Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Hello friends, welcome back to the show. It is a 4 million subscriber Q&A episode. It's a very large number and still sinking in that we've got there. Still sinking in that we're the eighth biggest podcast in the world, according to Spotify Wrapped as well. But anyway, I asked for questions from YouTube community and Twitter and Instagram. And there were lots.
And I've got a flight to catch soon. So let's get into it. John Hughes 4228. Well done, Chris. Love your conversations. So what's with the new haircut? Is it from Turkey? Starting off strong here. Isn't it interesting? If any guy grows their hair in their 30s, the natural assumption is that they got a hair transplant. Like no guy in their 30s would choose to have a shaved head.
It's just enforced on them by their genetics and their DHT. But I actually chose to shave mine off. This is all natural. Look, I did this on a Q&A a little while ago, but for the people who missed it, I will reiterate. As a guy with curly hair, there are three haircuts available, right? There is shaved head, buzz cut, which I had for a while.
There is this one, which is long on top, short on sides, maybe long on back. Like, unfortunately, Mark Zuckerberg, like, owned that haircut and kind of the broccoli kids turned it into a meme. Or afro. There's three. Shave it off, cut it short on the sides, or let it loose. Your hair doesn't get longer, it gets bigger when you have curly hair. It's not a perm.
I fucking wish it was a perm because then if I didn't perm, it would be nice and straight. I always wanted straight hair as a kid and I thought it would be so cool. Unfortunately not. I am stuck with this. I think the shaved head will be coming back. Certainly as it gets hotter in Austin, it will.
But look, I'm just sampling from the follicular delights table, the buffet of three options that I've got as a guy with curly hair.
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Chapter 2: What does Chris share about his new haircut?
So... put up with it for now. It'll be here for a while and then you'll miss it and then it'll be gone and you'll miss it. Well, maybe not, but whatever. Ironmanary73, just to interject here. If this is one of the first Q&As you've heard from me, much of the time is me spent struggling to pronounce the usernames of the people who submit the questions because everybody has stupid usernames.
Just disclaimer up top. Do you agree that alpha males feel so isolated and so misunderstood? I certainly think that is the case. Yes. A lot of guys who are hard charging grind set dudes will be doing it on their own. It's rare to be that motivated to sort of have that much agency and upward mobility. And, um, what ends up happening typically is that you are, you're still arrangering it.
Like there are, there aren't that many people around you that want to work as hard as you. Now it depends what your definition of alpha male is, right? Is it sort of the meme definition or is it hard charging, go get a tight person? Uh,
I think it's kind of inevitable if you are doing it in the hard charging kind of way that you're going to be misunderstood and isolated because you're doing something that most other people don't do. So they can't understand and they're not doing it, which means you don't have that many people who are on the journey with you too. I think that's,
one of the advantages of platforms like Reddit, even Twitter to an extent where you start to build a community of people around you who are into the shit that you're into because it makes you feel less alone. Also, you know, from a more emotional lens,
A lot of the alpha males are working that hard and trying to prove to the world their worth because maybe they don't feel like they're worth all that much themselves. And if that's the case, it's going to be, they're going to push people away. Their efforts are going to keep people at arm's distance. And the isolation is almost self-imposed in that way.
They've maybe struggled to connect with people. They don't feel loved. They don't feel like they belong.
So they work real hard because if the world needs them, that's kind of the same as the world loving them because the world will want them, but they'll want them to extract stuff from them as opposed to want them just because they show up as themselves or because they're inherently worthwhile or whatever.
So they start to perform and the performance causes them to be isolated because people don't truly see them. And then they start to be this sort of
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Chapter 3: How does Chris feel about being an alpha male?
And it was during a period where if you were to talk about COVID, you would just instantly lose your channel on YouTube. There was no three strikes, you're out, no demonetization, like your channel would just be immediately gone. And I thought, I reflected on it afterward.
I was like, like, am I going to put... Because it's going to be up for 24 hours, maybe five days before YouTube just puts the kibosh on your channel. Like, do I... That feels like too, it feels like a silly trade to make. I'm glad that I spoke to him. It's a shame that we couldn't put it out.
But I messaged him and I was like, hey man, look, with where the platform's at at the moment, I think it's gonna just completely flatten us if we put this out. It's kind of pointless. Like if you kamikaze the channel in an attempt to try and put a video out on the channel and then the channel gets torpedoed so quickly that the video can't even go out, it seems self-defeating.
