Chapter 1: What challenges did Craig Bellamy face during lockdown?
Good afternoon and welcome to the latest edition of Offscript. I'm delighted to say I'm joined not just by my friend and colleague from Sky, Jamie Carragher, but also a former teammate of Jamie's and also a colleague of mine from Sky in the shape of Craig Bellaby. Good afternoon to you both. Craig, how are you during lockdown?
Because I know as a person, you are somebody who likes to be very active. You must be finding this tough.
It's the last two, three weeks have been very, very difficult.
Um,
To start with, you feel it's going to be over very soon, but the realisation kicks in that it's not, it's going to take a while. We still don't know, but the simple fact is people are staying safe.
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Chapter 2: How did injuries impact Craig Bellamy's mental health?
With my family and with my in-laws at the moment, my missus is pregnant, so it's a difficult position for all of us, but everyone else is in the same boat, so we just have to get on with it.
I don't know if you've seen the Andy Murray documentary, Craig, He talks about his struggles with injury, mental struggles during an injury. As somebody who had injuries himself, is that A, something that you can identify with?
And B, given how now it is far more at the forefront of society's mind and people are far more open about it, do you think if your career was starting again now, do you think modern-day players are better prepared to deal with it mentally than perhaps you were? And just how bad did it get for you?
Well, we... It wasn't... I think a lot of our habits as footballers is what you're taught when you're young. And they sort of stay with you. Like, I remember I had brilliant coaches at Norwich when I first started off who taught me a lot. And a lot of it lives with me now. But Some of it actually wasn't beneficial and it wasn't their fault. It was what they knew.
You know, things like when you look at money, don't worry about money. Money will come. Money will go. Concentrate on your football. You look at, like I remember even Sir Bobby Robson telling me, you know, about a scam. I was going to go to a scam.
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Chapter 3: What lessons did Craig learn from his childhood experiences?
He was like, no, you don't go to scams. Let the wife deal with all that. You concentrate on football. So it was a lot of habits. But you're missing out on a lot of life as well. Football's only here a short time. And that's why you probably see a lot of footballers more from our generation do struggle with it.
But really, if you break it down, I remember when I went to see... I was at Liverpool with Zaf. I know Karen knows him really well. Steve Peters? Yeah. I'll get to the Zaf first. He's seen one or two problems with me. And he's seen them before, but he's seen them escalate. And I've never really... I never really noticed that I just seen it as just normal habits for myself.
Um, and he addressed, you know, he had, we had a good conversation and, and really he recommended me that to Steve Peters. And, and when I seen him was, um, it was, it was a bit of a wake up call for myself because a lot of the habits, you know, I was in, I was injured when I was, I moved away from home from a very young age. So I was 15 when I moved away from home. Um,
Chapter 4: How did Craig Bellamy cope with homesickness as a young player?
And you imagine a lot of 15-year-old boys moving the other end of the country away from everyone, away from family and the loneliness. Being homesick was the hardest I've ever had to deal with. That was, you know, there was nights you're crying yourself to sleep. You can't speak to really anyone. It was only football. Your friends were able to go away, like go back home on weekends.
I was stuck in, you know, you think of it, you know, a 15, 16-year-old kid stuck in his digs. We called it digs at the time.
on a weekend or when you're waiting for people to come back and the effect I probably look back now when you get older you understand a lot more and that's just natural and so I have a look you know look back and a lot of how I was and the anger I had you know like even my parents now like even I look at my father I was really close to my father we have never really bridged that gap because I sort of held him responsible for making me go there
You know, there was times I'd come back home and I didn't want to go back. I weren't going back, but he made me go back. And he was right. It was the best thing for me. But I held a lot of resentment towards him towards that. And I still haven't really recovered really from that.
And I look at it now as even throughout my career and even through the Steve Peters is, you know, like it's very few people notice. I've never spoke about it. I don't really feel it's anyone's business. to talk about it. I'm quite private in what I do in Qatar, I know that.
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Chapter 5: What role did sports psychology play in Craig's career?
I keep everything away from, you know, very few people know, they only see certain bits of what I allow you to see. But my private life is very, very, very private to me. I always want to keep that separate. I enjoy that side of it. But, you know, look, for the last, I think for the last three, four years, I've been diagnosed with depression. I'm in manic depression. I can't get away from that.
I have ridiculously highs, massive lows. You've seen my lows, Jeff. You know my lows. I'm being medicated for three years. This is the first time I ever spoke about it. I believe a lot of that was maybe injuries didn't help because the injuries were so, so difficult to try and overcome. The self-doubts
You have within yourself, which is normal because you want to come back a better player, but you get a lot of people telling you you can't make it. You're never going to be the same. So the level of trying to prove yourself on a consistent basis that I am going to be better. I am going to prove everyone wrong. So it came back to even being a kid. I moved away. I'm going to make this work.
because I've missed out on my childhood. I've missed out on all my friends. If I've moved away the other side of the country, this is going to work. I don't care who's going to get in my way. And I just sort of went that way with, this was my demeanor. I didn't care. I didn't care about anyone. I trained hard in anyone. That was my mindset.
Chapter 6: How has Craig's understanding of depression evolved over time?
I'm not saying I did, but that was my, if I'm going to do this, I'm going to go all the way with it. You know, and it left me, look, I'm never going to, I'm trying to think of the word for it now. I'm really proud of what I was able to achieve. My drive was huge due to my ability. My ability wasn't the same. We played with the likes of Stevie and all that. It wasn't that level.
