Pablo Torre Finds Out
Behind the Curtain of Distraction: We Went Undercover with the Most Creative Fans in College Hoops
Tue, 11 Mar 2025
Nobody makes opponents miss free throws like Arizona State’s student section and their infamous Curtain of Distraction. On the brink of March Madness, we embed with the Sun Devils writers' room — and the Lorne Michaels of college basketball — to test the limits of absurdity (with a little help from the likes of Donald Glover and Mike Schur). Then we activated polyamorous conjoined unicorns on the baseline… on live national television. What could possibly go wrong? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Chapter 1: What is the Curtain of Distraction?
Has the curtain of distraction ever been used as an actual curtain in front of a window before, or are we making history right now?
It has never performed the duty of a legitimate curtain.
This is exactly how I wanted this session to begin, by using the curtain of distraction to block the sun.
Yeah, it's finally become the big time. It has grown up to an actual curtain. It's what it's always wanted to be.
Your title here is what?
Yeah, my name is Bill Kennedy. I'm an associate athletic director here at Arizona State University. I've been working full-time here for 37 years. I went to school here way back a long, long time ago. And anything else you'd like to know?
Who are the two guys sitting next to you, both of whom have intimidatingly long hair?
My name is Harry DiCecco. I'm a graduate student here at Arizona State University studying computer science, and I've been part of the 942 crew every year I've been at ASU.
My name is Logan Sears. I'm a sophomore here at ASU. I'm majoring in graphic design. This is my second year in the 942 crew. Last year, I just joined as a performer for the curtain, and now I'm taking over for this guy and trying to lead the whole operation.
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Chapter 2: Who are the creators behind the Curtain of Distraction?
Right. When I was a kid growing up, I had hamsters and we had a hamster wheel. They eat their young is the thing about hamsters. And so I grew up with a hamster running in a hamster wheel. And in the wheel, and this is not a thing I'm just saying for you guys, it's true. It maybe explains the psychology of me.
The hamster I had would run and it would be a hamster wheel full of decapitated hamster baby heads.
Oh, wow.
Because they have like 30... And so they would just be running in like a death wheel of... Yeah, I mean, I think the hamster wheel in and of itself would be enough.
I don't know if you'd have to add the decapitated babies to that, Pablo.
I'm seeing the value of Bill in the writer's room. I'm seeing your grounding force. I get it. I get, I get... I don't want to discourage anything.
Just want to redirect it, Pablo.
This is... No, this is... I get why you're in this position of power. My friend Kevin Wilds, host of FS1's First Things First, he was saying he loves the idea of a curtain behind the curtain. Right? So have you guys toyed with this sort of experiment of like, okay, so... But yeah, where are you going with it? Yeah, just like a Russian nesting doll of curtains. And so one idea...
the curtain opens and there is a doctor wearing scrubs standing next to hospital curtains. So different curtain, but a second curtain. And that curtain, when that gets thrown open, there's a patient wearing a hospital gown, but their head is a mask, and that mask is an AI-generated photo of the person at the free throw line, but aged like 50 years.
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Chapter 3: What absurd performances have been featured?
But then finally, under a minute, there's a full court trap, and Bobby Hurley gets Arizona State trying now to commit a foul. There is Ali committing the foul. And so 47 seconds left, the second foul is committed.
Four, four, four.
So it is worth pointing out, and this is truly ridiculous, but on the ESPN broadcast, you can now see Marty McFly and Doc Brown finally popping out from behind this curtain, back from the future, to confront Houston guard LJ Cryer with our portrait of his own mortality.
Oh my gosh, Doc! We're in 2025! Great Scott, has anyone seen this man? Is this you? It's him, he's out there, he's right there! This is you!
on national television all across America. John Schifrin, the broadcaster, is saying, what is that a picture of? I don't know how you guys could have been any clearer. The fact that LJ Cryer drains that, it's just amazing. But then the second shot, you're like, all right, let's try something different.
We're 50 years in the past! Where is he? I think I see him! He's right there! He's there! He's there!
Good job.
Second shot, we wanted to be somebody that was on the court. Whoever we did it for was standing behind the three-point line.
Number seven, Mylos Yuzan. So it just felt like you guys were f***ing with them at this point, which again, pretty good strategy. But Houston made the shot. And so just to do the math here, this is a bummer. It's four for four from the line in the second half. The curtain, therefore, is 0 for 4. The game is a blowout. And we didn't even get to the third skit. And so I'm sitting at home.
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