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Chapter 1: What are the positive vibes for 2025?
welcome back to the basement welcome back to the basement yard frank welcome back i haven't seen you in like two weeks yeah isn't that isn't that kooky yeah well kooky's not the word i'm leading 2025 with positive vibes Ooh. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. Are you asking me? I don't know. I don't know what you're leading with. I don't know. Like, just like. You want to be more lovey. I want to.
Well, I am a very lovey person. You want us to be less combative. I just said ush. Yeah. I mean, ush. Yeah. I guess too. But not combative. Because I think people like the combat, combatiation. They like when we combat. They like our combatiation. They like when we bat each other with cum. Well. That's a great.
see like that yeah that was no are we flipping roles here are you going i know i didn't mean to i didn't mean to do that questionably yeah yeah yeah no i wasn't no first of all it's not questionable if you go on tiktok and anyone who makes an edit of us it's like they find any time that we've touched each other yeah like well we're like
i meant like if i laugh and i like touch your hand people are like they zoom in on my hand touching your hand they're like they're in love i'm like bro yeah i'm gonna give i'll give props i think the one the one girl that makes a lot of i don't know if they're a girl oh there we go cancel 2025 what was that uh who who who do you know my brother frank i gotta be honest it's not a good you're starting the year with hiccups
There he goes.
I just eat wind.
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Chapter 2: How do we feel about showing affection to friends?
I just eat wind, would you say? Are you okay? What's the TikTok? Yeah, he's laughing with his tongue out now. You know what's funny? I've known Frank my entire life. He just started doing that like two years ago. You started sticking your tongue out when you left. You get to a point in your life where you got to stick that tongue out, you know? I don't know. Yeah, you do. Buck. Why'd you say buck?
My body is just... Hold on. I'm going to get rid of them. You ready? Oh, yeah. We've seen this before. He takes breaths on breaths on breaths. He ate that last one hard. Now he's letting the air out slow. That's what you're hearing if you're listening. All right. Better. And they're gone. I think her name is Maya. Maya. I see that one, too. I see Maya.
And it's, like, basically, like, it'll be, like, a cheesy song where it's, like, I always needed you, you, you, you. And it's, like, different moments of us, like, laughing at each other. Yeah. You know, or, like, hugging on stage or something like that. Yeah. You know, but it's fine. Guys, 2025, hug your bros, dude. Yeah, dude. Hug. It's bro hugging season. Can't just do another season.
Maybe we can, bitch. I guess we could. Because we got dog sucking season. But season's end. You should hug your bros for life. Season's end only. I was going to say you should brug your hoes. Yeah. Brug your hoes and hug your bros. And hug your bros. That's it. Don't forget to brug your hoes. 2025, the year you brug your hoes and hug your bros. Yeah. I kind of like that. Me too.
Chapter 3: What does it mean to 'brug your hoes' and hug your bros?
What does brug stand for though? Athena, make a shirt. Shirt it. She lives in Arizona, I think. She might be in the UK. She's across the pond, as far as I know. She's always moving. Yeah, she's all over the place. Yeah. I think that this should be the year that people stop this feeling weird about showing affection for their bros. Yeah.
You know, make this the year of brugging your hose and hugging your bros. Yeah. That's it. I agree. I'm in agreement. What were you just talking about? I will say, I don't know why you showed up looking like Dexter Morgan, but it's kind of working. See, this is last year energy that you're doing here. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, you are. No, no, no, bitch. Because I love. All right. I'm back.
I'm backpedaling a little bit. Some people, their resolutions go out the window in a week. Frank is immediately. Well, you mistook me calling you Dexter Morgan for a bad thing. One of my favorite shows of all time. I will say this is a very Dexter Morgan shirt. And people absolutely love Dexter Morgan. I mean, the way he like... You love him. You had a poster of him in your college dorm room.
I did. Not for gay reasons. Was it? Because it's a good show. Was it the one where he's covered in plastic wrap? Oh, it was that one. Or it's the one where it's like he's holding a fake hand. Right. And it's like doing this. It's like a dead person's hand. Like, oh, he's just like us, but a killer. But it's a killer. It's a dead hand. Yeah. I mean, not a bad thing. I think that, you know.
I would never let a dead hand touch my face. It's disgusting. I'm trying to think of where dead hands have touched me. Isn't it weird? So there's two examples of things, right? Yeah. Of things. Just things. Yeah. Of what I'm about to say. You know, you shake someone's hand, you know, whatever. You love your grandma, you know, whatever the fuck. As soon as they're dead, it's like, ugh. Yeah.
I would never touch a dead body unless it was like... Go ahead. I realize that's a weird place to pause. But it's like if your loved one just died, it's like, you know, whatever. But like three hours after a body dies, I'm kind of like, oh, that's gross. So there's like a time frame at which you're touching dead bodies. Yeah, you have to be like very newly. Freshly dead. Fresh off the press dead.