And he was like, yeah, totally get it, man. He was fine with it. And then by the time that the COVID concern thing from YouTube, whatever their guideline was that I never paid attention to, by the time that that had gone by the wayside, it had been maybe one or two years later and Tate's platform had grown an awful lot. And I thought, do I really want to screw Andrew over
by releasing an old podcast episode where he's being, you know, gregarious and out there. I have no, he said what he said, and I'm sure that he probably still stands by it. But if you're in the middle of a fast moving global pandemic, it's easy to make a bunch of claims and accusations and stuff that in future maybe don't necessarily come true.
And it just felt like a bit of a shit thing to do to him to release something that could be scrutinized with the
information of today but using the like insights or the fact that he had yesterday or you know two years ago yesterday uh and i was like i just don't get what it feels now like it would be a bit of a middle finger to him and at the time the very platform that it would have been broadcast on would have taken down the channel that would have broadcast it and
And apart from the fact that that would have killed my future with YouTube, it also meant that the video wouldn't have got out in any case. That was the whole point, right? Of deplatforming people. So, um, no, the answer is probably no. I mean, sat in a Dropbox somewhere and Dean's got the video file. I'm sure it was done over zoom. Uh, I think he was back in the UK at some point. Uh,
It was all right. I mean, it wasn't, it was good. He's a great communicator. And we had a really fun conversation. I actually really, really enjoyed it, but it wouldn't change the world. So for now it's that, collecting dust in a Dropbox. Tiffany Alexis wanted to ask this at the Toronto meet and greet, but I used my question to get Newtonic instead. Thanks, by the way.
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Chapter 4: What is Chris's perspective on feeling sad or disappointed?
Keep up the good work. I want to get into making content that hopefully helps young men, but I'm not sure where to begin. Any advice you would have for someone like me? And more importantly, what, if anything, do you feel like the men's self-improvement space is currently lacking in? difficult to give you advice.
The advice that I would give anybody who's trying to start content is do what you're interested in, be consistent, reduce the friction that you need to get started. One camera setup and a little microphone in front of you is all that you need. Make it as simple as possible and do it consistently. Do it once a week at minimum. It doesn't need to be on video.
You could just start by talking into a microphone. It doesn't need to be on recorded. It could even be written, right? You could start a sub stack. But an easier question to answer or a more interesting question to answer is what do I feel like the men's self-improvement space is currently lacking in?
For me personally, with where I'm at at the moment, I do not think it needs more hustle and grind, like just work harder, bro, positioning. That's not to say that there's no place for it. And I've very much contributed to that. But I'm trying to balance the scales, I think, by getting guys to look at where their motivations come from. What is it that they're hiding?
What are the patterns from their past? that are driving them to behave in the way that they are now. And that doesn't mean opening up some Pandora's box of trauma and difficulty or even really slowing down that much, but it does mean getting real with yourself and being truthful and honest about what it is that you want and why you want it.
For me, what I think it's lacking is kind of more of Connor Beaton's positioning, more of Chris Bumstead's positioning, the direction that even Hormozy seems to be going in, which is to integrate the way that he's feeling, his understandings of his own limitations, shortcomings, the fact that he needs to sort of nurture the recovery part of him as well as the output part of him.
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Chapter 5: How does Chris describe his health journey and long COVID?
And this is certainly the pivot that I've made over the last 18 months. And I had some formative experiences with this. I did that retreat with Joe Hudson, which really kind of snapped me in half. A lot of reflection. Obviously, if you have a down period like I have this year, you end up being more reflective. And this is going out on New Year's Eve. Hey, happy New Year's Eve.
Happy New Year's, I guess. Well done for making it into 2026. But during this period, you start to think, how's this year gone? And if you realize that it's been a little bit more challenging, you start to ask, well, why? What... Why am I going against the grain of life? And you start to feel the sort of texture of what you're pushing up against a bit more keenly.
It's kind of like if you're in a lazy river, one of those big tubes, and you're sort of floating down it gently, you don't really notice much because you and life or you and the environment are moving at the same speed. But if you accidentally leave something on the shore and you're still in it and you need to get back up there, you're just feeling the pressure of the water moving up against you.
