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TED Talks Daily

How to get people to do what you want | Barry Sonnenfeld

23 Jul 2025

Description

As a film and television director, Barry Sonnenfeld had millions of dollars riding on his ability to get his cast and crew to play along — and much of what he learned along the way applies to everyday life. Here, he shares nine bits of wisdom and whimsy gleaned from 40 years in entertainment. So the next time you encounter a screaming bully, you too will know what to do.For a chance to give your own TED Talk, fill out the Idea Search Application: ted.com/ideasearch.Interested in learning more about upcoming TED events? Follow these links:TEDNext: ted.com/futureyouTEDSports: ted.com/sportsTEDAI Vienna: ted.com/ai-viennaTEDAI San Francisco: ted.com/ai-sf Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Audio
Transcription

Full Episode

7.675 - 25.532 Elise Hu

You're listening to TED Talks Daily, where we bring you new ideas to spark your curiosity every day. I'm your host, Elise Huynh. When you've been making films for as long as director, producer, and author Barry Sonnenfeld has, you've definitely learned a thing or two, or a lot more, about life.

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25.512 - 39.491 Elise Hu

In this talk, Barry pulls from his four decades in the film industry to share 10 unexpected rules for survival and success and what it takes to really make people laugh without letting them know you're trying. Enjoy.

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39.531 - 72.613 Barry Sonnenfeld

I've directed four films starring Will Smith. Three of them were the first three Men in Black movies, and in spite of them making about $2 billion at the box office, Will Smith never really thought I had a clue. He wanted to take me to his old high school, point to me, and say, if this man can be a successful film director on big-budget films, anyone can.

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73.032 - 96.964 Barry Sonnenfeld

The truth is, for all of you here, if I could be a successful director on big-budget films, anyone can. So I'd like to share with you nine thoughts I have that will help you in your future endeavors. And the first one is going to be a little disappointing to some of you, which is, there is no upside to optimism. Okay, let me explain that.

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98.227 - 132.575 Barry Sonnenfeld

Every time I get off an airplane, I view it as a failed suicide attempt. That is where embracing pessimism comes in. You see, as soon as I buckle in, I turn to sweetie, my wife, and I say, this plane is going to crash. Now I can relax, because one of two things happen. Either the plane starts nosediving towards Earth, at which point I get to elbow Sweetie and gloat, was I right or what?

133.676 - 165.257 Barry Sonnenfeld

Or the plane lands successfully and we live. Win-win. So always under-promise and over-deliver. OK, thank you, thank you, thank you. OK, number two. Number two is never let anyone know you're working on a comedy. Now, this may be true specifically for film directors, but it's kind of also true for telling a joke. OK, you never want anyone to be funny.

165.237 - 187.93 Barry Sonnenfeld

If the wardrobe person thinks it's funny, the costumes are going to be too colorful. If your cinematographer thinks you're working on a comedy, the lighting will be too bright. If the composer composes for comedy, you're going to have slide whistles and triangles. And worst of all... is if the actors think they're working on a comedy.

188.37 - 217.581 Barry Sonnenfeld

You only want the actors to play the reality of the scene, and you want the audience to find the comedy. Never, ever let your actors be funny. OK, number three, be punctual. I was a senior in high school when I asked my overbearing mother if I could attend a concert at Madison Square Garden with my girlfriend.

218.322 - 245.86 Barry Sonnenfeld

The fact that I was 17 years old and needed parental permission is another story for another TED Talk. Anyway, Sweetie says... Sorry, not Sweetie. Oh, my God, was that a Freudian thing? I don't think it was. No, it was. It was. Sweetie, I love you so much, and you're not my mother. Okay, let's continue. So in any case, my mother says, my mother says, you can go as long as you're home by 2 a.m.

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