Henry & Eddie bring you this week's weirdest stories and true-crime news - but first the safest US States for an Alien Invasion, Lori Vallow back on trial, Wild Woman Taylor Schabusiness can't stop attacking her lawyers, a California CEO arrested after assaulting "barefoot dancing man" on cruise ship, Ohio polygamist posse allegedly kidnaps and tortures man for a week in Red Roof Inn, Kentucky Teacher had sex with one of her students - then tried to get the student to kill her husband, The Return of The Direwolf, Listener E-Mails, and MORE! For Live Shows, Merch, and More Visit: www.LastPodcastOnTheLeft.comKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Last Podcast on the Left ad-free and a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.
Chapter 1: What are the safest US states during an alien invasion?
You sent me this list of the top 10 states that would be safe during an alien invasion. Yes, which do you believe it? No. You don't believe it. That's fun. I like that. You guys should do something with that. He sent this to me. He sent this to me and says the number one state is Virginia. Virginia. It's all based upon terrain, population density, how many first responders and engineers there are.
But I don't understand. That's where Quantico is. Quantico? Would they be available to fight them? They're the baby cops. They're baby feds. Oh, yeah. So I don't know if they're ready to take on the alien invasion yet. Well, they're expendable. We're also not talking about... Send them out there. What I don't understand, we're not talking about all the liquid gas sitting under Virginia.
That's West Virginia. It's all the same. You keep going west. West Virginia's not on the list. No. I'll tell you that much. Because that place is just, they're considering that a write-off. It's just Virginia, Alabama, and then it says Massachusetts, which I find even more improbable. Why? You think Massachusetts is very susceptible to getting attacked by aliens?
I don't think that they understand that if the attack comes by aliens, the way to go is the less population dense. I think that's the flip. I feel like everything here is the flip. I feel like it should be Montana. Yeah. Don't you think more people are going to help you defend yourself? No, because the aliens are going to win.
If they're biological, I've been saying this and yelling this from the rooftops, if they're biological and if they've arrived here in a ship, we are all, the entire amount of us is entirely screwed. Well, if it comes down to bar fights, Boston would be a great place to take them.
But that's if you get them drunk first and first you have to ingratiate them with a bunch of semi-annoying Boston women because that's what will wear them down. You got to get them in there, wear them down, talk to them about the Bruins. Get up in their face talking about all sorts of playoffs. Talk about like, oh, you know, give me a guy from the Red Sox. Big Papi. Big Papi. What's he doing?
I don't know. He got shot in the Dominican Republic.
This is what I'm saying. But they flew him back. Now the aliens are distracted. We're talking about sports. Yeah. That's how you get them. But that's different. That's Boston. It's great for that then. This is the second layer. And then New York, Minnesota, Florida. I mean, Florida sort of makes sense because they're going to survive no matter what. Yeah.
And I bet their spaceships get caught in the swamps. I mean, I know because they're transmedium. What's that mean? They go between water and mud and air, so it doesn't matter. They don't get stuck at all. I mean, I don't know. I mean, the Everglades is very different than like... They're transmedium. It's just dirt. It's just mud, Eddie. They're coming from fucking... From space.
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Chapter 2: What updates are there on Lori Vallow's trial?
But to you, I will say the immortal words, the person who represents himself in court has a fool for a client. Yeah. Because you should know. But it doesn't matter. You know, it's funny because I think in the end, you'd be surprised what matters once you're already in jail. Yeah. If she's convicted in Arizona, does she have to go serve in Arizona?
If she lives through her three consecutive life sentences in Idaho. Okay. So if she lives through those three, she lives about 375 more years. In Idaho, she can go live and serve that time. Well, according to her beliefs, she will. Oh, well, we're waiting. We're waiting, Lori. Honestly, it will take this for me to believe in you.
You will have to physically disappear in the middle of court and God himself or herself, Alanis Morissette. If it's Alanis Morissette.
Or it's just a bunch of goo. God's a bunch of goo. Yeah. Yes.
Yeah. If God exists, it's just like, yeah. Oh, it's just goop. Yeah, it's just shit and slime. Or it's Alanis Morissette, and she's got a really good opportunity here to arrive at trial pretending to be God. I bet you we pop a wire on her talking to Lori Vallow. That'd be ironic. This is all. Wouldn't you think?
