The Bruised Banana: an Arsenal podcast

102: Sandwich rodeo

23 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

January? More like Banuary if you ask us. It's been such a poor month for Arsenal FC that the entire thing should be struck from the calendar forever ...

101: From eden to hell

03 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Well, at least we didn’t get tonked. The almost ludicrously eventful New Year’s Day game against Man City is our sole topic of conversation this w...

100: 100th episode special

29 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

We made it. Unlike Prince Philip and the England cricket team, we’ve actually gone and reached a century. 100 episodes of highs, lows, anthems, cres...

99: Blue balls

19 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

The Process. We’ve all trusted it. Wholly, and from minute one. Taken it right into our hearts, minds, bodies, and even souls (if they exist). Thoma...

98: Doom and gloom shed

21 Nov 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Yet another Merseyside mauling is the main matter for discussion this week, as we morosely examine the 4-0 loss to Liverpool. Elsewhere, Tom talks us ...

97: Old man smarts

08 Nov 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Ten games unbeaten and everything in the AFC garden is rosy, even when those bastard hornets fly round and try to sting everything in sight and then g...

96: Creepy gloves

28 Sep 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Lads, it’s Tottenham. It’s the history of the Tottenham. Ad infinitum. From bottom of the league to above the August champions in just three games...

95: The Lennon triumvirate

20 Sep 2021

Contributed by Lukas

We mull over what we liked (and disliked) about the 1 nil win at Burnley, including Aaron Ramsdale’s commanding presence (liked), Takehiro Tomiyasu’...

94: A Nordic delicacy

30 Aug 2021

Contributed by Lukas

It’s the no goals, no points, no hope extravaganza! Three games into the new season and rooted to the bottom of the table, we try to make sense of w...

93: 2021/22 season preview

09 Aug 2021

Contributed by Lukas

It’s the return of the Premier League. The top flight. The promised land. And Arsenal are back. Back once again with the renegade Xhaka, 3-4 damager...

92: 2020/21 season review

24 May 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Looks like we made it. Look how far we've come, my Pépé. We mighta took the long way. We knew we'd get 8th someday. They said, "I bet they'll never ...

91: The idiot part

28 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

We discuss the impact that the sudden rise and fall of the Super League has had on us as fans, mulling over what lies next for both the club and ourse...

90: Nu rave

18 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

We wanted to spend an hour talking about Maty Ryan’s pre-assist. Unfortunately, we were duty bound to talk about everything else that came before it...

89: Infected with nonsense

04 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

An insipid home defeat to Liverpool dominates the discourse this week, coming as it does after international break musings and a reflection on 20 year...

88: Real steel

22 Mar 2021

Contributed by Lukas

You’d think after a manic 3-3 draw away to West Ham that we’d have nothing but laser-sharp focus for the incident-packed, riveting game itself. Yo...

87: Floating on a cloud

15 Mar 2021

Contributed by Lukas

#087: Floating on a cloudGood old Arsenal, we're proud to say that name. While we sing this song, we'll win the game, and in doing so we’ll banish a...

86: The main culprits

07 Mar 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Exasperation FC does it again. We ‘assess’ the inexplicable 1-1 draw with Burnley without trying to completely lose our minds. We last about 30 se...

85: Oodles and oodles

22 Feb 2021

Contributed by Lukas

A 1-0 loss to Manchester City leaves us staring at 11 defeats for the season, and our 8th in a row against the runaway league leaders. We discuss the ...

84: Little bit shook

15 Feb 2021

Contributed by Lukas

A 4-2 win over Leeds gets the pulses racing and the nerves jangling. We discuss the ups and downs of the game, and herald the return of our hat-trick-...

83: Wafer thin connection

07 Feb 2021

Contributed by Lukas

It’s just that sweet Midlands misery, that makes me cry, cry, cry, cry. Successive defeats away at Wolves and Aston Villa leave us wishing we were l...

82: Brown envelope

31 Jan 2021

Contributed by Lukas

A stalemate at home to Man Utd keeps us ticking along in the league. We discuss the nervy 0-0, honing in on the much-improved-yet-still-lacking Nicola...

