Chapter 1: What causes stress to be contagious?
You're listening to TED Talks Daily, where we bring you new ideas to spark your curiosity every day. I'm your host, Elise Hu. Everyone, and I know fellow parents out there will relate, picture this. It's a totally normal morning, but total chaos around you. The house is a mess, and you're thinking, how did we get here before 9 a.m.?
That stress, it's a little hilarious, but mostly heartbreaking. When what we're facing feels like too much, spilled milk becomes a flood.
That's clinical psychologist Jenny Tights. In her talk, she offers a slightly different take, that stress isn't only something that happens to us, it's also something we co-create and can accidentally spread.
Chapter 2: How can we learn to reset stress effectively?
But here's the good news. If you can create stress, you can also learn to reset it. In minutes. no long meditations, medications or martinis required. just shifts in your mind, body, and behavior.
Jenny guides us through how to implement simple actions and mindset shifts to change negative thought patterns, shift our moods, and do the exact opposite of what stress is telling us to do. Because for Jenny, it's not about eliminating it, but rather knowing we can handle it. And stick around after her talk for a brief Q&A with Ted's Joey Katona.
But first, a quick break to hear from our sponsors. And now, our TED Talk of the day.
Let me invite you into my house. It probably looks a little like yours. So one morning, rushing to feed our crying toddler, my husband Adam drops a gallon of milk. He is so mad, he starts aggressively cleaning and cuts his hand under the fridge. He's bleeding, hates blood, and we're out of bandages. So he drives to the pharmacy. On his way home, he rear-ends an Uber. All before breakfast.
That's stress. It's a little hilarious, but mostly heartbreaking. When what we're facing feels like too much, spilled milk becomes a flood. A headache at work spills into heartache at home. Stress doesn't just happen. It's something we easily co-create, then spread like the flu. But here's the good news. If you can create stress, you can also learn to reset it. In minutes.
no long meditations, medications or martinis required. Just shifts in your mind, body and behavior. I call these pivots stress resets, and I love them so much, I wrote a book highlighting 75 of my favorites. We will cover them all, I wish.
As a clinical psychologist, I've taught thousands of people how to ease intense emotions in crises, helping clients transform from wanting to die to building lives they cherish.
And I rely on these tools myself, whether I'm trying to get my three young kids to bed, a live-action version of whack-a-mole, or when I'm struggling to find the words to write a eulogy hours after losing one of my closest friends. Of course, stressing over spilled milk isn't worrying that AI will hijack your career or facing a cancer diagnosis.
A reset won't turn awful into awesome, but it will let you ditch hopelessness and bring the best of you forward, sparking that priceless feeling of knowing you can count on yourself. The secret? Practicing stress resets in ordinary moments allows you to reach for them when life feels unbearable. You might be wondering, can you even feel better if your challenges aren't disappearing? Absolutely.
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Chapter 3: What are stress resets and how can they help?
One, learn to play with your thoughts. Let's say you just experienced rejection. That's disappointing enough. Then your mind has the nerve to send the emotional equivalent of spam, you're going to die alone. Almost everyone has repetitive negative thoughts, and life is too precious to take all the 6,000 thoughts we have a day literally.
So rather than letting your spam sap your brainpower, try seeing it like you'd see blimps in the sky. or singing it to your favorite upbeat tune. It sounds silly, but when you play with your unhelpful thoughts, you loosen their grip. If you want to be more all-encompassing, do you remember that song, What Is Love? Baby, don't hurt me.
Can we all please join together at the count of three, singing What Are Thoughts? Thoughts Can't Hurt Me?
Okay.
What are thoughts? Thoughts can't hurt me. Thank you, that was amazing. Even if you don't actually sing, changing your relationship with your insulting inner soundtrack and replacing dead ends with next steps will let you live more harmoniously. Good luck ruminating while you're singing, right? Two, try a half-smile.
Dialectical behavior therapists prescribe subtly smiling even when you don't actually feel happy. See, your face doesn't just reflect how you feel, it shapes your emotional experience. Research shows that Botox that prevents scowling improves mood. No need to freeze your forehead. Half-smiling is your free and natural version. Try being miserable or battling road rage with a resting Buddha face.
Seriously. It primes you to accept whatever is, preventing you from adding a tension headache to everything else you're carrying. To be clear, this is not about faking happiness when you're legitimately upset. It's about letting your physiology boost your bandwidth. Plus, it can help foster connections with others, especially if your face otherwise looks like a big do-not-disturb sign.
Let's give half smiling a try. Anybody feeling more serene? Now turn to the person next to you and give them a little smile. You guys have such nice half smiles. How does that feel? Your body is a walking pharmacy if you know how to use it. Three, act opposite to how you feel. Notice how when you're anxious, you avoid. When you're depressed, you lay low. When you're angry, you yell.
Acting exactly the way you feel when you're totally overwhelmed amplifies negativity and piles on guilt and shame. If you want to upgrade your mood and how you live your life, the third tool is to notice your emotion-driven urge. Ask yourself if acting on it is ultimately helpful. If not, do the opposite.
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