Ellen Pompeo
Appearances
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
I had done a movie with Jake Gyllenhaal. called Moonlight Mile. And it got like all this buzz. People saw it and was like, this is going to be an Oscar movie. You're going to be nominated for an Oscar. This is crazy. And I really didn't know what I was doing at that point. It was my first movie. I was terrified.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
And before it came out, I got all this attention from all these people were calling me, all these big producers, all these big directors were calling me. And we thought this was going to be some big deal. It ended up, the studio didn't actually market the movie because they thought the movie was so sad. They didn't really know what to do with it or how to market it.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
So they built it all up in my mind and were like, this performance is incredible and this is going to happen and that's going to happen. And CAA came around and the publicists and the lawyers and everybody comes around. And then the movie came out and kind of like it was in five theaters, right? So I was like, wait, what? And then I, you know, I chugged along.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
I was trying to be in good movies with great directors. But they were only really small parts. So I kept doing those. I kept getting, like, sort of cut out of those. And then I had no money left. And so this came along. And... I was like, I don't want to be on a TV show. Like, I'm trying to be in these movies. And I had all these people call me and tell me how amazing I am.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
And I should stay on this track. Why are you trying to derail me and put me over here? And my agent said, well, it's just a TV pilot and these things never go. So you can make a bunch of money with the TV pilot and then you'll be unemployed again in exactly 42 days. So I just did it, not knowing. And then the pilot got picked up and then we went back to shoot season one.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
I had lunch with Shonda at RIP Barney's. Remember Barney's? Oh, yeah. I had lunch with her. They said, we want you to go meet this person. And to be honest, it was called the Untitled Shonda Rhimes Project at that point. I hadn't been reading any scripts that I would have been the main character. I was always the girlfriend person.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
You know, I was some side chick down an alley in one scene in these great movies. You know what I mean? There was nothing for me to really do. But because I had a hard-on for the director or, you know, it's this director and this big movie star is in it and, you know, whatever. And listen, some of those movies are great.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
I was in Catch Me If You Can with Leo and like Spielberg directed that and that was amazing. And I love those guys and I'm so grateful for that opportunity. So not to diss all of it, but I didn't have much to do in those movies.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
And Shonda's script was really the first thing that was like, oh, you're the center, you're the lead, and you're playing a surgeon, a smart character, a working woman who's trying to figure it out. And I was like, wow. who is this woman? And then I went and met her and had lunch and I loved her. I mean, it's pretty right when you speak to her right away, it's obvious how smart she is.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
Her best quality as a boss, that's so easy to answer. When you tell her you're pregnant or you're having a baby or She literally like sounds the bell, the confetti comes down. How many days do you need off? What can we do for you? How do we make this easier for you? How do we get you paid and keep your job? Like you were going to write your scenes and you only have to work one day a week.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
She's extraordinary in that way. Back to my earlier point of being able to have this amazing home life. Shonda is a big family person. She has a big family herself. She's always with her parents and her sisters, and she really celebrates women going on a fertility journey, whether biological, non-biological. I had my second two children via surrogate.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
She's just a really big supporter of women being able to work and have families. I don't think there's many people in this town who do that.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
I will break their fingers. I am very strict. I'm super intense. I'm a Scorpio. How would you describe yourself in three words? I think bossy, empathetic, and passionate.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
But people who judge that and make those very ignorant comments, they lack wisdom and they lack intuition and they lack magic. And Shonda is magic. We know that. Yeah, we do. And the truth is, and she has even famously said this, At work, I'm not 100% at work when I have kids at home. I'm absolutely not. You cannot be a mother and have children and give 100% to your job. You can't.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
Because there's a part of you that's somewhere else. You split into different pieces. You're no longer just you. You split into different pieces. And you know what that does? What? It makes you more soulful. It makes you richer. It makes you funnier. It makes you feel more. It makes you more empathetic. It makes you angrier.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
It gives you this range of emotions that you can't even imagine having without this person. You will be...
