Chapter 1: What does it mean to be a good friend?
Would I be friends with myself? Are you a selfish friend? Are you a good listener? Everyone wants a village, but no one wants to be a villager. What's important to one person might not be that important to others, but if it's important to them, it's important to you.
You need to learn how to listen to listen and not listen to speak. To text someone and say, how are you?
Chapter 2: How can I become a better listener in my friendships?
You're never going to be too busy for that. Sometimes it's not going to be fucking easy or convenient. Sure as shit, I'm going to drive 45 minutes in peak hour traffic regardless because I know she would do the same for me. If we want to become better friends, if we want to attract better friends into our life, starts with us first.
Welcome back to the Oilers Talk podcast. I'm Kate.
Chapter 3: What are the signs of being a selfish friend?
And I'm Gemma, a space for no BS conversations for the women who want more. And today we are coming in hot with the second installment of the friendship series. And we can't wait to get into today's topic, talking all about how to be a better friend. Last week, we spoke about outgrowing friendships.
This week, we really want to cover getting deep in what we can actually do to show up better and have more meaningful, deeper connections with the people in our lives. So let's get into it.
Let's get into it. My first thing, which I feel wildly passionate about, guys, is actually becoming a good listener. How often are we in friendship dynamics? And I've been a victim of doing this in my friends.
Chapter 4: How do I show up for friends when it's inconvenient?
You've probably done in my friends, in my friendships. You've probably done the same, Gem, where your friend is coming to you and they're telling you something really exciting and you can't help but make it about your fucking self.
And I think in order to become a good friend or a better friend and, you know, really be that friend that people value having in their life, you need to learn how to listen to listen and not listen to speak. And that is such an art form. If your friend comes to you, like, for example, if Gemma comes to me and she's like, I'm so excited, I am climbing a mountain.
Instead of me going, oh, I've already climbed that mountain once. It was absolutely crazy. You need to make sure that you do this and this because we want to relate, which is a natural thing for us humans to do.
Chapter 5: What small actions can strengthen my friendships?
Could we just like shut the fuck up and let our friend have the moment of the excitement of climbing the mountain and just talk to her about what is she going to do to prepare for that? Is she excited? When does she climb this mountain? What is it going to look like? And actually just let her do the talking about the thing that she's excited about.
Yeah, I love that and before we get into the rest of the episode, we want to pause for a second and ask our listeners, asking you guys to write down or make a little mental note of this question of whether or not you would want to be friends with you. So at the moment, be honest with yourself because honesty is the way that you're going to make these personal development and growth improvements.
The way that you currently treat your friends, the way that you currently navigate life, like are you a selfish friend?
Chapter 6: How should I celebrate my friends' milestones?
Are you a good listener? Pros, cons, think about that and just kind of have that in mind. If there is anything that you know you've got to work on and then we can get into that in the rest of the episode.
I love that. And I think that's like the hardest thing to do, right? Like actually looking at Would I be friends with myself?
Chapter 7: What role does honesty play in friendship?
Because I've had periods. You guys know in the episode we did about like how to make friends as an adult, I spoke about how I created weird friendship dynamics. And I had to look myself in the mirror and go, okay, the friends are not the problem. It's actually me. And sometimes asking yourself the classic case of like everyone wants a village, but no one wants to be a villager.
It's like if I am expecting so much of my friends in terms of level of effort, you sure as shit believe that I'm also putting in that level of effort. Like I can't sit here and complain saying I want better friendships if I'm not willing to also look inward and go, hey, am I actually a good friend?
Yeah, and I think on that note, we're all busy, right?
Chapter 8: How can I maintain consistent communication with friends?
And something that I've reflected on maybe the last few years, and I've definitely gotten better at this, but sometimes when we're in our own little world and we're like, I'm busy, and you're struggling to potentially keep up with the social commitments or whatever it might be, it's like, The reality is everyone's busy. I'm not more busy than my friends. It's just a different kind of busy.
So it's kind of a shit excuse. Like you can always do low effort things to make an effort. And this is something that I had to improve on because say if I'm studying or if I'm like doing something, I will go in a hole and I will just be locked in and I don't do much other than that. Like that's just the mode that I go into. And I've gone into that mode multiple times in my life.
But when I do that, the thing that gets neglected is is my friendships. And you have to kind of identify, well, that's not really fair on my friends. Like, yes, there's going to be seasons where you can give and take less, but to text someone and say, how are you? Like, you're never going to be too busy for that. So sometimes I think we need to realise that We're all busy.
There's always little things that you can do to make people feel heard, connected with. And that's the kind of thing that actually makes you a better friend.
And then also off the back of that is like making an effort for the things that your friends deem important will also make you a better friend. So like, for example, if your friend loves celebrating her birthday, That's one day out of the whole year that you've known about for the last however long you guys have been friends with.
Make sure you're free that day to go and see her if she wants to celebrate it. If your friend is excited about a promotion that she's gotten for work, Listen to her, allow her to have her moment, allow her to come to the table and talk about it and get excited for her. Ask questions. Don't just go, oh yeah, cool. And brush it off and start talking to somebody else or change the topic.
Like actually let your friends have their moment, get excited. And you, what's the reciprocity? You reciprocate that.
Yeah, and on that note as well... Is what I'm trying to say. Yeah, you nailed it. On that note as well, what's important to one person might not be that important to others, but if it's important to them, it's important to you as a good friend. Absolutely. I think I went around in a circle, but my point that I thought of straight away was we're in the...
The social norm is people have kids, people buy houses, people get married. They're like your three big milestones, right? And the reality is not everyone wants that. And some people, the big milestone for them is that they left a toxic relationship. Some people's big milestone is that they have the financial independence to travel alone for the first time.
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