The hilarious Demi Burnett from the Bachelor franchise joins Mal this week to speak to various aspects of her story: from her late in life autism diagnosis, her affinity for lesbian porn, coming out on national television and, of course, Fortnite. There's a lot here - buckle up it's a fun ride!! Thank you to this episode's sponsor! • Dipsea Stories - Right now, listeners can get an extended 30-day free trial! Just go to https://DipseaStories.com/MADE to start your free trial. Follow our guest at @demi_not_lovato, follow the podcast @madeitout and follow mal @malglowenke WANT MORE CONTENT? JOIN OUR SUBSCRIPTION COMMUNITY FOR NEW SHOWS, ASK MAL ANYTHING & MORE!!! madeitout.supercast.com For all other inquiries, please email [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Chapter 1: Who is Demi Burnett and what is her background?
But I want to talk about your autism and your queerness and how they intersect. And to do that, can we talk about kind of your early life and your early childhood and what you were like and maybe some of the signs now that you look back on?
Yeah. Well, if we like go back to very early signs, when I was a baby, like I don't remember this, obviously. But like during my autism diagnosis, I had to get these questions answered by my mom and my dad. It was like things about me under the age of three. And it was like not being afraid of strangers.
Chapter 2: What were the early signs of Demi's autism and childhood experiences?
Like when I was under the age of three, like I wasn't I didn't recognize the difference, I guess, between like a stranger and a familiar person. Like I just didn't cry with strangers. I didn't really cry a lot though at all. I was very submissive, which is like looking back. Like very obedient, like very fawning behavior.
Like I just did exactly what I was supposed to do because I didn't want to get in trouble. And I started talking like after 18 months, which is like you're supposed to talk before 18 months. And after 18 months could be considered a delay. But what's interesting is like I started speaking in sentences like I didn't. My mom like think she says like, I don't know, your first word is probably dada.
But like you just started speaking in sentences. Wow. So that's all just very a common experience. And then there was like other weird things like like, I don't know, weird things like pooping in the bathtub, like stuff like that, like weird things. Yeah. That are like with PDA autism, which is like pathological demand avoidance. And just sometimes you can have issues with toileting.
Like I had like a weird I like strep throat, but on my butthole.
good enough when i was a kid because i just was like i just it was over it i don't know i just i was gross not gross but like you know i just avoided like hygiene and like things especially when my stepmom and my dad divorced when i was 11 okay because then i was a prepubescent woman who was not hygienic not wearing deodorant not washing in between my cracks you know like It was gross.
This is not going how I want it. This is not what we're supposed to do. What the fuck? You set me up. I'm so sorry. Hold on. Let's backtrack. Fuck.
Okay. Were there certain... situations or certain moments that felt really isolating to you?
I just had a hard time with people like misunderstanding my intentions and thinking that I was trying to like when I moved to Texas, these this this was scary. They were scary people. They're scary white trash people trying to fight me, OK, trying to fight me left or right. And I'm like, I'm 12. I'm 12. Stop trying to beat me up. Like, what do you mean you're going to beat me up?
Wait, OK, hold on. Backtrack. I where were you coming from? And Virginia, you're coming from Virginia. OK.
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Chapter 3: How did Demi discover and explore her sexuality?
I was working at Pottery Barn, and I don't know. One of my coworkers, I miss her, Sandy. Shout out, Sandy. She'll never listen to this, I don't think, but she might. She's like 75 years old. She might. If she's questioning anything, she might. Yeah, hey, she might still be single, actually. There you go. Sandy, Sandy, I would date you. Actually, I would. Mm-hmm. come on.
Um, but Sandy is wonderful. She told me, she was like, you should go on the bachelor. And then she was like, well, you should do it when you're 25. Cause I was 23 at the time. And I was like, yeah, you're right. But I guess like, I don't know. I used to get wine drunk and watch it with my friend. And so at some point I, I guess I applied.
And then they called me though, when I was at work at pottery barn and I like saw on my phone, I was getting a call from eight one eight and it was Los Angeles. And I said, Oh fuck this place. And I stepped outside and I answered the call. But I walked back in and I was like, oh, my God, that was a bachelor. And, yeah, then it just, like, started from there.
And then I was like, I'm going to get on this show. And, I don't know, just, like, I've watched so much reality TV. Like, it's just subconsciously I know how to be – like, I know how to make good TV. And also I have so much fun doing it. Okay, so just from, like –
and possible misconceptions of what I have of autism. That seems like it could be a really scary... No, that's what everyone thinks.
