Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Hey, y'all.
Chapter 2: What does Becca Moore share about her first real heartbreak?
Welcome back to Made It Out. Today, I am here with Becca Moore. We're happy to be here again. We have transparently recorded before. Never released. But that's okay because today we're talking about something more fun anyways. We're going to talk about dating. And who better to talk about dating as I approach this phase of my life than the problem. Yes. Time to be a problem.
Can you tell me where that came from? One night I just wanted to be a problem and I think it was Applebee's. I don't know. And I just... I just kept saying I wanted to be a problem. I don't know where it came from. I think it was more just like...
a problem to me embodies like someone that only really thinks about herself in dating like I don't care what other people want me to be or like you know when you're on a date and you kind of feel like you're like transforming yourself into who they want you to be and you can kind of tell I feel like it was like a radical change for me to be like you have to impress me so to me that's like being a problem is like I don't care what you think like I'm not gonna make you comfortable on this date I love that and that was at an Applebee's that happened
No, that was just I wanted to drink a lot at an Applebee's and then I coined the term. But like dating-wise, problem era is just like being very strong-willed in like what you want in dating. It's really just kind of like generic advice, but... No, I don't think so. I don't think so at all. What do you think this breakup or this experience, why did problem come out of that? I think...
I was just kind of sick of feeling bad for myself. I think for in the very beginning, I was like shocked and it was like a lot of shock and then obviously depression and then like anger. And then one day I was like, wait, I'm allowed to like... I don't have to like sit in this misery forever. Like I'm allowed to date.
I think I was just angry that I felt like the world had like moved on from my break. Because, you know, it was like clickbait like back then. And... It was like easily digestible content for people. But for me, it was my real life. So I felt like everyone was moving on so fast and I was like stuck. Like that Taylor Swift song, like right where you left me or whatever.
I was like, I'm so, I'm still mad. I'm still so sad. And then one day I was like, I'm allowed to date again. And then I became just so radically like whatever, like whatever I want goes kind of. Yeah. And yeah, I didn't feel bad about like breaking up with people after like three dates or like, I don't know. I wasn't stringing people along anymore. I was just like...
Right when I got the ick, I was like, okay, sorry, we can't date. We're not going to date. I feel like a past version of myself would kind of... Placate. Yeah, and just be like, okay, yeah, if you want to go on another date, then you must see something that I don't because I don't see a future with us. And then I just stopped showing up. I'm like, I don't have to keep dating someone I don't like.
Yeah, like you took agency. Yeah, agency in my own dating life. I think that's the message overall. Yeah. Which I love, I have to say, so Becca will text me sometimes. Becca and I have a very funny relationship. It's kind of just like we check in on each other, but Becca will just text me and be like, hey, I need gay advice. Because I was going to ask someone, I was asking someone out.
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Chapter 3: How did Becca's breakup change her perspective on dating?
Can I feel this way? Yeah. And I've found myself in that. And even like, like what you were just saying is you start to think about like, oh, I can date again. I can do this. And like, there is no time limit on how long I have to not do that or when can I get on the apps or when can I be open to connection?
Like, I think I was really worried about that in the beginning, but now I'm just kind of like, No, I've done the internal work. Right. I feel okay. Yeah. You know, and so... But there's guilt that comes with that. It's a weird feeling. It is like a weird... Yeah, it's like bittersweet.
I do think that even though I was doing like all those problem videos, I do think I might have like not been fully ready when I did... The first date I went on after that breakup was with a man. And so that was a terrible mistake. Like I honestly regret doing that because I just felt such a disconnect. I think I was just mad at women at that point.
I'm like, I was a little bit like hashtag like red pilled for like a week. I was like, what the hell just happened to me? Like that was the worst breakup. It was just the worst feeling in a breakup I've ever gone through. It was just so crazy. So I was like, maybe I can try men again. And then when I was sitting there, I was like, no, no. We overcorrected. I way overcorrected.
And so, yeah, I did feel kind of like guilty for being on a date with a man. And I mean, as I should have, because it was like just the wrong thing to choose. I think I was just doing that on purpose and I shouldn't have done that. But... Anyway, all of that to say, yeah, I felt a lot of guilt. Even when I was like having crushes on girls, I was like, oh my God, this is so crazy.
Like you really kind of think that you'll never, I guess when you're in a relationship, it's like, there's nothing after this, like this. And so to like be on the other side and be like, whoa, I'm feeling like butterflies for another woman. If there is like a, I mean, I felt a little bit of like,
oh that's sad like I thought that there's comfort in misery too like there's comfort in like staying down and being like I'm not gonna date anymore because I don't wanna get hurt again for me that I was like I can't believe I got so blindsided by all the hurt that I felt so I didn't even know that women could cause that much.
I mean, in my life, I guess women have always been the protagonists in my life and kind of like my friends and have always been like the positive people in my life. So to be in so much pain, it was like... so hard. It was just so crazy. It rewired my brain for a while. So anyway, yeah, to be brave enough to, I don't even know what the question was.
