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Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
I'm Richard Porter. I'm Johnny Smith. And this is On the Other Side of Things, the Smith & Sniff spin-off in which we answer your questions. Hark! Question time. On the Other Side of Things, our second show on a Friday half an hour answering your questions. I'm going to dive straight in, as is my usual habit.
This is becoming habitual now.
Let's not faff around. We've only got 30 minutes.
I feel like you're being competitive. I feel like there's a competitive nature brewing here. No, I'm just getting on with it.
Are you? I'm going to start with a message from a listener called Tom, who says, Bonjour, my two favourite iffy clutches. It's 2029 and Plato Racing is imperious. His jackets have taken Wigan by storm. He wants to branch out into banger racing and has summoned you both. What will your voiture of choice be? Is Tom French or is he just like occasionally using French words? I can't tell.
He says, what will your voiture of choice be? And how will you negotiate merging the colour schemes of Plato purple and Smith and Sniff mustard? Oh, easy. So he ends with, he says, he ends with, salud, tronco, gracias, tio, adios. I see that is Spanish for cheers, mate. Thanks, mate. Bye. Yeah. Gracias and adios, I know, the rest of it. I think so. Anyway. Yeah.
So what car are we going to enter Banger Racing?
With Plato.
Under the Plato Racing name, yeah.
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Chapter 2: What is the premise of banger racing with Jason Plato in 2029?
Yeah, in 2026, someone bang erased a 1960s Bristol. That's mental. So it's 2029. What car is about 20 years old at that point, or between 15 and 20-ish?
Well, you're sort of into stuff that would probably go, hang on, I only went out of production last week because I'd like, I don't know, second gen focus and say at lay ons, the sort of nice looking one.
yeah um mark five golf yeah six golf by then so yeah struggling with my golf's now six i think so quite a lot of stuff but what what would what was what was plato racing 20 years ago in btcc voxels okay voxels so astros is
astros is coupes yeah oh yeah the yeah the uh the astra gtc the sneaky one which i actually think is quite cool okay so yeah i mean they're a nice looking car aren't they they are really good that's really a prerequisite for bagger racing they're very nice looking car once you've taken the lights off and the glass out and smashed it completely up
Yes, and maybe drawn cocks on it with a badger's tail. Yeah, that.
So that's one option. But is that a bit too obvious that he's just gone back to a car he knows or that we've helped him in that way?
I don't know. Or we look at what Plato Racing is doing now. He's in Mercedes mode now. A-class, isn't he?
Yes, yes, that's true. You could get... But it would be a different kind of A-Class if it's from 2009. Yes, it would. Because that would be a second gen, I guess.
There'll be a lot of... No, no, the post-topple phase, won't it be? Post-topple?
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Chapter 3: What car would you choose for banger racing and why?
Yeah, so it's absolutely mid-engine.
Even though you don't have to move the engine in Bagger Racing, I don't think, but... So much engineering goes into banger racing these days. I think that answers the question, I think.
Yeah. How would we negotiate merging the colour schemes? There is no way to merge them, is there? I think purple and yellow could look quite strident together, but we're going to just lean into it and make sure that absolutely every inch of the car has got yellow and purple next to each other.
I think it would have to have a yellow lip-sticky front. Oh, like a Rover 200 BRM. Exactly like that. So it's got a little pouty mouth of yellow, but fundamentally most of the car is purple. I think he'd be down with that.
Well, because actually the classic silk cut livery Jaguar endurance races... If you look at the livery on a lot of those, they have the purple of the cigarettes, but then actually they have a yellow sort of coach line that runs between the purple and the lighter coloured upper bit. Yes. So there is precedent there and it looked pretty good. In fact, it didn't clash.
It just looked sort of unusual, but in a good way. So I would go with a sort of that look.
So it would be faux silk cut, wouldn't it? Or slut?
Yeah. Knowing... Yeah, in a way it would. Slut racing. I mean, there's an obvious extra letter that maybe Jason would encourage us to add to cut. Oh, gosh, yes, I don't know. We're being banned from the magazine.
There's kiddies here, how dare you? I think we've suddenly thought of a fantastic Jaguar Day livery for whenever there's another Jaguar show.
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Chapter 4: How do you merge color schemes for a racing car?
I thought they were very pleasant cars. And they were a revelation at the time for a Land Rover because they actually, you know, felt sort of quite, not sporty, but they were quite dynamic compared to everything else the company made. So...
yeah no my opinion only goes up uh and and is impressed with tony's perseverance knowing that it's a you know it's one of those sort of perpetual just throw it away it'll only give you more trouble kind of cars so it's nice to kind of confound that i think you should drive it to celebrate two festival of the unexceptional and give it a little treat yeah that'd be really cool well it's
Is it too new? Yeah. Is it? It's 2003, so it is... Earlier Freelander 1s would be eligible because it's 2000. Well, actually, I think 2001, they're saying this year, is the cut-off for Festival of the Unexceptional. But it's near as damn it. I mean, it would certainly, you know, it would be nice to see it. I can't... But were Freelander's there last year?