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
yourself times a thousand you will just be a better version of yourself and it doesn't matter that you can't give a hundred percent to this because by the way as women we evolve anyway and you're gonna whether you I'm not saying kids is the only path plenty of people don't want to have kids and that's great for them but if that's something that you want that's only gonna make you better and
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
You know, you're going to morph into – you'll morph into that person who part of your being is a mother. And that's only a plus.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
I definitely wasn't this confident, but it was more of my husband really wanted to have a child. It wasn't really – because I had a complicated sort of sad childhood, childhood to me, I didn't have any sort of fond memories of children. And I wasn't – I didn't feel any maternal anything really because I didn't have a mother. Or I had one, but she passed away. Okay.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
I was going to say, do you mind me asking just a little bit about your childhood?
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
She passed away of an accidental overdose when I was four. But so, you know, I have all these fond memories of childhood and dying to be a mother and all of that was really my husband who said, I really want to have a daughter and I want to name her Stella. And I was like, you – You know, you, I don't know, you kind of should have asked me this before we got married because I don't know.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
I honestly, I've worked since, you know, 14 years old. I love working. And I didn't really ever think about it. I just loved working every day, loved going to work. And he was like, you really don't want to have a kid? And I was like, what? Oh, no. And then he was like, just one? And I was like, oh, no. And then I was like, oh, okay.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
And then I started having – like he forced me to sort of think about it more seriously. And then I thought, you know, you think all the things. Like what if I have a kid and then I don't like it? Like you can't send it back. Like what happens? And then I'm like, but a lot of people have kids and they're like obsessed with them. So like maybe something happens and maybe they really do like them.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
And then I thought, well, you know, I'm 38 years old and if I don't do it, I won't ever be able to. And then if I don't really like the kid or like being a mother, I'll just have the one, right? I was like, I don't have to do it again and I'll just deal with the one. So we did it. And then, of course, you know, my heart broke open and it changed my life forever.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
And I evolved into a completely different person. And I would say I'm so much better for having had children. Wow.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
Stop it. Where is she from? Lowell. Yes. Lowell. Wait, where did you go to college? Boston University. Good for you. So, pack the cab in the heart of the yard. Pack the cab. I didn't go to university. I was working at fucking Dunkin' Donuts, hon. I love that for you. Yes, I have. And my husband's from Boston also. So, yeah. Oh, I'm constantly trying to not sound like I have a Boston accent.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
That was a pretty emotional one. But I would have to say, I think Sandra Oh's last day was really emotional for me. I can speak for myself.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
I won't speak for her, but for me, it was really emotional because I really, like, she was such a loss because she's so immensely talented. And I really didn't think the show could go on without her. And I was okay with that, but it just, it literally felt like half of the show just leaving. Yeah.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
But if you needed to, you could pull it out. Oh, I always feel like it's there. I hear it, but you may not hear it as much, but I can pull it out in two seconds.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
I mean, listen, the brilliance of Shonda. There's been a lot of moments. How many moments? But all of those feminist moments, right? Christine Yang talking about abortion on network, primetime television, saying that the woman is the most important relationship in your life, not the man. I mean, you know, she really is a feminist trailblazer forever.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
in terms of like what we see on the screen on primetime television, she changed the game for sure. Without a doubt. The grossest prop you've ever had to work with. Oh my God, definitely real organs, real body parts. Yeah, it's gross. It's really gross. We don't, we stopped using them
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
you know in the later seasons but in the beginning we used to use you know real bowel real intestine like bovine cow intestine cow heart cow liver um cow brain it's it's all it's all really it's all really gross oh you've gone through it yeah yeah yeah okay which meredith gray line is most often quoted back to you pick me choose me love me that's iconic too More than iconic.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
Katie Heigl didn't even know that Pick Me Girl came from that. I was like, girl, we're legends.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
Insane in what way? Like, not believable?
