Passion Struck with John R. Miles
Laurie Santos on How to Matter in a Busy World | EP 583
11 Mar 2025
Chapter 1: What is the importance of mattering in our lives?
Coming up next on Passion Struck.
What we're trying to go for is convenience. If you're grabbing something off chat GPT and pasting it into a dating app, it's because you want to like reduce friction. You just want to make stuff easy, right? Real life is frictiony. Like social connection is frictiony. Mattering is frictiony. It takes work. It takes time, right? And so I think as we go towards an all too convenient society,
Chapter 2: How does technology affect our social connections?
we wind up losing some of the psychological benefits that can come from connection and mattering because we're trying to just bang things out and do it as easily as possible. Well, sometimes you have to put in some work to feel like things matter.
Welcome to passion struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.
If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now let's go out there and become passion struck. Hey, passion struck fam. Welcome to episode 583.
Whether you're a long term listener or tuning in for the first time, I am so grateful you're here. You have joined a global movement dedicated to unlocking your full potential, living with intention and making what truly matters matter most. Before we dive in, let's take a moment to reflect on the powerful conversations we shared last week.
First, on Tuesday, we explored deep spiritual and personal transformation with Natalie Namaste, who shared her insights on the mattering mindset and how we can heal from within to step into our highest potential. Then I sat down with Dr. Sam Wilkinson to discuss the neuroscience of resilience decision making and how our brains adapt to life's biggest challenges.
If you miss either of these episodes, I highly recommend going back to listen to them. They're packed with insights that will transform the way you approach your own growth and well-being. Now, let me ask you this. What if the happiness we chase isn't the happiness we truly need? What if the stories we tell ourselves about fulfillment are actually leading us astray?
And how do we break free from the misconceptions that keep us from experiencing genuine joy, meaning, and connection? That's exactly what we're diving into today with one of the world's foremost experts on happiness and well-being, Dr. Laurie Santos.
She is a distinguished professor of psychology at Yale University, the creator of Psychology and the Good Life, the most popular course in Yale's 300-year history, and the host of the internationally renowned podcast, The Happiness Lab, which has surpassed 100 million downloads. In today's conversation, we explore the biggest myths about happiness and how our brains mislead us.
The role of social connection and feeling like we matter. Why the pursuit of achievement doesn't always translate to fulfillment. And lastly, practical science-backed strategies to build more joy, resilience, and deep relationships. This episode is filled with powerful takeaways that will challenge the way you think about happiness, meaning in the way that you design your life.
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Chapter 3: What makes Dr. Laurie Santos's Yale course so popular?
I think technology, all these technologies are supposed to be connecting us, right? Even a dating app, it's like literal purpose is to connect you with people. Maybe people you wouldn't meet if you're not at your local bar or something like that. But when the technology is not well suited to the way our psychology evolved, things can misfire in all these ways.
And far too often, what we're trying to go for is convenience. If you're grabbing something off chat GPT and pasting it into a dating app, it's because you want to like reduce friction. You just want to make stuff easy, right? Real life is frictiony. Like social connection is frictiony. Mattering is frictiony. It takes work. It takes time, right?
And so I think as we go towards an all too convenient society, we wind up losing some of the psychological benefits that can come from connection and mattering because we're trying to just bang things out and do it as easily as possible. Well, sometimes you have to put in some work to feel like things matter. I mean, that was like the old school DESE studies that you talked about, right?
You putting the time in and maybe not even getting rewarded for it is one of the things that can build up some of the most intrinsic reward.
So one of the things that's a cornerstone of your teaching is gratitude. How does practicing gratitude enhance both happiness and the sense of belonging?
You know, we think of gratitude as, oh, I'm so grateful for my morning cup of coffee or something like that, but What the research shows is that gratitude is more of a pro-social emotion. This is work by Dave Desteno and others, where what gratitude really makes you feel like is like, wow, I have a lot and I should probably give some back to other people.
This is the kind of sense that gratitude gives us. So Dave finds that people who experience more gratitude want to volunteer more, right? They want to be nice to their future self, right? They want to save more for retirement and eat healthier because it's, I can give back to like my future self who's like another person, right? Yeah.
And so gratitude is an emotion that facilitates that kind of self-sacrifice, the kinds of hard work that leads to really positive social connection, leads to helping, and I think leads to doing things that really matter. So it's an emotion that gives you a sort of motivational bandwidth to do the stuff that I think increases mattering.
And it's also no surprise that gratitude and experiencing more gratitude winds up making you feel happier. I think in the moment, but I think it leads to these kind of positive happiness spirals where you feel good, but you also feel more motivated to do nice stuff for other people. And that boosts your social connection, which makes you feel even happier and less lonely and so on.
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