Old Wives

Horny Diplomacy

18 Oct 2022

Contributed by Lukas

It's a two-parter finale, so strap in. First, we've got Casey in Denmark to find a prince who uses his alt account to lure the disillusioned idealist ...

My Guitar Gently Reaps

04 Oct 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We're in Poland today where three Sons make their barebones living ferrying people across a river. The youngest gets a purse that's always full, and a...

Go To Horny Jail

27 Sep 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Today we're in Sicily for a spicy tale about a gullible eldest brother with a purse that's always full of gold. His intended yoinks it, leaving him po...

But the Cat Came Back

20 Sep 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Today we're in Ireland where the king of giants goes up against one persistent cat. There's a princess in the giant's tower, of course, with one hundr...

Mo Monkey Mo Problems

13 Sep 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Today we're in India to hear about a village with a little problem. They don't like doing chores, and they're tired of moving the whole village when t...

Declassified: Haypennies, volume 5

06 Sep 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We took this week off for the (US) holiday weekend. Be back with a new episode next week, plus an extra for patrons. Speaking of patron episodes, here...

Living Dead Worm

30 Aug 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Today we're in Japan for a rich-brother-poor-brother story with a few unexpected twists. Poor Brother gets some dead silkworm eggs from Rich Brother, ...

Drink Me a River

23 Aug 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We're in Egypt today, sampling the wares of three wells and watching as an old woman curses a young boy with a propehcy. He follows the prophecy deep ...

The Brotherhood of the Traveling Brothers

16 Aug 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We're in Turkey today, where 40 brothers are on a quest to find 40 sisters to marry. They find them after the youngest brother tangles with a couple o...

Doctor Feelbad

09 Aug 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We're in China today, where a rich man's son squanders a fortune or three. When he finally learns his lesson, his mysterious wizard benefactor decides...

REBROADCAST: Two Serious Pizzas

02 Aug 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Our four-week hiatus ends with this final rerun, and it's one of our favorites. We'll be back next week with the fresh...ages-old folktales you crave,...

REBROADCAST: The Show-Me Kingdom

26 Jul 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Our brief disappearance from the world stage continues for this, the most July of months in the year 2022. In our absence, please accept this insane s...

REBROADCAST: Little Master Thom Glumb

19 Jul 2022

Contributed by Lukas

It's still July, 2022, and we're still on break. Fret not, we've got just the classic episode to clear your summertime blues. This little fella is com...

REBROADCAST: Every Good Boy Doesn't Fear

12 Jul 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We're on break for the rest of the month (July, 2022). In our absence we're bumping some old hits from the stacks like this gem from June, 2020. Let's...

Hare of the Bog

05 Jul 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We're in Wales this week for a witchy story about a millennial fairy looking for her piece of the dream. She barters for a house and a vengeanceur, bu...

Coat of Many Beavers

28 Jun 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We're in North America today to meet a man in desperate need of a makeover. Lucky for him, some beavers take him in for the winter and teach him the p...

Waiting in the Wingman

21 Jun 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Today we're in India where a prince and a vizier's son are exiled from the country, and they decide to go out hand in hand. It should be the first day...

Yes We Have No Horses

14 Jun 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We're in Ireland to meet three neighbors in a dead heat to be the town's premier moving business. Dan pulls ahead, so the other two team up to sabotag...

The Hat Stays ON During Sex

07 Jun 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We're in northwest Canada this week to meet Great Whirlpool Maker, a fickle god in charge of rough seas. But his power is derived from an unexpected p...

Wife of Crime

24 May 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We're in Sicily this week, where seven sisters are cited for loitering, which proves to be their gateway to a lifetime of recidivism. They blow town a...

Night Fishing Deserves a Quiet Night

17 May 2022

Contributed by Lukas

In Portugal, a poor but too-beautiful himbo is happy living with his mother and fishing. During a full moon, a water nymph kidnaps him to her underwat...

Significant Ogre

10 May 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We're in Iceland where a Leather Jacket Hamlet-type hates his new stepmom, which means it's about time for an adventure. His quest comes in the form o...

Dentura Dentata

03 May 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We're in New Zealand today, deep underground, where a lost-and-found boy steals his grandmother's magic jawbone. It'll help him to hang the sun, carve...

Uncut Jinns

26 Apr 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We're in Egypt today, for a two-parter everything bagel with a side of crocodile. First, a jeweler finds a cryptic prophecy etched into a skull that w...

God Gives His Tallest Hats to His Tiniest Soldiers

19 Apr 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We're in Austria this week, where classic Third Brother Gluck meets a series of increasingly strange little guys. When a drought hits the farm, things...

Declassified: Haypennies, volume 6

12 Apr 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We're out and about this week and don't have a new episode, but in the interest of shining light on some great stories from the past we're declassifyi...

