Passion Struck with John R. Miles
The Art of Listening: How to Make People Feel Like They Matter | EP 546
Fri, 13 Dec 2024
In a world where so many people feel unseen and unheard, the art of listening is more important than ever. In this episode, John R. Miles dives into how listening deeply and intentionally can validate someone’s worth, foster connection, and create a sense of belonging.Through powerful stories, scientific insights, and actionable takeaways, John explores how practicing the art of listening isn’t just about hearing—it’s about helping others feel like they truly matter. Whether you’re looking to strengthen relationships, reduce loneliness, or improve your own sense of connection, this episode will inspire you to embrace listening as a transformative practice.Download the Show Leave Behind in the full show notes: https://passionstruck.com/the-art-of-listening/Call to Action: In this episode, we explored the transformative power of listening and how it can help people feel seen, valued, and connected. Now, it’s your turn to take these insights and put them into practice.Start small—choose one conversation this week where you’ll focus on truly listening. Be fully present, ask thoughtful questions, and create a space where the other person feels like they matter. Remember, every act of deep listening isn’t just a gift to others—it’s a step toward building stronger connections and living a more intentional life.Take that step today, and watch how it transforms your relationships and your understanding of what it means to truly connect.If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us a review—it takes just a moment and helps us share our message with more people. Don’t forget to include your Twitter or Instagram handle so we can thank you personally!How to Connect with John: Connect with John on Twitter at @John_RMiles and on Instagram at @John_R_Miles. Subscribe to our main YouTube Channel here and to our YouTube Clips Channel here. For more insights and resources, visit John's website. Want to explore where you stand on the path to becoming Passion Struck? Take our 20-question quiz on Passionstruck.com today!If you found value in this episode, share it with a friend and leave us a review to help spread the message of intentional living. Let’s bridge the gap between theory and action and live our lives with purpose!In this episode, you will learn: Why being deeply heard makes people feel valued and seen. The psychological and emotional benefits of listening—for both the speaker and the listener. How listening fosters belonging and strengthens relationships. The science behind the art of listening, including its impact on empathy and stress reduction. Practical strategies to improve your listening skills and create meaningful connections. Sponsors: Mint Mobile: Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at “MINT MOBILE dot com slash PASSION.” Hims: Start your journey to regrowing hair with Hims. Get your free online visit at hims.com/PASSIONSTRUCK. Quince: Discover luxury at affordable prices with Quince. Enjoy free shipping and 365-day returns at quince.com/PASSION. Rosetta Stone it's the only way that allows you to Unlock 25 languages for life at “ROSETTASTONE.com/passionstruck.” Prolon helps you Reset your health with 15% off at “ProlonLife.com/passionstruck.” For more information on advertisers and promo codes, visit Passion Struck Deals.Join the Passion Struck Community! Sign up for the Live Intentionally newsletter, where I share exclusive content, actionable advice, and insights to help you ignite your purpose and live your most intentional life. Get access to practical exercises, inspiring stories, and tools designed to help you grow. Learn more and sign up here.Speaking Engagements & Workshops: Are you looking to inspire your team, organization, or audience to take intentional action in their lives and careers? I’m available for keynote speaking, workshops, and leadership training on topics such as intentional living, resilience, leadership, and personal growth. Let’s work together to create transformational change. Learn more at johnrmiles.com/speaking.Episode Starter Packs: With over 500 episodes, it can be overwhelming to know where to start. We’ve curated Episode Starter Packs based on key themes like leadership, mental health, and personal growth, making it easier for you to dive into the topics you care about. Check them out at passionstruck.com/starterpacks.Catch More of Passion Struck: Check My solo episode on How to Live Intentionally With Passion and Perseverance Catch My Episode with Gail Swift On: The Power of Taking Action Watch my interview with Jason Silver on How to Use What You Have to Get What You Desire Can't miss my episode with Maha Abouelenein on How Small Actions Lead to Big Success My solo episode on What Is Sisu? Harnessing the Finnish Art of Courage for Life If you liked the show, please leave us a review—it only takes a moment and helps us reach more people! Don’t forget to include your Twitter or Instagram handle so we can thank you personally.How to Connect with John:Connect with John on Twitter at @John_RMiles and on Instagram at @John_R_Miles. Subscribe to our main YouTube Channel here and to our YouTube Clips Channel here. For more insights and resources, visit John’s website.Want to explore where you stand on the path to becoming Passion Struck? Take our 20-question quiz on Passionstruck.com and find out today!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Chapter 1: What is the art of listening?