Freshly dead or after the embalming fluid is kind of doing its thing. No, but I don't even want to touch bodies then. Really? No. What do you want? I want to just lean over into the casket and give it a hug? I'll be honest with you. You love touching dead people. Every wake that I have been to, I have to touch the body. I know, but— Just to make me feel something. I know. Well, that's insane.
But you also, like, love to touch stuff. You touch the street. You touch a bunch of walls. I am a very tactile person. You are. I explain this any time. What am I— I remember this younger. My sister and I would go to the mall or she'd go shopping. We'd hang out or whatever. And anytime she'd go clothing shopping, I would... She'd be like, do you like this? I would immediately touch it.
Because so much of what I enjoy about life is right here. You know what I mean? It could be a beautifully, really nice shirt. And if it feels like shit, I don't care for it. Yeah, I don't like shirts that feel like... Construction paper. You know what I'm saying? Oh, my God. Listen, I'm all about saving the planet, but, like, recycled shirts? Fuck you. Yeah, I'm all set on that.
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Chapter 4: How do we tackle New Year's resolutions?
I told you the story about the guy who showed me this place was always ordering a glass Coke every time I saw him. I was like, this is so weird. I think you are vastly underplaying how popular Coca-Cola is. It's the fucking biggest drink in the world. There's a new study that came out that apparently every can of Coke you have takes like 12 minutes off your life.
I haven't drank a lot of soda in my life. Oh, I have. And I'll tell you this. We know someone that might be dead in a week from the amount of Coca-Cola they have. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And his name starts with A and it ends with Hamed. Yeah, Hamed's going down if that's true. Yeah. Just bring back glass. I'd like some glass. I also like fucking doing that. You know what I mean?
What's your favorite way to drink a beer? Draft, can, glass, funneled. Draft? Rank those. Draft, can, glass. You don't need to put funneled in there because that's not a real way. Draft is... Or keg. Keg. Keg. Certainly last keg. Keg is certainly last. I would say... I know what my answers are easily. I think that mine is glass, can, draft, keg. I don't love draft. I do like draft.
But it's so big. I was going to say glass, draft, can, keg last for me. I don't mind a can because you kind of like – you can do this. I don't know what that is. Like you can kind of move around and talk a little bit. How are you talking? How are you talking like you're firing off a shotgun? No, like sometimes I get really into a story and I got to move a little bit. You know what I mean?
Or it's like it's just nice to stand there like, yeah, you know. Also – You can't do that with a bottle. If anything, you can do it more with a bottle than a can. Bottles first. That's what I'm saying. But you said I like cans because I can just shove them around. More than a draft because I kind of have to balance that. That is true.
But most of the time when you're having a draft, you're at a bar or something. You can put it down, tell your story, go like this. There's also not a lot of beers that are on draft that are really good. It's like light beers and some fucking bullshit. I went to the diviest bar I've ever been to this past weekend. Let me tell you, it smelled like people died in that bitch. Well, I'll tell you this.
You kind of liked it. Why? What are you gaslighting me into having an opinion? What was that? You liked it. You did like it. No, I mean, I didn't. I didn't. Really? Because it smelled like a basement, but we were above ground. But there's something that's actually probably the black mold coursing through your lungs right now. 100% there's black mold. There was a hole in the ceiling. Unexplainable.
Asbestos. That's what that probably was. No. I don't know if you know what asbestos is. Yeah. It doesn't make holes. I know, but it was probably in the hole. Oh, it was probably in that hole. It was probably filled with that. I'm just – I think – A dive bar is such a – first of all, you live in Brooklyn now. People are trying to make dive bars.
Second of all, there is something so heartwarming about it because it's just like – it's a relic of the past, like pre-corporatization of everything. It was just like a little mom-and-pop place that was owned by an old guy that wore a newsy hat, and any time you walked in, he's cleaning the glasses. He's like, what do you want, hon? Yeah, and he makes inappropriate comments at women.
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Chapter 5: What hilarious gift mishaps happened during the holidays?
We've often spoke about giving me credit for reintroducing Hawaiian shirts, the reestablishment of Red Lobster. A lot of people understand the power of words on this show. So 2025 is going to be the year we get dirty. Dirty and stinky. Dirty and stinky again because, listen, hey— Big Dems. You're watching, right? We're getting political, bitch. Who? Oh, Democrats. Democrats. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're speaking to the Democrats. To all of them. Got it, got it. The Libs, the Dems, everyone in between. Okay. You know why you lost? Because you're appealing to not the real Americans in this country, all right? Oh, say can you see? You have lost your way. You're singing? Shut up. He's singing. You have lost your way. By the Downs Road. Oh, it's background music is what you're doing.
Yes, it is. Do you want to do it for me? Nope. Please. You're supposed to talk. Oh, sorry. You have lost your way. This country was built off of the dirty, grimy, greasy hands of those that have come over and sought asylum. So guess what, America? Guess what, okay? Guess what, big Dems? I know you're listening, Bernie. Can you imagine that if Bernie Sanders listened to this show?