Ride the Lightning Wolf

05 Apr 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Today we're in the American West to hear about a really cool gas station attraction. Area recluse and hunting enthusiast Jacob has four beasts he want...

We're Up All Night to Get Unlucky

29 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Over in Ukraine, the stars are against Unlucky Dan. Dan does his best, but everything he touches falls apart. Jobs, pets, meals—nothing is safe, and...

Anyway Here's One More Wall

22 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

It's a beautiful day in Ireland, and one prince has come to see a bird. Instead, he's going to have to marry a princess. One the other side of a big w...

Three Wolf Moon

15 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

A widower king's beloved only daughter bullies her dad into remarrying. When it's her turn for betrothal, her new stepmom isn't happy. She whips up an...

Snack Attack

08 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Today we're in Hawaii where Jaws meets The Batman meets bowling shirts. The King of the Shark Gods, shapeshifter and all-around ok guy, marries a norm...

Son Rise Son Set

22 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Today we're in Scotland where a six-son brawl leaves one Big Son dead. To avenge the prince's death, everyman Conall and his three boys will have to s...

Catching Forty Honks

15 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Today we're in Iceland to find a prince who has wandered into some strange fog. A clever young girl finds him in a cave belonging to a pair of giants ...

Hiss Hiss Bang Bang

08 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We're in Italy today to meet the most romantic snake in the world. After slithering into the home of a poor gardener, he decides it's time to romance ...

Count Crossfit

01 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Today we're in Belgium to meet an orphaned princess and the buff-and-ready Count that has imprisoned her. Luckily, she's got seven swan friends who ar...

Girl with the Dragon To-Do

25 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Today we're in Armenia casually feeding a dragon in a pit. With a little elbow grease, his future wife will break the dragon's curse, but for her effo...

There's a Hole in the Bottom of the Sea

18 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

This week, we're on the island of Messina (at least we're pretty sure) to meet a kid who loves to swim. Too much, his mother would argue. In her anger...

Ain't No Way to Hide Your Cryin' Eye

11 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Today we're in Serbia to hear the continued adventures of Janko, one of our favorite OW Season 1 heroes. He's on a quest to retrieve his father's magi...

Truth or Deer

21 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

In Ghana, a poor man tries to get into the organic wine business, but something keeps breaking all his pots. He finds the culprit and follows it to it...

Coveting Your Neighbor's Castle

14 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

In Italy today, we find three sisters who worm their way into the royal court. But when one marries the king, the other two are jealous, and they take...

Take My Wife, Please

07 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

We're back and we're celebrating in Iceland, where a peasant befriends a small man with a penchant for pilfering. The little guy gets into a stealing ...

The Stranger Astride Me

23 Nov 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Today we have a Croatian story about a hero who is basically a serial killer. After awkwardly deriving powers from a fairy, he sets out to get some we...

Where's the Beeves?

16 Nov 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Today we've got a Norse tale involving a third son who stumbles upon adventure after his brothers leave him high and dry. A crone points him and his d...

Real Big Fish

09 Nov 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Today we're in India to hear a love story for the ages. God tells Lailí there's only one man for her, and it's her job to get out there and find him—...

It Can't Reign All the Time

02 Nov 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Today we're in North America to hear about a poor Pawnee son who gets lost in a grizzly bear den. The bears razz him for a while, but ultimately let h...

Life is a Crabaret

26 Oct 2021

Contributed by Lukas

We're in Martinique to hear about Madame Kéleman, an old witch whose name you'd better not forget. If you do forget, however, the crabs might know it...

Beauty and the Beak

19 Oct 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Today in Yugoslavia, a manic pixie dream princess is trying to spend ten thousand hours practicing embroidery, but her parents keep bugging her to mar...

Unlimited Breadsticks

12 Oct 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Welcome back to Russia, where one Ivan pulls ahead of the pack. He has to kill some pretty standard-issue monsters, but the monsters' parents find out...

Inglourious Wizerds

05 Oct 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Today we're in New Zealand to hear a tale of two wizards, both of them jerks. What starts with a lost fish hook rapidly escalates into a wizard vs wiz...

Declassified: Haypennies, volume 4

28 Sep 2021

Contributed by Lukas

This episode marks the conclusion of our lil vacation, and of our raid on the patron-exclusives vault. If you like it, consider joining the club for f...

Declassified: Haypennies, volume 3

21 Sep 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Our three-week hiatus continues. Like last week, we're pleased to share our patron-exclusive episode, this one from October of 2021. Here's how we des...

Declassified: Haypennies, volume 2

14 Sep 2021

Contributed by Lukas

We're taking a little break for the remainder of the month. We're going to enjoy it, and we'd like you to enjoy it, too. So for the next three weeks w...