Coming up next on Passion Struck, here's a question for you. When was the last time you actually shut up and listened? Not the kind of listening where you nod along while secretly thinking about what you're going to say next, but the real, uncomfortable, oh wow, this is vulnerable kind of listening.
Chapter 2: Why is listening considered a superpower?
In today's episode, we're breaking down why listening is harder than it looks and why it's almost the most underrated superpower for building connection, killing loneliness, and maybe even figuring out your own messy life in the process. If you're tired of small talk and ready to get real, stick around. Welcome to Passion Struck.
Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.
If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hey, PassionStruck family. Welcome back to Momentum Friday and episode 546.
I'm your host, John Miles, and I'm so excited to spend this time with you today. This space is all about exploring how we can live lives of intention, purpose, and meaning. And let me tell you, this episode is one you don't want to miss. If you're new here, welcome. I am so thrilled you've joined us.
You've just stepped into a community dedicated to helping you take bold, actionable steps toward the life you've always envisioned. Whether you're a longtime listener or a first timer, this is a place where we turn passion into action. Before we dive in to today's topic, let me tell you about this week's incredible episodes.
On Tuesday, I sat down with Jessica Zweig, the founder of Simply Be and the author of The Light Work. We talked about the transformative power of authenticity and how to tap into your inner light to navigate life's challenges and opportunities.
Then on Thursday, I had such a fascinating conversation with George Appling about aligning your actions with your values and finding clarity in your personal mission. It was an eye-opening discussion about discovering what truly drives you and using that knowledge to create a life of purpose. If you missed those episodes, I highly recommend going back and checking them out.
They're filled with insights and actionable takeaways that can complement what we're talking about today. For those of you who are just diving in, don't miss our episode starter packs. With over 540 episodes, we've curated playlists on essential themes like leadership, mental health and personal growth to help you jump right into the content that resonates most with you.
You can find them at passionstruck.com slash starter packs or on Spotify. If you want to take what we discuss even deeper, I invite you to sign up for my live intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com. Each week I share insights, challenges and strategies to keep you inspired and intentional in your journey.
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Chapter 3: How can listening foster connection and belonging?
It's such a simple idea, but it's loaded with power. Now let me ask you something. When was the last time you walked away from a conversation and thought, wow, That person really saw me for who I am. It's rare, right? Most of the time, we're stuck in this pattern of surface-level exchanges. Small talk, polite nods, maybe the occasional, how are you?
That doesn't go much deeper than, I'm fine, thanks. But when someone really listens to you, when they lean in, make eye contact, and just get what you're saying, it's like oxygen. It reminds you that your voice, your story, your experience matters. I'll give you a quick story that brings this to life.
A few months ago, I was at this event, kind of one of those gatherings where everyone's supposed to network, but no one really wants to. Anyway, I ended up sitting next to this older man, probably in his 70s. At first, he seemed a little reserved, but then he started talking about his childhood, how he grew up in this tiny, close-knit town that eventually disappeared because of a damn project.
You could tell that he hadn't told this story in years, and all I did was listen. I didn't interrupt or ask him to get to the point. I just let him unravel it, piece by piece. By the end of it, he looked at me and said, Thank you for letting me share that. I didn't even realize how much I needed to talk about it.
What struck me wasn't just that he felt lighter after sharing his story, but how it changed everything. me. Listening to him reminded me of how we carry these pieces of ourselves that we think no one wants to hear, but when we share them and someone listens, we reclaim our sense of worth. Here's where the science ties in. Studies show that when someone listens to us, our brain releases oxytocin,
the hormone that makes us feel connected and safe. It's literally like our brain's way of saying, hey, you matter. So here's my challenge to you this week. The next time you're talking with someone, whether it's your best friend, your barista, or even your boss, just pause for a moment and really listen.