And I kind of think that reflection in life is a lot like that. we tend to reflect way more when things are going badly than when things are going well. Because when things are going well, we don't question stuff. We just allow it to carry us through. And if stuff sucks a bit or a lot, you ask a lot of questions. And it's painful, but it really expedites growth.
And I think this is why, for the people who came to my live show, one of the lines in that was, every big period of growth in your life has germinated from your lowest points.
And I think this is why, because during your lowest points, you're forced to reflect so much to try and get out of the pain, to try and work out what's going on, that that becomes the next springboard that you bounce off to get to your subsequent evolution as a person. So I think the emotional piece for me is massively missing in the men's space. And it is not for all men.
It's not even for many men, perhaps. But it is for me. And I get the sense that it's for the sort of people that listen to this show. And I'm going to keep hammering on it. I think it's important. And I'm usually right but early on this shit. I was right but early on a lot of different things. And I'm going to keep going on this one.
And at some point in future, I'll get obsessed with something else. But for now, that's it. So maybe, maybe consider that. This episode is brought to you by Whoop. I have been wearing Whoop for over five years now, way before they were a partner on the show. I've actually tracked over 1,600 days of my life with it, according to the app, which is... Insane.
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Chapter 6: What was the most interesting question Chris received during his tour?
That's join.whoop.com slash modernwisdom. How the fuck do you pronounce that? How do you pronounce X-L-E-B? Chleb? Chleb69. We want more fun, chill podcasts with the boys. Yes. Fucking yes, Chleb. I agree. And you will be getting that next year. Fun, chill podcasts.
There will be, I mean, I've already opened my skirt with regards to the plan, or the trench coat, I guess, is the guy equivalent, with regards to the plan for next year. Very simple. Build studio. That's cool. bring in more group episodes, do more solo episodes. So you will still get the usual Modern Wisdom stuff that you already do.
Some of that will be replaced by more in-person group episodes with multiple guests. Not necessarily debate style. I'm still working on what that format looks like, but I've got some really fucking cool ideas and some great lineups for guests.
And then I'm going to do some sort of an equivalent of what used to be life hacks, what Rogan would do with Protect Our Parks, you know, a consistent group of me and a few of my boys. And it will be largely unstructured and probably a total mess. But I think...
One of the best criticisms or the fairest criticisms, which even I have about modern wisdom, is that sometimes it can feel like homework. And I love it because you open up an episode and you go, I'm going to learn so much. This is one of the best in the world at fucking evolutionary pediatrics, right? Paul Tuck, that unbelievable episode. And it's so good, but it can feel heavy sometimes.
It can be a dense meal. And that's fucking fantastic. And I do not want to lighten the load of those episodes. But the same way as it wouldn't do to always eat steak, no matter how good the steak is, it's nice to have ice cream every so often. And I'm going to provide some ice cream, hopefully, with this. It may end up falling flat on its face, but I think I'm right about this one too.
I think I'm right about... everything no i think i'm right about this thing in particular so um you will have more fun chill podcasts with the boys they will be coming so hold on tight jaw daniel 974 would you do a live show in newcastle yes i would and i am and i don't know the fucking date but i think it's in october next year um i'm coming home Homecoming, baby. Newcastle show.
It's going to be so much fun to go back and run another event. I wonder if I have to give out flyers. I might give out wristbands before people come in. That'd be nice. Throw it back to the old club promo days. But yeah, I'm doing a live show. I'm doing a full UK and Ireland tour and maybe even a couple of shows in Germany in autumn-ish time next year. And I'm super fired up. It'll be great.
Don't know the dates yet. They exist. I just don't know. But hold on tight. They're coming. Sarah Allison. What inspired the Modern Wisdom apparel designs? metal bands, me being fuckboy metal, like what I wore as a teenager. I basically wanted to make what would 17-year-old me think if he was 37-year-old me he would design as a t-shirt. And I kind of did that. And we sold so much fucking merch.
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Chapter 7: How does Chris view the importance of enjoying the journey in life?
