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Chapter 1: What significant date does Michelle Ryan reflect on in this episode?
LiveLine with Ciarán Cuddehy on RTÉ Radio 1.
Michelle Ryan, you're very welcome to the show. Today is Tuesday the 2nd of June, meaning tomorrow is the 3rd of the month. What significance does that date hold for you? Yeah, well, look, tis like, tis raw. Like this time approaching 15 years ago, we still had daddy in our lives.
So, you know, today, 15 years ago, we were walking around in our normal lives and in only a few short hours, our lives as we knew it were going to stop and we weren't ever going to have our father back. We weren't ever going to see him again. What will you do, if anything, tomorrow to mark that moment? I generally just kind of stay in my own thoughts and my own memories with him.
I don't visit his grave and that sounds awfully wrong. But to me, you know, he's not there. I've always believed and I've always wanted to believe that he's more around us than what he is inside there. So that kind of, that suits me fine to believe that as well, that kind of thing.
So, Daddy, as you call him, people listening to this will know him as Bobby Ryan or Mr. Moonlight is how most people will probably remember him because Patrick Quirk's murder trial became such a big spectacle.
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Chapter 2: How does Michelle remember her father on the anniversary of his death?
It's 15 years since he died. And I'm conscious as well, Michelle, that... We didn't know 15 years ago, you know, tomorrow, 15 years ago, that he was dead. There was this period of time where he was a missing person. Yeah, that's right. There was, excuse me, there was 22 months, exactly, when he was essentially a missing person.
So to us, like as the days rolled on, we knew that essentially, yeah, he was missing, but... But we knew that it wasn't it wasn't the fact that, oh, we were ever going to, you know, we're ever going to find him and ask him what's going on and whatever, you know, as the days rolled on, as the hours rolled on, actually, that that became a stark reality to us.
So, yeah, it's just like to say, like, obviously, the 15 year anniversary, it's it's it's it's It's heartbreaking. It's gruelling. I can't believe it's 15 years, but it is 15 years because to us, we're still back in the third of June 2011. Should I find a thing? Yeah. But when his van was found in the woods and we didn't know at the time, but his body was back on the...
on the land, on the farm where Patrick Quirk killed him. What were your initial thoughts? You know, in those few days, you say, before the realisation came dropping slowly that something terrible had happened. When he was initially missing, what did you think? That something bad had happened to him.
It was kind of like, you know, in the early morning of 2011 on the tour de June, I was trying to, I don't know, I was trying to convince myself saying, oh, no, look, it's the fabulous day he could be after going to Tremor. Knowing full right and well that Niall had called to his house to see if he was OK. That could never have been a possibility. So I think in
In the hours, in the few short hours before I got down to Tipperary Town, I was trying to convince myself that, no, there's an explanation for all of this. But the more the time went on and the more messages that we were sending to Daddy, the more we were trying to get through to his phone and it was off. Like it was, we were kind of fighting with our own minds.
We were saying, oh no, no, no, there's an explanation for all of this. No, there wasn't an explanation for it. Niall had called Daddy's house.
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Chapter 3: What emotions does Michelle express about her father's absence?
And for us, that was a sense that something had happened to him. Like I rang the hospitals to see if there was a report of an accident or if somebody had been brought in and they said no. I gave them daddy's description. They said no. So when that was ruled out and then Niall had come to daddy's house, like you put the two of them side by side. It was red flags. It was alarm bells and it was...
like we were distraught. It was a case of trying to convince ourselves there has to be an explanation, even though we knew that there couldn't be an explanation. Yeah. It wouldn't have been like him not to have been in contact with you in particular, I'd say, was it? Oh God, absolutely not. Absolutely not.
And like we'd say, if Daddy was often out, we'd say driving the truck and he might be out of reception. He wouldn't be out of reception for too long, let me tell you. And he'd be back on the blower to you, do you know? So when I sent Daddy the message to say, Daddy, I need you to ring me, it's important. Come hell or high water, whatever that man was at, my phone would have rang.
But then to try and ring his phone again and it went into the message minder, that wasn't... No, his phone was never dead to go into message minder. Might have been out of reception for a few minutes, but you can be good and sure that wouldn't be any longer than a few minutes. Yeah.
And then 22 months later, so when his body was found, this sounds a strange way of putting it, but was there any sense of... of relief? I mean, had you convinced yourself he was dead or was there still some part of you that thought maybe there's a sliver of a chance he's alive somewhere?
No, it was always kind of like a fight of conscience, you know, because like we'd say there was certain people saying, oh, well, you know, maybe he had enough of it and he went away and like we were there. No, not at all. But you do dislike. And the more days that went on, like to me, I would say the morning after, we'd say the third of June, I went up and I was walking down.
I started to walk as part of the Christ King and I was walking down and I was like, No, we're never going to see him alive.
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Chapter 4: What challenges did Michelle face during the 22 months her father was missing?