It sounds like I like pre-planned a bunch of answers. No, but that was good. You're doing great. But yeah, it was like, yeah, painful, but also happy. I want to talk about that a little bit though. I referenced you a lot and I recommend your content a lot for femme lesbians who are kind of going through that same situation.
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Chapter 4: What lessons did Becca learn from her past relationship?
Like it's, It's sad now, but it is like, it was almost just like, I have felt such like a love for that person, but it's not worth all this. It almost felt like it wasn't worth all that pain. And so it was just, that is why I had the tendency to like try men again after, because I didn't want to feel in pain again, which is so crazy that your brain can like rationalize things like that.
Like I didn't want to feel love again for a woman again. Like it was and I was just so I also there was confusion in there too of like Did I just get like bamboozled that whole year like am I gay like what is going on with me? Am I a lesbian? Am I bi? I was really really confused.
It took like a long time to not be confused anymore How do you think you got to the point where you're ready to date again? I think once I accepted what happened actually happened.
Like, honestly, it was like a lot of, I feel like I was reaching for external validation of like my therapist and like my family and my friends and everyone on the street, like saying, like validating me and like telling me it's going to be okay. And like, this is a normal thing that happened. Like your first WLW breakup. Now I know it's like a trope and like, it happens to a lot of people.
It's just like so much pain and shock. But it felt like I was the only one in the world that had ever gone through that ever. So once I understood that I had a real relationship and it's just heartbreaking that it ended and I kind of accepted it, I was able to be like, that really did happen.
And I was out of the haze kind of because I was in like some sort of haze for a long time of being like, again, like I was frozen in time, I felt. And yeah, and I think even now it's more of like, I kind of understand that all is fair in love and war, hashtag. Like I feel like it was okay because I also wanted out of that relationship at the time.
Like it wasn't like I was just blindsided by a breakup. It was like a mutual decision to break up. So there's really no point on me like staying in a place of like anger or hurt towards someone because I'm happy to have the opportunity to date other women and like be with the person I'm supposed to be with.
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Chapter 5: How does Becca define being a 'problem' in dating?
I love that. Okay, so let's talk about dating. Yes, I would love to. Okay, what is your preferred method of meeting people? obviously in real life, like through a friend. But every time I do that, there's like, Like, sometimes people try to set me up with people and then it doesn't work. And then I feel like a bad person because I don't want to disappoint my friend.
And then, like, recently this happened where, like, I thought someone was so hot that, like, someone was trying to set me up with. I really hope you're not watching. And if you're watching, like, you deserve someone way better than me. Like, I was not going to be that person for you. And then, yeah, we met in real life and there was just, we didn't click.
And then I felt terrible to, like, face my friends after. I was like, guys, I'm so sorry. But, like, I don't know. I think I would rather meet someone in real life. Obviously. Or like at a bar or something so that you already know in person that you kind of have a spark. Yeah, like a vibe. I hate, I will never do a dating. I'm on the daps, obviously.
Obviously I swipe on them every fucking night, but like, am I allowed to say fucking? Yes. I will never do it though. Like every time I match with someone, I'm like, why the fuck are you on Raya or Hinge or whatever? Okay, can we just talk about this? First of all, I don't even know how to fucking use Raya. Why? Because I'm on that app.
I had never been on Raya before because I had gotten on it and then I met my ex. So I had never experienced Raya. So I have friends that have pushed me to get back on the apps. And Raya, why am I seeing bitches in London? I know, I know, it's not fair. And then it's all my competition. It's all face app blonde girls. And I'm like, that's me. I'm looking at myself. I'm not going to date me.
I don't like that. Where are like the hot tomboy girls? I want that. Yeah, it's like not fair. There should be an app just for me and a bunch of my type. Maybe you should invent that. I know. Or just like a dating. Yeah, honestly, like a whole event. Just like find back a girlfriend, please. Can I put it on? Yes. Can I do a made it out event? Oh my God.
Yeah, but I have to look at the photos of them first. Okay. But it's going to be in New York. Okay, let's do it. Okay, perfect. Okay, tell me about your experiences on the apps. Like, why are you so averse?
Okay, this is like a douchey answer, but sometimes I do feel like they find my social media through Hinge or Rye or something and then they like do too much research and then they're watching all my stuff and then they make a reference from like one of my videos, which might work on someone else. But for me, I'm like embarrassed.
Like every time I post a video, I'm thinking that it's only like my random friends watching. Like I don't understand that people can perceive me in that way and I would rather have like an even playing field. So I feel like if they're looking at my social media, I don't like that. You know, this is a really interesting, and I'm sorry, like, this is not the most relatable thing for our listeners.
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Chapter 6: What challenges does Becca face when dating again?
It's not fair. I feel like there should be like a, you know, like the way there's a purge, there should be a week of like, no one has a girlfriend this week. And like, I get to have a playground. Wait, that's kind of crazy. No, that should be a thing. It's not fair. It's really not. I don't know. I got here. I feel like I got to the LA like gay girl scene really late in the game.