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
Yeah, the fairy and Derek carrying me when I'm blue was, you know, that was amazing.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
You know, probably I'm closest to Justin Chambers.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
Justin and TR. I think I'm closest with them.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
Can I tell you an inside story about that? Please. This is crazy. T.R. and I are such good friends. And we had to do a love scene. And we were both crying. We cried. We cried. And the scene was so uncomfortable and awkward. And he didn't want to do that. I didn't want to do it. And when we filmed it, it was so bad. And then the network said there was too much thrusting.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
In your worst nightmare to have to do it one time, we had to reshoot that shit. No. We had to reshoot it and do it twice. No. I mean, if you, by the way, I've never watched that scene. I've never seen it. But I don't know how it was shot or covered or what the end, how it was edited. But I'm full on in tears the whole entire scene. And those are real tears. Yes. Yeah.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
I mean, he's pretty iconic. Just a little bit. Yeah, but his dad is in my phone too. And listen, the man, the myth, the legend, George is where Leo came from. So in my opinion, you know, no diss to Leo. He knows I love him. But George is the real OG.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
There was a lot of stuff that I didn't want to do at the time. I didn't want to say pick me, choose me, love me. You know, and to Shonda's credit, like she knew that was going to pop. I was like, why would I do this? Why would I beg? Why would I? And, you know, you have to just suck it up and do it. And it ended up being, you know, the biggest thing ever, the most iconic things ever.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
So I'm not always the best judge of, you know, what's going to – and it's not like I said it wasn't going to be good. I was just like, I don't want to do that. And, you know, but so.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
Listen, it depends on the situation. Yeah. You know. You never know. Do what you need to do, girl.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
Oh, Nick. Oh, Speedman's so hot. Yes. What? We're not questioning dating Speedman.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
Speedman's happily married with two children. My good friend. But, you know.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
Oh, my God. I didn't remember that that's what it was. You know what I remember from that scene? I remember the poor prop people having to light every single candle and like the wind blowing and blowing out half of them.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
There was like 17 of us trying to light all the candles.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
I think there's no real roadmap to do it one way. I think it depends on the circumstance. You know, not everybody is going to like you. And you have to be okay with that. I say that to Stella all the time. You know, you don't like everybody. I don't like everybody. So not everybody is going to like you. And that's sometimes hard, but it's just a fact of life.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
And you have to just swallow that pill that like you're not everybody's cup of tea. And so it's challenging. I think that, you know, sometimes I've – I think what was hard for me on set for Grey's is I felt like because I did have a position of power that I could advocate for certain people sometimes and try to fight for people when they maybe didn't feel like they had enough power.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
And then to have that not be well-received. And people to, like, say, like, I don't need you to, like, do that for me. I thought, like, oh, yikes, so sorry. Like, you know? And I've learned so much. But what I've learned is every situation is different, you know? And then... You know, I've not always handled everything perfectly.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
Obviously, I've stuck my foot in my mouth more times than I can choose on the show and off it. You know, but all you can do is learn. And I think the thing about me is my intention is always good. But sometimes as a sort of strong person – and I'm a strong person because I've survived a lot and dealt with a lot. So I do have a tough exterior –
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
Sometimes that is misconstrued as something else because I am hard on the outside and I curse like a sailor and I'll literally start a fist fight in the middle of Rodeo Drive with someone who cuts me off. I will. Don't sleep. I will. But I'm also like super soft and chewy inside. And, you know, so I'm a complex blend, I think.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
You know, I don't think I've had like any really crazy inappropriate ones, but they're all pretty impressive when they say, you know, I'm a pediatric oncologist because of you, or I'm a pediatric neurosurgeon because of you. You know, there's a lot of people that have gone into medical careers, which, you know, pediatric oncology. I mean, are you kidding me?
