The Action Catalyst
CLIP: Speaking Spontaneously, Exiting Small Talk, Answers When You Haven’t Got An Answer
Thu, 20 Jun 2024
Matt Abrahams, host of the Think Fast, Talk Smart business show from the Stanford Graduate School of Business, as well as an acclaimed Strategic Communication lecturer, and author of the new book Think Faster, Talk Smarter, shares the secrets to spontaneous speaking, how to get out of a conversation you DON’T want to be in, and how to answer a question you DON'T have the answer to.Hear Matt's full interview in Episode 461 of The Action Catalyst.
Full Episode
It boils down to two things. It boils down to mindset and messaging. So we have to get our mindset and approach aligned with our goals of speaking in the moment. So first, we have to manage anxiety. Anxiety looms large in all communication, but especially in spontaneous speaking. And then we have to reframe how we see this. First and foremost, the goal we have.
Many of us, when we're put on the spot, we want to do our work. job right. We want to give the best answer. We want to give great feedback. We want to be the most interesting person in small talk. And that puts a tremendous amount of pressure on ourselves and makes it actually less likely we will achieve those goals. So we have to switch from perfection to connection. Just have the goal be
connecting and conveying the information you need rather than doing it right. And by the way, there is no right way to communicate. The second thing we have to reframe is the whole interaction. Many of us see these spontaneous speaking situations as threatening, as something we have to defend against. When somebody asks us a question, we feel challenged.
When somebody asks for feedback, we feel put on the spot. And yet we need to reframe those as opportunities. It's an
love it okay how do you get out of a conversation that you don't want to be in yes so that can be very challenging and small talk is one of these things where we often find ourselves in conversations that we don't want to be part of and and we need to get out of them so i on my podcast think fast talk smart had the pleasure of interviewing someone named rachel greenwald rachel is fascinating she is an academic and a professional matchmaker and she has wonderful advice
And she taught me what I call or what she calls and what I use is the white flag approach. And it doesn't mean surrender. It doesn't mean you're in a situation, a conversation you don't want to be in and you surrender. Rather, in auto racing, they signal the last lap by waving the white flag. It tells all the drivers that we're about to end the race.
In conversation, you can exit politely by simply waving the white flag. Simply say, in a few minutes, I want to go talk to somebody over there. But before I go and you ask another question or you share some information with them about something they said. So you continue the conversation just a little bit longer and then you excuse yourself.
Now, because you've previewed that you're excusing yourself, nobody's surprised. There's less awkwardness. It gives the other person or people a chance to figure out what they're going to do so they're not just left there in a strange way. And it gets us away from the exiting of most awkward conversations that we do, which is through biology. I'm hungry. I'm thirsty. I have to go to the bathroom.
So instead, by waving the white flag, it's just much easier. It's much more graceful. And I use it all the time. And it works.
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