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Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
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What a great idea. It's 51551 We'll find out more about that later on for your text live line at rte.ie as well for your emails. I'm joined first of all, though, by someone else who's been giving blood this week as well. Idel, good afternoon to you. Hi, John. Thank you for having me on. And thanks very much for talking to us, Idel Costolo.
And will you tell me, Idel, please, about your son, Dylan? My son Dylan, he was 27 years old and he had been living and working in Sydney, Australia for four years. And he was due to come home to Ireland just one week later. He was on holiday in Bali with his girlfriend when the accident happened. And when was this, Adele? This was in April, 2004. Mm-hmm. And he was living in Sydney.
However, he was holidaying in Bali with his girlfriend and they were enjoying a holiday together before he was due to return home to Ireland. He was staying in accommodation in Bali and the entrance door was a glass panel door. He was trying to open the door using a key fob, but the door unfortunately would not open.
And as Dylan leaned towards the door, one of the glass panels in the door broke in half. The glass remained in large, razor-sharp sections, and one of the sections caught deeply into Dylan's left arm, which severed an artery, causing significant blood loss. And Dylan's girlfriend and the local people
in the area they had to get an ambulance and the ambulance arrived within minutes and Dylan arrived at hospital a half hour later and unfortunately the hospital in Bali did not have a blood supply and several hours passed before blood arrived. Tragically Dylan went into cardiac arrest two minutes after receiving his first blood transfusion and sadly it was too late for Dylan.
I'm so sorry, Adele. Where were you when all this was happening? I was at work, would you believe? Yeah, I had my phone on silent because I was at work. And I received the devastating news through Dylan's dad, who had been contacted by Dylan's girlfriend. And it was a complete shock. It's something I'll never forget.
And in the days that followed, we remained in contact with Dylan's girlfriend and the authorities in Bali. And then we made arrangements to bring Dylan home to Ireland. Dylan was brought home to Clare approximately one week later with the incredible support of the Kevin Bell Repatriation Trust.
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Chapter 2: What tragic event happened to Adele's son Dylan?
I donated some money to a homeless charity here in Dylan's memory. You know, Dylan would have done anything for anyone. He was just so compassionate. We hear about lots of people obviously heading off to Australia, living the dream, lots of young people having a great time. He sounds very deep to have been ringing home with stories like that to you as well. He really cared about people.
And I suppose our relationship was very open from a little kid. If Dylan fell, I always went down on my knees and asked, Dylan, what's wrong? I always got him to open up and talk. Whereas you hear other kids his age, they've always said they can't open up and Dylan used to teach them to open up. And I suppose it's just a treat I had and I brought him up that way. He was very open.
He was an open book, really. It sounds like he had a great relationship with Dylan. We had an amazing relationship.
Chapter 3: How did Dylan's accident occur while on holiday?
We were so close. And he used to always say to me while I was working full time and I was in college, he was like, Mom, I'm so proud of you. And I suppose you do everything for your kids. You know, you encourage your kids to do like minded things like yourself. And, you know, as I say, we had the most beautiful relationship and I was very fortunate to have that closeness that we had.
You're very strong to be able to talk about it in this way too, Adele. Or maybe that's just you, you've always been an open person too, is it? As you mentioned how Dylan was.
I've always been open and I think as well, I'm qualified as a life coach and I've helped people for years and I've worked and helped set up a suicide prevention hub in Ennis, again, helping people to open up and speak about their problems. But all the training I had to date, it was like how things turn out in life is just so weird.
It was the tools were available to myself to help myself when I needed it most. So you'd had that training previously and then you go through the most years of training, the most awful experience for any parent. And you feel it stood to you then or how to keep you strong or what? It has totally stood to me. All the training I've had to date has stood to me in my own life experiences.
I can deal with emotions and yeah, it's absolutely, it's all the training that has helped me. Plus, I'm very healthy in my own lifestyle. I don't drink because I get the worst hangovers. I go hiking at weekends. I love art. I'm an artist also. So everything I do is very positive and very beneficial to my health. And living a healthy lifestyle has certainly helped me.
Do people ask you then, Idel, often, you know, because as a parent, I can't imagine it. I can't imagine getting that phone call. I mean, losing Dylan has been devastating and he's missed every day. And I do have the odd cry, not very often, I can deal with my emotions because I'm a life coach. And a lot of what's in our head is a story we create.
So if I feel an emotion, like I feel sad, I'll acknowledge it. I'll say to myself, I feel sad. And then that emotion will disappear. And the key is to acknowledge it, not to not acknowledge it, because otherwise it will trap as tension and you'll end up literally with aches and pains. As I say, I'm fortunate I'm a life coach. And I have the tools to help myself and I live a very healthy life.