Okay, yeah. So can you explain to me? Yes, it's very easy to explain. So when you go on reality TV... You are a fucking princess. Like, I literally have never had more support in my life. Like, in the world, I'm on my own. No one gets me anything. If I have a problem, I have to solve it, okay? I'm alone. On The Bachelor, I say I'm hot. Someone comes running in with a fan, okay?
That is literally support, support, support. More neurodivergent people would thrive on reality shows, 100%. You literally have a handler. You have a, AKA like support designated to you. And they're never mean to you. All they're doing is like validating you constantly being nice and people pleasing you. They're perfect. It's literally amazing. I loved it. I loved it there.
Okay. So that, but what about like the social situations and with the other people? Cause that seems like a lot of people all the time.
And a lot of, I had to drink. That's why, not had to, but that's why I did drink. Got it. Because I would, I don't know how I would have done without it then. Like now I would be fine, but then I don't think that I would have got, I would have been the same Demi without alcohol because I would have been so afraid of
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Chapter 4: What was Demi's experience like on The Bachelor and reality TV?
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Do you look back on The Bachelor as as a whole, as a positive experience and something that helped you in your journey?
Oh, my God. Yes. I think of it as the best experience of my life. Absolutely. It was the most fun I've ever had. And like I said, like that support and like just having people like no one scolding you, you know, like I'm at work, you know, and growing up like so I hate being scolded at and like it's just like an inevitable part of life kind of sometimes. Yeah.
But in the bachelor world, no one was going to scold at me for anything like it was awesome. I was so safe.
Yeah.
And the only thing that I wasn't safe with was my longevity and how long I could keep this man interested in me, this gay man interested in me.
interesting so that part ate me alive like that's a lot of my anxiety was like making sure that i could keep my position there because i did not want to go home because this was the best place i'd ever been i never had luxury before and we were in the penthouses i never left the states except for on a cruise to mexico and we were in singapore thailand vietnam i was like please i do not want to go home but i had so much anxiety about how am i gonna get secure my position so i would like
Have a producer like we would come up with something like special to do with Colton every time to like stand out or something. But every time we get done, I'd be like, that man does not like me. I know he doesn't. Yeah. Like I just know it. And they're like, yes, he does. Yes, he does. So now they're brainwashing us all into thinking that this guy likes us. Oh, God. And then. Yeah.
I mean, it's fine.
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Chapter 5: How did coming out on national TV affect Demi and her family relationships?
So it's like this denial of somebody's like when they're trying to tell you who they are or say like, hey, I might be this thing.
Yeah.
It's like the best thing you could do for that person is to validate that.
Absolutely.
Go down the line with them, because if not, all they did was like.
postpone the care that you needed or the language that you needed or whatever exactly exactly exactly the the what you needed and it also makes you feel inferior because they're they're talking to you like you wouldn't know better like you couldn't possibly know so it's like uh it it makes you feel less than
Yeah. Like you don't know yourself.
Yeah.
But they do.
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Chapter 6: What led Demi to seek an autism diagnosis later in life?
Chapter 7: How does Demi describe her journey with alcohol and its impact?
And like, now that I know I'm autistic, I'm not afraid to wear things and like do whatever I want because it's like people would speak. Autistic is fine.
You know, just do whatever I want.
Now she's autistic. It's okay. Whereas before maybe they were expecting me to, you know, be in a, House of CB dress all the time or something. Right. In a bachelor gown. Looking pageant-esque, beautiful. Yeah. Which, you know, it's fun. I mean, no hate, no shade to the pageant girls, all right? They got a bed. They got a bed.
And the bachelor producers just feasting on them, on these women that have been exploited for years. They're like, I can't wait to get our hands on her. Make her cry.
Debbie, I'm obsessed with you. You are fun.
I'm obsessed. And I appreciate you being so open and teaching us a lot. And I feel like it is beautiful that this thing has become a vessel for you to express yourself. I feel like maybe that's the connection. Like for a lot of people, once you figure out you're queer, you're like, oh, okay, I figured I finally figured it out. And then there is so much more room to explore and express yourself.
And so maybe that's the link, but whatever it is, I think it's a beautiful thing.
Me too. I love it. I love being... in both communities so much. And I feel like the communities are just merging.
Yeah, that's beautiful. Merging. Do you have advice for anybody who may think they are autistic or queer?
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