Not the kind of listening where you're waiting for your turn to talk, but the kind where you're fully present. Because when you do, you're giving that person one of the greatest gifts imaginable. The sense that they're seen, that they matter. And honestly, you'll probably walk away feeling like you matter a little more too.
All right, we're just getting started on this journey into the art of listening. Coming up, we're diving into belonging, how listening creates those powerful connections that remind us we're all in this together. So in that last section, I talked about how listening makes someone feel seen, but it goes even deeper than that.
Listening doesn't just validate someone's story, it connects us, it creates belonging. But what does it really mean to belong? I've been really thinking about this, and it brought me back to something from Louise Hay's mirror work. If you're not familiar, mirror work is the practice where you stand in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eye, and speak affirmations or truths.
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Chapter 4: What are the benefits of deeply listening to others?
science has something to say about this too jamil zaki a psychologist who i had on the show and who studies empathy talks about how empathy isn't just a trait it's a skill and like any skill it grows with practice when we listen intentionally when we engage with curiosity and courage we're exercising our empathy muscles.
And that growth doesn't just help the person we're listening to, it helps us become more compassionate, more self-aware, and ultimately more human. So how can we bring this level of intentionality into our lives? It starts with asking better questions. Instead of sticking to how are you or what's new, try asking, What's been on your mind lately? Or what's a challenge you've been facing?
Then go a step further. Be present. Imagine yourself in their shoes. Role play it if it feels right. Intentional listening takes effort and courage, but the rewards are extraordinary. It's how we move beyond small talk and into real connection. It's how we show someone that their story has meaning, not just to them, but for us too. Here's something to think about as I wrap up this section.
What would it look like if you brought this kind of intention to your next conversation?
what might you learn not just about the other person but about yourself next i'll dive into the reward of deep listening what it means to witness someone's courage and how it can bring healing to us both so we've talked about intentional listening how stepping into someone's story with purpose can transform both the storyteller and the listener but there's a reward for this kind of deep listening and it's more powerful than you might think we're not just hearing someone's words when we truly listen to someone's story
We're witnessing their courage, and there's something incredibly humbling about that. To sit with someone as they share a piece of their life, especially the vulnerable, messy parts, takes us out of our own heads and reminds us of something universal. We're all carrying something, and we're all braver than we realize. Let me share a story that illustrates this.
There's this incredible program called The Dinner Party. It's a support group for people who've experienced significant loss, and the premise is simple. They come together to share a meal and their stories. One participant, I'll call her Sarah, lost her husband unexpectedly. She joined a dinner party gathering because she felt like no one in her life truly understood her grief.
During the meal, she listened as others shared their stories, stories of losing parents, siblings, partners, Some were raw and recent. Others were wounds that had been scarred over but still ached. When it was Sarah's turn to speak, she hesitated. She admitted that part of her felt like her grief wasn't as valid as the others. But as she spoke, she realized something profound.
Her pain, her experience, wasn't isolated. It was part of a thread running through the entire room. And that's the reward of deep listening. As Sarah listened to the courage of others, to their honesty about their fears and their determination to keep going, it gave her strength, and when she spoke, when others listened to her, she felt less alone. Here's what's fascinating.
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Chapter 5: How does intentional listening transform conversations?
He realized that his feelings of guilt and sadness weren't just his burden to carry. They were part of the shared human experience of loss.
and in that realization he found a sense of belonging he hadn't felt in a long time here's the beautiful part the mentor later shared that the conversation changed them too by being fully present for alex's story they were reminded of their own losses and how they had navigated through them that moment of shared vulnerability created a bridge between them a connection built on mutual courage and understanding this story highlights what we've explored throughout this entire episode
Mattering. By listening deeply, the mentor validated Alex's experiences, showing him that his story and his emotions were worth sharing. Belonging. Through their shared connection, Alex realized he wasn't alone in his grief, and the mentor found renewed insight into their own humanity. Intentionality.
The mentor's deliberate presence allowed the conversation to unfold naturally and meaningfully, creating a transformative experience for both of them. So here's what I'd love for you to reflect on. What's one story you've been holding on to, something unresolved or unspoken, and who in your life might be waiting for you to truly listen to theirs? Listening isn't just a skill, it's a gift.
