Passion Struck with John R. Miles
Mattering in Love: Stop Settling—Choose Love That Sees You (Part 1) EP 576
21 Feb 2025
Chapter 1: What is the biggest reason people stay in unfulfilling relationships?
Coming up next on Passion Struck. What if I told you that the biggest reason people stay in unfulfilling relationships isn't love, it's self-worth? That most people aren't actually choosing love, they're just trying not to be alone. The truth is, the way you experience love is a direct reflection of what you believe you deserve.
And if you keep attracting people who don't show up for you, if you feel like you have to convince someone to choose you, then it's time to shift your mindset. In this episode, I'm breaking down the mattering mindset in love, how to stop settling, start building better relationships, and finally feel seen, valued, and chosen. Because love isn't something you earn.
It's something you build with the right person. Ready to change the way you love? Let's dive in.
welcome to passion struck hi i'm your host john r miles and on the show we decipher the secrets tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself if you're new to the show i offer advice and answer listener questions on fridays
We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hey there, PassionStruck fam. Welcome to episode 576. Whether you've been here for a while or this is your first time, welcome.
This is where we challenge conventional thinking and create lives of impact. Earlier this week, we had two incredible conversations that pushed the boundaries of personal transformation. On Tuesday, I sat down with Randy Blight, frontman of Lamb of God, to discuss resilience, discipline, and how art can be a vehicle for self-discovery.
Then, on Thursday, Dr. Scott Scher joined me to explore cutting-edge science and longevity in peak performance, sharing how GABA, one of the most misunderstood neurotransmitters, is changing the game in human optimization. And today, we're shifting the focus again, because what if the missing piece in your life isn't just about personal success or growth, but about the way you approach love?
Let me ask you something. Have you ever stayed in a relationship that made you feel invisible? Have you ever chased someone who never really chose you? Have you ever convinced yourself that a situation was more than it actually was? Just because you didn't want to admit the truth, here's the hard reality.
So many people settle for relationships that leave them feeling unfulfilled, undervalued, and unseen. And it's not because they want to settle. It's not because they don't want a great relationship. It's because they don't believe they matter. And when you don't believe you matter, when you don't believe you're worthy of the love you actually want, this is what happens. You settle.
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Chapter 2: How does self-worth dictate relationship choices?
and the biggest mistake people make they choose partners from self-doubt instead of self-worth they chase attention instead of connection they adjust themselves instead of standing in who they really are they tolerate inconsistency instead of recognizing their value and here's the truth the more you filter edit and shrink yourself to fit someone else's expectations
the more disconnected you become from the love that's actually right for you. So if you want to attract the right relationship, you have to start by showing up fully as yourself. This starts with the shift from dating to be liked to dating to be known. When you stop trying to win someone over, You open yourself up to real connection.
And then you need to ask yourself, am I adjusting to impress them or am I showing up as my real self? If you're editing yourself, pause. If you're constantly questioning whether you should say something, that's a sign you're not being fully you. And then set one boundary early and observe their reaction. Maybe it's about how often you communicate. Maybe it's about how fast the relationship moves.
The right person will respect it. The wrong person will push back. And this brings us back to Vanessa and John, who went on a trip to Costa Rica together. And while they were there, Vanessa could feel John pulling away. Instead of chasing or trying to make him like her, she made a powerful decision. She told him, I know I'm awesome, and I know what I bring to the table.
If you don't want it, that's fine, but I need to know. That's what mattering in love looks like. Choosing yourself instead of trying to convince someone else to. So the next time you catch yourself overanalyzing a text, We're delaying your response to play it cool. Do this instead. Respond in a way that feels natural. Don't edit. Don't strategize. Just be real.
Because if someone is only interested in you when you're performing, they are not the right person. So think about it. If you weren't afraid of losing someone, how would you really act? Would you set stronger boundaries? Would you express your needs instead of suppressing them? Would you stop shrinking yourself to fit someone else's preferences? Because here's the thing.
When you truly believe you matter, you don't play games. You don't beg for attention. You don't overthink every interaction. You show up as your full self and trust that the right person will meet you at your level. And that's how you stop chasing love and start choosing it. So now I want to discuss how to know if you're chasing the wrong person.
This all comes down to the question, are you in love with who they are or who you hope they'll become? Some people stay in dead end relationships, not because of who their partner is, but because of who they believe they could be. This is something Dr. Marisa Franco,
one of the world's leading experts in human connection, a New York Times bestselling author, psychologist, and TED speaker, shared with me on PassionStruck in episode 207. Dr. Franco has spent years studying the psychology of relationships and attachment, translating complex research into actionable insights that help people transform their connections.
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