Let it cascade; it’s Kieran Culkin. Acting, not-acting, Jazz, meat, and no hobbies. All this could be yours. Welcome to SmartLess. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of SmartLess ad-free and a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.
Chapter 1: What health issue did Kieran face recently?
Can I just dive right in? Yeah, do you mind? Oh, you have some prepared material? Go ahead. I don't have prepared material. Guys, I was in the fucking ER again last night. Here's why. Here's why. I had a kidney stone. I thought I was having appendicitis or something. So I had a kidney stone. So I haven't been to bed yet.
Why did you not cancel this record? No, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm actually in a good mood. Buddy, that would have been such a quick text for me.
I hear that's the most painful thing in the world. You can't even know. I haven't had one in years and years.
So you had one out or you had one put in?
I had one. So the pain was excruciating. I'm like... It was awful.
Can you tell me where it hurts? Is it in the tinky or is it in the kidney?
No, it's in your side. Yeah, I'm gonna say it's in your kidney. And then I'm still a little bit on morphine. I still like have a- Oh, that's kind of fun. That is kind of fun.
Wait a second. Which I've never had. So, Shani, so you're in the hospital last week or whenever it was for a couple of times in a night. Like a month ago, yeah. Right, twice in that one night. Yeah, yeah. And then this. And then you're back and then you get the full scope thing that you went and had done and then you have this. And my question to you is this. Yes, yeah, yeah.
Are you paying so much attention to your well-being and your condition that you're, you know what I mean? What do you mean? No. No.
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Chapter 2: How does Kieran feel about his health concerns?
I should have prefaced it by saying I'm not a doctor. And I think that you guys know that. But you're on morphine too.
And also not from a doctor. No, but it's like a cycle. I know what you mean, but it's a cycle because if something happens to me, then I fear that I don't want that thing to happen again.
I'm not saying it's psychosomatic, but I am suggesting that maybe you spend so much time and energy thinking about your health and your own condition. I know, I know. that if you were to think about other things or other people, you do think about other people, you're a very thoughtful person. But I wonder, do you know what I mean? Again, I don't know.
But he's being careless with the food that he eats. So that's sort of like keeping his eye off the ball and being sort of lax. That is true.
It's surprising for somebody who's so concerned with their health because you are quite on top of it.
You should start smoking. Well, yeah, like me. You know what, though? I was lying there. I just had like bedhead and I have these scabs on my ankles and I have this IV in my arm. Not related. I looked at Scotty and I go, all this could be yours.
Can I ask you about where the scabs from the ankles came from?
Yeah, can I ask too?
Not to see them, just where they came from.
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Chapter 3: What are Kieran's thoughts on acting and not acting?
A reverse clamp. It's a dime slot.
When does that come out? When is that? Do you just like wait?
That comes out January 15th, right? Is President's Day weekend? Is that when it is?
Buy a new mattress, pee out of kidney stone, yeah. Yeah, it's going to be a huge opening weekend.
Wait, Shawnee, is that truly the next stage is the breakdown and then the pee out?
Your body breaks it down. I mean, no, your body doesn't break down. It just passes through. What is that? The thing, the tube that goes from your kidney to your bladder. Urethra. Penis. No, that's your penis hole. P-tube. Oh, God. Something like that. Anyway, and it hangs out in the bladder. Anyway, Kieran, how are you?
Bunch of doctors. This is great. We're doing so well. Anyway, Kieran.
Welcome to our show.
I love this. This is exactly what I thought I'd be talking about, a bunch of bullshit. I got my wife, or rather Santa Claus got my wife a hoodie last year that said, explain it to me like I'm Tracy.
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Chapter 4: What is Kieran's experience with 'Succession'?
Are you serious? You guys should sue because I didn't buy it through you. That's merch money that you guys are getting.
Is that an Etsy?
Is that an Etsy thing? I think it was or like Redbubble or one of those fucking things, you know?
Wait, hang on a second, Kieran. I don't want to interrupt you. Explain it to me like I'm Tracy. I want one of those.