Rod is My Co-Pilot

07 Sep 2021

Contributed by Lukas

We've got a Celtic story today about a guy on a hot streak. When he finally loses at cards, he'll get sucked into some drama between his opponent and ...

No Mulligans, Son

31 Aug 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Today we're in Russia where a prince ends up with a frog for a wife because he sucks at archery. His attempts to hasten the end of her curse make thin...

And We'll Never Be Royals

24 Aug 2021

Contributed by Lukas

We're in Haiti today to hear about a boy who decides to be a hunter. That's going well for him until he bonds with a particular bird, not realizing it...

Snakes on a Plain

17 Aug 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Today we're in the Colorado River Valley to meet a great hunter who is otherwise incapable of taking care of himself. He sets out with his sister, but...

A Tryst to Remember 2: The Remembering

10 Aug 2021

Contributed by Lukas

We're in Wales this week to hear about a man who is hell bent on interrupting a woman on an errand no matter the cost. Thanks to a bottomless bag and ...

There Might Be Giants

03 Aug 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Today we're in Armenia to hear a gritty prestige drama about a youngest brother with one hell of a chip on his shoulder. After their dad's throne is u...

Loser Takes All

27 Jul 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Today we're in Ireland to meet a king's son whose lucky garmbling streak has come to an end. A giant wins the prince's head, and the kid's got a year ...

Dude Where's My Carbs

20 Jul 2021

Contributed by Lukas

We're in Poland this week to meet a king with twelve sons and one daughter. When the evil stepmother swoops in, she gets right to work turning the pri...

The Sun Also Chastises

13 Jul 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Join us in Siberia to meet The Sun and several of his children. Particularly, his three daughters, who've all fallen for the same lowly fisherman. He ...

XOXO, Gossip Cow

06 Jul 2021

Contributed by Lukas

We're in the region of Bengal today to hear a multigenerational tale beginning with an egg in a cupboard. It hatches into a woman, of course, and afte...

The Kids Start Comin' and They Don't Stop Comin'

29 Jun 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Today we're in The Netherlands for a deeply strange tale about a poor widow with twins and the Countess she accidentally curses. The Countess will get...

Slavic the Hedgehog

22 Jun 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Today we hear about a wily hedgehog who saves three lost men of varying socioeconomic statuses. Each repays the hedgehog according to their means, and...

Declassified: Haypennies, volume 1

15 Jun 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Some 44 weeks ago we began a series of monthly patron-exclusive episodes as a perk for supporters. We love our patrons, and yet we also love the forma...

You Otter Know

08 Jun 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Today we meet a humble fisherman in Ireland who meets an otter who gives him a trout that turns into a swan. The swan will take the fisherman on a jou...

The Itchy and Scratchy War

02 Jun 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Today we're in Persia to hear a tale as old as time. Bongo the princely cat starts feeling guilty about terrorizing area mice, so he finds religion an...

Lucid Gardening

25 May 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Today we're in Portugal to hear about a dream they had. Pedro is a humble fisherman, until the morning he sees a beautiful woman among the tide pools....

There's Some Horse in This House

18 May 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Today we're with the Blackfoot Tribe to hear about Long Arrow, a boy on a quest to find medicine in order to become a chief. He follows in Chief Spott...

Danky King Country

11 May 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Today we have a Czech story about a country where the sun never shines. A wonderful horse with a sun in its head provides light for the people, but wh...

Scarred Straight

04 May 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Today we're in Flanders to meet a Puck-ish little imp with facial scarring and a penchant for doin' it live. He's on a lucky streak, coordinating with...

Ask Not For Whom the Sooth Says

27 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Today we're in India to meet a soothsayer on his deathbed, as he leaves his son a series of prophecies that sound like Agatha Christie titles. The son...

Five Hundred Twenty Seven Thousand Forty Minutes

20 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Today we're in Ireland to meet a cotter's son who is VERY good at winning card games. He'll win himself a castle, some cattle, a wife, and a dog, and ...

Fight or Flight Club

13 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

When a humble fisherman in a Slavic country pulls a strange talking fish from the lake, the encounter spurs him to leave home and join the army. But t...

Boot Soup for the Soul

06 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

We're in Denmark today, to meet a Good Sister and a Bad Sister. The Good Sister has a son, but the Bad Sister wins him in a berry picking contest. Whe...

Arrow Solutions to Fish Hook Problems

30 Mar 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Today we're in Japan, where a Hunting Brother and a Fishing Brother decide to trade jobs for the day. During the process, the Hunting Brother loses th...

And Behold a Weird Horse

23 Mar 2021

Contributed by Lukas

We're in Romania this week, where a depressed prince accidentally wanders up the wrong mountain and angers the wrong satanic cryptid. With the help of...

