The Brett Cooper Show
Chappell Roan Says All Parents Are Miserable. Is She Right? | Episode 21
Thu, 10 Apr 2025
The Call Her Daddy Podcast brought on two wildly different guests—Chappell Roan, who said all her friends with kids are in hell, and Grey’s Anatomy star Ellen Pompeo, who called motherhood the greatest thing she’s ever done. Let’s talk about the debate that’s blowing up online.The Brett Cooper Show on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@bbrettcooperBy joining Cooper Confidential you are directly supporting me and my team. You’ll get ad-free episodes, exclusive ‘Dear Brett” videos, and a private newsletter Sign up now: https://cooperconfidential.supercast.com/Use code COOPER for a 10% discount on Marek Health’s services https://marekhealth.comSilencer Shop is the easiest and best way to get a suppressor. Visit http://silencershop.com/cooper today!An Evening With Brett Cooper Tickets Now on Sale!Austin: https://www.capcitycomedy.com/events/111681Atlanta: https://atlanta.heliumcomedy.com/events/111709Irvine: https://www.ticketweb.com/event/brett-cooper-irvine-improv-tickets/14302563?pl=irvineimprovHuntsville: https://www.ticketweb.com/event/brett-cooper-huntsville-levity-live-tickets/14302583?pl=sul-huntsvilleAddison: https://www.ticketweb.com/event/brett-cooper-addison-improv-tickets/14305563?pl=addisonimprovHouston: https://www.ticketweb.com/event/brett-cooper-houston-improv-tickets/14305603?pl=houstonimprovPhoenix: https://phoenix.standuplive.com/shows/309839Miami: https://www.miamiimprov.com/shows/309840FTL: https://www.daniaimprov.com/shows/309841#BrettCooper #TheBrettCooperShow #BrettCooperShow
Chapter 1: Who are the two guests debating motherhood on Call Her Daddy?
So who would you rather hear motherhood advice from? A 27-year-old childless lesbian pop star or a beloved seasoned mother? In my opinion, the choice is clear, but the internet stands divided. So last week, Alex Cooper had two very different women on her show call her daddy, and they both organically spoke about motherhood.
And the timing was just too perfect because their opinions could have not been more contrasting, which you know is a beautiful part of life. It is a beautiful thing that we can have different opinions and share those on the same podcast. But this has certainly sparked a debate online about motherhood, about happiness in parenthood, and who exactly we should be listening to
when it comes to this type of wisdom. Is it somebody like Chapel Roan or is it somebody like Ellen Pompeo? And is there one formula for happiness and does it require being a parent? We're going to figure that out today. Now, before we dive into this story, make sure that you're following our podcast page and please rate the show if you're enjoying it.
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So Ellen Pompeo, who is the star of Grey's Anatomy, which is, I think, one of the longest running shows on TV at this point, she technically went on Call Her Daddy first and brought up motherhood, but her interview was nowhere near as viral as Chapel Roan's, nor did it start the conversation. Chapel's did. So let's take a listen to this now viral clip.
All of my friends who have kids are in hell. I don't know anyone. I actually don't know anyone who's happy and has children at this age. I have one-year-old, three-year-old, four and under, five and under. I literally have not met anyone who's happy, anyone who has light in their eyes, anyone who has slept. No one.
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Chapter 2: What controversial statement did Chappell Roan make about parents?
Everyone is in hell. Everyone she knows is miserable. They don't even have light in their eyes as parents. I mean, that is a broad generalization. That is a very damning, sweeping statement that she is making. And it's even more concerning or hurtful or damning when you realize who exactly she's talking about. This all came up when Alex asked Chapel Roan about her friends back at home.
She's from the Midwest, who she says that she is closest to. She always says those are the people that she maintains the best relationships with. And she goes into this whole conversation about how they have more normal lives compared to her, you know, pop star celebrity life now. They have houses, they're married, they have children.
And then she immediately jumps into saying that they're all in hell and that she has not met a happy parent, that all of her closest friends back home in the Midwest are miserable.
Now, to be fair, a few minutes later, she does clarify that they're in hell because they love their children so much, they're dedicating so much of their time to their children, but I mean, truly, what a miserable, I guess that's the only word I can use, a miserable, broad, sweeping statement to make.
But also, if you know Chapel Roan at all, if you have watched her on social media, if you listen to her music, you probably know that positivity really isn't her thing. Like, she's always bitching about something, like somebody's always out to get her, something's out to get her, she's always... talking smack about the paparazzi or the press or people who are interviewing her.
Like victimhood is kind of her M.O. at this point. And I honestly just laugh at it. But regardless of all of that, these comments in particular really struck a chord with people. And why wouldn't they? I mean, especially on a personal level, like imagine
how hurtful it would feel to be one of these close friends that she's talking about and feeling like she is a safe person to vent to about the sleepless nights or the terrible twos and thinking that you can confide in her and share all parts of your life, the good and the bad.
And instead, she takes that and she blasts it online on a huge platform as part of a generalization about the choice that you have made in your life. A choice that is obviously hard, nobody says it isn't hard, but is also incredibly beautiful and is incredibly rewarding.