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
Well, my manager at the time said something to me that literally hit me like a brick. He said, are you ready to be unpopular? I was like, what do you mean? And he was like, well, I just don't want you to think that everyone's going to go in and cheer for you and clap for you and bow to you and think you're the dopest thing ever because there's going to be a lot of people who are not happy for you.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
And that had never occurred to me. And I was like, oh, thanks for saying that to me. It did not occur to me. And you are so right. And so that was a good prep for me that he said that. But it's true. It's not everybody – and other women have said it publicly. No, people generally – it's hard for people to celebrate other people if they have something that resembles something that they want.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
It's a lot, and it's patriarchy, and it's misogyny, and that's what it is. Sports players, too. Sports players are celebrated for their contracts, crazy contracts. Not saying they're not worth it, but it's okay for them to celebrate it, and it's not okay. I think what helps me is to really focus on
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
To not sort of to take myself out of it and stop thinking about myself and what people think of me and just focus on what I do best, which is the work. Focus on the work and focus on when you make a lot of money as a woman, let's face it, you have power. right? So then how can I take that power and do good with it? How can I amplify someone else? How can I help someone else?
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
How can I lift up someone else who doesn't sit in the position of privilege that I sit in? Fuck what people think of me. Who cares? You can't control that. What you can do is use your power for good. And there's a lot of women probably in your field who would love a show on Unwell. Yeah. And who would thrive and would do anything to get on your network and be under your umbrella.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
They just need a chance. You know, so who cares what people say about you? You just keep doing you and use your power to lift up other people and your power wouldn't have been for nothing.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
That's like, how do you do that every day? Yeah. if that's truly god's work so i i think i've never gotten like a weird i've never gotten any weirdos no more like inspiring yeah do people see you on the street and call you meredith all the time yeah not so much in la i think la everyone's used to actors you know it's it's more other places what is the wildest rumor you've ever heard about yourself
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
So I'm super lucky and I have a great team of lawyers and agents, right? And then here we go once again, Shonda Rhimes. I – being a woman, I guess I'm conditioned to make sure that I'm not stepping on anybody's toes and I'm being polite, which – I guess people maybe who know me wouldn't say, well, bitch, you are not polite. But anyway, I asked Shonda first.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
I said, just so you know, she doesn't really have much to do with that stuff. You know, it's business affairs and whatever. But I said to her, I'm going to go in and ask for this much. Are you cool with that? just because I don't want to be disrespectful to her. I don't want to come off crazy. And I want to let her know what moves I'm making because I do respect her. I am grateful to her.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
And I do want to make sure I'm moving in the right way, right? And she was like, yeah, no one's going to give it to you. You have to ask for it. And so once I got her blessing to go ahead and do what I wanted to do, Then I said to my team, I'm okay with that. And, you know, necessarily the business people might say, you don't need to ask her permission. You don't need to do that.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
And then I say, yeah, but I want to. Because truth is, I wouldn't be here without her. So I always, back to my being raised in a mafia culture, I always want to pay respect to
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
to the people that deserve respect and it makes me feel good to know I'm letting you know how I'm moving because to me that's polite that's courteous I'm gonna go do this I don't want to make you look crazy and it's communication and I just feel like it's good business and and people know I'm up front with them and I'm not shady I'm not I'm not shady at all I'm super up front I always say it like it is may not always land well but like I'm transparent you know
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
You know, I believe in honor. Yeah. And the other thing I believe in is sort of, I don't want anything that I don't deserve. I don't want anything I don't deserve and I don't want anything that I haven't worked for. And I'm happy to work for everything I have. And, you know, the CAA can, they print out a report, right?