And the support from work colleagues and family and friends has been incredible, which has really helped me. And you sound so calm about this. Were you calm at the time? I was. I was calm. I took lots of deep breaths. I'm calm by nature. I'm so impressed by it. To understand exactly what I needed to find out from the hospital.
I know my sister was here and at the time I said, look, would you mind just leaving me alone? I said, because I needed my head clear so that I knew how to remain calm. And, you know, people were trying to help me. But a part of the time I was asking them, lads, I need space.
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Chapter 4: What were the circumstances surrounding Dylan's medical emergency?
I needed space to compose myself and to be clear on understanding what happened to Dylan. My friends used to say, don't cry. And I think that's the worst advice you can give anybody. But because they're not trained, they didn't understand. I think it's important if someone wants to cry, let them cry. Just be with them. So at times I was pulling away from my friends because...
I remember we were out in Galway one particular night. My friends organized it for me to take me away for the weekend. And I was in the bar. They were having drinks and I was drinking water. And tears started coming down my face. And my friend said, don't be crying. Don't be crying. And I said, I lost my son. I want to cry. But they weren't understanding where I was coming from.
As I say, I'm a life coach. I do understand it myself. But it's just when other people... They don't know what to say. They haven't been in this situation before. And I totally understand. But I think if someone wants to cry, let them cry. Just stand with them. You don't have to say anything to them. Just be there. I'm so impressed by how calm you are and how...
Well, what sound advice this is, I think, for a lot of people who would struggle really to deal with a situation like this. It's WhatsApp 087 484 888 if anybody wants to get in touch or 51551 for your text.
Do you think sometimes, Idel, we're just afraid to cry ourselves or to let people cry because we don't know if it'll stop because losing your 27-year-old son, I mean, it's unimaginable, that pain. It'll never go away. Everybody around me was heartbroken. Mm-hmm. And in that situation, it's very hard to know what to do. People do their best, you know, but as well, their heart is broken.
It's just because I have all the training, I've life experience. You know, I was a single mom from a young age and I've done so much work on myself that I know what's important. If you want to cry, just cry. You have to be good to yourself. You have to rest up. If you feel tired, take it easy. You know, you don't have to apologise to anybody if you don't want to go to an event.
If you don't want to go to an event, just say, look, I don't feel up to it today, but we'll catch up when I'm up to it. Or I need space. And don't be afraid to say I need space. Because a lot of people are. Is there somewhere you get that confidence from to be able to say that, Adele? Or you mentioned being a single mum from a young age. Did something make you tough, do you think? It's true.
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Chapter 5: How did Adele receive the news about Dylan's condition?
It's like my dad died when I was 14. I was, I mean, I wasn't emotionally mature to understand. And I suppose I carried the pain for years. And through that, I decided to do life coaching. You know, I worked at customer services for a number of years and we would deal with a lot of customers. And there was three staff members, including myself, at the customer desk.
And customers used to come in and staff members would say, next, please. And they would say, no, we're waiting for Adele. And the staff sitting beside me would say, there's no point of us being here. It's you they want to talk to, not us. And it's just, it's my nature. People feel relaxed around me. Even strangers stop me in the street and they talk and... you know, they open up.
Absolute strangers open up to me. Well, it is a skill. I'm laughing, Adele, because... I think it's because I give people time and I don't interrupt when they speak. That's important too. It's a good lesson to me and to people like me as well. When you're dealing customer service is why I'm laughing because when you deal with people, I suppose you learn from them every day, don't you?
You see so many situations come your way. It's how a person feels is how they treat you. I mean, not to take it personally. It's how they feel at that given time. So it's to listen. Listening is very powerful. You're a powerful woman yourself, Adele. 51551 if listeners want to get in touch.
Adele, did you get to see Dylan much when he was in Australia or it had been a while since you had been together? Dylan, would you believe, reached Sydney and Australia just one day before lockdown. So Dylan was stuck there for two years, not being able to have anyone to go to him. because of the restrictions and travel. But that toughened Dylan up too. You know, he even said it afterwards.
He said, I got you it. If I can get you this, I can get you anything in life.
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Chapter 6: What support did Adele and her family receive during this difficult time?
And were you doing the Zoom calls, Denny Dell and things like that? Yeah, continuously. Dylan would talk for hours. He loved to chat. His girlfriend used to get jealous and... And she used to get quite strappy. And I remember one day just pulling her up and I was saying, why did he do this? You know, Dylan's so far from home. He needs to talk. He needs to talk to his friends.
And she said, I'm so jealous of your relationship because you're so close and he talks about you all the time. And she said, I don't have that with my parents. So I find it unusual. And I said, well, there's no need to be jealous. I said, Jacob, he loves to talk. And I said, he's so far away from home that he needs to talk. They were very close, too, and they had a great relationship.