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Chapter 3: How did the public react to Chappell Roan's comments on motherhood?
into different pieces you're no longer just you and you know what that does it makes you more soulful it makes you richer it makes you funnier it makes you feel more it makes you more empathetic it makes you angrier it gives you this range of emotions that you can't even imagine
having without this person as women we evolve anyway and you're gonna whether you i'm not saying kids is the only path plenty of people don't want to have kids and that's great for them but if that's something that you want that's only gonna make you better you know you're gonna morph into you'll morph into that person who part of your being is a mother and that's only a plus
I mean, the entire thing was a net positive. She didn't shy away from saying that it makes you angrier and it's harder and maybe you won't give 100% at work. But it's this incredible thing because of the depth, because of the purpose that it brings your life and because of how it changes you as a person, which is always a good thing. We should always be striving to grow and evolve.
And she's looking at this and she's saying this is the most, you know, for her, the most incredible way to do that. And I mean, you see people online and they're like, oh, parenthood is so hard. Nobody has ever said that being a parent is easy. Like, even the best parents who love their children cannot hide the fact that it's hard. I mean, you are literally raising tiny human beings.
You are fully responsible for the development of these little humans who are trying to teach them and protect them only to, 18 years later, push them out into the world and hoping that they succeed. Like, I fully expect that to be the most challenging and gut-wrenching yet rewarding and life-giving experience I will ever have. because it is so complex, because it is so nuanced. Like I crave that.
That's just how I feel. Like I want to feel that magic that Ellen is talking about in that interview. But it is all about your attitude and your perspective. If you constantly view yourself as a victim with the world out to get you, if you see sacrifices as hell and sleepless nights and maybe some inconvenience as misery, then yeah, you probably wouldn't want to go through that.
You probably wouldn't want to experience something like that. But that doesn't mean that being a parent is some kind of objectively terrible thing. And I don't even want to say that what Chappell said was awful or unkind, because at the end of the day, I kind of just laugh at it. Like, I looked at that clip and so many people were melting down about it. And I was like, are you kidding me?
That's immaturity. I literally just look at that as immaturity. I can't even take her seriously, and it's unfortunate that anyone does. And now clearly her statement was inflammatory enough to basically break the internet for the last couple of weeks because she has been everywhere, honestly. The story is not going away. Just like, take a look at these headlines. This is just from today.
There's so many. Chapel Roan says parents of young kids are in hell. Chapel Roan divides the internet. Pop star angers conservatives. Okay, it's not just... conservatives. Everybody had an opinion about this. There are liberals who are parents. I don't even see this as a political issue, and I wish we would not make it so polarized because it impacts everyone, regardless of how you vote.
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Chapter 4: What perspective did Ellen Pompeo share about motherhood?
And I personally, I don't know how you guys feel, but I personally felt like all of these videos were incredibly innocent and also very valid. I mean, this was a huge viral moment. This started a national, maybe even global conversation and these parents simply wanted to share the joy that they experience in their life since apparently that wasn't seen.
Since apparently one of the world's biggest pop star was getting on the world's biggest female podcast and saying, yeah, they're all miserable. You're all in hell. Haven't met a happy one. You all look terrible. Like obviously people were going to respond. And 99% of these parents weren't even attacking Chapel, they were just sharing their own experiences.
And maybe I perceived it that way because I want to be a mother and I'm excited about that period of my life, but many women online did not see it that way. They saw the response from happy parents as an attack back on them. So now basically we have everybody thinking that everybody's attacking them and everybody hates their life choices and we're not really getting anywhere.
For example, in the large and quite notorious, in my opinion, r slash childfree subreddit, I don't know if you guys have ever taken a gander on that page, but it is certainly something else, but there are countless posts, I mean, hundreds and hundreds of replies just picking apart the women who responded to Chappell. saying, I'm tired of having everybody attack me for my choices.
I'm tired of people saying that I need to be a mother. All of these people pushing their happiness on me. How dare they do this? Like, okay, guys, it goes both ways. None of this is actually productive. A mom posting a joyful video of her kids and celebrating motherhood and parenthood is not an attack on you, and I'm so sorry if you feel that way, but that's not about her.
Like, Chapel saying that her close friends are miserable and airing out their dirty laundry and that she's never met a happy parent ever, I mean, that is more of an attack. That is putting words in people's mouths and they do have a right to respond, even if it's not directly towards her, they have a right to comment on it.
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Chapter 5: Why is the debate about motherhood so polarizing online?
And that really is what's happening right here. And based on what I'm seeing from that child-free section of this conversation, they see a different choice as hell. That is what is driving this conversation. It is a choice that they don't want to compromise or sacrifice for. And that is literally what a USA Today writer said.
Because in her headline, she said that she agreed with Chapel Road, that she does think that moms around her are in hell, But when you actually read the article, when you get to the crux of her argument, you see that it's really that to her, it sounds like hell to give up her current life. Just read this. She says, something I'm not ready to compromise on just yet.