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
You're curating or whatever it is, they spit it out and they let you know exactly how you move the needle. It's all in the data. You affect this many households. Your voice is recognizable to this many people. The median income in that household is this. They break it down. You see exactly how much this network makes for the parent company.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
I see exactly how much Grey's Anatomy makes for ABC Disney. I get to see the number. And then, you know, it's my face. It's my voice. I've done so much work promoting the show all over the world for the past 20 years. It is, I am the, you know, Disney princess of that franchise. So, you know, I have this sort of data to back up. I know the show has generated this much money.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
Oh, that's super easy. There was like this ridiculous, like I had six toes or some shit like that. It was like, yo, tabloids used to be so crazy. You... What? Listen, you ladies have it easy because back before the phones and Instagram and TikTok and all this new media... There used to be tabloids. There was 50 of them and they would just write the craziest shit.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
I definitely deserve a percentage of that. And you can do the same. And that's what's challenging. And I've said this before, so I'm sorry if I sound redundant, but It is challenging for women to advocate themselves in different situations and jobs because if you cannot quantify how what you do contributes to the income of that company, it's harder to fight for yourself and say, I deserve this.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
Thank you so much. I'm a fan of yours too. Thank you.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
Well, you deserve this based on what? It is easier to quantify what you're worth when you see a hard number. So I advocate for women always fighting for themselves because most likely they are getting undervalued compared to what they're offering men. We know that also statistically and women of color and Hispanic women and Asian women, you know, we know all those numbers.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
So they're always undervalued. So all women should always push the envelope. All anyone can say is no.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
Well, you know, listen, to be completely fair, the television game was so different then. And he had done like 13 pilots before me. That was my first pilot I had ever done. And back in those days, you know, I don't know if they still do this or not. They had like – you had a quote. And with every TV pilot you did, you got your quote, which was whatever it was. So if you've done 13 TV pilots –
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
And here we go, nothing personal to him, but just in general, only a man can fail, can have 13 failed TV pilots, and their quote still keeps going up, right? But in all fairness, his quote was what it was. He was a bigger star than I was at that point. No one knew who I was. Everybody knew who he was. So he did deserve that money. I'm not saying he didn't deserve that money.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
It just – being that I was the namesake of the show, I deserved the same. And then that was harder to get. So I wasn't salty about him getting what he got. I was salty that they didn't value me as much as they valued him. And they never will. And –
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
And that goes back to my earlier point of once you get to a certain level, you can advocate for other women on your platform or in your job, in your workplace. If you know that you're getting this much and all the other women are well beneath you, You can't just be okay with that. You can't just be like, yes, I'm winning. Cool. Let's go.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
No, you really do have a responsibility to look and see what everybody else is making and use your power to say, listen, I appreciate what I got. This is amazing. But I happen to notice this. And I really think that all the women deserve a bump.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
And that was one of the craziest things that like I had six toes, which I actually have 10 toes, but I think they meant I had six toes on one foot.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
It's like, again, yeah, I have some people pleasing element that I think all of us have, right? Well, not everybody, but a lot of people, I definitely have it. And yeah, it's not easy because what you see is, you know, you see the people, I was ready for it, right? Because he made that comment to me. So what I saw was people who didn't say anything. I got emails from all these people.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
I'm not going to name drop, but I got a lot of emails that day when that story came out from amazing people. People who were like, how'd you get my email? Congratulating me. But then the ones who are quiet, who don't say anything. And you see it and you're like, okay, but I don't know what to say. Don't hate the player, hate the game.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
I mean, I think that it's, Chris really never watched the show. That helped. You know, it was better for him. He knew just not to watch. You know, he really – I was with him before Grey's. So Grey's kind of came out of nowhere for us, and I just think we were on this crazy ride that we were just trying to hang on for dear life. You know –
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
the part, part of it that was more intense for me, even more than that was back to the tabloid stuff of like how they started attacking him, you know, and bringing up his past things and a record that he had and stuff that he did. And, you know, we don't need to get into a whole racial breakdown here, but like,
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
You know, the truth is young black men in this country aren't given the same opportunities as everybody else. And a lot of people come from rough neighborhoods. I came from a rough neighborhood. I did plenty of dirt when I was young. I won't get into that here.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
But, you know, the truth is publicly he was sort of meant, you know, the racial component of our relationship was really something that he never asked for. And I felt really more bad about that, that I felt like the media was really mean to him and really biased. Because how dare this skinny, blonde, petite little woman be with this tall black man?