81: Stolen valour

24 Jan 2021

Contributed by Lukas

We’re out of the cup but no matter because we’ve signed Sir Mathew of Ryan from the mighty Brighton & Hove Albion in the loan of the century excep...

80: The lord is my shepherd

03 Jan 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Three wins from three, eight goals scored, one against. Wow. We discuss the recent unexpected upturn in fortunes and once again pay tribute to our dia...

79: Screwball scramble

27 Dec 2020

Contributed by Lukas

“Ohhh Granit Xhaka! You might’ve scored a worldy but you’re still a c…” But you’re not, Bukayo. Nor you, Emile. And definitely not you, Ga...

78: We've dug up grandad

20 Dec 2020

Contributed by Lukas

We discuss yet another loss. Tom goes to the tip. Alex rants about Walcott. Dan reads the listener comments. Christmas is cancelled. Now it's time to ...

77: Raggy dolls

14 Dec 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Four episodes ago we wrote a silly Des’Ree gag for this bit which culminated in ‘...this style of football really is unsustainable and cannot be a...

76: Fools gold and cubic zirconia

07 Dec 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry? The Evil Man has beaten the Culture Club. Again. We ponder over what this means for ...

75: Disengage and disassociate

30 Nov 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Stop the football, we want to get off. Yet another lacklustre Premier League display leaves Dan and Tom questioning why we even bother, as Arsenal suc...

74: Relax and back off

23 Nov 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Remember goals? A host of opportunities? A string of chances to bulge the net? Seeing said net bulge, presumably after someone’s rifled one home, or...

73: Grand designs

09 Nov 2020

Contributed by Lukas

You gotta be good, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser. You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger. You gotta be cool, you gotta b...

72: Front foot football

02 Nov 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Sir Matt Busby, Sir Alex Ferguson, Sir Bryan Robson, Sir Eric Cantona, Sir Rio of Ferdinand, Ed Woodward, Harry Maguire, Odion Ighalo, the Glazers, Be...

71: I know who Wario is

26 Oct 2020

Contributed by Lukas

The squibs get damper as we succumb to our second straight 1 nil loss in the league. We look at what went wrong against Leicester before considering w...

70: The old wiener derby

19 Oct 2020

Contributed by Lukas

We return from the international break to more than familiar territory: a demoralising defeat away to a ‘big six’ club. The dampest of damp squibs...

69: Powerful eyebrow nightmares

05 Oct 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Chris Wilder’s gilet is crap and nowhere near as good as Mikel Arteta’s glorious and also extremely classy puffer jacket of dreams, and for that r...

68: Thousand yard stare

29 Sep 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Well, at least that’s Anfield out of the way for the season – oh wait, we’re literally playing there again on Thursday – oh wait, that’s onl...

67: Selective numerology

21 Sep 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Two wins from our first two games of the season with a trip to Anfield on the horizon – now, where have we seen that before? We cover the jammy thre...

66: Pasta art

14 Sep 2020

Contributed by Lukas

We woke up today with this feeling. That better things are coming our way. And if the sunshine has a meaning. It's telling us not to let things get in...

65: 2020/21 season preview

07 Sep 2020

Contributed by Lukas

A new season. New hopes. New dreams. New expectations. How will the new boys fare? How will the old boys, er, fare? How many shiny trophies will we h...

64: 2019/20 season review

17 Aug 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Yep, it’s that season review episode. With the jubilation of Wembley punctured within days of the trophy fumble, we saw fit to pull out our finest o...

63: Leave the base

04 Aug 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Mik Arteta’s magic, he wears a magic hat, and when he saw Mes-douzi, he said: “I’m not having that, sod off you pair of gits, I’ve got to guid...

62: Bird-based analogies

27 Jul 2020

Contributed by Lukas

And breathe. A mere 350 days after it began, Arsenal’s league season closes out with an unconvincing win over Watford and 8th place in the table. We...