Like whatever is after happening to him, it was a case of getting him back. Now it's a case of finding him. And so it was really and truly was a battle. And like we had to be treading on careful ground as well. And because we had kids and the kids were asking questions, I think the more we were saying it,
the more we wanted to believe in ourselves that, no, he's going to come, he's going to come back in and, you know, like, you know, we'll kill him and then we'll give him a hug and all of this business. Have we gone through your head? But like we knew deep down in our gut, we knew in the bottom of our hearts that there's not a hope. If daddy was anywhere in the world,
he would have made contact some way to say, look, things got too hard. I need space. I need to get my head right. Whatever the case is. And like, there's not... Because I had such a close bond and a close relationship with Daddy, let me tell you, there is not... There isn't any one thing that I'd have said that I would have been worried about him because we used to always chat.
We used to always talk like if he wanted an opinion, he'd come to me or if he wanted to chat, he'd come to me. And if there was something we'd say, that he felt, well, Jesus, I can't really go to Shelley with that. He would have went to his brother, which he was very close to as well. So that had all of that tied up tight. You know what I mean? There was nothing that I didn't know about Daddy.
Do you know that kind of thing? Like, as I said, I could have set my clock to that man. I swear to God, even if I was going down to town before I'd had my hand on the handle to open the front door, he'd have rang, Shelley, you're not going down to town today. Like, it was ridiculous, but that's the way it went on. So in
order like if we had an estranged relationship and we didn't talk to her for days or whatever and that was our normal you'd say all right well yeah but the fact that we talk first thing in the morning then there could be 20 phone calls throughout the day and then there'd be messages in between hand and then he'd ring me on the way home from work shelly are you around town today i am daddy yeah why what's up i should give a shout out there i'll put on the kettle
And that was the normal routine. So to go from that into not being able to make contact with them on the 3rd of June. And as I said, we had kids, they were saying, oh, where's Grandad Bob? Because obviously they would have been used to coming to Grandad Bob as well.
We had like it was very light ground on what we were walking on and we had to be so, so careful because we couldn't in a sense, even though we knew it, but we couldn't turn around and say, tell the kids that Grandad Bob has gone to Holy God's house because number one, we had no body.
All we had was our feelings and our feelings definitely were not strong enough to sit down a child and say, well, look, it's our feeling that Grandad Bob has gone to heaven. We couldn't do that. So we had 22 months of saying this to children that, you know, he could be on a holiday or, you know, don't worry about it, you know. And like we couldn't use the words, it's going to be fine.
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Chapter 5: How did the public trial impact Michelle and her family?
I miss I so miss the contact with him. I miss I miss his company. I miss the laughs we used to have. I miss him as a person and like not just my father. Like, you know, he was to me, he was he was he was my rock. Do you know what I mean? And there was nothing that I was afraid to face inside in this lifetime because I knew that I had the backing of him.
do you know nothing I would have faced I would have faced everything and I always done it with a full heart and it wouldn't have faced me and as daddy used to always say to me Shelley if you don't have enough faith in you I have enough faith in me for the two of us and that's what and like that kicked me on again do you know that kind of thing and I it's not there anymore it's not there.
Like, as I said, like there's days still where I want to pick up the phone, you know, I know Daddy get a right laugh out of whatever after happening and I want to pick up the phone. But like, yeah, I still have him. Like anytime I change my phone, the number still goes in. And that's something that I can't leave go of. So has it changed you? Absolutely.
Absolutely, in more ways, in more ways than one. Like as I, if Daddy was to come back to this earth for one, even for 10 minutes, all it would take is for one minute to realise that I'm not the same person that I was before this. What things has he missed over the last 15 years? Oh, he's missed the grandchildren.
There was my wedding, which we'd always like, we'd always joke to say, look, I can be getting in DJs away now, but shall we all know it is me and you that's going to be up, you know, in behind the machine playing for it, like as it was with my 18th and my 21st. And he's missed, he's missed everything. He's missed, he's missed just every day of life, really, because like,
it should be his life, you know what I mean, as well. So, like, when he lost his life, essentially, it was like, you know, they say the way twins have a bond, and this is going to be an unreal way to explain it, but they say twins have a bond. They feel what each other is feeling. So, like, when Daddy lost his life, 90% of me went with him. I was left with the 10% to drag myself through.
You know, that kind of thing. It was like trying to learn how to walk again. Like at 24 years of age, the person I knew went in a matter of hours.
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Chapter 6: What feelings does Michelle have towards Patrick Quirk's lack of remorse?
And no matter what way I try and think back on it, I never actually, I don't know what it feels like to be normal anymore, even though I'm living my new normal, but I know it's not the person that I was beforehand. Patrick Quirk says, murdered him and was found guilty of his murder and people will remember different aspects of the trial.
How was that for you, actually, the spectacle that the trial became? Oh, God. Like, me, Steph and Robert, we couldn't... We were there like, is this normal? Is this what goes on in courtrooms like this? Because I remember like they're coming onto the end of daddy's trial.
Like there was people bringing their own, you know, them pull out, them pull out stools that you can get for, we say, you can get them in Aldi's or like, they're little pull out stools or light little things. People were arriving into the back of the courtroom with their own chairs. And me and Robert were like, what is, is this normal? Like, well, we don't understand as to what's going on.
