On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
Fri, 25 Apr 2025
When was the last time you actually put yourself first, no matter what anyone else thought? Have you ever felt a wave of guilt just for trying to set boundaries and protect your peace? Today, Jay dives into a powerful idea: letting go of the responsibilities that were never really yours to begin with. So many of us carry the weight of other people’s expectations, emotions, and opinions — and it leaves us feeling stuck, overwhelmed, and disconnected from ourselves. Jay unpacks how we often take on things like managing how others feel or trying to live up to impossible standards, and how doing that can block us from real freedom, creativity, and growth. Throughout the episode, Jay reinforces the message that boundaries are not selfish but necessary for healthy relationships and self-respect. He reminds us that our worth isn’t something we have to earn by meeting expectations or chasing approval. When we stop trying to control things that aren’t really ours to manage, life feels lighter, more real, and full of possibility. In this episode, you'll learn: How to Stop Absorbing Other People’s Emotions How to Let Go of Unrealistic Expectations How to Support Others Without Fixing Their Problems How to Maintain Your Own Emotional Balance How to Prioritize Your Well-Being Over Pleasing Others Remember, life becomes lighter when you let go of what was never yours to carry. No matter what challenges you face, trust that you are enough just as you are, and you have the strength to live authentically. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe here. Join Jay for his first ever, On Purpose Live Tour! Tickets are on sale now. Hope to see you there! What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 00:47 Stop Carrying What’s Not Yours to Fix 02:34 #1: You’re Not Responsible for Other People’s Feelings 07:33 #2: You’re Not Responsible for How Other People See You 15:05 #3: You’re Not Responsible for Fixing Other People’s Problems 19:38 #4: You’re Not Responsible for Meeting Others’ Expectations 24:35 #5: You’re Not Responsible for How Other People Treat YouSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Chapter 1: What does it mean to stop carrying what’s not yours to fix?
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today. You're not responsible for someone's insecurity.
You can't fix what's broken inside them. That's their work to do. You're not responsible for their unrealistic expectations. You decide your limits, not their impossible standards. You're not responsible for their misplaced anger. Their reaction isn't your fault. Don't hold on to guilt that isn't yours. The number one health and wellness podcast.
Chapter 2: Why am I not responsible for other people’s feelings?
Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. The one, the only, Jay Shetty.
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the place you come to listen, learn, and grow. I'm your host, Jay Shetty, and today we're talking about the things you're not responsible for. I don't know about you, but I feel like we all carry and feel responsible for more than we can hold. Sometimes the weight feels so heavy and we're trying to carry our parents' expectations.
We're trying to carry the responsibilities that we have on a day-to-day basis. We're trying to carry people's emotions and feelings and pain. And it can often feel like it's just weighing so heavy. And at the end of trying to carry all of this, you just feel like falling and breaking down.
I'm sure you felt the same way, where you feel like the weight you're carrying is getting heavier every single year. And the weight of people's expectations, opinions, obligations, whatever it may be, never ever stops. In fact, it just continues to grow and accelerate as time goes on. As you listen to this episode today, I want it to be freeing. I want you to feel lighter.
I want you to feel liberated. As you listen to this episode, I want you to feel like you can actually move and think and have space to create. Because what we don't realize is when we feel responsible for things that we don't need to be responsible for, we are blocked. Our creativity is blocked. Our passions are blocked. Our time is blocked.
So much of our intuition is blocked because we're making space and room for everything else. So the first thing that I want to talk about, the first thing you're not responsible for is other people's feelings. You can respect them. but their emotional reactions aren't yours to carry or fix. You can be kind to people, but people will still feel hurt.
You can be present with people, but they can still feel distant. You can be thoughtful, but people will still feel unheard. you are not responsible for other people's feelings.
I remember being that person where I would overanalyze every text, every email, every message, every interaction to say things perfectly, to say things in a way that there would be no opportunity for misinterpretation or fallout. And guess what? People were still upset. people were still hurt. Not because I wanted them to be hurt. If anything, I was trying to avoid that.
But I found that I'm not responsible for other people's feelings. If someone wants to be hurt, they'll be hurt no matter what you say. If someone wants to be mad at you, they'll be mad at you no matter what you say. If someone wants to feel upset with you, they'll feel upset with you no matter what you say or do. If someone has made their mind up about how they feel about you,
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Chapter 3: How can I stop being responsible for how others perceive me?
Some people perceive it as a weakness. I really understood this when I lived in the monastery and we were exposed to this idea of humility and humility was seen as the number one quality that humans could aspire for. But today when people demonstrate humility, people often think of it as low self-esteem or they think of it as low self-worth. They don't value it.
They value someone who's got a bit of swag, who's got a bit of confidence. But for the monks, humility is the greatest sign of confidence, the ability to accept what you know and what you don't know, to be honest about your strengths and your weaknesses, to be clear about what you're good at and what you're bad at, that's reality.
But today we reward people who feel confident all the time, people who look like they have it all together. Perception is also different all across the world. and how we receive people's praise and perception is fascinating. I remember looking at a case study of the performance company Cirque du Soleil. You might have even heard of them, or you might have even been to see a show.
In some parts of the world, when the acrobats would jump through a hoop, triple flip backwards, land on their feet, fall through a hoop of fire, the audience would go crazy. The audience would be applauding, praising, shouting, screaming, losing it. And the acrobats would feel acknowledged and seen. And in some other cultures around the world, the acrobats would finish a show
and feel like they flopped. They'd feel like they failed. Why? Because the audience didn't clap as loud. The audience didn't shout as loud. The audience didn't scream as loud. But here's the fascinating thing about that. When Cirque du Soleil went and did some studies on this, they realized certain cultures don't show their emotions and their praise as expressively.