And my curiosity is so fucking nuclear. Oh, um, I did this long before anybody listened and I'll continue to do it no matter, no matter what happens with regards to an audience. So for me, it's always been a very personal project that I love. And, um, I don't intend on slowing down anytime soon.
haruchi912 how small of an effort is considered too small to be worth doing even if you're doing it every day in an attempt to move the needle just one percent great question and literally nothing i mean there's been days dude in my 20s where i was sad and low and burned out and depressed from work where i didn't get out of my bedroom bathroom front door to get like uber eats and i
This wasn't, oh, I'm having a slow, lazy day. This is, I don't want to open the curtains. I don't want to speak to people. I'm making excuses at work so that people don't know that I'm not doing the thing because I'm supposed to be the leader of this company. And if they know that I'm not doing the thing, then how embarrassing is that going to be?
I'm supposed to be the guy that drives everything forward. I'm so ashamed about this thing, but I can't be bothered to get up. And I'm so, I just don't want to see people. I don't know why I feel sad. The first day that I broke out of that burnout or acute micro depression thing, each time that I would come back around and take a big breath was
getting out of bed was a big deal and opening the curtains was a big deal and going for a walk was a big deal and putting my shoes on was a big deal. Going to the gym, driving to work, those things were big deals. And, um, I think it, The habituation thing like hedonic adaptation, but this is personal growth adaptation.
If you're used to moving at a really high clip, or if you see other people that are, you compare yourself to what you can do previously or what other people appear to be doing now. And it makes your efforts feel microscopic in comparison. And that is not great for motivation. In short, there is no such thing as too small. Yes, you can have high standards, but
If you're pointing in the right direction and you're doing the right things, even a single step does move you closer to your goal. And yes, some days maybe you'll run an ultra marathon and other days you'll crawl half a pace, but each day is moving you toward that thing. And at the very least, it's not sending you backward.
And it's probably more akin to being on a treadmill than it is running a race, actually. Because if you don't do anything, that's not stasis. That is moving backward. Your body is fighting entropy. Your mind is fighting entropy. You are fighting against life. And there's no such thing. So read the lesson or the essay that I wrote about the shame of simple pleasures and the shame of small fears.
Both of those kind of relate to this thing. And I think keep moving. Just keep moving. In other news, this episode is brought to you by RP Strength. This training app has made a huge impact on my gains and enjoyment in the gym over the last two years now.
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Chapter 8: How does Chris define his personal prep process for the podcast?
Well, what's happening here? There's a couple of things going on. So this sounds a little bit like externalized perfectionism. So I think there's three different types of perfectionism. Go back and listen to the perfectionism episode, which I did about six weeks ago. It's really great. There's also an article in Variety, which might help with this.
Externalized perfectionism is, as far as I can see, like fear. I need those people to do it in order for me to feel supported. Another part is this sense of being on the outside, of being judged for something that you know is virtuous because you are doing high standards, pushing hard, completing a lot, and other people are... slowing you down.
They're literally like chipping away at your own motivation. You don't have to do that. I think a great boundary to set around this, there are sort of two elements. The second one is an easier boundary to set. And you saying you don't have to do that, you know, it's so easy to give some snappy reply, which is like, well, you wouldn't be able to do it anyway. So fucking someone has to.
It's so easy to just give this like very bitter, backbitey, passive aggressive sort of reply. And I'm sure that you don't want to do that. With that one, I would just call it out and say, hey, I really need more support from you than I'm getting. When I am working hard, even if I'm complaining about doing this,
What I really need from you is for you to believe in me and enthuse me and tell me that I've got this and that I can keep going. That's what I need from you, even if you're not doing it.
And if the way that I'm showing up and the way that I'm working is triggering something in you and you don't feel comfortable with me behaving this way, I would rather that you didn't say anything or didn't comment about it. I'm sorry I'm trying to achieve big things and I don't want to make you feel not enough for not trying to go after them yourself but motivation is a tenuous thing.
And I really want you to be there for me. And I would love to bring you along for the ride too. But if you can't do that, I understand. But I can't have you, you are not allowed to remind me that I can have lower standards for myself. I think that would be a cool boundary to set and should be sufficiently enthusing to other people if they really care about you.
If you say as well, I would love to do this with you. I would love for you to come along with me. Like this offering, this opening up, I think, especially in relationships, if you're in a relationship with someone and you want to do a ton of personal development and they're worried because every time you do personal development, you change. And what if you change and you leave them?
And if you say to them, if you just open up the door to say, I really think that this would be great for us to do together. I want us to do this as a team. I want you to be a part of this. And I would love for us. So why don't we start getting up and going to the gym? Why don't we start run club?
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