Chapter 1: Why has the podcast taken a step back?
Hello to all of you following the Josh and Stefano journey. I'm going to be honest with you right now. The podcast addition to this series has fallen off and that was somewhat intentional on my behalf because I knew if Stefano and I continue doing big sit down full length chats every few days, we would inevitably have to get to certain topics and issues that I have been
desperately ignoring and so has Stefano because we knew once we got to those things and really sat down and got into the logistics of what they mean for our relationship I'm not sure that we could get through them and then how much longer we would have together which is essentially where we're at right now fuck I feel like I'm about to cry um
But before we get to the right now, today, this morning, and what's happening literally now, I'm just gonna briefly recap the last nine days.
Chapter 2: What difficult topics are Josh and Stefano avoiding?
So the last podcast episode of Josh and Stefano that you heard was me talking about trying to leave him at 4 a.m. once we'd moved in together because I had so much on my mind and so many things I hadn't found the courage to bring up to him yet.
And that was mostly all about the fact that he'd said during the podcast we did on the final morning of our honeymoon that he thinks I'm too sensitive about certain things. And after that moment, when I did try to leave at 4am, Stefano and I did then sit down and I shared this from my past with him. On the honeymoon when you say I am maybe too sensitive with things.
I'm already getting upset but these are like these huge things to me. When you did look online and there's like articles like when I was sexually assaulted and raped.
What I read it was a fragment of what happened. It was not a situation that you couldn't escape or couldn't do anything.
In a new partner, it's hard to get there, to be comfortable, to talk about it.
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Chapter 3: How did past experiences affect their relationship dynamics?
You know, every time I think about it, I think, why did I not shout more, push more? It's like I kind of just... It was like that moment, that incident, it was like it validated how I'd felt my whole life, never feeling enough. Almost like I... a lifelong battle in my head of feeling a certain way that finally the world sees me how I've always felt and this is now my place as Like, nothing.
Maybe I didn't use the right words. It was not my intention to... Oh, I know that.
Like, I have nothing bad against you here. There are those kind of language barriers, confusion in how we say things, and you are a lot more black and white in a lot of things where it's like, well, you knew that was bad, why do these bad things in that cycle after that incident? And, like, that was in my head a lot. Um...
throughout the honeymoon obviously we're still having a lovely time and I kind of just put that back to the back of my mind and then there was that night when maybe I wasn't feeling it as much and it felt like your body language maybe changed when I wasn't so receptive and then
i've obviously had a lot of sex like in that spiral after the incident it was person after person just trying to fight feel anything or feel more worthless and sex is this weird thing for me because i grew up like so ashamed of it like i have to be very comfortable and like i have been so comfortable with you but there was just that one time where i felt just like a
A body. I didn't know anything of the things that you went through.
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Chapter 4: What challenges arise from Stefano's work in adult content?
I'm so sorry again.
Trust me, this is not me having a go. You did nothing wrong. We're two people in a relationship. I'm just sorry that maybe I couldn't bring it up earlier to make you understand a bit more because I felt guilty in a way. You've probably questioned why... Is Josh slowly pulling away or being a bit less receptive?
And as this content of us started rolling out like day by day, I knew you had the OnlyFans. I said, I realized that quite quickly because I'd recognized you from Instagram. But to then have everyday strangers all over the world like think it's acceptable to send me messages like, look at your husband fucking this person in this video. And I'm like...
I don't know how to respond to that. Well, that doesn't mean that I don't want a relationship or I don't want to connect with people in a deeper way. I do this, this, and this. Like, I do different things.
Chapter 5: How do Josh and Stefano navigate their feelings for each other?
This is what pay my bills.
You're so much more than that, I suppose, is the point I'm trying to get. And then after we had that sit down and I got all that off my chest, like things have been great. Like we started splitting our time between his place and mine. The feelings we already had started to develop for each other felt like they were growing each day and everything felt so easy and real.
And like, I know we've been doing this as an experiment, but we kind of forgot that in so many moments, like we'd often just forget to even capture any content. And on the Friday just gone, we went into the city and a friend did some filming of us at Vivid and we had a producer.
And then, you know, once we'd finished that content side of it, we just went for a nice dinner, Stefano and I. And during that, he said to me, Josh, do you think this is like our first official date? And I was confused at first because we've had so many dates and have done so much and, you know, we're spending every night together.
But then I thought, actually, like, this is the first time we're out on the town doing something like fun and we've made an effort and it's not for content. It's not being captured. We've not got our phones out. It was just... us because we wanted to. And it did then feel like that night, we really progressed as a couple.