Pee Wee Horseman

16 Mar 2021

Contributed by Lukas

This week we're in Czechoslovakia where a prince with itchy feet is about to go on his first adventure. He takes nothing with him, except his tiny hor...

Leading Ham

09 Mar 2021

Contributed by Lukas

In Romania this week, we meet a third sister who gets the short end of the prophesy when she learns she will marry a pig (sad) while her sisters get k...

Rod Stewardess

02 Mar 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Today we're in India to hear about a girl with all the bad luck. Chandralêkhâ turns down a marriage proposal, so he tells everyone she's possessed b...

Little Diddy 'Bout G and Blondel

23 Feb 2021

Contributed by Lukas

We're in a mysterious unknown country this week to hear a tale of fairy factions, lusty mermen, and helpful animals. When the fairies come for Mutinos...

Finger Lickin' Good

16 Feb 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Today, we get amorous in Italy, where the King of Strong Fortress lusts for his downstairs who he has never even seen. He launches a charm offensive t...

My Alchemical Romance

09 Feb 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Over in Denmark, we meet a man who wishes to be left alone with his scholarly pursuits. He's happy to spend his time boiling things and measuring dist...

Tender Unto Sea Tzar

02 Feb 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Over in Russia, Sadko is a trader, content to play his dulcimer and spend his time alone. Whether he's out trading or in his hometown, his heart belon...

My Best Friend's Earl

26 Jan 2021

Contributed by Lukas

We're in Scotland this week for a Hallmarkian tale of love, betrayal, and brotherly envy at Christmas. Harold is the loud Earl brother, but it's the q...

Seven Inches in Heaven

19 Jan 2021

Contributed by Lukas

We're in Poland this week to meet Princess Ladna and her army of suitors. She chooses Prince Dobrotek, but one magic dwarf hidden among the rejects is...

Slenderfrog

12 Jan 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Today we hear a Czech story about Lidushka, a woman who gets bullied by a horrible frog while doing her laundry at the river. The frog takes her to it...

Hot Seal Sh*t

05 Jan 2021

Contributed by Lukas

We're in Siberia this week to meet Brave Amzun, a lad on a mission to meet Tairnads, The Old Man in the Sea. Amzun grows fast and travels faster, and ...

Sheepshead Bae

29 Dec 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Over in Scotland, a mean stepmom swaps Princess Velvetcheek's head with the head of a sheep, in order to give her own daughter, Katherine Crackernuts,...

Sophie's Horse

22 Dec 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Today we're back in the Pentamerone, where find a king absolutely transfixed by the image of a dead bird he finds on a hunt. His brother will search t...

Stay Out of Riverdale

15 Dec 2020

Contributed by Lukas

We're in Bavaria this week, to meet a prince who falls for a fairy under the river, leaving his existing fiancée in the dust. When he realizes his mi...

Get 0% APR on a New Four-Door Destrier

08 Dec 2020

Contributed by Lukas

This week, from the Slav Peasants and Herdsmen comes a tale of, well, everything. A princess is left to die on a deserted island. In spite of everythi...

Red Proof Inn

01 Dec 2020

Contributed by Lukas

We're in Georgia to meet a kid whose name we can't pronounce and his eight brothers who are dogs. The kid's relationship with his mother is tested by ...

What to Expect When You're Unexpected

24 Nov 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Join us in Poland, where a strange devil with crab hands has got a king by the beard. The king makes a deal to get free, unwittingly tagging in his ow...

How to Win Fish & Influence Fairies

17 Nov 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Join us in Italy to meet Lionbruno, a fisherman's son with great bone structure who gets engaged to a fairy when a deal with the devil goes sideways. ...

Two Serious Pizzas

10 Nov 2020

Contributed by Lukas

We're in Italy this week to hear about two women, their two daughters, and two little pizzas. The good daughter shares her pizza at the wellspring, bu...

Pig Weekend Plans

03 Nov 2020

Contributed by Lukas

We're in The Philippines this week to hear about a widow and her son. The son steps out for a normal hunting trip, when a wild pig leads him into a ca...

The Corpse Danced at Midnight

27 Oct 2020

Contributed by Lukas

It's Halloween week, so we've got two Vampire stories for you that go together like pumpkins and pumpkin carving injuries. A girl meets a handsome dan...

How I Met Your Wizard

20 Oct 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Today we're in Greenland to meet Qujâvârssuk. He's unusual from day one, born into a family of two loving parents and an old wizard who lives with t...

Always Rosy in Logflumedelphia

13 Oct 2020

Contributed by Lukas

This week we're in Croatia to meet three brothers and their grandfather who live in a magical forest. Rage Tzar and King of Hobgoblindom Rampogusto de...