It reminds us that we matter, that we belong, and that we're capable of creating profound connections through presence and empathy. Here's my challenge to you. Take a moment to think about the relationships in your life. Who needs you to listen more deeply? What's one intentional action you can take today to practice the art of listening?
Whether it's a heartfelt conversation, asking a thoughtful question, or just holding space for someone's story, do it. Write it down, then take that step today, not tomorrow, not next week. And when you do, let me know. Tag me on social media at John R. Miles or share your story with the PassionStruck community. Your journey could inspire someone else to start their own.
To help you put the listening into action, I've created a free resource called the Deep Listening Blueprint. It's packed with tips and techniques to help you build stronger connections, deepen your relationships, and create moments of true presence. You can sign up for my Live Intentionally newsletter, and when you do... I will send you a copy of this for you to download.
If today's episode resonated with you, please take a moment to leave a five-star rating and review. It's one of the best ways to help others discover the show and join our mission to live more intentionally. And if you know someone who needs to hear today's message, share this episode with them. Together, we can spread the gift of connection and purpose.
I'm also passionate about bringing these lessons beyond the podcast. If you're looking to inspire your team or community through keynote speeches, workshops, or events, I'd love to partner with you. Visit johnrmiles.com slash speaking to learn more. You can find links to everything we discussed in today's episode in the show notes at passionstruck.com.
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Chapter 6: What is the science behind listening and empathy?
Chapter 7: How can listening heal relationships and self-worth?
We're witnessing their courage, and there's something incredibly humbling about that. To sit with someone as they share a piece of their life, especially the vulnerable, messy parts, takes us out of our own heads and reminds us of something universal. We're all carrying something, and we're all braver than we realize. Let me share a story that illustrates this.
Chapter 8: What actionable steps can we take to improve our listening skills?
There's this incredible program called The Dinner Party. It's a support group for people who've experienced significant loss, and the premise is simple. They come together to share a meal and their stories. One participant, I'll call her Sarah, lost her husband unexpectedly. She joined a dinner party gathering because she felt like no one in her life truly understood her grief.
During the meal, she listened as others shared their stories, stories of losing parents, siblings, partners, Some were raw and recent. Others were wounds that had been scarred over but still ached. When it was Sarah's turn to speak, she hesitated. She admitted that part of her felt like her grief wasn't as valid as the others. But as she spoke, she realized something profound.
Her pain, her experience, wasn't isolated. It was part of a thread running through the entire room. And that's the reward of deep listening. As Sarah listened to the courage of others, to their honesty about their fears and their determination to keep going, it gave her strength, and when she spoke, when others listened to her, she felt less alone. Here's what's fascinating.
Science shows us that storytelling, especially in groups, can lower stress and increase feelings of connection. Researchers like the late Emile Bruneau have found that sharing and listening to personal stories reduces polarization and creates empathy even across divides. But beyond the science, there's something deeply human about hearing someone say, here's my truth in thinking.
That sounds a lot like mine. Deep listening gives us two gifts. First, it reminds us that courage isn't about having no fear. It's about moving forward despite it. Hearing someone else's bravery lights a fire in us to face our own challenges. Second, it reminds us that we're not alone.
Listening to someone else's story, even if it's completely different from ours, shows us the common threads we all share. Love, loss, hope, survival. And in that realization, we find healing. Here's my question for you. When was the last time you witnessed someone's courage through their story? How did it inspire you?
And if you haven't done this recently, who in your life might be waiting for someone to really listen deep listening is more than an act of empathy it's a bridge a way to connect to heal and to grow next we'll talk about how this bridge works in a broader sense how listening can break through isolation and remind us that we're all part of something bigger
So, we've now talked about how listening honors courage and fosters connection, but let's take it one step further. Listening doesn't just help us connect, it can pull us out of the isolation that so many of us feel in our lives. In a way, listening is like water. It's life-giving, and it has the power to break the fever of loneliness.
Here's the thing, isolation isn't always about physically being alone. You can be surrounded by people and still feel like no one truly sees or understands you. I think we've all been there at some point, feeling disconnected, even when we're in the middle of a crowd. And here's where my conversation in episode 282 with Julianne Holt-Lunstad comes in.
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