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
The visual of that, I think America wasn't ready for that. The mail that I used to get The racist, hateful, violent male that ABC would get because of that.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
But they're on an island, not in the United States.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
Yes. You like Love Island. Well, I watch it with Stella. Listen, I'm very critical. I talk a lot of shit while I'm watching Love Island. I talk mad shit. No one talks more shit than me watching Love Island. But I do watch it. It's me and Stels. It's, you know, what we do. It's your thing.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
I don't think so because the media is so different now. You know, I think what's really helped is... Well, Chris is biracial, right? His mother is white, Jewish. And he grew up in Boston in the 70s in a super liberal, hippie sort of place, right? So he was very familiar, you know, obviously, very familiar with... That type of attention and either, you know, negativity.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
Boston historically was always a super racist place. So I'm not, you know, everybody knows that. So. And I think that what's funny about – and Chris and I, because we come from the same place, we're like sort of two kids who made it out and then landed in Hollywood and like jumped on this ride. And we were just so – we just couldn't believe that something was actually happening, that it was great.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
I had this great job and we were getting to travel all over the world. And so – in a way, like we had each other and he's a big reason how I got through all that was because he did understand because he is cut from the same cloth as I am. And I think that You know, to your point in women in media or people see you and they have a certain idea about who you should be.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
And for me, you know, people aren't used to, you know, I'm probably people see me and they think I'm they think they know who I am. And they don't know that, you know, I'm this like sort of tough, you know, half mafia, half street fighter. You know what I mean? I'm confusing to people because they see me and they think I'm one thing.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
Or they see Meredith and they think that's me and that's who I am. But really, I'm... really very different. Right. And probably should have been on The Sopranos more, more than Grey's Anatomy.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
Well, I always – I didn't know what I was going to do. I just knew that I really couldn't do Grey's anymore. Yeah. Um, that it was to the point where I really just felt like, you know, an animal at the zoo. Like I, and even if in, like I said, I'm a big believer in destiny and I thought if there's something else I'm meant to do, it's going to find me. And, uh, but, but I know I have to leave this.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
And sometimes, you know, you'd like opportunities to come while you're doing something. So you have an easy exit, you have a soft landing. Um, And it turns out I actually did get a soft landing because I still did both. But I was sort of thinking, like, nothing's coming along. And I really believe in this town. If they want you, they will find you. I'm on TV for 20 years. The biggest show ever.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
Like, everybody knows who I am. Clearly, these people don't want me. They're not coming for me. No one's offering me this. No one's offering me that. I mean, I've been offered a few things, obviously, but, like, could never make it work. And everyone's always just like, well – We're not going to offer Ellen this because there's no way she can get out of her Grey's commitment.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
And, you know, for the most part, you shoot network television 10 months out of the year. So I had always committed to that. And then there's no room to do anything else. Now it's a little easier because you don't – you shoot 15 episodes. You know, they've really reduced the orders on network television now. Um, but anyway, I had really stepped away and I had said, I really, I have to step away.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
I can't do it anymore. And if nothing else comes, nothing else comes. It's my destiny. No one wants me. That's okay. I can swallow that pill like I swallow everything else. And, um, at least I'm financially okay. And then I got the script, um, which Laura Holstein, who's sitting outside, she, um, I think brought it to me with my agent and, uh, and, and,
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
And my agent said, and I said, why would we do this? How will we pull this off? This is kind of tricky stuff. This world, social media, TikTok, documentaries, cancel culture, all of it, you know, It's all a lot, and this is tricky subject matter, and this looks like walking through a landmine. I don't know why we would do this.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
No, like how do they film so many – yeah, like there's like 47 episodes. Now, I've only ever watched I think one season, right?