I don't think I saw one. No. Someone will have like a funky yellow one. Excuse me. Or did they do like a jade green one? I want to say they did a jade.
Yes, they did. Yeah, yeah, they did. Yeah. In those early ones. The day I picked up my Metro at the end of the street where it had lived for the last 30 odd years. There was a really tidy looking, very base spec, white Freelander 1. And it was an early one as well. I actually stopped and took a photo of it. I saw that.
No, don't need another white car like that. I saw that when I was filming. I distinctly remember it when I did the lunch run, clocking it.
Wow, that is cool. I've got a photo, so I'll put it up here. But it's got a real sort of survivor quality to it. You just go, that looks like someone's just using that as their car. And well done that. I think it was an R-Edge.
If he's going to replace it, the two things that popped into my head, which are both saloons and quite dull. But again, they'll be endearing because they'll probably have you back for a long time and you can just... you know, slink around in them. One of them would be Toyota Camry. Oh. Yeah, I don't know why. It just popped into my head.
I thought, in the UK at least, Camrys are quite seldom seen. I know that's a shock to North American viewers slash listeners. I know. Yeah, it's like, we don't have birds here. No, the Camry and the Accord, you don't see them around here anymore. UK fell out of favour with them and that was that.
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Chapter 5: What are the challenges of pronouncing car names correctly?
So the question is, what service stations do you both hope to make the cut and who would you like to win overall? He's attached a photo to prove that such a show does exist and that he's not having one of these heatwave-induced fever dreams.
Now, I saw this email last week and initially assumed that Dan was taking the piss out of us and that he'd mocked up the image of JB from JLS. Yes. But no. This is real. I checked. It's absolutely legit. I then mentioned this to my wife and her immediate reaction was, well, it's just going to be Gloucester, isn't it? And I went, yeah. And then I mentioned it to another mate of mine.
He went, well, won't it just be a program about Gloucester services? Yes, yes, I know. It will, won't it? And then, funnily enough, talking about sitting in this lovely garden behind a pub in the countryside where I saw the Camry in a field. Yeah. And there were a load of us there, including a friend of ours with his two sons who are like 21 and 18, I think. Yeah.
And I said, you won't believe this, but there's this show coming on Channel 5 called Britain's Best Service Station. And his older son, who's in his early 20s, went, oh, yeah, with JB out of JLS. I was like, you've heard of this? Yeah. And then everyone around the table went, will it just be Gloucester, though? And someone said, or T-Bay.
I was about to say, T-Bay, yeah, T-Bay's similar ilk. But you've got Lancaster with the big historic viewing room. Yes. Which I like. I like that because it's very 60s.
But I like to drive past that and admire that as a piece of architecture. It's not a great service station.
No, that is true. Generally, is it? I think any service station which has a lake, an ornamental lake, definitely goes to the top.
Oxford. Does it? On the M40. It's not a lake as much as a water feature, but it's quite nice. And it's a spacious one. It's because it's quite new. That's good. Relatively.
Okay, so that's in there. So that's good. Yeah, that's in there. There was a really good one up north, like Northumberland service I stopped at a while back. And it was one of those artisanal style ones. where there was like an oak-beamed eatery area, which felt very Grand Designs. I thought it was impressive.
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Chapter 6: What are the experiences with mispronounced car names in automotive media?
You have to weave through loads of aftershaves when I was pinching a pierce. Yes. And I was like, I don't want like bloody Jean-Paul Gaultier right now. I just need a Waz.
I know.
I just need a Waz.
I had it doubled because going to and from our Belfast show, I flew from Bristol. Now Bristol has the same setup and now they've got it at Belfast it seems. And it's like they basically build like a cart track.
layout that's right but surrounded by smellies and big toberones yeah and you have to do all of these complicated weaves around corners and chicanes and all manner of shit just to get to the bit because you don't want to buy no a bottle of scotch or something i nearly tripped over a bucket of m&ms and i thought if somebody comes talk to me now or somebody digs me in the ribs i'm totally urinating myself and i haven't brought spare trousers because i've been traveling right yeah because you were wearing everything you needed because i was wearing everything
Well, I'm sure people have thoughts, but why don't we just leave it to JB out of JLS? He's clearly got a few ideas on this, and we'll have to watch his Channel 5 show to find out what they are, but I'll look forward to that. All right, well, that's quite enough from us for this Friday, but if you have a question, it's hello at smithandstiff.com is our email address.
If you want to put Ottershot at the start of the subject line, it just helps us to find... the questions as opposed to all the other emails that we get. Thank you and please. And we'll do this all again next Friday. Normal show on Monday. Until then, goodbye.
Cheers, mate. Thanks, mate. And goodbye. Thank you.
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