Make this year, let's get back to our roots. Let's be a little grimy. I want to see someone hand me a beer like this. I don't want that. I want to see someone wipe their mouth with a cup and then fill it up with water and ask me to drink from it. Let's get back to our roots. What the hell are you talking about? Us as a society, we feel we need to be too clean cut and prim and proper.
8.
I think most of it did, honestly. I don't. I don't think that. But... You think the election was won and lost with the amount of, like, that we need to be at dive bars more. That's what you're saying. Yes, absolutely. The dive bars need to be really diving.
I imagine if you ask people that voted a very specific way during this last election, if they want more dive bars, bring it back to, you know, to old, old, old, you know, screaming, screaming Steve down the block. Give him his establishment back. They'll say, yeah. Yeah. Here's one thing that I will say I'm cool with bringing back. I think that we need to have more saloon doors.
uh-huh i'd like to kick open some saloon doors yeah we've lost the ability to do that with like and people turn around and like anytime it should be a saloon doors you got people got to look at you anytime it should be a law bars need to have saloon doors right and it's like a you know like remember that guy that was screaming the the white guy that was screaming questionably racist japanese at that restaurant we went to anytime someone walked in
He was screaming actual stuff He wasn't screaming racist remarks He was saying welcome I think Yeah but also It was a Japanese restaurant without a single Japanese person Working there It should be a rule that anytime someone walks in Everyone just does one of these I think they do Look back you know Dive bars though if you go to places where there's not a lot of people Everyone looks at you I don't know if I love that I don't but that's because of who we are What is that you like attention but you're like When I walk into a room nobody look at me
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Chapter 6: How can therapy improve your life?
Yeah, like, what the fuck is cool about that? And he's just like, and then he was just like, also, Malfoy's the coolest. I was like, bro, get the fuck out of here. Malfoy is a fucking dweeb, bro. He's a little bitch. Malfoy would be cooler if he was just like an asshole through the whole thing. But he turns into a puss. And here's why he said this.
Because he named his character in fucking Hogwarts Legacy. Oh, let me. Mean guy 129? What is it? Scott Malfoy. Scott, what are you doing? And I'm like, I was like, that's like naming yourself Eva Braun. You know what I mean? What are we doing here? You remember Eva Braun, obviously. I don't know how that is. She was the girlfriend to Hitler. And he goes, no, don't disrespect Draco.
He goes, Slytherins were the flyest. Yo. Scott Malfoy? That's insane, dude. I'm trying to like. I don't even know. That's an insane thing. Just, like, Gryffindors, cool it. And, like, people are going to say, well, if you go on Pottermore, and, like, you get sorted by the hat. Bro, Gryffindors, first of all, cool animal. Yeah, lions. You know, color scheme, Harry Potter. Yeah. Ron Weasley.
Coolest robes. Easily. Also, Slytherin's like third. I would say Hufflepuff sucks. Yeah, Hufflepuff sucks. Number two is Ravenclaw. The name is so sick. Ravenclaw. Yeah, I love that. What color are they? Purple. Like that. And that's your favorite color? Yeah. What kind of reaction was that? Yeah. I'll tell you this right now.
When I played the Harry Potter video game and the sorting hat went on my head, I'm like, if this isn't Gryffindor, I'm going to cut my own head off. And if it puts me in Hufflepuff, I'm going to cut my head off and I'm going to step on it with the last few seconds. I'll be honest with you. I'll be honest. So if you don't get placed in the proper house, you can ask to move. Right. Like in the game.
They put me in Ravenclaw. The hardest switch, dude. The hardest switch. I want to go back and play that game now. Go do it. Go and do it. I'll just get on a hippogriff and be like. Love that game. Fuck. Yeah. But I couldn't believe when he was just like, Slytherin's got the most drip. I think he was just going off the color scheme, which don't get me wrong. I like the color green, purple.
If we're going off color scheme. What? If we're going on a color scheme? Ravenclaw is the coolest. Yeah, Ravenclaw is cool. But we can all agree across the board. I'm sorry if there are any Pottermore nerds out there. Hufflepuff sucks. Sucks, dude. And your founder's name was Helga? Ugh. Ravonna. What's that? Ravonna Ravenclaw. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yo, that's a sexy name. Hell yeah. Ravonna. Yeah.
And even Gryffindor's name. Godric? Yeah, that's kind of cool. Yo, his nickname is God, bro. Or Rick. That's so less cool than God, Frank. Or Rick. You have the option to have the nickname God or Rick. And you go with the name that sounds like you work in an office, like just an office space. I think that speaks to who me and you are internally. But you're Rick and you think you're God.
I don't think I'm God. My name's God. Oh, people can call me God. Call me God, everyone. That's so sick. People can call me God. Your name's Godric and you're like, just call me Rick.
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