And she was looking forward to coming to Ireland, not the way that she arrived in Ireland for a funeral. You know, none of us expected that. Yeah. But yeah, I was planning to go to Dillon, but because of the accident. Well, before I was going to go to Dillon, it was around Christmas time. But Dillon announced that he was going to come home, that he missed his friends.
And so then I felt it was kind of pointless going out a few months before he was due home. So we had booked a holiday to Portugal and his friends had organized a homecoming. And, you know, it just turned into the worst nightmare of our lives that Dylan didn't get to come home. He had suffered severe blood loss, as you mentioned, Adele. When did you find out about all of this?
And an apparent shortage of blood in the hospital in Bali? Yeah, well, when Dylan's dad came into work, you know, he advised me that just get your stuff, come with me. And it was then, you know, Dylan's dad explained what happened and Dylan's dad went straight out to Bali and I was back home organizing the funeral arrangements.
Dylan was delayed coming home because there was severe flooding, the flight was actually delayed two nights. So Dylan was left in Doha and we kind of joked afterwards because Dylan always wanted to travel to Doha. Then he was, the flight was actually held up in Doha for two nights. Yeah, so, you know, everything just happened so fast and then
It was a few weeks after the funeral, a family member who's a consultant examined the medical reports and a consultant who were friends with in Galway also examined it to find there was no times on the actual medical reports for when blood was administered. It showed clearly that eight points of blood were ordered, but there was no time. So that kind of set off alarm bells with the consultants.
So then they inquired more and they were advised that blood wasn't available, that it had to be ordered in and it took several hours before blood arrived. And as I mentioned, Dylan went into cardiac arrest two minutes after receiving his first blood transfusion and sadly it was too late. And how was that for you, Idel, learning that, albeit too late, as you said, and it doesn't change things.
You see, I'm a positive person by nature and I just felt, right, something more needs to be done. And then I met a friend in Ennis who owns a business here and he explained to me what happened to his friend. His friend also died in Bali. There was no blood available. His heart weakened and in six hours... He passed away. And hearing this story really motivated me to kind of find out a bit more.
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Chapter 7: How did Adele decide to raise awareness about blood donation?
And I mean, receiving 103 donors that were eligible to attend was incredible. Absolutely incredible. Not to interrupt you. I'm a regular blood donor myself. There have been times I have been turned away as well. I just wanted to say those people should go back again because it still feels as good. It feels as good to do it the next time. Yeah. Yeah.
It was explained to them when, you know, the situation changes that they can come back and they're aware of that. All the information has been given to them. Yeah, I myself did not donate in 20 years. So Dylan has inspired me to do it. And I was delighted to do it on Wednesday evening. And I hope to do it if I can every 90 days, because you can't donate under the 90 days.
So I would hope myself to continue to do so because it's a very important initiative. And I would say to listeners out there that if they're eligible to donate, please consider doing so. Like one donation can make a real difference and help save lives. And if Dylan's story encourages even one more person to become a blood donor, then that will be a very special legacy for Dylan. Definitely.
Adele you must think about him all the time and I just wanted to ask you that if that's okay briefly. I think about Dylan every day. People might wonder because I think you're going to have inspired a lot of people who struggle with grief and we all do in different ways but As you said, let people cry. I presume those memories are also very positive. You should savour them.
Our memories are so precious, absolutely. We had such an amazing relationship, me being a young mum. I think it was the best thing ever because the closeness, it was just so close. Like my own son telling me how proud he was so many times. But there wasn't a day that when I spoke to Dylan, I always told him that I loved him. And he told his friends he loved them and they told him they loved him.
And, you know, it was a totally changed generation. And, you know, so many times I told Dylan I was so proud of him. And his girlfriend used to say to me, oh, my God, his face lights up every time you say that to him. But I just feel I'm so grateful that I had said all that to him. And he's sure 27 years that I did all that. And I think that in itself has really helped me to move forward. Okay.
that I always told him how much I loved him and how proud I was of him. You can be very proud indeed, Adele. Well done. Thanks very much for sharing with us. Thank you so much. What a positive thing you've done this week. For anyone who wants to register, can they go online to www.giveblood.ie or they can call 1800 222 111 to donate because blood donation does save lives.
Idel, you should be doing my job. I was about to give that out. You're doing, you have it all covered. Thank you so much. And you've inspired other people today because we've got more people getting in touch, be they on their way to a Metallica concert where they're giving Blood in Dublin this weekend and also other listeners getting in touch as well.
Idel, thank you very much for sharing that with us and for sharing such wonderful memories of your beautiful son, Dylan Costello Cloughesy. May he rest in peace and take care, Idel. Thank you so much, John. It's 51551. Back shortly.
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