61: Humble and hungry

19 Jul 2020

Contributed by Lukas

#061: Humble and hungry‘How to rebound from a derby defeat’, by Mikel Arteta. Step one: beat the champions. Step two: beat the cup holders without...

60: The threat of violence

13 Jul 2020

Contributed by Lukas

We discuss the hugely disappointing defeat to Spurs, distracting ourselves from the Sead and Shkodran horror show by picturing Martin Tyler as an old ...

59: Swiss cheese brain effect

08 Jul 2020

Contributed by Lukas

A drizzly draw against Leicester is the focus of discussion this week, a dull affair in which nothing of any note took place. And that’s just the ga...

58: Minor quibbles

02 Jul 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Our first home game after the restart results in a romp over basement boys Norwich. We reflect on a win that takes us into 7th place and Aubameyang in...

57: Accrue the shrubbery

26 Jun 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Our 3rd consecutive away game yields our 3rd away win of the season, 3 precious PL points, and – most vitally of all – 3,000 Bellerín-brand beech...

56: Batteries not included

22 Jun 2020

Contributed by Lukas

A football team is like a beautiful woman. When you do not tell her, she forgets she is beautiful. As Brighton complete a first ever league double ove...

55: Immediately punctured

19 Jun 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Football is back but not as we know it except it is though isn’t it because Arsenal are back and every bit as calamitous as they were 100 days ago a...

54: Nicolas Anelka special

08 Jun 2020

Contributed by Lukas

In the last of our retrospective episodes before the 19/20 season restarts, we look at the life and times of one Nicolas Anelka at Arsenal. A bargain ...

53: Classic match review – Arsenal v Tottenham, 1996/97

09 May 2020

Contributed by Lukas

We time travel back to November 1996 to review a classic Arsenal match of yesteryear: Arsène Wenger’s first North London Derby. Driving rain, a cra...

52: Retro season review – 1989/90

10 Apr 2020

Contributed by Lukas

With the 2019/20 season on hold, we decided to go back 30 years to 1989/90, a time where shorts were short, hair was long (at least at the back), and ...

The Bruised Banana returns - Friday 10 April

08 Apr 2020

Contributed by Lukas

This Friday, the Bruised Banana returns. We've been on hiatus because the world is a bit mad right now but wanted to let you know that, as a special E...

51: Blue murder

09 Mar 2020

Contributed by Lukas

A more-than-fortunate yet vital 1 nil win over West Ham falls under the microscope this week. We also look ahead to Man City away, while the mailbag c...

50: Ball rolls

03 Mar 2020

Contributed by Lukas

We respond from disappointment in Europe to book our place in the quarter finals of the FA Cup. We discuss Monday’s game of two halves against Ports...

49: Home and hosed

24 Feb 2020

Contributed by Lukas

It’s back-to-back wins in the league for the first time since August as the Arteta effect shows no sign of abating. We discuss Sunday’s triumph ov...

48: Skeleton key

17 Feb 2020

Contributed by Lukas

With the winter break now a thing of the past, we’re back with a bumper episode to celebrate the 4-0 win over Newcastle, cast an eye over our two Ja...

47: The Highbury screamer

28 Jan 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Saka and Xhaka earn the praise of the pod this week as we revel in the FA Cup win over the mighty Bournemouth. We discuss the formation of new breakaw...

46: Lady luck

23 Jan 2020

Contributed by Lukas

We catch our breath to discuss the exhilarating 2-2 draw away at Stamford Bridge. There’s Martinelli-fawning, Bellerín-admiring, and general Arteta...

45: Bad prison tattoo

13 Jan 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Talking points begin with the eventful draw at Crystal Palace, as our faint hopes of making the top four finally look to be Auba for the season. We th...

44: Galaxy brain

03 Jan 2020

Contributed by Lukas

The fun is back, and along with it the hope. We start 2020 with renewed optimism as Mikel’s men dispatch Man Utd with gusto. Our first game of the y...