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
And then he said, you've always said if there was something so different and so crazy in a character that was just a complete 180 from everything you've done that you'd love to do it, to challenge yourself and to prove that you can. And this is it.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
It does happen to be tricky subject matter and we're dealing with child abuse and disabled children and a lot of neurodivergent children and a lot of tricky subject matter. But if you really want to take a turn and you really want to flip shit, Ellen, this is the moment right here. And so it's an offer, you know, they want you to do this and you should just go for it.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Serena and Cordell. That's my season. Those are my peeps. Love them. Literally want to get invited to their wedding. They're so adorable. But what? But yeah, like 47 episodes. What? How do you film 47 episodes? It literally must just be like two hour blocks of a 14 hour day.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
I think the first thing I started with was every mother... has the intention and the maternal biological crazy instinct to literally do anything for your kids. You can lift a car off your kid if you had to, right? It's this otherworldly strength that you have to want to love your children, protect your children, and you will do anything to give them the best chance. So I started from that.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
And then what happens when you have the best of intentions and shit just doesn't go the way you thought it was going to go? So I think that we have a lot of expectations and especially when people have children, you expect your child's going to be super cute. You're going to dress them up super cute.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
You're going to put them in little dresses and they're going to look just like you and they're going to do everything you say and they're going to go to bed when you tell them and it's just going to be awesome. But sometimes you have a kid who's like, we're not doing that today. I'm going to throw this on the floor. I'm going to knock this over. You know, whatever.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
And as a parent, there's a lot attached. Parenting is a lot about ego. Because you do expect this person to do everything you tell them to do. You want them to be exactly who you want them to be. But the truth is, they're not. They come out... who they are.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
Can't do any of that. And we really did create like our writers. And this is the interesting thing about fiction and drama and entertainment is we can create our own narrative. And the idea that your truth is different than my truth. The two of us can sit here today. I mean, this is maybe a bad example because we're having a great time and it's love fest.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
But like, we come away from this with two different versions of what happened.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
Which is so often the case. You've been, you know, in situations with people where this person thinks this thing and this person thinks this thing. And you're like, wait, I didn't think that at all. That's what she thought. I was doing this. And they took it as this. So that's another one of our complicated human conditions is like your opinion and your version of events is different than mine.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
Everybody sees things differently. And we're certainly dealing with that in our country right now. So we're telling this story from a lot of different perspectives, which makes it complex and interesting. Because you think you know what this story is. People think they know what this story is. There was the movie Orphan that was done years ago. And
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
People are like seeing the trailer and they're like, oh, I know what that is. No, you don't. Like, we're smarter than that. Give us some credit, please. We've thought of everything. And we've been thoughtful. And we're like, what if it was this? What if it was this? What if it wasn't this? What if it was this? Wow. And we're giving you a lot to think about.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
Yeah. Because also what I love is like, did you see Jane Fonda on the SAG Awards? Like her consistency, right? I love consistency. I love consistency. Yes, she's that bitch. She's exactly who she's always been. She was that then, got canceled for it in the 70s when she was speaking up about us killing children in a war. And she's still speaking up and she's still using her voice.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
So I guess that being said, I'd really like my legacy to be someone who used my voice, my privilege, and my power to help other people.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
I think it sort of justifies for me why I've done it for so long. Because You know, as an actor, you say you want to touch people and you want to move people, right? And I think everybody wants to be impactful in their life. Everybody wants to be seen, heard, and have an impact and sort of leave this planet feeling like I did something worthwhile.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
Okay, so I was driving and sometimes, you know, she's in the car and I'll have her look at my messages when they come through because I can't look when I'm driving. So she says, oh, you got an email from Lead, my publicist, and mom, mom, you got invited on Call Her Daddy. And I was like, I did? And she said, yeah.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
And I think if I've been a part of something that brings people together, then, you know, that sort of legitimizes it for me. Because as an artist, you know, it isn't... the most normal path, right? All actors, you wanna chase the trophies, you wanna chase being relevant, you wanna chase the new sexy, hot, shiny thing and work with this director and that director.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
And I didn't choose that for several reasons. But the fact that I didn't, you know, it's always in the back of your mind, like, what would have happened if I didn't do this? Much later on, you sort of feel you understand it now.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
I mean, I've had a really full home life as an actor, which is something that I probably wouldn't have normally been able to do if I had taken a different, more creative path. But to answer your question, it makes me feel like I've really done something as commercial as it is and perhaps as uncreative as it may be for my field.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
I've touched a lot of people and moved a lot of people and inspired a lot of people. And that's more than a lot of people in this business can say. And I think...