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Chapter 6: What realizations did they have during their recent date?
And during that night, while out in the city, you know, walking around a vivid and then to dinner, then we got ice cream, like I think maybe five different people approached us over a few hours and recognized us from the content. And Some asked for a selfie and another woman said that she cried at the video. You've just hit the audio from where I was opening up to Stefano.
And like every single person was so supportive and hopeful and wishing us the best. And that kind of messed with my head as we then got home a few hours later, because this series feels like it's become bigger than I imagined.
ever thought in terms of like how many people are watching how many followers that page has got the fact people are stopping us on the street not just to go oh I watched that but they genuinely are rooting for us and Then I just started to think about how the fairy tale we've been presenting online up until this week isn't entirely accurate.
Like, of course, every sweet moment and cute post you've seen has been real and that's how we feel and that's the reality of whatever that moment was. But I made the choice to exclude one big thing, not just from the content, but almost from Stefano and I every day as a couple in the real world. And that's the fact that Stefano's sole income is,
doing OnlyFans and now we're back in Sydney he has returned to having to film content for that which does include him filming content with other people and I have no judgement towards anyone doing that kind of work like good on them I say I know so many friends in the sex industry but I've never thought like Can I be with someone who's doing that?
And given how we met, I suppose I never got the chance to think about that before entering a relationship with someone who does have to sleep with other people to pay his bills and film that and then people watch that. Everything else between Stefano and I has been so lovely and cute.
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Chapter 7: How do they plan to address their relationship's future?
And it's like we've been in this bubble of like bliss or a holiday romance. And I've just been wanting to prolong that as long as possible and put off having the chat about this because I knew when we did, things would change, which is what has now happened because yesterday early afternoon, we did sit down to talk about this.
And you may have seen a brief video of this last night on Instagram, but here is the full audio from that sit down.
I don't want to have an open relationship. But I have to sleep with other people for my job. And that is not cheating. It's just a way that I have to pay my bills.
And that's the point we're at now in this relationship. So I said to you today that I want the content we're posting to be a lot more honest and like everything has been honest, like everything we've done is real. But I have chosen to exclude certain things almost because I feel protective of you. I don't want you to be villainized or people turning you.
But this is now the reality that now we're back in Sydney. You have to go back to work and that work means sleeping with other people. And I don't know how I feel about that.
This doesn't mean that I don't want to have a relationship, that I want to be with you.
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Chapter 8: What conclusions do they reach about their relationship status?
But this is just a way, as I told you, this is a way that I pay for this apartment. I live alone here in Bondi, which is not easy. And if I stop doing this... What do I do? I mean, if I want to be a lawyer here, you know how much I have to pay, study for at least one year, do the bar exam, so many things.
And to be honest, I don't know if I'm ready for that, if I want to give up all my, the life standard that I got.
I think it's worth pointing out here that this is not like you've trying to do a bombshell or something in this content. Like you told all of this to Pedro, the producer who matched us. He knew this was the reality. You in a relationship can be committed in the relationship, but for your work, you still have to do that. And I also told Pedro the type of relationship I want would not be open.
It would be monogamous. And Pedro, the producer said, just thought, oh, we'd figure it out. And I've been putting off this conversation and I've tried not to ask, you know, when I go to work in the day, I'm not really asking what you're doing, which isn't me not showing an interest or caring. It's more because the more I think about you doing that during the days lately...
I question, can I be with you? Because, again, I think in the gay world, open relationships are so common that it seems everybody's doing it. It seems that's just the most accepted thing and that's the way relationships are now defined. But for me, I'm so old-fashioned in the sense of I like romance. I like this idea of I'm with someone and that's it. It's just me and them.
I don't want to have a type of relationship where...
or what we're doing this weekend i might go see this person or i'm still on the apps and that i was like nah i want my person to be enough and i know you said you don't want an open relationship and that is just your work but you're still sleeping with other people how do you use that word because in spanish sleeping has like a minute like a deeper meaning like
sleeping with somebody and I'm just sharing like two hours filming content with somebody you know but then at the end of the day I'm cuddling you I'm not cuddling that person I'm not sharing like a TV show or like I'm not even cooking for that person and I get that and I don't doubt your feelings towards me but I suppose maybe I've reached a point now where
as this goes on and I'm developing more feelings for you, the more time we spend together and it feels like we're building something. I can't keep ignoring this. And I suppose the question in my mind lately has been, can I change my views? Can I accept this? Because I, I'm not against that industry in the slightest. I know so many people that do it.
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