And, you know, we couldn't get over the amount of public support that we had got. It was absolutely phenomenal. And still to this day, like now that I'm here speaking, I just want to thank each and every person that stood behind us and supported us. The amount of strength that they gave us to us to keep going every day. It was just, it was phenomenal. Like, you know, they're kind words.
It was just, it was so real. Like, this was a devastating part of our lives yet again. And they, somehow or another, like, public estrangers, they were able to take, you know, our mood and just lift it a small bit for us by saying, you know, like, Daddy, like, they're here for daddy. You know that kind of thing?
It was never about me and Robert, but this was like, they're here for daddy and they want to see justice done for daddy. It was absolutely surreal. Now, bringing in the stools, as I said, I remember, I think, was it for... Was it the day he was convicted?
If you wanted to stand at the bottom of the court and throw a pin in, I think it actually hit somebody on the back of the head because there was not enough room.
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Chapter 7: What memories does Michelle share about her last moments with her father?
The place was absolutely jointed. Like we had, like there was people that were coming in and we'd say, we'd say, you have the reporters and stuff there. We'd say, the first of all, there's the barristers, then you have reporters and then we'd say, you have the family seat.
And we were sitting behind the reporters and, like, there was strangers coming in, sitting down and we'd say, you have court people that are kind of telling them, you know, you know, this is for family only. And I'm kind of like, no, let him alone. They're here. We brought them on as our family. Like, let them sit down beside us. There's not enough room to sit here.
Like, let them sit down beside us. They are very welcome to join us because they are here in support of Daddy. They want to see Daddy get justice as much as we did. It was like as if they were almost as bloodthirsty as we were. It was an unreal experience. Is that the normal? We still don't know.
We always said that we'd have to go back and just, we say, dip into the back of a courtroom just to see if it is the normal. thing that goes on? Or is it just the fact that it was highlighted to the degree it was highlighted in the media? Is that why people were coming in to see what was going on? We don't know. We don't know.
But we were actually, we were amazed with the level of support that we were getting. People will remember then the people who had their little pull-out stools and everybody watching and following at home. Different details that emerged about Patrick Quirk's behaviour, about his...
The way he tried to control Mary Lowry and recording equipment and going through underwear drawers and looking up online body decomposition timelines. All of this stuff, this mountain of evidence. And then he's ultimately convicted. And despite that... you know, appeal the conviction twice and ultimately maintains that he's innocent.
I mean, does that, does it bother you that he doesn't show remorse?
Well,
It's a kind of, what way can I describe this? It's a bit mind baffling, really. So he was sentenced on the 1st of May 2019, as we all know. So he's inside there for many years now, still saying that he's innocent. But if he's innocent, why has he took the rap for murder? And also, can he come up with an explanation as to he knew where the body was?
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Chapter 8: How has Michelle's life changed since her father's murder?
So, like, I'm sure there's hundreds of prisoners inside that are saying, oh, I'm innocent. I shouldn't be here. I was wrongly done for. Like, the state didn't put Yinder under taxpayers' money for the good of anybody's health, you know, seriously. If that was the case, like, they'd be lifting everybody and putting them in just for the sake of it. So, like, if he's proclaiming his innocence...
Why hasn't? Because I know, for one, I wouldn't be keeping my mouth shut if it was a thing that, well, say, I was being told, you murdered somebody, so you're going to court and you're going to go under judge and jury for this. I wouldn't be keeping my mouth shut if it was a thing that I didn't commit murder. I'd be fighting me ground, the same as anybody else would.
But he sat there chewing the insides of his lip off himself, cold, callous.
a couple of flush days all right you know what I mean when they were going on about certain things um but we'd say um and the day that I was getting up doing the family impact statement you know the the lips were in the middle of the teeth again and he was um he was as red as a turkey but that's all right too like did he phase me no was I going to make sure that I was going to put the file nail into his coffin by reading out what I did absolutely um
But yeah, cold, callous, as you say, no remorse. And still to this day, he's still saying that he's innocent. But yeah, no, he's not coming up with any explanations in any form to say, to explain why he's innocent. Like somebody murdered Daddy. Somebody put him there when he knew where to find him.
And as it says in the court during the... Oh, you had one of the pathologists up that he was placed, Daddy was placed in the tank. And that was visible because I did see a picture of Daddy, unfortunately, in the tank. And his legs were straight and his arms were down by his body. So it wasn't a case of just rolling him in. He was placed in the tank. Yeah. So, Michelle, that's...
the last time you'd have set eyes on your father besides him being laid out? I mean, what was that like? Seeing the picture in the court, is it? Yeah. It was horrific. It's something that I always, anytime I'm saying it, I always had a full vision of the last time that I ever saw Daddy alive. And that was as you all know down below in Pat Fox's.
And it was like the universe knew that this was going to be their last time together. And it was just like, it was a night of continuous laughs. It was like everything rolled into one. And it was a memory that took me through my darkest, and I do call them the darkest of days,
And then that day inside the court when they were going, jumping from picture to picture, from picture to picture, and that came up, I was like, wow. And what I'm left with now is I have, in my mind, I can see and I can hear his laugh. Did you know it was coming up when they were scrolling through the pictures? No. Oh, God.
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