What’s money between friends 😟😖😫
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What challenges arise when friends handle money together?
It's hard. I've had friendships fall apart over this kind of stuff. But if you don't have $1,500 to spend on somebody else's vacation, you don't have $1,500 to spend on someone else's vacation. I'm Rima Grace, and welcome to This is Uncomfortable. This week, we're talking about money and friendships. We're answering your questions, offering advice on how to navigate some tricky dynamics. And for this one, it felt right to bring on two people who've been friends for a while, comedians Josh Gondelman and Alison Leiby. Josh is a writer and stand-up comedian. Josh, welcome to the show. Thank you so much. It's so nice to be here with you, Rima, and I'm excited to ruin a friendship by talking about money. Let's do it.
All right, Allison Leiby is also a stand-up.
How do friendships change when financial expectations differ?
She was also a writer for shows like Broad City and The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. Allison, welcome to the show. I'm so happy to be here. Well, I want to hear about your friendship. How did y'all become friends? We, I think, I don't know. I feel like in my life, I just like there are people that have just been in my life for a decade plus. And I think the answer is probably just like small shows and open mics in New York, like very soon after I moved here, which was 2011. It's so funny in stand-up, there are, like, people for whom I have, like, a very distinct memory of, like, this is when we met and this is when our, like, friendship began. And then there's people, which I think our friendship falls under for me, where I'm just like, I don't know, one day you were just, like, in my life a lot.
Yeah, totally. Yeah. For sure. In a good way. Good way. Complimentary. Yeah, yeah. We just went two weeks. I was on the road and we went two weeks without hanging out, which is long for us. And we like didn't know how to catch each other up on like two weeks. But also we talk all day every day. So there's also no gap in information. But then it's like. we're keeping gchat alive we live close by we're yeah we're neighbors friends we we spent the last year working on like a writing project that required us to meet up in person like probably one to two times a week yeah okay so y'all are close so i'm curious has money ever caused any tension between you two maybe any awkward moments No. This is when I find out Josh is like, actually, yes.
I have a running tab.
What are the dynamics of splitting bills among friends?
We've been very lucky in our – just in our friendship that I feel like we've been ups and downs financially around the same times. So it feels nice that like you don't have to explain like, oh, I haven't like worked in a while. So maybe we just get beers at the dive bar and not like a fancy thing or whatever. Yeah. Right. It's never come up for one of us is like, hey, I'm doing I'm doing a birthday party on the moon. Would you like to come? We're taking Blue Origin to the moon for my birthday. There'd be a lot of reasons that we would have to stop being friends because of that. Yeah, totally. It wouldn't just be financial. Yeah, it's because I'd be too cool. Way too cool. Moon guy. Moon guy. Well, I'm really excited to see how y'all answer some of these questions from our listeners.
They're pretty juicy. And our producer, Alice Wilder, is going to read them for us. Hello, Alice. Hi, Rima. Hi, Allison. Hi, Josh. Hi, Alice. So here's our first question. A few years ago, I started hanging out with a new friend group. They're all a bit younger than me. I'm in my mid-30s and they're around 30. I'd say we're all solidly middle class, employed, prudent, and comfortable enough to spend on dinners out, weekend getaways, and other little treats. But I've noticed that I'll get Venmo requests from them for small things like a latte or my portion of a shared dessert. I'm used to more of a today for you, tomorrow for me style. If I cover my friend's coffee, I assume at some point they'll put my cocktail on their tab and so on.
Of course, for bigger expenses like concert tickets, I promptly pay my share. But I guess I'm wondering if this is an age thing, a trait of this particular group, or if I'm the one who's out of touch.
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Chapters
6 chapters
1
What challenges arise when friends handle money together?
0:01–0:43
2
How do friendships change when financial expectations differ?
0:43–2:16
3
What are the dynamics of splitting bills among friends?
2:16–4:37
4
How can friends navigate uncomfortable money conversations?
4:37–12:38
5
What should you do if your friend frequently sends Venmo requests?
12:38–24:42
6
How do wedding expenses impact friendships?
24:42–30:31