Oz 9
Episodes
episode fifty: M'Lady of Little Chadwick upon Bad Patter
22 Nov 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Humans on the receiving end of divine affections don't do so well, mythologically speaking. However, after having seen Donna in action, the smart mone...
episode forty-nine: I'm soft, squishy, and covered in Hollandaise sauce
09 Nov 2020
Contributed by Lukas
I'd apologize for this being so late, but if you think about it, I gave you an extra 16-and-a-half Oz-free hours, which is, like, a decade in idiot ye...
episode forty-eight: We only have three minutes
25 Oct 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Remember how there was that one week you were sick or maybe just on vacation but too poor to go anywhere? And you watched daytime TV, and even though ...
episode forty-seven: Chasing Lord Lunchable
11 Oct 2020
Contributed by Lukas
What would you do if everything in your garden suddenly attacked you? Carrots shooting themselves at your eyes, radishes nibbling tiny, spicy holes in...
episode forty-six: It's invasion of the body snackers
27 Sep 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Probably the most remarkable thing that happens in this entire episode is that Le Bichon Frise pronounces "assassinate" correctly. I know. We were pre...
episode forty-five: Who doesn't love a decorative bunting?
13 Sep 2020
Contributed by Lukas
It's really late. The kind of late that keeps on getting later until it circles back round to early. When I'm this blurry and tired, I'm likely to say...
episode forty-four: It's very hard to do science in this position
30 Aug 2020
Contributed by Lukas
If you've been keeping up with the antics of that zany crew aboard the Oz 9- Have you ever considered taking up a REAL hobby? Like stamps or shufflebo...
episode forty-three: Found their fillings in a compost pile
16 Aug 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Perhaps you've heard about the mold that's eating radioactive materials around Chernobyl? And that scientists are considering insulating spacecraft an...
episode forty-two: Escaping at a brisk walk
09 Aug 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Something nefarious is happening on a golf course in French Lick, Indiana. Actually, several nefarious things. Well, OK, like, three... maybe four nef...
episode forty-one: My kidneys go straight to voice mail
19 Jul 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Welcome back, space monkeys! We hope you enjoyed your six-week excursion ashore. Watch your step, the gangplank is slippery and also there's no oxygen...
Bonus: Oz 9 hiatus episode: We'll always have ...
12 Jul 2020
Contributed by Lukas
If you've ever wondered about our crew's lives before they got wrapped up in the drama of the Oz 9, well, keep wondering, because you're not going to ...
Bonus Oz 9: The Season Two Crew
05 Jul 2020
Contributed by Lukas
If you think Oz 9 looks like chaos from the front, well, it's just as raggedy and unkempt 'round the back (if slightly less dangerous). In this bonus ...
Bonus: The Oz 8000 Biosphere: Portrait of a Refuge
09 Jun 2020
Contributed by Lukas
The Oz ships failed under mysterious circumstances entirely caused by their on-board crews or natural disaster wholly unrelated to Gated Galaxies or i...
episode forty: Be prepared to lose body hair
24 May 2020
Contributed by Lukas
It's the end of Season 2, and our crew are still dumb, still in space, and still hovering at the edge of death. Thanks to all the zig zagging around t...
episode thirty-nine: From last cluck to a bucket of extra crispy
10 May 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Episode 39 means one more until the end of Season 2, and where we're going is no clearer than the muck at the bottom of the bioswamp. But hey, you've ...
episode thirty-eight: I forgot to untie the technician
26 Apr 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Look, I've been up all night, and seriously the first person to speak to me may find themselves trying to pour coffee into a stump. Like, where their ...
episode thirty-seven: Hung up like a deli chicken
12 Apr 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Despite Joe's best attempts to keep the Oz 9 free of ... icky things, a very large, armed, and presumably hostile icky thing has taken over the bridge...
episode thirty-six: There once was a garçon from Bordeaux
30 Mar 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Pod poetry is generally considered to be the 3rd worst in the universe. If you have a weak liver or any sort of cheese allergy, you might want to chec...
episode thirty-five: Rabid egret eggs and something vaguely chivelike
15 Mar 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Beans — BIG beans — are about to be spilled aboard the Oz 9, and that could spell trouble for the crew. Especially if the beans land in a very par...
episode thirty-four: Fly, you beautiful bastard, fly
01 Mar 2020
Contributed by Lukas
What do you do when your Otologostealth X13 runs out of charge? That wasn't actually a rhetorical question — the manual is in Ancient Mesopotamian...
episode thirty-three: If you say so, Frog Butt
16 Feb 2020
Contributed by Lukas
No one said life in space would be easy. Though if they'd listened closely, the people buying seats on the Oz ships might have heard G2 officials mutt...
episode thirty-two: It's stuck in my cravat
02 Feb 2020
Contributed by Lukas
I've pretty much decided that some weeks ago, I ate the fugu, and everything since has been some sort of weird fever dream. I mean, that's the only t...
