Passion Struck with John R. Miles
Why Adult ADHD in Women Often Goes Undiagnosed | Shanna Pearson - EP 718
20 Jan 2026
Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Coming up next on Passion Struck.
It bothers me when people refer to ADHD as a superpower. It really does because there's nothing about ADHD that makes life easier. And it's difficult to manage ADHD on so many levels, like in your relationships, career, personal health, name it. And so when people are like, oh, it's a superpower, you should be able to do like all of these things so much. You've got this and you don't.
And you know that life is really hard and you know that you're struggling and you know you're working. A hundred times harder than every single human and longer than anyone. There's no superpower. And so then you just feel like there's something else that's wrong with you because you can't even use your superpower. You don't even know where it is. Like, where's the superpower part of this?
Welcome to Passion Struck. I'm your host, John Miles. This is the show where we explore the art of human flourishing and what it truly means to live like it matters.
Each week, I sit down with changemakers, creators, scientists, and everyday heroes to decode the human experience and uncover the tools that help us lead with meaning, heal what hurts, and pursue the fullest expression of who we're capable of becoming.
Whether you're designing your future, developing as a leader or seeking deeper alignment in your life, this show is your invitation to grow with purpose and act with intention. Because the secret to a life of deep purpose, connection and impact is choosing to live like you matter. Hey friends, and welcome back to episode 718 of Passion Struck.
We're continuing our series, The Meaning Makers, an exploration of how meaning is built, sustained, and sometimes eroded across a life. Last Thursday with Alex Emus, we examined The Winner's Curse. The paradox where success under uncertainty often reflects overestimation rather than skill.
We saw how intelligent, capable people make costly choices when systems reward escalation, confidence, and momentum while obscuring long-term cost. Today, we take that insight inward. because the same dynamics that distort markets also shape identity.
When people spend years trying to succeed inside systems misaligned with how their minds actually work, the cost accumulates internally as exhaustion, self-doubt, emotional overload, and a growing sense of invisibility. My guest today is Shauna Pearson. Shauna is the founder of Expert ADHD Coaching.
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Chapter 2: Why is ADHD often misdiagnosed in women?
But it was like that for years. It was like that for years. It was like I was embarrassed to be seen. Those were my early years with ADHD. You know what? I don't want to be quoted on this, but it's like being in a different universe as a human. And you're in this universe with these other beings and you don't belong there. And you don't want to get found out.
Well, I have a daughter who's got a sensory processing disorder, which is different than ADHD, but in some ways the two kind of go hand in hand, I would think.
They do overlap.
But she, just seeing how much harder she has had to work to keep up with her classmates. Yeah. and how she has learned to overcome, but it takes her so much more effort. It's interesting to see how we end up compensating and then overcoming the difficulties we had. You've yourself, Shauna, described yourself as the poster child for extreme ADHD.
Was there a moment that finally led you to your diagnosis?
There was. And I wanted to say one thing about your daughter. Is it okay?
because what i've known yeah for sure yeah what i've noticed after working with as many people because i've learned a lot running my company because we have a coaching company and it's only for adults who have adhd so we always see the after we don't work with kids we see what happens with people after living with adhd for this long and one thing i can tell you for sure is that there is a huge difference with people who had a harder time in school
Compared to people that had that just flew by and got AIDS in their sleep. And the difference is like remarkable. The people that had to work really hard in general, at least in my world where people are coming in in their 30s, 40s, 50s. The people that had to work really hard tend to be doing a little bit better or a lot better in their careers.
They tend to just, and it's like that having that work ethic and the people that flew by are the ones that are still trying to fly by and aren't able to.
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Chapter 3: How does emotional overwhelm affect women with ADHD?
And so I guess I'm grateful in some way. I guess that happened for a reason because it definitely taught me how to do things and get things done and go for it. Yeah. So I just want you to know, like for your daughter, I don't know how old she is, but there's definitely a light at the end.
Well, she's a senior in college and she went on to UF. There you go. She's done really well for herself.
And she will continue to because once college ends, like that's when the real fun begins, right? When you're trying to hold on to a job. Yeah, no, she's going to do fantastic.
So can you take us back to what finally led to your diagnosis?
A catastrophic event that that happened in my life is what actually sent me to get a diagnosis. My life in my thirties was extremely tumultuous, dramatic, but not in a good way.