People say, oh, you could have won titles. I wasn't good enough. I'm telling you now, I knew I wasn't good enough. For me to get to where I did was a huge achievement. I got the best out of everything I had. If you look at my weight, you look at the size, And even people see all this arguing and getting involved with players and this. I knew what I was doing. I knew exactly what I was doing.
It was, if I'm going to compete with Desai or the likes of Cara or your Vincent companies, these players at this higher level, because that's what they were. I remember Tony Adams was the best player I ever played against, was I have to put them off their game. I have to get them wanting to kick me more than actually concentrating on their own job.
And if I could get that, then I can get half a yard. Then I can get it, you know, if he can lose discipline for one second or I need that one second, then I'll be able to make something happen. And that was really what I just fed off. It wasn't something I particularly enjoyed as much. Like, after games, I'd be drained. But I'd just seen it as the best way of being able to get myself on edge.
You're talking about Steve Peters. I've got to know Steve Peters and myself well, but I was thinking about what you're saying there. You probably would have loved to have met Steve Peters or maybe a sports psychologist or someone of that ilk maybe earlier on in your career.
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Chapter 7: What advice does Craig have for young players dealing with pressure?
Do you think needing to speak to a
sports psychologist was to do with your actual upbringing even before football or was it the football because I actually was very similar to you in thinking why would you need a psychologist and I actually got to a stage and the strange thing for me was I actually started seeing a sports psychologist for a couple of years but it was when I was at my best not when I was at my worst because when I was at my best I was then
aware I was in my peak and we were doing well for Liverpool but I then put so much pressure on myself because I got to a stage where I thought I can't make a mistake I can't have a bad game because I'm playing that well or I'm seen as you know the main man at the back for Liverpool trying to stop the goals at one end and Stevie's probably scoring with the other and I put that much pressure on myself and I always remember it was a game away at Atletico Madrid in the Champions League Sky I'm sure would have done it and we were winning 1-0 I was playing quite well a typical European game
and I made a mistake, and they scored 1-1, and I couldn't sleep, but it wasn't the end of the world, you didn't go out to Champions League, it was a group stage, and I thought, I've got to speak to someone, I need to speak to someone, really, because people, it's difficult to speak to your dad, or your agent, or maybe someone else in the dressing room, because they don't actually know what you're going through, and what's going through your head, and that's why they're employed to do that.
No, and like a person like yourself as well, Karen, you know, I felt myself was similar as well. You didn't want to make excuses either. You didn't want it to be, you know, to blame something else or there was a certain element of weakness in you because you couldn't show it. It was impossible.
You know, that was, that was the, you know, for us, especially of our generation, that wasn't allowed to show. That was a weakness that we, you can't play this game, you can't be at the top of this game if you show that type of weakness. But, I think seeing Steve was more how accepted the role was and the athletes he's dealt with the same problems who are better athletes than us.
We've gone on, you know, if you're dealing with an Olympic athlete who has four years for that one moment, how does he build himself? How does he deal with the pressure for that one moment that he's been building up for four years? We're lucky. We get this week in, week out.
So if we have a bad game on a Saturday, I've got next Saturday to be able to do something about it if I'm lucky enough to play. These athletes haven't quite got that. So the composure of trying to find a different mode, but also to be more lenient with yourself and also be more, you're going to make mistakes. If you build this pressure up, how are you going to play well on a consistent basis?
It isn't going to happen. And even when I did play well, I didn't enjoy it.
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Chapter 8: How does Craig reflect on his football career and its challenges?
It was like, it was, that's why you felt, I felt sometimes, especially with Newcastle, I had to go out for a drink then. It was because it was relief. I built all week to this. And you're just so grateful you won that you were able then to just, you know, unwind. I don't know if we're going to go on to these questions later.
If there was something I could look back on my career would be to enjoy it more. To, you know, to not put too much pressure on yourself to, you know, to try and do this. Look, it was normal. It was tools that I didn't know any different. We didn't know any different. And, you know, like I see the habits of footballers. I was terrible with it.
It was, you know, like we talk about OCD and all that type of stuff. We were, like I was, if I won a game, the next week I'd drive, I'd do exactly the same as what I'd done last week. I'd leave the same time. I'd even know if the traffic lights were green that time. If they were green or if they were red, it was like, oh no, I'm going to lose.
And that would be eating me away for the next five minutes. No, it ain't going to matter. It ain't going to matter. But even through training, it was, if I didn't prepare myself right, if I didn't do, if I was late for training or if I took, you know, if I had a bad week in training, I knew it was going to affect me in the game.
Or if I give the ball away in the first couple of minutes, it's because what's happened all week. I haven't done this properly. I haven't done that. And this is football paying me back for it. So,
That's why I probably drove myself a little bit insane with the habits of training hard and making sure you do things right, because I thought that's the only way I was going to get the just results on a Saturday. And these were things I was just programmed into me from a young age.
Craig, how much did you have almost an internal battle with? Bear in mind, you weren't enjoying it. And obviously injuries come as well. And it's a huge mental fight. How much did you have somebody on this shoulder saying, drive, drive, drive, nothing will beat me. And was there somebody on this shoulder saying, oh, that's enough. I'm going to pack football in.
Was there ever a point where you thought, I'm walking away from this and not have had the career that you had?
Do you remember when we were in Malaysia? Yeah. Sky covered a tournament in Malaysia. It was us, Newcastle, Chelsea and the Malaysian team. But I was struggling with tendonitis at the time in both knees. And I remember we played Birmingham. I think it was Chelsea in the final. I think we lost on penalties. But I remember then after that, went back to the hotel, did not sleep that night.
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