43: Hard glass

23 Dec 2019

Contributed by Lukas

We don't want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing we need: a new head coach with flawless hair game, running training at Colney. Yes, Arteta'...

42: Hugging them to bits

16 Dec 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Only three things are certain in life: death, taxes, and meek Arsenal defeats against far superior opposition. We reflect on a week which began with a...

41: Endless love

06 Dec 2019

Contributed by Lukas

“We’re never gonna win again, stupid feet have got no rhythm." Wham! Another game, another dollop of Arsenal-flavoured ineptitude. We reflect on t...

40: Less diamantes, more Diesel

02 Dec 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Freddie picks up where Unai left off as a dicey 2-2 draw at Norwich marks his first game in charge as interim boss. We reflect on a tumultuous few day...

39: Retire in Kenya

25 Nov 2019

Contributed by Lukas

A more than fortunate 2-2 draw at home to Southampton papers over absolutely no cracks whatsoever, and Unai Emery’s still in a job. Things are now s...

38: Come on feel the "noise"

11 Nov 2019

Contributed by Lukas

“We all follow the Arsenal, over land and sea (and Leicester). We all follow the Arsenal, onto misery.” The nights are drawing in, but we're not e...

37: Hanging by a thread

04 Nov 2019

Contributed by Lukas

A 1-1 draw at home to Wolves amid another sub-par performance raises yet more questions over the boss's suitability for the top job. Happy birthday, U...

36: Chasing the camel

28 Oct 2019

Contributed by Lukas

O Captain! My captain!? An ugly afternoon at the Emirates leaves us asking if there’s any way back from here for ‘Project Protagonists’ or if Em...

35: TBB shorts: fantasy five-a-side

14 Oct 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Ever wondered who’d make the ultimate Arsenal five-a-side team? Who’d be between the sticks, marshalling the defence, bossing the midfield and lea...

34: Frothing at the bit

02 Oct 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Another limp display against United has us pondering if we'll ever win at Old Trafford again. Tom rejoices in his new status as self-appointed pod cap...

33: Waiting to exhale

26 Sep 2019

Contributed by Lukas

A stacked pod this week as consecutive wins in Europe, the league and the Carabao do much to lift our collective spirits. We cover each game, taking t...

32: Moody diva

16 Sep 2019

Contributed by Lukas

It’s anything but smiles at camp TBB as Watford give us what for in a disastrous draw away at the league’s bottom club. Once we’re done being an...

31: A dangerous man

27 Aug 2019

Contributed by Lukas

We pick the bones out of yet another Anfield defeat, with differing views aplenty on the game and the team’s approach on the day. With the north Lon...

30: Pure great minds

21 Aug 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Burnley get bumped off by Ceballos et al, setting us up nicely for the weekend’s title decider at Anfield. We rate the new boys and preview Liverpoo...

29: A basic man

14 Aug 2019

Contributed by Lukas

One down, 37 to go. Oh, and we’ve only gone and equalled our record for away clean sheets already! We discuss three points on the Toon, including th...

28: 2019/20 season preview

07 Aug 2019

Contributed by Lukas

"A good ball by Tierney finding Ceballos, for Pépé, charging through the midfield, Pépé, it’s up for grabs now! Great finish from Pépé! A glim...

27: 2018/19 season review

24 Jun 2019

Contributed by Lukas

With the ignominy of Baku consigned to the past, we come out of hiding to reflect on - and draw a line under - a year of momentous change for The Arse...

26: Final countdown

24 May 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Excitement and unease dominate proceedings this time out, as the dismal circumstances surrounding the fast-approaching final leave us feeling, well, a...

25: Baku the net

10 May 2019

Contributed by Lukas

We did it - our first European final in 13 years! Against Chelsea! In, er, Azerbaijan! We discuss how we got there after a fantastic night at the Mest...

24: Clutching at eggs

29 Apr 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Our end of season implosion continues, with defeat to Leicester marking our third loss in a row. We try to figure out how the team has contrived to ta...

