because that's what will wear them down. You got to get them in there, wear them down, talk to them about the Bruins. Get up in their face talking about all sorts of playoffs. Talk about like, oh, you know, give me a guy from the Red Sox. Big Papi. Big Papi. What's he doing?
I don't know. He got shot in the Dominican Republic.
This is what I'm saying. But they flew him back. Now the aliens are distracted. We're talking about sports. Yeah. That's how you get them. But that's different. That's Boston. It's great for that then. This is the second layer. And then New York, Minnesota, Florida. I mean, Florida sort of makes sense because they're going to survive no matter what. Yeah. And I bet their spaceships get caught in the swamps. I mean, I know because they're transmedium. What's that mean? They go between water and mud and air, so it doesn't matter. They don't get stuck at all. I mean, I don't know. I mean, the Everglades is very different than like... They're transmedium. It's just dirt. It's just mud, Eddie. They're coming from fucking... From space.
The...
Welcome to Side Stories. You're sitting here with Henry Sprowski and Ed Larson, the Palladiums. He's learning. He's learning. I think that's pretty good. Wisconsin, also very safe. See, Wisconsin, I buy. Center of the United States of America. Also hammered. You know, again, I think that if you really, in my mind, I would change this all to the Dakotas because it's the least amount of humans there. That is what they're going to be looking for if they're here to kill us all. But you're wrong, though. They're looking for the people. I'm incorrect. I'm correct. According to gigacalculator.com. Gigacalculator.com. Gigasuckmydick.com. Whoa. Yep. Now we're past the intro. Alaska. So now I can say suck balls, fuck shit. But, hiney, suck testicles. Thank you. Poop. What? I'm just trying to keep us on the level here. Thank you. Alaska? Well, let me ask him. Yeah, Alaska sounds fine. It doesn't fucking matter. All right. It's all just a dead end. It's not going to happen.
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