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Chapter 4: How do hormonal changes impact ADHD symptoms in midlife?
And I was just like, when is this going to end? When is this going to end? When is this going to become easier? And I was moving a lot. I was literally changing cities at least every year. I was changing boyfriends about every year as well and nothing felt good.
And in one of my relationships, something happened that was just where you go to bed thinking you're one person and you wake up in a completely different reality. I don't know if that's ever happened to you, but that happened to me and
Yeah, I've experienced that before.
So my life just got turned upside down in the worst way possible. And my whole identity just went, who am I? That was not me. And I had to move back to my parents' house where they were in a different city as I was. And when I was in that city... I was talking to a friend who was also back in his house visiting his parents, not for the same reasons I was, but he was also in between.
He was like in between jobs. And I was talking to him about what had happened because I needed some help. His dad happened to be, his dad is a psychiatrist. And so that was just lucky that it happened to be at his house telling him everything that was going on. His dad was overhearing us and literally just asked me straight up,
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Chapter 5: What practical tools can help manage ADHD symptoms?
Have you ever been diagnosed with ADHD? And I was just like, what? In my experience, that was something that kids had. In my experience, cause I used to, I had a job where I was working with kids and there was the teachers that were like, this one needs this medication. This one needs that medication. I'm like, okay. But he asked me about that by myself and I was like, what?
And, but it wasn't so off when I heard him say it. So I went with him to his clinic and he had a woman diagnose me, but she misdiagnosed me with depression. because my symptoms were for sure. When I did the self-assessment, my life was really rock bottom at that point. And I for sure presented as depressed. She diagnosed me with depression, put me on antidepressants.
Those actually made me depressed. So then I asked him if there was anything else. I don't think this is it. Is there something else? Like, can you send me somewhere else? And so he did. He sent me to an ADHD specialist who literally spent like a total of seven or eight hours with me over two days and dove right into my history. Like all of my, he wanted my report cards from kindergarten.
He wanted my whole job history, my relationship history, everything. And he was just like, you are amazing.
i have he literally said i've never met anyone like you you are the poster child for the most extreme adhd possible and that was it and when he told me why it was just like that made sense that made sense that make it all made sense i was like wow that's it wow i didn't even know that was something adults had which was sounds really silly to say that right now but yeah that's what happened so i'm grateful
Before we continue, I want to pause on something important. Listening to a conversation about ADHD is one thing. Recognizing how often effort has been mistaken for failure is another. Many people spend years trying to fix themselves when what they actually need is a more accurate understanding of how they work and permission to build support around that truth. That's where reflection matters.
Inside the Ignited Life, each episode in the Meaning Makers series is paired with a guided prompt and integration tools designed to help you translate insight into alignment without urgency or self-judgment. You can join us at theignitedlife.net. Now, a quick break for our sponsors. Thank you for supporting those who support the show.
You're listening to PassionStruck on the PassionStruck Network. Now, back to my conversation with Shawna Pearson. I remember when I was working at Lowe's, there was an executive director who worked for me and had been employed at Lowe's for a while. And he had a lackluster reputation. Moments that he shined, there were moments that he flatlined.
And I noticed when he was working for me directly, that was the reputation I had before he came to work for me. And I had seen a little bit of it, but at the time that he worked with me, He was really sharp. He was really on point. I didn't really see that roller coaster that other people had seen. That's cool.
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Chapter 6: What role does rejection sensitivity play in self-worth?
One of my peers happened to go into his office and happened to see on his desk that he had a prescription bottle on it that was a prescription for Adderall. And I remember this peer then telling a number of the other peer group, there were five of us, that this guy was taking Adderall and they started to joke about it. And then he got labeled. Why do you think that happens?
And what are your thoughts on that?
Why do I think that people joke about it?
I mean, because to me, ADHD has been around now as a major diagnosis for decades. Yeah. It's not like this is something new, etc. And this probably happened at this point, maybe 12, 13 years ago. Okay. But it still seems like it gets stereotyped.
It does. And there's still stigma. We have men who don't want their wives to know. in our company. This is all hush there. They come for coaching and we can't because we love involving family members. I feel like it's extremely helpful to have Whoever you're living with, join your coaching sessions at least every four or five, six weeks, please.