Bonus episode thirty-one and a half: Scrummy nuns and dodgy deacons
19 Jan 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Otherwise known as "The Origin of Colin Smith," this mini ep gives some background into- Ah ah — you almost got me there. Nope. I'm not telling. I'm...
episode thirty-one: Daydreams and teddy bear hugs
12 Jan 2020
Contributed by Lukas
I... we... they... Seriously? This is... It just... SERIOUSLY? You've been listening to: June Clark Eubanks as Glenda and the Albatros Bonnie Bran...
episode thirty: There's an armpit method?
29 Dec 2019
Contributed by Lukas
It's the holiday season aboard the Oz 9, though how that happened when they launched in spring, like, a month ago, is anyone's guess. But whatever t...
Bonus: The Annual Assassins Holiday Dinner
25 Dec 2019
Contributed by Lukas
On December 4, 2019, Oz 9 did a live show at the South Side Podfest at Bar 171 in Chicago, Illinois. It was the evening of the Annual Assassins Holi...
episode twenty-nine: A rather amorous gecko
15 Dec 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Episode 29, in which we learn the meaning of the Scottish slang word "boaking." Repeatedly. In vivid color. In this episode, the world has gone topsy ...
episode twenty-eight: Not a sane pair of lederhosen on this ship
01 Dec 2019
Contributed by Lukas
An episode so full of unexpected twist and turns, you should probably schedule an appointment with your chiropractor now. Wet sandwiches, heat-resis...
episode twenty-seven: Too chiseled to burn
17 Nov 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Does it sometimes seem like everything that is trying to kill you wants to talk to you about it first? I mean, I don't really feel like I need to conn...
episode twenty-six: The death of Karen
03 Nov 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Earth is starting to feel the loss of its most dependable consumers, it's chaos all 'round, and I got a fricking paper cut putting this episode togeth...
Bonus: It's an Oz 9 Halloween
01 Nov 2019
Contributed by Lukas
It's the Oz 9, so of course they even manage to screw up Halloween. What do you do if there's an open and empty coffin in the hold of your ship? N...
episode twenty-five: Hey, Doc, can I pet this?
13 Oct 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Leet's in Dr. von Haber Zetzer's lab, and you know no good can come of that. Colin is lethally in need of a nap, and the Albatros is on the hunt for a...
episode twenty-four: Is it really an esophagus anymore?
29 Sep 2019
Contributed by Lukas
There's an assassin in memory storage ... that's just not something you hear every day, is it? Colin's eaten a highly questionable olive, Dr. von Habe...
Bonus: Can you give yourself the finger?
22 Sep 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Who doesn't love a good origin story, amirite? Here's hoping you also love a mediocre one. Even a sort of lousy one that involves a lot of people wi...
episode twenty-three: All of ze tings in zis vun
15 Sep 2019
Contributed by Lukas
I think the lesson to be learned from this episode is, if you ever attend a cocktail party at Dr. von Haber Zetzer's, maybe don't eat the appetizers. ...
episode twenty-two: It wasn't an olive
01 Sep 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Name three animals that can see in the dark. What happens when an animal that couldn't... suddenly can? Given that it's happening aboard the Oz 9, my ...
episode twenty-one: You're not getting a tombstone
18 Aug 2019
Contributed by Lukas
You're never going to guess what's going on aboard the Oz 9... Well, yes, you're right, they are in danger of their lives... And yes, right again, the...
Bonus: All Together Now
11 Aug 2019
Contributed by Lukas
It's the much-awaited (or not really), highly anticipated (or sort of mediumly anticipated) Full Cast Q & A, including the guy who does our music! We ...
Bonus: And the Rest
01 Aug 2019
Contributed by Lukas
A behind-the-scenes, into-the-chaos peek into how Oz 9 gets made and why it's .... the way it is. There are some spoilers here, so be sure you listen ...
Bonus Cast interviews: Colin, Leet, LBF, the Albatros
21 Jul 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Oz 9 podcast is on a hiatus between seasons one and two, but you didn't think you were getting off the hook that easily, did you? Goodness, no. In ...
episode twenty: In space, no one can hear you stupid
14 Jul 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Somewhere aboard the Oz 9, a bomb is ticking. Actually, a crap-ton of things are going wrong aboard the Oz 9; this is just the biggest and most likely...
episode nineteen: Peeing in a bucket and eating pocket lint
30 Jun 2019
Contributed by Lukas
If you've ever been in mortal peril, you know the most crucial decision you'll make in that situation is your choice of writing implement. No? Well,...
episode eighteen: I speak a little oregano
16 Jun 2019
Contributed by Lukas
You know that one colleague at work who is just hopeless? Tries earnestly to do the job, help out, and be useful, but usually ends up spilling his bee...