Hang on, I do want to say one thing.
I can also talk at the same time.
No, you can't. I can't believe that JB knows about Etsy. That's the thing that I'm most shocked about.
How do you know about Etsy? Dude, where do you think I get my throw pillows?
I don't know. Karen, my sister is a big fan of yours, by the way.
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Chapter 5: What does Kieran think about directing and collaboration?
I said, maybe I could, but we haven't tried it. What do you mean? Why doesn't it work? I'm sure it works. And we talked about it in a freaking circle for a while.
I love you. You get to set the first day. He's like, hey, I got a cut of the movie right here. You were great. We're just doing pickups today.
So then how was it when you would say, well, yeah, maybe I don't sit there. Maybe I'd stand over here. That way he would just throw out all of his coverage and just be like, fuck.
He kind of abandoned it on like the second or third day. Wow.
Really?
You forced him to... Well, because... Yeah, well, we had to shoot this sequence that he had mapped out, but the whole idea of it was like, we're going to... I want my picture taken in front of the statue, and then I start gathering the other people in this tour group to come with me. And he had... planned it all out.
And I was like, well, isn't sort of the point to just, for me to get them into the idea and we're all going to take a photo together? And he's like, yeah, so do you mind if we just try it once? And then he basically just told the cinematographer, like, nevermind, fuck the shot list, pick up the camera.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, that's great though. How cool is that? Because then you guys ended up creating something together, much more collaborative. Yeah. And I wonder if, and JB, you can kind of maybe address it a little bit, having directed so much now. Yeah.
having that for Jesse, I don't know, we should ask him, having that sort of set, that shot list, everything the way he wants to see it, and he was so ready and so regimented, you come in, you kind of throw a wrench in that whole thing, and I bet you freed him up in a lot of ways.
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Chapter 6: What funny story does Kieran share from his acting career?
Chapter 7: How does Kieran manage his time with family and work?
I actually do know that you did This Is Our Youth also in London. I have a very close relationship with This Is Our Youth because the original cast, Missy Yeager was in the original cast, whom I lived with at the time. She was my girlfriend in the 90s. I knew that. And I remember when they first did it and she and Kenny first did it with Mark and Josh Hamilton. I shot about 42 times.
Yeah, it's an amazing play. It's a great play. It's such a brilliant play.
I can't let it go. Like I played it as the character Warren in London and I felt like I never got it right. So I spent like years trying to do it again and then realized I actually was right for the other part. I just had to spend years convincing Kenny Lonergan that I was wrong. Right for that part. And then I got to do it like in Chicago, Sydney. No way. I can't seem to let it go.
Oh, that I did not know. Would it make a good movie?
I don't know. I've always tried to crack that one. I don't think I, I don't know.
What about that? What about directing a movie? Or anything.
I don't have that thing.
You don't have a directing thing. I'm not that ambitious or curious.
I doubt that's true. I don't know. You've been around film. You've been making films since you were, as you said. Six. Well, first of all, what was the first... Let's get into this. What was the first professional...
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Chapter 8: What insights does Kieran have about his upbringing in New York?
They gave you the option and you were like, no, I want to... I still have a, what is it called? A drip point. Track marks. But you seem really like, you talk fast, which means you think fast, which means you can probably like to, when Will was talking to you or Jason was talking about directing, it seems like people who fire in all cylinders all the time can do stuff like that.
So if you don't want to do that, what do you do to like... Occupy all that extra bandwidth. Yeah.
God, I don't, I don't know, drive my wife crazy. I don't even have, like, hobbies.
Crosswords?
I don't, like, not even, I do, like, you know, wordle-cordle bullshit, like I know you guys do.
Oh, sure.
Isn't it weird that I, like, know stuff about you because I listen to your show too much?
Will, pull him in. There's that empty seat. Have you guys ever filled my seat? Yeah. No, we haven't. Better way to say that. Yeah.
We still play every morning.
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