And everyone's been in like a... five year long relationship and it's not fair. Well, now you have a place to stay in New York. That's true. I'm going to New York next. You heard it here first. Okay. I want to talk about when you texted me and you asked me if you should ask a girl out. Yeah. And I want to hear about what that story was.
Because I got... Just so everybody knows, I got zero context. Basically, imagine this. You're out at Tenants. You meet a really hot girl. Tenants is a bar for people who don't know. Yeah, me just assuming. You guys have been to Tenants. Come on. There's the epitome of my type at this bar. Okay. We're vibing. We have like the best conversation like I've ever had. Usually, I feel like I'm like...
not that charismatic like when I'm a little bit drunk but this time I was like this girl thinks I'm like fucking awesome like I was saying all the coolest things that I would I couldn't even believe I was saying I was like being so mysterious I was like I don't know maybe I want a drink maybe I don't she gets me a drink we are so vibing like having the best time ever I'm so sorry to this girl but like I'm just gonna tell the truth like I'm gonna tell the truth like you didn't give me an NDA or anything so then this other girl that I was kind of like flirting with before that okay
It's like, you're flirting with a girl, you see a girl that's more your type. And I'm an open booker. I'm a free agent right now. Of course. Yeah, at the dinner, I liked a different girl. At 10, it's, I'm sorry, I gotta go for this girl. So she asked me what I'm doing after the bar. The other girl grabs my arm and she's like, that girl has a girlfriend. And I was like, wait, what?
Like, she was just trying to come to my house or something and she bought me a drink. I'm so sorry. I am so sorry. No, don't apologize. This is shitty. I was gonna keep it to myself. Like, I heard some stuff, so like, I don't care. Anyway, whatever. So then I get over that girl. But I guess they were like on and off, like breaking up. So technically that week she could have been single.
I don't know. That's always the story. I don't know. That's what they all say, you know. I didn't ask her if she had a girlfriend, but I just assumed. So then I see that girl on Hinge. So I'm like, oh my God, she actually is the original, the tenants girl. I was like, she is actually single now. And then we matched and then we're like going back and forth.
But then it goes into the hidden section. Like, neither of us got on... Well, really, I, like, ran into Nathan Fielder. So then I thought I was going to date Nathan Fielder for, like, two weeks. And that was going to be a whole thing. But then I didn't. So... God damn it. I got off hinge for a second. And that's when...
Emma comes over to my house and she was like, you know this one girl that you would look cute with? Emma, she's referencing Emma, my assistant. Yes, yes. Who I just asked if it was okay if I told this story. She came over and I was like, dude, I've been thinking about this girl so much because I know she's single now and we match. And we would look so cute together and I love her.
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Chapter 7: How does Becca navigate dating apps and real-life connections?
And like that's, I'm not saying that's why I dated her, but like that's, you know, we started dating working together. That's how we met. And so I saw that side of her and I was really drawn to it. The reason I was drawn to it is because I don't have that. You know what I mean?
But over the course of my relationship with her, I learned that and I learned how to be disciplined and have a process and go step by step. So now leaving that relationship, I'm not seeking someone like that anymore because I have that skill, you know? And so I think it's like, the more you build these skills within yourself and turn inward and like,
do the work on you and figure out, oh, what am I missing that I'm trying to find in these other people? Right. Then the less you are searching for something else and someone else. And then you're just finding someone that's like, oh, you vibe? I vibe? Yeah, you have fun with. Yeah. And I think that is now what I'm looking for. I think...
I also want to say, like, I am actually really grateful for that relationship that I had with a woman because... I mean, with my ex, I don't know why I'm, like, saying it so formally. But I am so grateful that I got to date a girl. Like, and we had such great times together. Obviously, it's easy to be, like...
focus on the end but in general I did learn a lot about myself and I feel like the universe gave me that gift obviously I have a lot of regrets within that but like we had a great time together and I learned a lot about myself and like I feel like everyone we date is a mosaic of like or we maybe we are just mosaics of the people we date but it's like I am grateful for that relationship there's no obviously I hope that we can just peacefully move on forever but you know
I don't know. I think I'm just grateful for that. I completely agree. And I think like the further I get away from like even my worst exes, I'm like, now it's like a funny story. That was kind of funny. You got me. You got me good. You're like, that was fucking crazy.
If this is all like a play or something and we get to like meet the actors behind the people that have like hurt us, I would love to ask so many questions. What gave you that idea to, like, go home with that random person at the bar? Okay. That was nuts. That was creative. That can actually apply to two different exes, which is bad. So you don't even know which one I'm talking about. So, yeah.
I also think, like, sometimes I look at just the course of my, like, life. And I... Because I've had some... breakups have been a big part of my story. Like I've had really, really major breakups, like three that were almost like divorces, like pretty big. And I look at that, a lot of people could look at that like, girl, you're a mess.
But I look at that, and even like I've had a lot of career change and I've had a lot, I've tried on a lot of different kinds of lives. Like I will fully dive into a life and just like wear it and see if it works. But I kind of think like, Look, we're going to have the best books. No, I know. I know.
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