Saying “I love you” often feels more meaningful in your first language than in any other language you learn later in life, explains linguist and polyglot Magdalena Hoeller. Unpacking the hidden challenges of intercultural relationships — from language barriers and humor gaps to subtle power dynamics — she shares how couples can turn these struggles into opportunities to grow closer.For a chance to give your own TED Talk, fill out the Idea Search Application: ted.com/ideasearch.Interested in learning more about upcoming TED events? Follow these links:TEDNext: ted.com/futureyouTEDSports: ted.com/sportsTEDAI Vienna: ted.com/ai-viennaTEDAI San Francisco: ted.com/ai-sf Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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You're listening to TED Talks Daily, where we bring you new ideas and conversations to spark your curiosity every day. I'm your host, Elise Hu. Words shape our way of being, including our most intimate relationships. For educator and polyglot Magdalena Huller, who speaks six languages, intercultural communication adds a whole new dimension.
She asks, if you cannot flawlessly communicate with the person you want to be closest to in the world, How does that affect your relationship? Coming up, advice for how people can build love languages that transcend words.
On a cold but sunny autumn afternoon, I was riding on the back of my husband's motorcycle, just cruising along one of our favorite routes around Newcastle. It was a pretty fresh day, so we were all rugged up in our protective gear. At a set of red lights, my husband lifted his visor, and he said to me, Hey, come feel my handles.
So naturally, I reached for his hips and gave them a playful squeeze and said, These handles are perfect, baby. What he, of course, meant was his heated motorcycle handles, not his love handles. Yeah, a classic and genuine misunderstanding. And luckily, we both have good humor. Otherwise, this could have ended in an argument.
But interactions like these happen every day in intercultural relationships. This is not unique to us, of course. In fact, one third of Australian marriages are intercultural these days, according to the ABS, which means we've never been more intimately connected across the globe than we are right now.
What I didn't tell you so far is that I'm from Austria, so my first language is Austrian German, and my husband is from Australia, so he speaks English. So these kinds of conversations, misunderstandings, long explanations of jokes and words shape our relationship. By a show of hands, who in here knows at least one intercultural couple? Maybe it's even you. Yeah, exactly.
Now, in my research with intercultural couples, I found many beautiful aspects of having two different languages amongst partners, but also quite a few challenges that monolingual couples don't necessarily have to face. Let me ask you this. If you cannot flawlessly communicate with the person you want to be closest to in this world, how does that affect your relationship?
This is what I'm going to answer for you today. I speak six languages, and I focus my studies in linguistics, and I worked with intercultural couples to uncover their language behavior and their dynamic. So let me take you on a journey today through the science behind all of these love handle stories out there.
I'm going to let you in on three specific challenges that intercultural partners have to face on a daily basis, but sometimes don't even know that they're facing them. Some of these are very, very hidden. Now, I'm focusing mostly on romantic relationships here, but you can apply this equally to intercultural friends or even workplace encounters. Oddly, these domains sometimes overlap.
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