Bonus: Between the wormhole and the Rinse McGoo
09 Jun 2019
Contributed by Lukas
It's that kind of day, innit? One minute, you're out having a quick ciggie next to the tip, and then the world goes all wobbly, and suddenly you're ab...
episode seventeen: So the deed could not be done
02 Jun 2019
Contributed by Lukas
The episode that finally answers the critical question: why do robots climb like cows? There's an arm under the sofa, Jessie's dangling from a shelf i...
episode sixteen: We are not breathing the passengers
19 May 2019
Contributed by Lukas
'Allo, little piggies! The notorious assassin le Bichon Frise is circling our crew like a vulture who hopes his prey drops soon because he's tired a...
episode fifteen: Heroic Running!
05 May 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Here's a shocker: the Oz 9 crew's lives are in danger. Suffocation, toxic gas, a loose assassin, the risk of being crushed under their own denseness –...
Bonus: Deep breath and follow the doors
28 Apr 2019
Contributed by Lukas
It's late, and there's an assassin loose aboard the Oz 9, but Leet isn't going to let that interrupt his conversation with sleeping people. After al...
episode fourteen: Of baguettes and bastards
21 Apr 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Captain Jessie is now aboard the Oz 9, which is great, except she brought her assassin with her, and he's managed to get a hold of some fairly crucial...
episode thirteen: Aim for the mime
07 Apr 2019
Contributed by Lukas
You know how the little fluffy dogs are always the meanest? Well, this bichon frise is no exception. He's coming for Captain Jessie, and things are l...
Bonus: Bayonets and electrodes
31 Mar 2019
Contributed by Lukas
What happens when a homicidal, two-headed robot gets shoved into an empty (empty??) storage bay without arms or hope of release? Good question. Listen...
episode twelve: A bucket full of mime
24 Mar 2019
Contributed by Lukas
A pod has popped open, and something is roaming loose aboard the Oz 9. Something silent.... but ... deadly? Jessie, Captain of the neighboring Oz 6748...
episode eleven: She might do some lasting pickles
10 Mar 2019
Contributed by Lukas
It's Day Two And we're as startled as you are that anyone's still alive. Day two on the Oz 9 sees the crew celebrating fewer fatalities (sorry, Matt) ...
episode ten: Fixing the ejaculax
24 Feb 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Will Madeline and Joe be able to fix the copulatron and attach it to the forniculator before they realize neither of these things actually exists? Is ...
episode nine: Mind the gap
11 Feb 2019
Contributed by Lukas
In which: Colin makes a sausage-scented discovery, Rock and Donna talk murder, we learn about automatic chopsticks, and Olivia confesses that she migh...
episode eight: Things that go stupid in the night
30 Jan 2019
Contributed by Lukas
In which It's "night" on the Oz 9, and the crew is literally and figuratively stumbling around in the dark. Back on earth a cub reporter and a private...
episode seven: The biggest bunch of mindless wankers
13 Jan 2019
Contributed by Lukas
In which Leet is accosted by someone (or thing) and bunged into airlock 7, Olivia gets tetchy about Leet's imminent demise, There's an enormous amount...
episode six: Dark and starting to collect liquid
07 Jan 2019
Contributed by Lukas
In which Leet reveals a certain fascination with some heavenly orbs... More pods go squelchy... We discover how the crews of the Oz fleet were assembl...
episode five: There's a zombie in the corridor
23 Dec 2018
Contributed by Lukas
Heave a sigh of relief: Leet’s symmetry has been restored. Might suggest you breathe through your mouth, though, as there’s a rapidly decomposing ...
episode four: Space is great for sulking
13 Dec 2018
Contributed by Lukas
Hey, speaking from the future here, but Oz 9 has a comic book! https://oz9podcast.etsy.com Right. As you were. Episode four in which Olivia gasses the...
episode three: Great heaving chesticles
04 Dec 2018
Contributed by Lukas
Have you ever thrown the last of your milkshake out the car window, only to have it splat on the windshield of the car behind you? OK, imagine doing t...
episode two: I had a cake all to meself
24 Nov 2018
Contributed by Lukas
Still smoking from the launch pad, our band of space explorers can't quite get a grip on this whole "survival" idea. So I wouldn't get too attached to...
episode one: What the f&#* is that smell??
18 Nov 2018
Contributed by Lukas
HEY! HI! If you enjoyed this episode (and yes, I know, you probably haven't heard it yet, hush), you'll be thrilled to know it's also a COMIC BOOK. Wh...