A white picket fence in a house in the suburbs is nice, but it isn't for everyone. I get to make those decisions for myself instead of just following the path I'm expected to follow. I'm sure my opinion could change if I met somebody who feels passionate about having children, but for now, I enjoy being childless in my 20s, so does Chapel Roan. Okay, great. That's totally fine.
That is all you needed to say, but you don't need to conflate that with somebody being in hell and living a miserable existence. You are literally just saying, yeah, I don't want to change my life. And guess what? That is totally fine. But if that really is your issue, then be honest about it. I mean, you were. In your article, like, don't lie about it.
Chapter 6: How are parents responding to Chappell Roan's claims on social media?
Do not project your insecurities over this choice or your indecision on the matter onto moms, especially not the moms that you know that you are calling miserable, that you are repeatedly saying have terrible, terrible lives because of the choice that they have decided to make.
That just isn't being honest with you or anyone else that is turning your decision into everyone else's problem to probably make you feel better or more virtuous about your current situation. And Clarkson Lawson, who I love on TikTok, put it well. Take a listen.
It's a catch 22. Two things can be true at once. When you have kids, you sacrifice some of your freedom and some people aren't, don't want to do that. So then they're miserable and then they hold resentment towards their children for taking that away from them. But I think what it actually comes down to is we have a society that no longer values responsibility and no longer values sacrifice.
So the idea of having children turns people off because the idea of doing anything for anyone other than yourself is something that is extremely foreign to the American public.
It's very, very true. I mean, he is spot on. And as I keep saying, it's not a political issue. This is a cultural issue that goes far deeper than that. I mean, this is not about misery. It is about sacrifice and what we value as a society.
And for a lot of people, based on their principles and what they value and what they deem is important, that sacrifice does end up leading to deep joy and deep fulfillment. And again, make whatever choice you want. It is your life to lead. I'm not here to tell you what to do. But if we're being honest, which is, you know, kind of the theme here,
is that the statistics are on Ellen's side in this debate, if we even want to call it a debate. Take a look at these numbers. Married mothers are the happiest. The highest percentage of very happy people in our society are married women with children. And as for married fathers, they are also the happiest percentage of the entire male population, coming in at 35%.
Which is a huge jump from the unmarried without children, 13%. And these numbers, guys, they are not just from some small organization. They are from the General Social Survey that has been running since 1972. This is our nation's largest, most respected, most rigorous research body that seeks to understand American attitudes at its core. And this is what they found about parenthood.
And every year, the same thing rings true. Parenthood does always lead to a higher life satisfaction in all of these reports. But it is also important to note as kind of a caveat here, that it is always in conjunction with marriage. It's not just that the children themselves make you the happiest in the world.
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Chapter 7: What can we learn from the contrasting views on parenthood?
That is what provides happiness. Now, to broaden this further, to paint an even wider picture for you guys, this is also not a new phenomenon, even though that study only goes up to 2022. Like, this study, for example, was conducted in 2012. In defense of parenthood, children are associated with more joy than misery. How about that, chaperone? And also, the same goes in other countries.
It's not just America. Both the European Social Survey and the International Survey found that parents were scoring higher on the happiness scale than non-parents were, and this was especially prevalent in countries like Norway and Hungary and Switzerland. that prioritize strong supportive family policies, which by the way, I do think that America could do a lot better.
I'm not somebody who sits here and says, this is perfect. This is so easy. Everybody should have children because it's the easiest thing in the world. No, it is especially hard. And I am not talking about universal healthcare because that is what people always go to. They say, I can't have kids because I don't have universal healthcare. That's where everybody's minds go to.
My mind goes to tax credit for parents and the betterment of our school system so that they feel confident putting their kids in schools, the strengthening of the economy to make life easier for family. a less bloated and government-infested healthcare system, which I think would make things a lot easier for families.
That is all stuff that we can do to make this easier to hopefully make parents even happier. That and strong marriages would make this argument even more of a slam dunk than it already is after years and years of studying it. But per usual, guys, I still think that we can go deeper. I still think that we can figure out what is the root of this argument? What is the root of this joy?
Like, what makes parents feel that depth and feel that magic? What makes this experience feel so fulfilling and eudaimonic, as the Greek philosophers would say? Well, it's the exact thing that the Chapel Roans and the USA Today writers of the world want to avoid at all costs. Sacrifice. At the end of the day, that is what is causing this joy.
I mean, when you look at the happiness statistics in all of these studies that we just talked about, when you dive deeper into what they're actually looking at, it's not just momentary joy and momentary pleasures that they're exploring. It is a deep fulfillment and a range of emotions that these parents are going through. Because those same parents that experience extreme levels of happiness
also experience higher levels of stress, especially in those earlier years of parenthood, which Chappell did point to. They do experience heartache, they experience sleepless nights, but that just makes the joy stronger because they have purpose, because they are sacrificing for something good.
And that is why there are so many people in the world who do find joy and fulfillment outside of having children, because those people almost always have deep, purposeful lives. They're not just floating around, chasing material things, trying to be some hot single woman in New York City. No! They have something deeper that's driving them.
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