Now, can I ask you another question about this? So, her and Chad Daybell, both convicted for murdering the kids. Yes. Why does Chad Daybell get the death penalty and she didn't?
Because of the, I believe, the... Because he's a man? I don't know, honestly. I forget why. Did he actually do it or something? You have to choose. There's a thing that you do at the top of trial where you decide that death sentences will be on the fucking docket. Were they tried together or separately? Separately.
Oh, so maybe that's it.
He received the death penalty for the murders of his first wife and his second wife's two children, Lori Vallow. It was due to the judge's ruling the state's late disclosure of evidence precluded the death penalty in her case. So it was a technical fuck up, which is the reason why. And he also has a third kill. Yes, but now she might have a third kill. But again, it's Alex Cox. Alex did it.
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Chapter 3: Who is Taylor Schabusiness and what did she do?
You have to be Richard Chase. That is as far as it goes. Did he get it? No, but I believe they found him guilty, but he still went into a home for the criminally insane. Same thing with that. I watched JCS, one of my favorite true crime channels, is back. They did a thing where a guy that was at a house flipper reality show fucking...
brutally murdered his wife who didn't want to be on the show anymore and you see this guy it's like the same thing where he tried to do the insanity plea by faking being crazy and then got thrown into a mental asylum for five years continuing to try to beat the competency rap and they still said at the end of the five years yeah he's sane so then he had to be in a house of criminally insane then he had to be tried then he had to go to the fucking maximum security prison for murdering
in the first degree yeah i don't know i mean like if you're running a tv show for so long you know he didn't run he was just he wasn't even he was just the guest builder of the day he was in one episode oh i thought he was the host but taylor's your business i just gotta say um leave us alone What do you mean? I'm just saying, if you ever get out, I'm sorry. And leave us alone.
She ain't getting out. If there's a woman that I believe could tunnel her way out of jail, it's Taylor's Your Business. You think so? I think we need to have a close-ass eye on Taylor's Your Business. I think they do have a close-ass eye on her. They better. I'm really not worried about her getting out. No, but she wants to get out.
Yes.
I don't think she's very athletic.
Look at what he just did. She got nailed. She got leveled immediately.
Only because the guy twice her weight.
Yeah, man.
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Chapter 4: What happened with the Ohio polygamist posse?
By that point, you got to get somebody who's at such a thirst point for titties that they'll do anything to see them. They literally will do anything. And that's somebody who's just being released from jail. And why wouldn't she get divorced? Because it's fucking against God. Yeah. We don't know anything about the husband. No. The husband could be a horrible person. He's just a guy. We don't know.
Unless you're absolutely beating the fuck out of somebody and you're putting somebody's life in danger, you don't deserve to get killed. You should just get divorced. It is easier to get divorced. I know that it sucks. I'm not saying kill the husband. No. I'm just trying to find a motive here. The motive is because husbands are bad sometimes at it. Yeah. But cousins are boring.
15.
Ugh. Ed's counting. Ed's got the calendar out. Besides stories, LPOTL and gmail.com, who are you grooming to kill your husband? Who do you choose? I feel like you're actually also better off with a dog. A direwolf, maybe. Now we know. We talked about this a little bit, a bit of a story, just, you know, science. They have apparently reconstructed the formerly extinct dire wolf. Yes.
Which, according to some people, if you look at the actual breakdown of how they did it, it's very similar to Jurassic Park, where they used the old DNA that they found mixed with dog DNA to make a new dog. And that's why some scientists are saying it's not a dire wolf. It just looks like a dire wolf and might act like a dire wolf. It's part dire wolf. They just created a cooler dog.
But they're saying that because it's white, that's what makes it a dire wolf. But that can also be—it seems like it can be controlled by some form of CRISPR-style work that they do on dogs. And so we're seeing this, but everyone's saying— This is the company that made the woolly mouse.
Yes, but there's a lot of people that are saying, much like how when we were talking about this right before the show, Eddie brought it up, which is like, maybe we should do some other animals first. Yeah, but the white rhino is almost extinct. There's only two male or two female or something. I think the only reason why they're doing it.
Get a white rhino. Let's keep that thing going.
I feel like that they think, because the problem with scientists is, you know what I learned? You know who taught me this, sadly? Jeffrey Epstein, which is that scientists are, I always kind of thought in my head, scientists and all that stuff.
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