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
And different things work for different people.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
You know, at a certain point. You know, I had a choice to sort of finish my contract or stay. And at the age I was, I was like, oh, well, I'll be 40 when my first contract is up. I better resign and take this money because, you know, they offer you if you resign, we'll give you this giant raise. So I thought back then, 20 years ago, 40, women at 40, it's over. That's a wrap, honey.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
So I was like, oh, I better sign and I better do this because this is the most money I'm ever going to make and the most opportunity I'm ever going to get. And women in this industry are so incredible because look at how far we've come and every little bit matters, right?
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
But we all collectively push this giant boulder up a hill and we've gotten it to a really good place where here I am at 55 years old. I just turned 55 last month. You know, and I'm getting a whole second chapter here after this with this new show. So I think that, you know, it's different for different people.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
And also being raised in Boston and growing up the way I grew up, which was pretty intense. For me, I became aware at a very early age that people with money had power. And I didn't have any power as a young woman. And I didn't like the way that felt. And I think part of that is just my personality. It's not all your environment. Part of it is just my personality.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
I said, well, I can't do that because the daddy gang doesn't know who I am because I'm like 105. And... And so she was like, mom, are you kidding me right now? First of all, Alex follows you on Instagram, mom. She's a fan. She watches Grey's Anatomy. She loves you. You're doing this. And of course, like every mother with a 15-year-old, whatever they say, I do. So I was like, oh, really?
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
And I would watch people that, men, all men, who had a lot of money and a lot of power. I looked up to them and thought they were incredibly cool. And they were all really bad guys. They were all mafia guys and really bad people. Super nice to me, just like good fellas. They were great to all of us. But really, they weren't probably the best guys. And I know that now.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
But they were the ones who had all the power and their wives and girlfriends wore fur coats and people literally the sea parted when they walked through and they just had this command. And that to me was like they had it. They had stature. They had money. They had power. So I equated money with power very early on. And as a woman, I'm sure you know that.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
how freeing it feels to have financial independence because you don't have to be with any man you don't want to be with. You get to choose what man you want to be with because you want to be with him. And the day you decide you didn't want to be with him, if that were to ever happen, which it won't, you know, you can walk out the door.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
I mean, you know, for women, financial freedom is true independence. And, um, Those little patriarchal bitches that, you know, are shivering in their panties right now because I can't. I just cannot. To be financially independent to me is what makes me the happiest, me feel the most free. I don't ever have to do anything I don't want to do. It's –
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
Just step right on him and just level up. Don't stay under him. If you do what you have to do, girl, use him, get right next to him, pick his pockets and keep it moving. It's okay. And I'm not mad at any woman who does whatever she can to get where she needs to go. I agree. Just get there and keep it moving. You know, don't be in an apron cutting his meat, honey.
Call Her Daddy
Ellen Pompeo: Pick Me, Choose Me, Pay Me More
She follows me? That's so cool. I'm cool. I felt so cool. So I was like, let's do it. Let's do it. And she was like, I'm responding to your publicist and I'm letting them know. And so she did. And then they said, Stella, you're hired.
The Brett Cooper Show
Chappell Roan Says All Parents Are Miserable. Is She Right? | Episode 21
I'm not 100% at work when I have kids at home. I'm absolutely not. You cannot be a mother and have children and give 100% to your job. You can't because there's a part of you that somewhere else you split.
The Brett Cooper Show
Chappell Roan Says All Parents Are Miserable. Is She Right? | Episode 21
into different pieces you're no longer just you and you know what that does it makes you more soulful it makes you richer it makes you funnier it makes you feel more it makes you more empathetic it makes you angrier it gives you this range of emotions that you can't even imagine
The Brett Cooper Show
Chappell Roan Says All Parents Are Miserable. Is She Right? | Episode 21
having without this person as women we evolve anyway and you're gonna whether you i'm not saying kids is the only path plenty of people don't want to have kids and that's great for them but if that's something that you want that's only gonna make you better you know you're gonna morph into you'll morph into that person who part of your being is a mother and that's only a plus