Why doesn’t anybody come to my parties?
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Why are people not attending Claire's parties?
This is Search Engine. I'm PJ Vogt. No question too big, no question too small. This week, a question that is very small. Not a question of mine, someone else's, but a question I related to very deeply. A question from an internet personality, an anonymous one, who writes a substack I enjoy. I know you prefer to write online under the name Cartoons Hate Her. Is there like a first name that we can use for the purposes of this story?
Yes. So I go by CHH in my comment section, my Discord and stuff. But then if legacy media wants me to write for them, and sometimes they do, to quote Trump, they were begging like dogs. They were saying, please write for our wonderful publication. But I said, you can't do it without the beautiful pseudonym. I don't want to do the real name. There's a lot of weird people out there. You got to use the beautiful pseudonym. So Basically, I go by Claire Haber Harris, which is CHH for short.
This was minute two of my interview with Claire. Talking to her, for me, I experienced her like a fireworks factory that someone had accidentally dropped a lit match in. A stunning show, that's also a lot, where I found myself entertained but not totally sure where to sit. So, how do you describe what it is you do?
I run the number one humor account on Substack, at least as of this day. I don't know if someone's going to overtake me by the time this comes out. I write about social dynamics, anything from friendship, parenting, relationships, dating, marriage, and then also just some like random like internet pop culture, that kind of stuff. I'll cover a little fashion here and there. I wrote an article about incel gorillas who start their own all-male society. So you never know what you're doing with my stuff.
You really don't. And recently, Claire wrote about this question she had that captivated me.
What are Claire's experiences with party invitations?
A blog post called A Full Investigation of Why Nobody Comes to My Parties. The question was simple. In the real world, Claire lives, by her description, an incredibly normie life as a mom somewhere, two kids, a husband. But with this funny problem. She wants to throw these big parties, nothing debaucherous, just a classy party with dressed-up adults and their children. Except when she tries to do it, people don't want to come. A different person would just throw smaller parties or no parties. Claire is not that kind of person. Like, why is throwing parties important to you? Why do you want to throw parties? Why do you want people to come to those parties?
I think it has so much to do with memories I have as a kid. You know, my parents would throw this really big Christmas party every year and it was dressy. It was formal. People would come in fancy clothes. They would bring their kids. The kids would be dressed fancy. The kids would like make little innocent mischief around the house and there would be all this food. And it was like the highlight of my year. My parties are much more low key, but I do like the idea of like people reasonably putting in the effort to dress up a little bit and go to a party. I will put in the effort. I cook for my parties. I like, I go to so much effort. I make cakes. I make roast duck. I want to do the work. And I love doing the work.
I love doing that. All I ask is that people come and that they wear something better than sweatpants.
And so what has happened so far?
How does Claire feel about her childhood party experiences?
Like you have this vision in your head, which is like, A party where you cook something where people dress like above airport grade clothing. Yeah, exactly. Maybe there's a theme. What happens when you try to do this?
Every single time it was the same thing where I'd invite a lot of people and a lot of people would say that they were out of town. They couldn't make it. A lot of people wouldn't respond at all. I would be like, okay, I need to follow up, but I don't want to be annoying. I would follow up like three times. No one would respond. And then... a week before the party, I'd always be like, I think I got to cancel this because no one's coming. And this is really humiliating. And I don't think I have any friends.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
Why are people not attending Claire's parties?
0:25–2:18
2
What are Claire's experiences with party invitations?
2:18–3:41
3
How does Claire feel about her childhood party experiences?
3:41–5:02
4
What factors contribute to Claire's party planning challenges?
5:02–6:45
5
How does Claire's social anxiety affect her party hosting?
6:45–7:47
6
What insights do Claire's friends provide about her parties?
7:47–9:28
7
How does Claire's personality influence her social interactions?
9:28–11:26
8
What changes is Claire making to improve her social life?
11:26–47:06