Someone could be clapping like this and feel the same level of excitement as someone who's on their seat, jumping and shouting. They actually had to train the acrobats to realize that different cultures express appreciation differently. Some cultures had the ability to be so expressive, to be so emphatic, to be so verbally congratulatory that they'd feel it.
but they had to give the same performance when the audience didn't respond that way. This is one of the challenges about how people perceive us. If you feel responsible for how people perceive you, you will always be performing. You will always be on a stage. You will never feel you can take the mask off.
you will feel like every word you say and every act and every thought and every behavior is under scrutiny. This is known as the spotlight effect, where you feel that your whole life is constantly being analyzed. So before someone else can analyze you, you analyze yourself. You filter yourself, you edit yourself, you overthink yourself, and now guess what?
You get more and more distant from the person you are. you're not responsible for how other people perceive you. I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
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Chapter 4: What are the dangers of trying to fix other people’s problems?
Chapter 5: How can setting boundaries free my creativity and emotional space?
So when your parents going through something really, really difficult, maybe they're going through a transition, maybe they're going through a shift or a change, And all of a sudden, not only are you constantly thinking about their feelings, you feel responsible for them. You feel it's your job to make today a great day for them. You try and change everything. You change your whole routine.
You call them first thing in the morning. You put aside other tasks. And by the way, this is all well-intentioned. And it's a beautiful act of love. But what we don't realize is we haven't helped them develop the emotional skills and tools they need. You're trying to be a mood shifter, a mood changer for that person, rather than putting the control in their hand.
It's almost like saying, hey, I'll decide what to watch tonight. Hey, I'll decide what to order tonight. And sure, it can be great to create that space in the short term, But long-term, the goal is to equip that person with the ability to make choices about their own feelings. Trust me when I say this. This is not about being hard-hearted. It's not about not caring.
It's not about not loving someone you really, really love. It's about recognizing that real love is helping someone learn how to choose their feelings and emotions. You're not helping someone if you're debilitating them. You're not helping someone if they're dependent on you to feel good. If someone's dependent on you to feel good, you have not helped them, you've stalled them.
Think about that for a second. If someone is dependent on you to feel happy, you have not helped them, you've actually hurt them. Because that means when you're not available, when you're not accessible, when you're not capable, when you don't have time or space, that person can't find that joy. I'm sure that's not what you want for them.
So we don't want to feel responsible for other people's feelings. We want to feel connected in helping them, supporting them, being there for them, but not responsible. Because when you're responsible for it, you then take it into your own life and start to carry it. The second thing you're not responsible for is how people perceive you.
You can say everything right and people will still think you're wrong. You can speak the truth and people will still think you're lying. You can try to explain yourself and people will still misunderstand you. You are not responsible for how people perceive you. They might base it off a first impression, something someone else said, something they heard.
If someone chooses to perceive you based on another person's opinion of you, that means they don't want to get to know you. Let me say that again. If someone bases their perception of you based on how another person perceives you, they don't actually want to get to know you.
If someone told you that someone else was lazy, disorganized, and you take their word for it, it means you don't want to make the time or the energy to actually get to know that person. Because chances are, if you did get to know them, you might realize that just like all of us, they're lazy in some ways, but they're organized in other ways.
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Chapter 6: Why is it important to differentiate between support and solution?
Chapter 7: How can I maintain my emotional balance while supporting others?
Chapter 8: What role does guilt play when setting boundaries and how do I overcome it?
Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. The one, the only, Jay Shetty.
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the place you come to listen, learn, and grow. I'm your host, Jay Shetty, and today we're talking about the things you're not responsible for. I don't know about you, but I feel like we all carry and feel responsible for more than we can hold. Sometimes the weight feels so heavy and we're trying to carry our parents' expectations.
We're trying to carry the responsibilities that we have on a day-to-day basis. We're trying to carry people's emotions and feelings and pain. And it can often feel like it's just weighing so heavy. And at the end of trying to carry all of this, you just feel like falling and breaking down.
I'm sure you felt the same way, where you feel like the weight you're carrying is getting heavier every single year. And the weight of people's expectations, opinions, obligations, whatever it may be, never ever stops. In fact, it just continues to grow and accelerate as time goes on. As you listen to this episode today, I want it to be freeing. I want you to feel lighter.
I want you to feel liberated. As you listen to this episode, I want you to feel like you can actually move and think and have space to create. Because what we don't realize is when we feel responsible for things that we don't need to be responsible for, we are blocked. Our creativity is blocked. Our passions are blocked. Our time is blocked.
So much of our intuition is blocked because we're making space and room for everything else. So the first thing that I want to talk about, the first thing you're not responsible for is other people's feelings. You can respect them. but their emotional reactions aren't yours to carry or fix. You can be kind to people, but people will still feel hurt.
You can be present with people, but they can still feel distant. You can be thoughtful, but people will still feel unheard. you are not responsible for other people's feelings.
I remember being that person where I would overanalyze every text, every email, every message, every interaction to say things perfectly, to say things in a way that there would be no opportunity for misinterpretation or fallout. And guess what? People were still upset. people were still hurt. Not because I wanted them to be hurt. If anything, I was trying to avoid that.
But I found that I'm not responsible for other people's feelings. If someone wants to be hurt, they'll be hurt no matter what you say. If someone wants to be mad at you, they'll be mad at you no matter what you say. If someone wants to feel upset with you, they'll feel upset with you no matter what you say or do. If someone has made their mind up about how they feel about you,
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