So we can all be on the same page and everybody knows what's going on and they can help support. But there are a lot of people that just don't want anyone to know at all. And I think it's just, I don't know why people would laugh at that. It's like laughing at somebody who has an inhaler on their desk. And it's just...
Except for the fact that ADHD was associated with children, like what we were talking about before. And maybe that's what they were laughing at is like always like a big kid because we hear that a lot. But the fact is that a lot of people just don't want people to think that there's anything wrong with them.
And so if there's a prescription on your desk at work, it's for some people, it would be a sign of weakness. There's something wrong with me. I was born with a deficit. I need to take something to help fix it, which obviously to me is completely ridiculous because every single one of us is missing something on some level in some area of life. There's not a single human who isn't.
And so I still think that, but people like, especially people who really need to wear that mask. and look like a leader, especially people in very high up positions, they don't want to be found out. Because then people will blame this part of their life on, they'll just, well, we can't trust you. You're not reliable. You're not this, you're not that.
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Chapter 7: Why is it important to focus on micro-actions for ADHD management?
What do you recommend for those parents? And what is the damage that's done when those types of questions are continually asked?
The first part of my book, as I think, was why can't you just? I grew up with why can't you just in my head forever, probably until I left for university. And the fact is your child does not know why they can't just. They don't know. And
they would like to know but they don't so it doesn't make sense to ask them we need to know as adults that they can't just period and when you have if you're raising a kid and it's in your mind because you know you're able to remember certain things and you can put stuff away and you can remember your work or homework or whatever why can't your kid just if you suspect your child has adhd or any kind of learning difference
They just can't just, and there's methods and tools and systems that will help them to be able to do these things for sure. But until they've got those locked down, now you know why, or you might know why now they can't just.
And so now it's up for you as a parent to be able to help them and possibly turn it around and ask yourself, why can't I just help my kid be able to do this in a different way? then I do it because their brain is wired differently. They need to do things in a different way.
So I feel like it's really helpful for parents who tend to say, why can't you just a lot to just start being like, well, why can't I just? And no, but it's really important because a child raised underneath and I was, and probably a lot, maybe you were too, raised inside of why can't you just, it knocks your self-esteem down. so severely and you can't recover from that.
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Chapter 8: How can understanding ADHD change one’s self-perception?
You can't. You can go to therapy for decades and you can do all the personal development you want, but your self-esteem is going to be hurt for the rest of your life. So we have to do everything as parents to really help our kids see what they can do and what they can do extremely well so that they want to do even better.
Yeah, so for that same parent or maybe someone who suspects someone that they're working with at their job has ADHD, for that person who has it, how does it affect their confidence in their relationships?
You just talked a little bit about this, about how it ends up shaping you if those questions are asked, but what does it really do for your self-confidence and your ability to connect with other people?
I feel like the number one thing that affects us in terms of our relationships is growing up and spending your entire childhood and possibly young adulthood feeling misunderstood by everyone. Because like I was saying at the beginning, we literally do exist on a different frequency. And I think anyone with ADHD is going to attest to this. We're in a different place.
Whether we're up here or down here, we're never like this with people. And so... when you always feel misunderstood you become number one obviously it hurts your self-esteem but you become quite reactive and i don't know if your son is like this but we're always like this trigger constantly and you over explain and you overreact and because
You're just being, if anybody doesn't understand one thing, you feel like they're just not understanding all of it and they're not understanding you and you're not, now they don't like you anymore. And just, it goes so deep. And so we tend to, people with ADHD, have a tougher time in relationships because of, just because of this underlying belief that no one's going to really understand me.
No one understands me. Sometimes I don't understand me. And so it's really hard to be completely connected to another person when you feel like they're never going to understand you. And so fights become bigger, arguments become more frequent, and it's hard. It's hard. That's why it bothers me when people refer to ADHD as a superpower.
It really does because there's nothing about ADHD that makes life easier. And it's difficult to manage ADHD on so many levels, like in your relationships, career, personal health, name it. And so when people are like, oh, it's a superpower, you should be able to do like all of these things so much. You've got this and you don't.
And you know that life is really hard and you know that you're struggling and you know you're working hard. 100 times harder than every single human and longer than anyone. There's no superpower. And so then you just feel like there's something else that's wrong with you because you can't even use your superpower. You don't even know where it is. Like, where's the superpower part of this?
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