23: Just the two of us

12 Apr 2019

Contributed by Lukas

A rare two-man pod this week as an absent Alex leaves Dan and Tom to hold the fort. We provide reaction to the win over Napoli in what was a great Eur...

22: Stadio Billy

04 Apr 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Newcastle become the latest club to feel the wrath of fortress Emirates as we discuss our tenth home league win in a row and how well it bodes for a l...

21: TBB shorts - favourite goals

21 Mar 2019

Contributed by Lukas

“_Thomas, charging through the midfield. Thomas. It's up for grabs now! Thomas! Right at the end!_” Yeah, we didn’t pick that one. We picked oth...

20: Jellyfish mistress

11 Mar 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Our top four hopes take a dramatic turn for the better as Granit’s wonky whacker sets us on our way to a fine win over United. Sunday’s game, comb...

19: Looks like a Nando’s guy

18 Feb 2019

Contributed by Lukas

A somewhat bleak Banana this week as we pick the bones out of the beating at BATE. The players, manager, and tactics all fall under the microscope bef...

18: The sorcerer's apprentice

07 Feb 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Man City make us moody as we ruminate over what might’ve been at the Etihad. We preview the weekend game at Huddersfield, take a sideways look at BA...

17: An audience with Fang

31 Jan 2019

Contributed by Lukas

A bumper episode welcomes returning friends, new fathers and of course, Arsenal home wins. Along with the Cardiff game we cover the Chelsea win, the U...

16: Ignorant bliss

07 Jan 2019

Contributed by Lukas

A new year brings new hope as we start 2019 with wins against Fulham and Blackpool. We cover both games, including Emery's subs, our superlative strik...

15: I call him 'Mr Shuffle'

31 Dec 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Bah, humbug. Increasingly humdrum performances away at Brighton and Liverpool have really dampened our spirits, and even a special guest appearance ca...

14: No risk, no fun

20 Dec 2018

Contributed by Lukas

It’s 22 and out as the unbeaten run grinds to a halt with losses to Southampton and Spurs. We discuss both games and the online reaction before turn...

13: The butcher of Fray Bentos

10 Dec 2018

Contributed by Lukas

The cult of Torreira steps up another notch as we discuss Huddersfield Town at home and his late, great winner. We also look back on a nerve-jangling ...

12: My essence are you...

04 Dec 2018

Contributed by Lukas

We make a triumphant return from back spasms to revel in the glory of the 4-2 destruction of Tottenham and preview the midweek clash at Old Trafford. ...

11: Donald, Douglas, and Puskás

30 Oct 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Points shared at Selhurst Park are among the points shared this week, as we pick the bones out of the 2-2 draw with Crystal Palace. The Seasiders of B...

10: Loveboat love triangle

20 Oct 2018

Contributed by Lukas

We celebrate La Décima Banana by discussing points of interest from the international break, including Arsène’s silky centre back skills. There’...

9: TBB shorts - cult heroes

11 Oct 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Cult heroes are a special breed - whether it’s talent, loyalty, or something far more intangible, we all have our reasons for idolising them. In thi...

8: An old-fashioned hoof

01 Oct 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Another match, another three points as the Emery Express rolls on with a hard-fought win against Watford. With games coming thick and fast, we look ba...

7: Cod Greek and pigeon Italian

24 Sep 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Episode 7#007: Cod Greek and pigeon ItalianFive wins on the spin has us all hot and bothered as Laca and Auba save us from a sticky toffee pudding. We...

6: Minor planet 2983 Poltava

17 Sep 2018

Contributed by Lukas

We discuss the Newcastle game as we loot the Magpies’ nest for our third successive win, before reflecting on the legends game against the not-so-mi...

5: TBB shorts - classic kits

06 Sep 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Join us for the first of our 'Bruised Banana Shorts' episodes. This time we’re looking at shirts - the good, the garish, and the glorious. We rememb...

4: Lucozade and a bunch of grapes

28 Aug 2018

Contributed by Lukas

We discuss our win against West Ham and offer Özil some words of comfort as he battles the common cold. We also check in on Arsène as he’s honoure...